<h2><SPAN name="chap01"></SPAN>CHAPTER I</h2>
<p class="letter">
Of my Birth and Parentage</p>
<p>I was born in the northern part of this united kingdom, in the house of my
grandfather, a gentleman of considerable fortune and influence, who had on many
occasions signalised himself in behalf of his country; and was remarkable for
his abilities in the law, which he exercised with great success in the station
of a judge, particularly against beggars, for whom he had a singular aversion.</p>
<p>My father (his youngest son) falling in love with a poor relation, who lived
with the old gentleman in quality of a housekeeper, espoused her privately; and
I was the first fruit of that marriage. During her pregnancy, a dream
discomposed my mother so much that her husband, tired with her importunity, at
last consulted a highland seer, whose favourable interpretation he would have
secured beforehand by a bribe, but found him incorruptible. She dreamed she was
delivered of a tennis-ball, which the devil (who, to her great surprise, acted
the part of a midwife) struck so forcibly with a racket that it disappeared in
an instant; and she was for some time inconsolable for the lost of her
offspring; when, all on a sudden, she beheld it return with equal violence, and
enter the earth, beneath her feet, whence immediately sprang up a goodly tree
covered with blossoms, the scent of which operated so strongly on her nerves
that she awoke. The attentive sage, after some deliberation, assured my
parents, that their firstborn would be a great traveller; that he would undergo
many dangers and difficulties, and at last return to his native land, where he
would flourish in happiness and reputation. How truly this was foretold will
appear in the sequel. It was not long before some officious person informed my
grandfather of certain familiarities that passed between his son and
housekeeper which alarmed him so much that, a few days after, he told my father
it was high time for him to think of settling; and that he had provided a match
for him, to which he could in justice have no objections. My father, finding it
would be impossible to conceal his situation much longer, frankly owned what he
had done; and excused himself for not having asked the consent of his father,
by saying, he knew it would have been to no purpose; and that, had his
inclination been known, my grandfather might have taken such measures as would
have effectually put the gratification of it out of his power: he added, that
no exceptions could be taken to his wife’s virtue, birth, beauty, and
good sense, and as for fortune, it was beneath his care. The old gentleman, who
kept all his passions, except one, in excellent order, heard him to an end with
great temper, and then calmly asked, how he proposed to maintain himself and
spouse? He replied, he could be in no danger of wanting while his
father’s tenderness remained, which he and his wife should always
cultivate with the utmost veneration; and he was persuaded his allowance would
be suitable to the dignity and circumstances of his family, and to the
provision already made for his brothers and sisters, who were happily settled
under his protection. “Your brothers and sisters,” said my
grandfather, “did not think it beneath them to consult me in an affair of
such importance as matrimony; neither, I suppose, would you have omitted that
piece of duty, had you not some secret fund in reserve; to the comforts of
which I leave you, with a desire that you will this night seek out another
habitation for yourself and wife, whither, in a short time, I will send you an
account of the expense I have been at in your education, with a view of being
reimbursed. Sir, you have made the grand tour—you are a polite
gentleman—a very pretty gentleman—I wish you a great deal of joy,
and am your very humble servant.”</p>
<p>So saying, he left my father in a situation easily imagined. However, he did
not long hesitate; for, being perfectly well acquainted with his father’s
disposition, he did not doubt that he was glad of this pretence to get rid of
him; and his resolves being as invariable as the laws of the Medes and
Persians, he knew it would be to no purpose to attempt him by prayers and
entreaties; so without any farther application, he betook himself, with his
disconsolate bedfellow to a farm-house, where an old servant of his mother
dwelt: there they remained some time in a situation but ill adapted to the
elegance of their desires and tenderness of their love; which nevertheless my
father chose to endure, rather than supplicate an unnatural and inflexible
parent but my mother, foreseeing the inconveniences to which she must have been
exposed, had she been delivered in this place (and her pregnancy was very far
advanced), without communicating her design to her husband, went in disguise to
the house of my grandfather, hoping that her tears and condition would move him
to compassion, and reconcile him to an event which was now irrecoverably past.</p>
<p>She found means to deceive the servants, and get introduced as an unfortunate
lady, who wanted to complain of some matrimonial grievances, it being my
grandfather’s particular province to decide in all cases of scandal. She
was accordingly admitted into his presence, where, discovering herself, she
fell at his feet, and in the most affecting manner implored his forgiveness; at
the same time representing the danger that threatened not only her life, but
that of his own grandchild, which was about to see the light. He told her he
was sorry that the indiscretion of her and his son had compelled him to make a
vow, which put it out of his power to give them any assistance; that he had
already imparted his thoughts on that subject to her husband, and was surprised
that they should disturb his peace with any farther importunity. This said, he
retired.</p>
<p>The violence of my mother’s affliction had such an effect on her
constitution that she was immediately seized with the pains of childbed; and
had not an old maidservant, to whom she was very dear, afforded her pity and
assistance, at the hazard of incurring my grandfather’s displeasure, she
and the innocent fruit of her womb must have fallen miserable victims to his
rigour and inhumanity. By the friendship of this poor woman she was carried up
to a garret, and immediately delivered of a man child, the story of whose
unfortunate birth he himself now relates. My father, being informed of what had
happened, flew to the embraces of his darling spouse, and while he loaded his
offspring with paternal embraces, could not forbear shedding a flood of tears
on beholding the dear partner of his heart (for whose ease he would have
sacrificed the treasures of the east) stretched upon a flock bed, in a
miserable apartment, unable to protect her from the inclemencies of the
weather. It is not to be supposed that the old gentleman was ignorant of what
passed, though he affected to know nothing of the matter, and pretended to be
very much surprised, when one of his grandchildren, by his eldest son deceased,
who lived with him as his heir apparent, acquainted him with the affair; he
determined therefore to observe no medium, but immediately (on the third day
after her delivery) sent her a peremptory order to be gone, and turned off the
servant who had preserved her life. This behaviour so exasperated my father
that he had recourse to the most dreadful imprecations; and on his bare knees
implored that Heaven would renounce him if ever he should forget or forgive the
barbarity of his sire.</p>
<p>The injuries which this unhappy mother received from her removal in such
circumstances, and the want of necessaries where she lodged, together with her
grief and anxiety of mind, soon threw her into a languishing disorder, which
put an end to her life. My father, who loved her tenderly, was so affected with
her death that he remained six weeks deprived of his senses; during which time,
the people where he lodged carried the infant to the old man who relented so
far, on hearing the melancholy story of his daughter-in-law’s death, and
the deplorable condition of his son, as to send the child to nurse, and he
ordered my father to be carried home to his house, where he soon recovered the
use of his reason.</p>
<p>Whether this hardhearted judge felt any remorse for his cruel treatment of his
son and daughter, or (which is more probable) was afraid his character would
suffer in the neighbourhood, he professed great sorrow for his conduct to my
father, whose delirium was succeeded by a profound melancholy and reserve. At
length he disappeared, and, notwithstanding all imaginable inquiry, could not
be heard of; a circumstance which confirmed most people in the opinion of his
having made away with himself in a fit of despair. How I understood the
particulars of my birth will appear in the course of these memoirs.</p>
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