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Potash and Perlmutter: Their Copartnership Ventures and Adventures

<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> The Small Drygoods Company's order was the forerunner of a busy season that taxed the energies of not only Abe and Morris but of their entire business staff as well, and when the hot weather set in, Morris could not help noticing the[Pg 193] fagged-out appearance of Miss Cohen the bookkeeper. "We should give that girl a vacation, Abe," he said. "She worked hard and we ought to show her a little consideration." "I know, Mawruss," Abe replied; "but she ain't the only person what works hard around here, Mawruss. I work hard, too, Mawruss, but I ain't getting no vacation. That's a new idee what you got, Mawruss." "Everybody gives it their bookkeeper a vacation, Abe," Morris protested. "Do they?" Abe rejoined. "Well, if bookkeepers gets vacations, Mawruss, where are we going to stop? First thing you know, Mawruss, we'll be giving cutters vacations, and operators vacations, and before we get through we got our workroom half empty yet and paying for full time already. If she wants a vacation for two weeks I ain't got no objections, Mawruss, only we don't pay her no wages while she's gone." "You can't do that, Abe," Morris said. "That would be laying her off, Abe; that wouldn't be no vacation." "But we got to have somebody here to keep our books while she's away, Mawruss," Abe cried. "We got to make it a living, Mawruss. We can't shut down just because Miss Cohen gets a vacation. And so it stands, Mawruss, we got to pay Miss Cohen wages for doing nothing, Mawruss, and also we got[Pg 194] to pay it wages to somebody else for doing something what Miss Cohen should be doing when she ain't, ain't it?" "Sure, we got to get a substitute for her while she's away," Morris agreed; "but I guess it won't break us." "All right, Mawruss," Abe replied; "if I got to hear it all summer about this here vacation business I'm satisfied. I got enough to do in the store without worrying about that, Mawruss. Only one thing I got to say it, Mawruss: we got to have a bookkeeper to take her place while she's away, and you got to attend to that, Mawruss. That's all I got to say." Morris nodded and hastened to break the good news to Miss Cohen, who for the remainder of the week divided her time between Potash & Perlmutter's accounts and a dozen multicolored railroad folders. "Look at that, Mawruss," Abe said as he gazed through the glass paneling of the show-room toward the bookkeeper's desk. "That girl ain't done it a stroke of work since we told her she could go already. What are we running here, anyway: a cloak and suit business or a cut-rate ticket office?" "Don't you worry about her, Abe," Morris replied. "She's got her cashbook and daybook posted and she also got it a substitute. He's coming this afternoon." "He's coming?" Abe said. "So she got it a young feller, Mawruss?" [Pg 195]"Well, Abe," Morris replied, "what harm is there in that? He's a decent, respectable young feller by the name Tuchman, what works as bookkeeper by the Kosciusko Bank. They give him a two weeks' vacation and he comes to work by us, Abe." "That's a fine way to spend a vacation, Mawruss," Abe commented. "Why don't he go up to Tannersville or so?" "Because he's got to help his father out nights in his cigar store what he keeps it on Avenue B," Morris answered. "His father is Max Tuchman's brother. You know Max Tuchman, drummer for Lapidus & Elenbogen?" "Sure I know him—a loud-mouth feller, Mawruss; got a whole lot to say for himself. A sport and a gambler, too," Abe said. "He'd sooner play auction pinochle than eat, Mawruss. I bet you he turns in an expense account like he was on a honeymoon every trip. The last time I seen this here Max Tuchman was up in Duluth. He was riding in a buggy with the lady buyer from Moe Gerschel's cloak department." "Well, I suppose he sold her a big bill of goods, too, Abe, ain't it?" Morris rejoined. "He's an up-to-date feller, Abe. If anybody wants to sell goods to lady buyers they got to be up-to-date, ain't it? And so far what I hear it nobody told it me you made such a big success with lady buyers, neither, Abe." Abe shrugged his shoulders. "That ain't here nor there, Mawruss," he grunted.[Pg 196] "The thing is this: if this young feller by the name of Tuchman does Miss Cohen's work as good as Miss Cohen does it I'm satisfied." There was no need for apprehension on that score, however, for when the substitute bookkeeper arrived he proved to be an accurate and industrious young fellow, and despite Miss Cohen's absence the work of Potash & Perlmutter's office proceeded with orderly dispatch. "That's a fine young feller, Mawruss," Abe commented as he and his partner sat in the firm's show-room on the second day of Miss Cohen's vacation. "Who's this you're talking about?" Morris asked. "This here bookkeeper," Abe replied. "What's his first name, now, Mawruss?" "Ralph," Morris said. "Ralph!" Abe cried. "That's a name I couldn't remember it in a million years, Mawruss." "Why not, Abe?" Morris replied. "Ralph ain't no harder than Moe or Jake, Abe. For my part, I ain't got no trouble in remembering that name; and anyhow, Abe, why should an up-to-date family like the Tuchmans give their boys such back-number names like Jake or Moe?" "Jacob and Moses was decent, respectable people in the old country, Mawruss," Abe corrected solemnly. "I know it, Abe," Morris rejoined; "but that was long since many years ago already. Now is another time entirely in New York City; and anyhow,[Pg 197] with such names what we got it in our books, Abe, you shouldn't have no trouble remembering Ralph." "Sure not," Abe agreed, dismissing the subject. "So, I'll call him Ike. For two weeks he wouldn't mind it." Morris shrugged. "For my part, you can call him Andrew Carnegie," he said; "only, let's not stand here talking about it all day, Abe. I see by the paper this morning that Marcus Bramson, from Syracuse, is at the Prince William Hotel, Abe, and you says you was going up to see him. That's your style, Abe: an old-fashion feller like Marcus Bramson. If you couldn't sell him a bill of goods, Abe, you couldn't sell nobody. He ain't no lady buyer, Abe." Abe glared indignantly at his partner. "Well, Mawruss," he said, "if you ain't satisfied with the way what I sell goods you know what you can do. I'll do the inside work and you can go out on the road. It's a dawg's life, Mawruss, any way you look at it; and maybe, Mawruss, you would have a good time taking buggy rides with lady buyers. For my part, Mawruss, I got something better to do with my time." He seized his hat, still glaring at Morris, who remained quite unmoved by his partner's indignation. "I heard it what you tell me now several times before already, Abe," he said; "and if you want it that Max Tuchman or Klinger & Klein or some of them[Pg 198] other fellers should cop out a good customer of ours like Marcus Bramson, Abe, maybe you'll hang around here a little longer." Abe retorted by banging the show-room door behind him, and as he disappeared into the street Morris indulged in a broad, triumphant grin. When Abe returned an hour later he found Morris going over the monthly statements with Ralph Tuchman. Morris looked up as Abe entered. "What's the matter, Abe?" he cried. "You look worried." "Worried!" Abe replied. "I ain't worried, Mawruss." "Did you seen Marcus Bramson?" Morris asked. "Sure I seen him," said Abe; "he's coming down here at half-past three o'clock this afternoon. You needn't trouble yourself about him, Mawruss." Abe hung up his hat, while Morris and Ralph Tuchman once more fell to the work of comparing the statements. "Look a-here, Mawruss," Abe said at length: "who d'ye think I seen it up at the Prince William Hotel?" "I ain't no mind reader, Abe," Morris replied. "Who did you seen it?" "Miss Atkinson, cloak buyer for the Emporium, Duluth," Abe replied. "That's Moe Gerschel's store." Morris stopped comparing the statements, while Ralph Tuchman continued his writing. [Pg 199]"She's just come in from the West, Mawruss," Abe went on. "She ain't registered yet when I was going out, and she won't be in the Arrival of Buyers till to-morrow morning." "Did you speak to her?" Morris asked. "Sure I spoke to her," Abe said. "I says good-morning, and she recognized me right away. I asked after Moe, and she says he's well; and I says if she comes down here for fall goods; and she says she ain't going to talk no business for a couple of days, as it's a long time already since she was in New York and she wants to look around her. Then I says it's a fine weather for driving just now." He paused for a moment and looked at Morris. "Yes," Morris said, "and what did she say?" "She says sure it is," Abe continued, "only, she says she got thrown out of a wagon last fall, and so she's kind of sour on horses. She says nowadays she don't go out except in oitermobiles." "Oitermobiles!" Morris exclaimed, and Ralph Tuchman, whose protruding ears, sharp-pointed nose and gold spectacles did not belie his inquisitive disposition, ceased writing to listen more closely to Abe's story. "That's what she said, Mawruss," Abe replied; "and so I says for my part, I liked it better oitermobiles as horses." "Why, Abe," Morris cried, "you ain't never rode in an oitermobile in all your life." "Sure not, Mawruss, I'm lucky if I get to a funeral[Pg 200] oncet in a while. Ike," he broke off suddenly, "you better get them statements mailed." Ralph Tuchman rose sadly and repaired to the office. "That's a smart young feller, Mawruss," Abe commented, "and while you can't tell much about a feller from his face, Mawruss, I never seen them long ears on anyone that minded his own business, y'understand? And besides, I ain't taking no chances on his Uncle Max Tuchman getting advance information about this here Moe Gerschel's buyer." Morris nodded. "Maybe you're right, Abe," he murmured. "You was telling me what this Miss Abrahamson said, Abe." "Miss Atkinson, Mawruss," Abe corrected, "not Abrahamson." "Well, what did she say?" Morris asked. "So she asks me if I ever went it oitermobiling," Abe went on, "and I says sure I did, and right away quick I seen it what she means; and I says how about going this afternoon; and she says she's agreeable. So I says, Mawruss, all right, I says, we'll mix business with pleasure, I says. I told her we'll go in an oitermobile to the Bronix already, and when we come back to the store at about, say, five o'clock we'll look over the line. Then after that we'll go to dinner, and after dinner we go to theayter. How's that, Mawruss?" "I heard it worse idees than that, Abe," Morris[Pg 201] replied; "because if you get this here Miss Aaronson down here in the store, naturally, she thinks if she gives us the order she gets better treatment at the dinner and at the theayter afterward." "That's the way I figured it out, Mawruss," Abe agreed; "and also, I says to myself, Mawruss will enjoy it a good oitermobile ride." "Me!" Morris cried. "What have I got to do with this here oitermobile ride, Abe?" "What have you got to do with it, Mawruss?" Abe repeated. "Why, Mawruss, I'm surprised to hear you, you should talk that way. You got everything to do with it. I'm a back number, Mawruss; I don't know nothing about selling goods to lady buyers, ain't it? You say it yourself, a feller has got to be up-to-date to sell goods to lady buyers. So, naturally, you being the up-to-date member of this concern, you got to take Miss Atkinson out in the oitermobile." "But, Abe," Morris protested, "I ain't never rode in an oitermobile, and there wouldn't be no pleasure in it for me, Abe. Why don't you go, Abe? You say it yourself you lead it a dawg's life on the road. Now, here's a chance for you to enjoy yourself, Abe, and you should go. Besides, Abe, you got commercial travelers' accident insurance, and I ain't." "The oitermobile ain't coming till half-past one, Mawruss," Abe replied; "between now and then you could get it a hundred policies of accident insurance. No, Mawruss, this here lady-buyer business is up to[Pg 202] you. I got a pointer from Sol Klinger to ring up a concern on Forty-sixth Street, which I done so, and fifteen dollars it costed me. That oitermobile is coming here for you at half-past one, and after that all you got to do is to go up to the Prince William Hotel and ask for Miss Atkinson." "But, Abe," Morris protested, "I don't even know this here Miss Isaacson." "Not Isaacson," Abe repeated; "Atkinson. You'd better write that name down, Mawruss, before you forget it." "Never mind, Abe," Morris rejoined. "I don't need to write down things to remember 'em. I don't have to call a young feller out of his name just because my memory is bad, Abe. The name I'll remember good enough when it comes right down to it. Only, why should I go out oitermobiling riding with this Miss Atkinson, Abe? I'm the inside partner, ain't it? And you're the outside man. Do you know what I think, Abe? I think you're scared to ride in an oitermobile." "Me scared!" Abe cried. "Why should I be scared, Mawruss? A little thing like a broken leg or a broken arm, Mawruss, don't scare me. I ain't going because it ain't my business to go. It's your idee, this lady-buyer business, and if you don't want to go we'll charge the fifteen dollars what I paid out to profit and loss and call the whole thing off." He rose to his feet, thrust out his waist-line and[Pg 203] made a dignified exit by way of closing the discussion. A moment later, however, he returned with less dignity than haste. "Mawruss," he hissed, "that young feller—that—that—now, Ike—is telephoning." "Well," Morris replied, "one telephone message ain't going to put us into bankruptcy, Abe." "Bankruptcy, nothing!" Abe exclaimed. "He's telephoning to his Uncle Max Tuchman." Morris jumped to his feet, and on the tips of their toes they darted to the rear of the store. "All right, Uncle Max," they heard Ralph Tuchman say. "I'll see you to-night. Good-by." Abe and Morris exchanged significant glances, while Ralph slunk guiltily away to Miss Cohen's desk. "Let's fire him on the spot," Abe said. Morris shook his head. "What good will that do, Abe?" Morris replied. "We ain't certain that he told Max Tuchman nothing, Abe. For all you and me know, Max may of rung him up about something quite different already." "I believe it, Mawruss," Abe said ironically. "But, anyhow, I'm going to ring up that oitermobile concern on Forty-sixth Street and tell 'em to send it around here at twelve o'clock. Then you can go up there to the hotel, and if that Miss Atkinson ain't had her lunch yet buy it for her, Mawruss, for so sure as you stand there I bet yer that young feller, Ike, has rung up this here Max Tuchman and told him all[Pg 204] about us going up there to take her out in an oitermobile. I bet yer Max will get the biggest oitermobile he can find up there right away, and he's going to steal her away from us, sure, if we don't hustle." "Dreams you got it, Abe," Morris said. "How should this here young feller, Ralph Tuchman, know that Miss Aaronson was a customer of his Uncle Max Tuchman, Abe?" Abe looked at Morris more in sorrow than in anger. "Mawruss," he said, "do me the favor once and write that name down. A-T at, K-I-N kin, S-O-N son, Atkinson—not Aaronson." "That's what I said—Atkinson—Abe," Morris protested; "and if you're so scared we're going to lose her, Abe, go ahead and 'phone. We got to sell goods to lady buyers some time, Abe, and we may as well make the break now." Abe waited to hear no more, but hastened to the 'phone, and when he returned a few minutes later he found that Morris had gone to the barber shop across the street. Twenty minutes afterward a sixty-horsepower machine arrived at the store door just as Morris came up the steps of the barber shop underneath Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant. He almost bumped into Philip Plotkin, of Kleinberg & Plotkin, who was licking the refractory wrapper of a Wheeling stogy, with one eye fixed on the automobile in front of his competitors' store. "Hallo, Mawruss," Philip cried. "Pretty high-toned[Pg 205] customers you must got it when they come down to the store in oitermobiles, ain't it?" Morris flashed his gold fillings in a smile of triumphant superiority. "That ain't no customer's oitermobile, Philip," he said. "That's for us an oitermobile, what we take it out our customers riding in." "Why don't you take it out credit men from commission houses riding, Mawruss?" Philip rejoined as Morris stepped from the curb to cross the street. This was an allusion to the well-known circumstance that with credit men a customer's automobile-riding inspires as much confidence as his betting on the horse races, and when Morris climbed into the tonneau he paid little attention to Abe's instructions, so busy was he glancing around him for prying credit men. At length, with a final jar and jerk the machine sprang forward, and for the rest of the journey Morris' mind was emptied of every other apprehension save that engendered of passing trucks or street cars. Finally, the machine drew up in front of the Prince William and Morris scrambled out, trembling in every limb. He made at once for the clerk's desk. "Please send this to Miss Isaacson," he said, handing out a firm card. The clerk consulted an index and shook his head. "No Miss Isaacson registered here," he said. "Oh, sure not," Morris cried, smiling apologetically. "I mean Miss Aaronson." Once more the clerk pawed over his card index.[Pg 206] "You've got the wrong hotel," he declared. "I don't see any Miss Aaronson here, either." Morris scratched his head. He mentally passed in review Jacobson, Abrahamson, and every other Biblical proper name combined with the suffix "son," but rejected them all. "The lady what I want to see it is buyer for a department store in Duluth, what arrived here this morning," Morris explained. "Let me see," the clerk mused; "buyer, hey? What was she a buyer of?" "Cloaks and suits," Morris answered. "Suits, hey?" the clerk commented. "Let me see—buyer of suits. Was that the lady that was expecting somebody with an automobile?" Morris nodded emphatically. "Well, that party called for her and they left here about ten minutes ago," the clerk replied. "What!" Morris gasped. "Maybe it was five minutes ago," the clerk continued. "A gentleman with a red tie and a fine diamond pin. His name was Tucker or Tuckerton or——" "Tuchman," Morris cried. "That's right," said the clerk; "he was a——" But Morris turned on his heel and darted wildly toward the entrance. "Say!" he cried, hailing the carriage agent, "did you seen it a lady and a gent in an oitermobile leave here five minutes ago?" [Pg 207]"Ladies and gents leave here in automobiles on an average of every three minutes," said the carriage agent. "Sure, I know," Morris continued, "but the gent wore it a red tie with a big diamond." "Red tie with a big diamond," the carriage agent repeated. "Oh, yeh—I remember now. The lady wanted to know where they was going, and the red necktie says up to the Heatherbloom Inn and something about getting back to his store afterward." Morris nodded vigorously. "So I guess they went up to the Heatherbloom Inn," the carriage agent said. Once more Morris darted away without waiting to thank his informant, and again he climbed into the tonneau of the machine. "Do you know where the Heatherbloom Inn is?" he asked the chauffeur. "What you tryin' to do?" the chauffeur commented. "Kid me?" "I ain't trying to do nothing," Morris explained. "I ask it you a simple question: Do you know where the Heatherbloom Inn is?" "Say! do you know where Baxter Street is?" the chauffeur asked, and then without waiting for an answer he opened the throttle and they glided around the corner into Fifth Avenue. It was barely half-past twelve and the tide of fashionable traffic had not yet set in. Hence the motor car made good progress, nor was it until Fiftieth Street was reached that a[Pg 208] block of traffic caused them to halt. An automobile had collided with a delivery wagon, and a wordy contest was waging between the driver of the wagon, the chauffeur, one of the occupants of the automobile and a traffic-squad policeman. "You don't know your business," a loud voice proclaimed, addressing the policeman. "If you did you wouldn't be sitting up there like a dummy already. This here driver run into us. We didn't run into him." It was the male occupant of the automobile that spoke, and in vain did his fair companion clutch at the tails of the linen duster that he wore; he was in the full tide of eloquence and thoroughly enjoying himself. The mounted policeman maintained his composure—the calm of a volcano before its eruption, the ominous lull that precedes the tornado. "And furthermore," continued the passenger, throwing out his chest, whereon sparkled a large diamond enfolded in crimson silk—"and furthermore, I'll see to it that them superiors of yours down below hears of it." The mounted policeman jumped nimbly from his horse, and as Morris rose in the tonneau of his automobile he saw Max Tuchman being jerked bodily to the street, while his fair companion shrieked hysterically. Morris opened the door and sprang out. With unusual energy he wormed his way through the crowd[Pg 209] that surrounded the policeman and approached the side of the automobile. "Lady, lady," he cried, "I don't remember your name, but I'm a friend of Max Tuchman here, and I'll get you out of this here crowd in a minute." He opened the door opposite to the side out of which Tuchman had made his enforced exit, and offered his hand to Max's trembling companion. The lady hesitated a brief moment. Any port in a storm, she argued to herself, and a moment later she was seated beside Morris in the latter's car, which was moving up the Avenue at a good twenty-mile gait. The chauffeur took advantage of the traffic policeman's professional engagement with Max Tuchman, and it was not until the next mounted officer hove into view that he brought his car down to its lawful gait. "If you're a friend of Mr. Tuchman's," said the lady at length, "why didn't you go with him to the police station and bail him out?" Morris grinned. "I guess you'll know when I tell it you that my name is Mr. Perlmutter," he announced, "of Potash & Perlmutter." The lady turned around and glanced uneasily at Morris. "Is that so?" she said. "Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Perlmutter." "So, naturally, I don't feel so bad as I might about it," Morris went on. "Naturally?" the lady commented. She looked about her apprehensively. "Perhaps we'd better[Pg 210] go back to the Prince William. Don't you think so?" "Why, you was going up to the Heatherbloom Inn with Max Tuchman, wasn't you?" Morris said. "How did you find that out?" she asked. "A small-size bird told it me," Morris replied jocularly. "But, anyhow, no jokes nor nothing, why shouldn't we go up and have lunch at the Heatherbloom Inn? And then you can come down and look at our line, anyhow." "Well," said the lady, "if you can show me those suits as well as Mr. Tuchman could, I suppose it really won't make any difference." "I can show 'em to you better than Mr. Tuchman could," Morris said; "and now so long as you are content to come downtown we won't talk business no more till we get there." They had an excellent lunch at the Heatherbloom Inn, and many a hearty laugh from the lady testified to her appreciation of Morris' naïve conversation. The hour passed pleasantly for Morris, too, since the lady's unaffected simplicity set him entirely at his ease. To be sure, she was neither young nor handsome, but she had all the charm that self-reliance and ability give to a woman. "A good, smart, business head she's got it," Morris said to himself, "and I wish I could remember that name." Had he not feared that his companion might think it strange, he would have asked her name outright.[Pg 211] Once he called her Miss Aaronson, but the look of amazement with which she favored him effectually discouraged him from further experiment in that direction. Thenceforth he called her "lady," a title which made her smile and seemed to keep her in excellent humor. At length they concluded their meal—quite a modest repast and comparatively reasonable in price—and as they rose to leave Morris looked toward the door and gasped involuntarily. He could hardly believe his senses, for there blocking the entrance stood a familiar bearded figure. It was Marcus Bramson—the conservative, back-number Marcus Bramson—and against him leaned a tall, stout person not quite as young as her clothes and wearing a large picture hat. Obviously this was not Mrs. Bramson, and the blush with which Marcus Bramson recognized Morris only confirmed the latter's suspicions. Mr. Bramson murmured a few words to the youthfully-dressed person at his side, and she glared venomously at Morris, who precipitately followed his companion to the automobile. Five minutes afterward he was chatting with the lady as they sped along Riverside Drive. "Duluth must be a fine town," he suggested. "It is indeed," the lady agreed. "I have some relatives living there." "That should make it pleasant for you, lady," Morris went on, and thereafter the conversation touched on relatives, whereupon Morris favored his[Pg 212] companion with a few intimate details of his family life that caused her to laugh until she was completely out of breath. To be sure, Morris could see nothing remarkably humorous about it himself, and when one or two anecdotes intended to be pathetic were received with tears of mirth rather than sympathy he felt somewhat annoyed. Nevertheless, he hid his chagrin, and it was not long before the familiar sign of Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant warned Morris that they had reached their destination. He assisted his companion to alight and ushered her into the show-room. "Just a minute, lady," he said, "and I'll bring Mr. Potash here." "But," the lady protested, "I thought Mr. Lapidus was the gentleman who had charge of it." "That's all right," Morris said, "you just wait and I'll bring Mr. Potash here." He took the stairs to the cutting-room three at a jump. "Abe," he cried, "Miss Aaronson is downstairs." Abe's face, which wore a worried frown, grew darker still as he regarded his partner malevolently. "What's the matter with you, Mawruss?" he said. "Can't you remember a simple name like Atkinson?" "Atkinson!" Morris cried. "That's it—Atkinson. I've been trying to remember it that name for four hours already. But, anyhow, she's downstairs, Abe." Abe rose from his task and made at once for the[Pg 213] stairs, with Morris following at his heels. In four strides he had reached the show-room, but no sooner had he crossed the threshold than he started back violently, thereby knocking the breath out of Morris, who was nearly precipitated to the floor. "Morris," he hissed, "who is that there lady?" "Why," Morris answered, "that's Miss Aaronson—I mean Atkinson—ain't it?" "Atkinson!" Abe yelled. "That ain't Miss Atkinson." "Then who is she?" Morris asked. "Who is she?" Abe repeated. "That's a fine question for you to ask me. You take a lady for a fifteen-dollar oitermobile ride, and spend it as much more for lunch in her, and you don't even know her name!" A cold perspiration broke out on Morris and he fairly staggered into the show-room. "Lady," he croaked, "do me a favor and tell me what is your name, please." The lady laughed. "Well, Mr. Perlmutter," she said, "I'm sure this is most extraordinary. Of course, there is such a thing as combining business and pleasure; but, as I told Mr. Tuchman when he insisted on taking me up to the Heatherbloom Inn, the Board of Trustees control the placing of the orders. I have only a perfunctory duty to perform when I examine the finished clothing." "Board of Trustees!" Morris exclaimed. "Yes, the Board of Trustees of the Home for Female[Pg 214] Orphans of Veterans, at Oceanhurst, Long Island. I am the superintendent—Miss Taylor—and I had an appointment at Lapidus & Elenbogen's to inspect a thousand blue-serge suits. Lapidus & Elenbogen were the successful bidders, you know. And there was really no reason for Mr. Tuchman's hospitality, since I had nothing whatever to do with their receiving the contract, nor could I possibly influence the placing of any future orders." Morris nodded slowly. "So you ain't Miss Atkinson, then, lady?" he said. The lady laughed again. "I'm very sorry if I'm the innocent recipient under false pretenses of a lunch and an automobile ride," she said, rising. "And you'll excuse me if I must hurry away to keep my appointment at Lapidus & Elenbogen's? I have to catch a train back to Oceanhurst at five o'clock, too." She held out her hand and Morris took it sheepishly. "I hope you'll forgive me," she said. "I can't blame you, lady," Morris replied as they went toward the front door. "It ain't your fault, lady." He held the door open for her. "And as for that Max Tuchman," he said, "I hope they send him up for life." Abe stood in the show-room doorway as Morris returned from the front of the store and fixed his partner with a terrible glare. "Yes, Mawruss," he said, "you're a fine piece of work, I must say." [Pg 215]Morris shrugged his shoulders and sat down. "That's what comes of not minding your own business," he retorted. "I'm the inside, Abe, and you're the outside, and it's your business to look after the out-of-town trade. I told you I don't know nothing about this here lady-buyer business. You ordered the oitermobile. I ain't got nothing to do with it, and, anyhow, I don't want to hear no more about it." A pulse was beating in Abe's cheeks as he paced up and down before replying. "You don't want to hear no more about it, Mawruss, I know," he said; "but I want to hear about it. I got a right to hear about it, Mawruss. I got a right to hear it how a man could make such a fool out of himself. Tell me, Mawruss, what name did you ask it for when you went to the clerk at the Prince William Hotel?" Morris jumped to his feet. "Lillian Russell!" he roared, and banged the show-room door behind him. For the remainder of the day Morris and Abe avoided each other, and it was not until the next morning that Morris ventured to address his partner. "Did you get it any word from Marcus Bramson?" he asked. "I ain't seen nor heard nothing," Abe replied. "I can't understand it, Mawruss; the man promised me, mind you, he would be here sure. Maybe you seen him up to the hotel, Mawruss?" "I seen him," Morris replied, "but not at the hotel,[Pg 216] Abe. I seen him up at that Heatherbloom Inn, Abe—with a lady." "With a lady?" Abe cried. "Are you sure it was a lady, Mawruss? Maybe she was a relation." "Relations you don't take it to expensive places like the Heatherbloom Inn, Abe," Morris replied. "And, anyhow, this wasn't no relation, Abe; this was a lady. Why should a man blush for a relation, ain't it?" "Did he blush?" Abe asked; but the question remained unanswered, for as Morris was about to reply the store door opened and Marcus Bramson entered. "Ah, Mr. Bramson," Abe cried, "ain't it a beautiful weather?" He seized the newcomer by the hand and shook it up and down. Mr. Bramson received the greeting solemnly. "Abe," he said, "I am a man of my word, ain't it? And so I come here to buy goods; but, all the same, I tell you the truth: I was pretty near going to Lapidus & Elenbogen's." "Lapidus & Elenbogen's!" Abe cried. "Why so?" At this juncture Morris appeared at the show-room door and beamed at Mr. Bramson, who looked straight over his head in cold indifference; whereupon Morris found some business to attend to in the rear of the store. "That's what I said," Mr. Bramson replied, "Lapidus & Elenbogen's; and you would of deserved it." [Pg 217]"Mr. Bramson," Abe protested, "did I ever done you something that you should talk that way?" "Me you never done nothing to, Abe," said Mr. Bramson, "but to treat a lady what is a lady, Abe, like a dawg, Abe, I must say it I'm surprised. "I never treated no lady like a dawg, Mr. Bramson," Abe replied. "You must be mistaken." "Well, maybe it wasn't you, Abe," Mr. Bramson went on; "but if it wasn't you it was your partner there, that Mawruss Perlmutter. Yesterday I seen him up to the Heatherbloom Inn, Abe, and I assure you, Abe, I was never before in my life in such a high-price place—coffee and cake, Abe, believe me, one dollar and a quarter." He paused to let the information sink in. "But what could I do?" he asked. "I was walking through the side entrance of the Prince William Hotel yesterday, Abe, just on my way down to see you, when I seen it a lady sitting on a bench, looking like she would like to cry only for shame for the people. Well, Abe, I looked again, Abe, and would you believe it, Abe, it was Miss Atkinson, what used to work for me as saleswoman and got a job by The Golden Rule Store, Elmira, as assistant buyer, and is now buyer by Moe Gerschel, The Emporium, Duluth." Abe nodded; he knew what was coming. "So, naturally, I asks her what it is the matter with her, and she says Potash & Perlmutter had an appointment to take her out in an oitermobile at two o'clock, and here it was three o'clock already and[Pg 218] they ain't showed up yet. Potash & Perlmutter is friends of mine, Miss Atkinson, I says, and I'm sure something must have happened, or otherwise they would not of failed to be here. So I says for her to ring you up, Abe, and find out. But she says she would see you first in—she wouldn't ring you up for all the oitermobiles in New York. So I says, well, I says, if you don't want to ring 'em up I'll ring 'em up; and she says I should mind my own business. So then I says, if you wouldn't ring 'em up and I wouldn't ring 'em up I'll do this for you, Miss Atkinson: You and me will go for an oitermobile ride, I says, and we'll have just so good a time as if Potash & Perlmutter was paying for it. And so we did, Abe. I took Miss Atkinson up to the Heatherbloom Inn, and it costed me thirty dollars, Abe, including a cigar, which I wouldn't charge you nothing for." "Charge me nothing!" Abe cried. "Of course you wouldn't charge me nothing. You wouldn't charge me nothing, Mr. Bramson, because I wouldn't pay you nothing. I didn't ask you to take Miss Atkinson out in an oitermobile." "I know you didn't, Abe," Mr. Bramson replied firmly, "but either you will pay for it or I will go over to Lapidus & Elenbogen's and they will pay for it. They'll be only too glad to pay for it, Abe, because I bet yer Miss Atkinson she give 'em a pretty big order already, Abe." Abe frowned and then shrugged. "All right," he[Pg 219] said; "if I must I must. So come on now, Mr. Bramson, and look over the line." In the meantime Morris had repaired to the bookkeeper's desk and was looking over the daybook with an unseeing eye. His mind was occupied with bitter reflections when Ralph Tuchman interrupted him. "Mr. Perlmutter," he said, "I'm going to leave." "Going to leave?" Morris cried. "What for?" "Well, in the first place, I don't like it to be called out of my name," he continued. "Mr. Potash calls me Ike, and my name is Ralph. If a man's name is Ralph, Mr. Perlmutter, he naturally don't like it to be called Ike." "I know it," Morris agreed, "but some people ain't got a good memory for names, Ralph. Even myself I forget it names, too, oncet in a while, occasionally." "But that ain't all, Mr. Perlmutter," Ralph went on. "Yesterday, while you was out, Mr. Potash accuses me something terrible." "Accuse you?" Morris said. "What does he accuse you for?" "He accuse me that I ring up my Uncle Max Tuchman and tell him about a Miss Atkinson at the Prince William Hotel," Ralph continued. "I didn't do it, Mr. Perlmutter; believe me. Uncle Max rung me up, and I was going to tell you and Mr. Potash what he rung me up for if you didn't looked at me like I was a pickpocket when I was coming away from the 'phone yesterday." [Pg 220]"I didn't look at you like a pickpocket, Ralph," Morris said. "What did your Uncle Max ring you up for?" "Why, he wanted me to tell you that so long as you was so kind and gives me this here vacation job I should do you a good turn, too. He says that Miss Atkinson tells him yesterday she was going out oitermobile riding with you, and so he says I should tell you not to go to any expense by Miss Atkinson, on account that she already bought her fall line from Uncle Max when he was in Duluth three weeks ago already; and that she is now in New York strictly on her vacation only, and not to buy goods." Morris nodded slowly. "Well, Ralph," he said, "you're a good, smart boy, and I want you to stay until Miss Cohen comes back and maybe we'll raise you a couple of dollars a week till then." He bit the end off a Heatherbloom Inn cigar. "When a man gets played it good for a sucker like we was," he mused, "a couple of dollars more or less won't harm him none." "That's what my Uncle Max says when he seen you up at the Heatherbloom Inn yesterday," Ralph commented. "He seen me up at the Heatherbloom Inn!" Morris cried. "How should he seen me up at the Heatherbloom Inn? I thought he was made it arrested." "Sure he was made it arrested," Ralph said.[Pg 221] "But he fixed it up all right at the station-house, and the sergeant lets him out. So he goes up to the Heatherbloom Inn because when he went right back to the hotel to see after that Miss Taylor the carriage agent tells him a feller chases him up in an oitermobile to the Heatherbloom Inn. But when Uncle Max gets up there you look like you was having such a good time already he hates to interrupt you, so he goes back to the store again." Morris puffed violently at his cigar. "That's a fine piece of work," he said, "that Max Tuchman is." Ralph nodded. "Sure he is," he replied. "Uncle Max is an up-to-date feller." <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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