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Potash and Perlmutter: Their Copartnership Ventures and Adventures

<h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> "Did the sponger send up them doctors yet?" said Morris with a far-away look in his bloodshot eyes, as he entered his place of business at half past seven one morning in March. "Doctors?" Abe repeated. "What are you talking about—doctors?" Morris snapped his fingers impatiently. "Doctors! Hear me talk!" he cried. "I meant kerseys." "Listen here, Mawruss," Abe suggested. "What's the use you monkeying with business to-day? Why don't you go home?" "Me, I don't take things so particular, Abe," Morris replied. "Time enough when I got to go home, then I will go home." "You could do what you please, Mawruss," Abe declared. "We ain't so busy now that you couldn't be spared, y'understand. With spring weather like we got it now, Mawruss, we could better sell arctic overshoes and raincoats as try to get rid of our line already. I tell you the truth, Mawruss, I ain't seen business so schlecht since way before the Spanish War already." "We could always find something to do, Abe," said Morris. "Why don't you tell Miss Cohen to get out them statements which you was talking about?" [Pg 409]"That's a good idee, Mawruss," Abe agreed. "Half the time we don't know where we are at at all. Big concerns get out what they call a balancing sheet every day yet, and we are lucky if we do it oncet a year already. How long do you think it would take her to finish 'em up, Mawruss?" The far-away look returned to Morris' eyes as he replied. "I am waiting for a telephone every minute, Abe," he said. Abe stared indignantly at his partner, then he took a cigar out of his waistcoat pocket and handed it to Morris. "Go and sit down and smoke this, Mawruss," he said. "Leon Sammet gives it to me in the subway this morning, and if it's anything like them souvenirs which he hands it out to his customers, it'll make you forget your troubles, Mawruss. The last time I smoked one, I couldn't remember nothing for a week." Morris carefully cut off the end of Abe's gift with a penknife, but when he struck a match the telephone bell rang sharply. Immediately he threw the cigar and the lighted match to the floor and dashed wildly to the firm's office. "Do you got to burn the place up yet?" Abe cried, and after he had extinguished the match with his foot, he followed his partner to the office in time to view Morris' coat tails disappearing into the elevator. For two minutes he stood still and shook his head slowly. [Pg 410]"Miss Cohen," he said at length, "get out them statements which I told it you yesterday, and so soon you got the drawing account finished, let me have it. I don't think Mr. Perlmutter will be back to-day, so you would have lots of time to do it in." It was almost two o'clock before Miss Cohen handed Abe the statement of the firm's drawing account, and Abe thrust it into his breast pocket. "I'm going out for a bite, Miss Cohen," he said. "If anybody wants me, I am over at Hammersmith's and you could send Jake across for me." He sighed heavily as he raised his umbrella and plunged out into a heavy March downpour. It had been raining steadily for about a week to the complete discouragement of garment buyers, and Hammersmith's rear café sheltered a proportionately gloomy assemblage of cloak and suit manufacturers. Abe glanced around him when he entered and selected a table at which sat Sol Klinger, who was scowling at a portion of Salisbury steak. "Hallo, Sol," Abe cried. "What's the trouble. Ain't the oitermobile running again?" "Do me the favor, Abe," Sol replied, "and cut out them so called alleged jokes." He turned toward a waiter who was dusting off the tablecloth in front of Abe. "Max," he said, stabbing at the steak with a fork held at arm's length and leaning back in his chair as though to avoid contagion. "What d'ye call this here mess anyway?" [Pg 411]The waiter examined the dish critically and nodded his head. "Sally's-bury steak, Mr. Klinger," he murmured. "Very nice to-day." "Is that so?" Sol Klinger rejoined. "Well, lookyhere Max, if I would got it a dawg which I wanted to get rid of bad, y'understand, I would feed him that mess. But me, I ain't ready to die just yet awhile, y'understand, even though business is rotten, so you could take that thing back to the cook and bring me a slice of roast beef; and if you think I got all day to sit here, Max, and fool away my time——" "Right away, Mr. Klinger, right away," Max cried as he hurried off the offending dish, and once more Sol subsided into a melancholy silence. "Don't take it so hard, Sol," Abe said. "We got bad weather like this schon lots of times yet, and none of us busted up. Ain't it?" "The weather is nix, Abe," Sol replied. "If it's wet to-day then it's fine to-morrow, and if a concern ain't buying goods now—all right. They'll buy 'em later on. Ain't it? But, Abe, the partner which you got it to-day, Abe, that's the same partner which you got it to-morrow, and that sucker Klein, Abe, he eats me up with expenses. What that feller does with his money, Abe, I don't know." "Maybe he buys oitermobiles, Sol," Abe suggested. "Supposing I did buy last spring an oitermobile, Abe," Sol retorted. "That is the least. I bet yer[Pg 412] that feller Klein spends enough on taxicab rides for customers, and also one or two of 'em which she ain't customers, as he could buy a dozen oitermobiles already. No, Abe, that ain't the point. The first year Klein and me goes as partners together, he overdraws me two hundred and fifty dollars. Schon gut. If the feller is a little extravagent, y'understand, he's got to make it up next year." Sol paused to investigate the roast beef which Max had brought, and being apparently satisfied, he proceeded with his narrative. "Next year, Abe," he continued, "Klein not only ain't made up the two hundred and fifty, Abe, but he gets into me three hundred dollars more. Well, business is good, y'understand, and so I don't kick and that's where I am a great big fool, Abe, because every year since then, Abe, that sucker goes on and on, until to-day our balance sheet shows I got five thousand more invested in the business as Klein got it. And if I would tell him we are no longer equal partners, Abe, he would go right down to Henry D. Feldman, and to-morrow morning there would be a receiver in the store." Sol plunged his fork into the slice of roast beef as though it were Klein himself, and he hacked at it so viciously that the gravy flew in every direction. "Max," he roared, clapping his handkerchief to his face, "what the devil you are bringing me here—soup?" It was at least five minutes before Sol had exhausted[Pg 413] his stock of profanity, and when at length the tablecloth was changed and Abe had ministered to the front of his coat with a napkin dipped in water, Sol ceased to upbraid the waiter and resumed his tirade against his partner. "Yes, Abe," he said, "you are in luck. You got a partner, y'understand, which he is a decent respectable feller. I bet yer Mawruss would no more dream of overdrawing you, than he would fly in the air." "Wait till they gets to be popular, Sol," Abe replied. "You could take it from me, Sol, Mawruss would be the first one to buy one of them airyplanes, just the same like he bought that oitermobile yet." "That's all right," Sol said. "Mawruss is a good live partner. He sees people round him—good, decent, respectable people, mind you—is buying oitermobiles, Abe, and so he thinks he could buy one, too. There ain't no harm in that, Abe, so long as he keeps inside his drawing account, but so soon as one partner starts to take more as the other money out of the business, Abe, then there is right away trouble. But certainly, Abe, Mawruss wouldn't do nothing like that." "Sure not," Abe replied, "because in the first place, Sol, he knows I wouldn't stand for it, and in the second place, Mawruss ain't out to do me, y'understand. I will say for Mawruss this, Sol. Of course a partner is a partner, Sol, and the best of partners behaves like cut-throats at times, but Mawruss[Pg 414] was always white with me, Sol, and certainly I think a whole lot of that feller. Just to show you, Sol, I got Miss Cohen to fix it up for us a statement of our drawing account which I got it right here in my breast pocket, and I ain't even looked at it at all, so sure I am that everything is all O. K." "I bet yer you overdrew him yet," Sol observed. "Me, I ain't such a big spender, Sol," Abe replied as he unfolded the statement. "I don't even got to look at the statement, because I know we drew just the same amount. Yes,—here it is Sol. Me, I drew six thousand two hundred dollars, and Mawruss drew—six thousand two hundred and——. Well, what do you think for a sucker like that?" "Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Sol cried. Abe's face had grown white and his eyes glittered with anger. "That's a loafer for you!" he went on. "That feller actually pocketed fifty-two dollars of my money." "Fifty-two dollars?" Sol repeated. "What are you making such a fuss about fifty-two dollars for?" "With you I suppose fifty-two dollars is nothing, Sol?" Abe retorted. "I suppose you could pick up fifty-two dollars in the streets, Sol. What? Wait till I see that robber to-morrow. I'll fix him. Actually, I thought that feller was above such things, Sol." "Don't excite yourself, Abe," Sol began. "I ain't excited, Sol," Abe replied. "I ain't a[Pg 415] bit excited. All I would do is I will go back to the store and draw a check for fifty-two dollars. I wouldn't let that beat get ahead of me not for one cent, Sol. If I would sit down with my eyes closed for five minutes, Sol, that loafer would do me for my shirt. I must be on the job all the time, Sol, otherwise that feller would have me on the streets yet." For a quarter of an hour longer Abe reviled Morris, until Sol was moved to protest. "If I thought that way about my partner, Abe," he said, "I'd go right down and see Feldman and have a dissolution yet." "That's what I will do, Sol," Abe declared. "Why should I tie myself up any longer with a cutthroat like that? I tell you what we'll do, Sol. We'll go over to the store and see what else Miss Cohen found it out. I bet you he rings in a whole lot of items on me with the petty cash while I was away on the road." Together they left Hammersmith's and repaired at once to Potash & Perlmutter's place of business. As they entered the show-room Miss Cohen emerged from her office with a sheet of paper in her hand. "Mr. Potash," she said, "when you were in Chicago last fall you drew on the firm for a hundred dollars, and by mistake I credited it to you on your expense account. It ought to have been charged on your drawing account. So that makes[Pg 416] your total drawing account sixty-three hundred dollars." Abe stopped short and looked at Sol. "What was that you said, Miss Cohen?" he asked. "I said that I made a mistake in that statement, and you're overdrawn on Mr. Perlmutter forty-eight dollars," Miss Cohen concluded. "Then hurry up quick, Miss Cohen," Abe cried, "and draw a check in my personal check book on the Kosciusko Bank to Potash & Perlmutter for forty-eight dollars and see that it's deposited the first thing to-morrow morning." He handed Sol a cigar. "Yes, Sol," he said, "if Mawruss would find it out that I am overdrawn on him forty-eight dollars, he would abuse me like a pickpocket. That feller never gives me credit for being square at all, Sol. I would be afraid for my life if he would get on to that forty-eight dollars. Why, the very first thing you know, Sol, he would be going around telling everybody I was a crook and a cutthroat. That's the kind of feller Mawruss is, Sol. I could treat him always like a gentleman, Sol, and if the smallest little thing happens to us, 'sucker' is the least what he calls me." At this juncture the green baize doors leading into the hall burst open and Morris himself leaped into the show-room. His necktie was perched rakishly underneath his right ear, and his collar was of the moisture and consistency of a used wash rag. His[Pg 417] clothes were dripping, for he carried no umbrella, and his hair hung in damp strands over his forehead. Nevertheless he was grinning broadly, as without a word he ran up to Abe and seized his hand. For two minutes Morris shook it up and down and then he collapsed into the nearest chair. "Well, Mawruss," Abe cried, "what's the matter? Couldn't you say nothing? What did you come downtown again for? You should have stayed uptown with Minnie." "S'all right, Abe," Morris gasped. "S'all over, too. The doctor says instead I should be making a nuisance of myself uptown, I would be better off in the store here. He was there before I could get home." "Who was there?" Abe asked. "The doctor?" "Not the doctor," Morris went on. "The boy was there. Minnie is doing fine. The doctor said everything would be all right." "That's good. That's good," Abe murmured. "Y'oughter seen him, Abe. He weighed ten pounds," Morris continued. "I bet yer he could holler, too,—like an auctioneer already. Minnie says also I shouldn't forget to tell you what we agreed upon." "What we agreed upon?" Abe repeated. "Why we ain't agreed upon nothing, so far what I hear, Mawruss. What d'ye mean—what we agreed upon?" "Not you and me, Abe," Morris cried. "Her and[Pg 418] me. We agreed that if it was a boy we'd call him Abraham P. P. Perlmutter already." He slapped Abe on the back and laughed uproariously, while Abe looked guilty and blushed a deep crimson. "Abraham Potash Perlmutter," Morris reiterated. "That's one fine name, Sol." It was now Sol's turn to take Morris' hand and he squeezed it hard. "I congradulate you for the boy and for the name both," he said. Once more Abe seized his partner's hand and shook it rhythmically up and down as though it were a patent exerciser. "Mawruss," he said, "this is certainly something which I didn't expect at all, and all I could say is that I got to tell you you would never be sorry for it. Just a few minutes since in Hammersmith's I was telling Sol I got a partner which it is a credit and an honor for a feller to know he could always trust such a partner to do what is right and square and also, Mawruss, I——Miss Cohen," he broke off suddenly, "you should draw right away another check in my personal book for a hundred dollars." "To whose order?" Miss Cohen asked. Abe cleared his throat and blinked away a slight moisture before replying. "Make it to the order of Abraham P. Perlmutter," he said, "and we will deposit it in a savings bank, Mawruss, and when he comes twenty-one years[Pg 419] old, Mawruss, we will draw it out with anything else what you put in there for him, Mawruss, and we will deposit it in our own bank to the credit of Potash, Perlmutter & Son." Sol Klinger's face spread into an amiable grin. "You could put me down ten dollars on that savings bank account, too, boys," he said as he reached for his hat. "I've got to be going now." "Don't forget you should tell Klein it's a boy," Morris called to him. "I wouldn't forget," Sol replied. "Klein'll be glad to hear it. You know, Mawruss, Klein ain't such a grouch as most people think he is. In fact, taking him all around, Klein is a pretty decent feller." As he turned to leave, his eye met Abe's, and both of them smiled guiltily. "After all, Abe," Sol concluded, "it ain't what partners says about each other, Abe, but how they acts which counts. Ain't it?" Abe nodded emphatically. "An old saying but a true one," Morris declared. "Actions talk louder as words." <h4>The End.</h4> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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