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Teacup Club (Dramatic Reading)

[89] <h2>Chapter IV Concerning the Heroine of To-day</h2> “Are you ready to go to the meeting of the club?” asked the blue-eyed girl, as she bounced into the room. “Why, Dorothy, dear, what is the matter? has your father gotten himself a new bicycle instead of one for you, or—” The blue-eyed girl sat up on the couch. “I don’t care if I never ride a bicycle again as long as I live,” she replied, deliberately. The girl with the dimple in her chin turned pale. “I knew it was something awful when I saw you crying with the blinds all rolled up; but I hardly thought it was so bad as that. You—you haven’t any fever or queer feelings in your head, have you?” “If I had, it would not make any difference,” she sobbed. “I—oh, I’ll get even[90] with Effie Bittersweet if it ruins my complexion and takes me all the rest of my natural life to do it!” “Oho, it’s Effie, is it? Well, you’ll have plenty of chances to get even with her, once you are her sister-in-law!” “I wouldn’t marry Jack now, to—to spite Effie, and I—I doubt if I shall have the chance, anyhow. And as for Frances, I—” “Never mind, dear; I know she has behaved abominably, but she is punished already. Her aunt has brought her a new hat from Paris, and it is geranium pink—fancy Frances in geranium, can you? She promised it to Frances when she went abroad last fall, and Frances has been talking about it ever since. She will have to wear it, too, because her aunt is to make them a long visit, and she is too wealthy to have her feelings hurt.” The blue-eyed girl shook her head, sadly. “It is very kind of you to try to cheer me,” she said, “but I am beyond rejoicing. I only hope it is a very deep geranium pink,[91] that’s all. Oh, Emily, what a desert waste this life is! No, don’t put another cushion back of me—I want to be just as uncomfortable as possible. You know Effie was here this morning, don’t you?” “I suppose so—I noticed that you have two portraits of Edwin on the table.” “Yes. Well, she asked me to go shopping with her, and I must say I was pleased, because she hasn’t been here since—since—” “Not since you quar—pardon me, I mean since her brother quarreled with you.” “She said she’d ask me to lunch with her down-town, but she had spent almost all her allowance.” “The idea of hinting to you in that bare-faced way! Now, if you had been a man it—” “Would have been all right, of course. However, I know how confidential Effie always grows over a cup of tea, so I promptly invited her to lunch with me. After she had accepted, I found that[92] I had only fifty cents to my name. Papa had gone down-town and, mamma had just borrowed a quarter from me!” “My goodness, did you tell Effie that your head ached so badly that you couldn’t go?” “And have her say that I was fretting myself ill over Jack? No, thank you. I excused myself a moment and went downstairs, for I had just remembered a habit Papa has of leaving money lying about on his desk. To my joy, I found a five-dollar bill in one of the drawers, and I took that, because I—” “But weren’t you afraid to take it?” “M—yes, but then one’s own people have to make up with one sometime or other. Well, we had a lovely time shopping, and I took Effie off to luncheon before she had had time to get cross matching samples. It was a lovely luncheon, and before we had finished Effie said she hoped I would visit her at Delavan in August!” “H’m; I suppose she didn’t mention the fact that Jack expects to be in Canada[93] from the last week in July to the first one in September, did she?” “No; she didn’t. Oh, what a cat she is—and I asked her to take another ice on the strength of it! Well I paid the bill, tipped the waiter, and was just going out when the cashier came running after me, and oh, Emily, what do you think?” “You had left your umbrella, of course.” “No, I hadn’t. I—I, that five-dollar bill was a counterfeit which papa was keeping as an object lesson to mamma, who had gotten it in change!” “You might have known that no man with a wife and grown daughter would leave five good dollars in an unlocked drawer, dear. Did Effie—” “Loan it to me? She hadn’t quite enough, and I don’t know what I should have done if Frances had not happened to come in. Effie said that she did not mind borrowing from Frances, because she—she was quite like a sister to her! And now I shall have to make Papa angry by coaxing for money to pay for all those ices Effie ate[94] on false pretenses, and w—worse yet, she and Frances will have the pleasure of laughing over it together!” “And telling Jack about it, too,” gasped the girl with the dimple in her chin, helplessly. “Of course I know they will do that,” sobbed the victim. “But I hardly thought that even an intimate friend would be unpleasant enough to remind me of it!” And she buried her face in the cushions and wept. “Then you are not going to the club this afternoon? Shall I tell them that you are busy with the dressmaker, or the dentist? They know that you can make everybody else wait.” “Tell them nothing. I shall go—and complain of a cold in the head, which will explain the pinkness of my nose and eyes.” “But will any of them believe you?” “All of them. You know those horrid quinine tablets Evelyn is always wanting people to try—well, I shall take one of them publicly. You don’t suppose that[95] any one will suspect me of doing it unnecessarily, do you?” The girl with the dimple in her chin shuddered. “Impossible,” she said. The blue-eyed girl suddenly stopped curling her hair, and, facing her friend, remarked: “I can tell you one thing though—Jack Bittersweet shall pay dearly for this!” <hr class="tb" /> The president of the Teacup club rapped for order with the handle of her umbrella. “I am glad to see you all here to-day, in spite of the weather,” she remarked. “We have a very interesting topic for discussion. It is, ‘Woman in Her Character of Heroine.’” “Indeed, it is interesting,” said the girl with the Roman nose. “I only wish you had thought to mention it to me and I should have prepared a paper on it. No, I couldn’t have done it, either, for my aunt from New Jersey was in town, and I had to take her sight-seeing. Oh, dear, aren’t people who live in the country painfully active? And what ideas they have! They seem to think Lincoln Park is in the[96] back yard and the Statue of Columbus across the street.” “I know a girl who has had a much worse time than that,” said the brown-eyed blonde. “She had to take her future mother-in-law to see the sights. The old lady had read up in preparation for her visit, and knew more about the city than Marie herself. Now, while the poor girl is being massaged with arnica and things to get over the effects of her exertion, the old lady is busy telling her son that such an ignorant girl can never make a good wife!” “Speaking of the bravery of women,” said the girl with the classic profile, “I know a girl who early one morning heard a noise in a large closet next her room, in which she kept her furs and cloth gowns. She slipped out of bed and into the hall, and turned the key, which was fortunately on the outside, and there she had the burglar safe in that stifling atmosphere. Then she fainted.” “And no wonder,” said the girl with the eyeglasses. “I should have fainted first.”[97] “It took them three-quarters of an hour to restore her and find out what was the matter, then they sent for the police, and what do you think they found?” “That the burglar was dead,” breathed the girl with the Roman nose. “No. It wasn’t a burglar at all; it was her own father, who had risen early and gone into the closet to look for a file of papers which had been kept in the attic for twenty years. Oh, he said perfectly awful things when he got breath enough to speak! Unluckily, too, it happened just at the time when she needed a lot of new things. She said that nobody appreciated her bravery except a man who was paying her attention at the time, and he didn’t dare say a word before her father for fear of losing his good-will.” “Humph!” said the girl with the dimple in her chin, “it only goes to show that women are really more courageous than men.” “Of course they are,” said the girl with the eyeglasses. “Why, only the other day[98] I read of a girl who had a hole bored in one of her front teeth and a diamond inserted. Did you ever hear of a man who was brave enough to go to the dentist unless he really had to?” “No,” said the president. “Oh, girls, I once had my pocketbook snatched from me by a boy, and I just ran after him until he dropped it. I don’t know that I should have been so brave,” she added, “but for the fact that, beside my card, it contained several unpaid bills of which my husband knew nothing. If the police had caught the boy with it, they would have communicated the fact to him, and I never should have heard the last of those bills. “I hope he appreciated your bravery, anyhow,” said the girl with the eyeglasses. “Of course not,” said the president; “his only comment was that it served me right for carrying my pocketbook in my hand. Oh, you can’t make a man understand that a woman fears nothing. By the way, I wish several of you would come home to dinner with me. I broke Tom’s lovely bit of old[99] Venetian glass to-day, and I had rather not be alone with him when he finds it out.” “I’ll go with pleasure,” said the girl with the Roman nose, “is anybody else coming?” “Nobody but Mr. Troolygood,” said the president. “I always ask him in such an emergency, because he prophesied that Tom would break my heart within two years of our marriage. Tom knows that, and—well, I could dance on the graves of his ancestors if Mr. Troolygood was present, and Tom would encourage my efforts.” “Then, I don’t see why you ask us to-day,” said the girl with the Roman nose, “he ought to be—” “Sufficient? Yes, I suppose so; but—well, the truth is that he is rather hard to entertain, and Tom is so busy in his presence, being nice to me, that he is no help at all.” “I should be delighted to dine with you, also,” said the blue-eyed girl, “but really I have such a cold that I don’t dare to be out at all after nightfall.”[100] “Have you a cold?” said the brown-eyed blonde, “why, I didn’t notice it when I met you in the restaurant this morning.” “Didn’t you, dear? But then you are not very observant. You had not even noticed that there was a wrinkle in the waist of your new gown, until I pointed it out to you. Evelyn, dear, mightn’t I take another of your quinine tablets now? I really think that I am feeling better already.” “Do not take too much of it, dear, if you value your peace of mind,” said the girl with the eyeglasses. “I’ve had such an awful cold this week. I don’t know how I ever caught it, unless it was sitting in that hot church on Sunday. Mamma would have me go, and I—” “Perhaps you caught it standing on your front steps Monday evening,” suggested the girl with the classic profile. “I saw you, as I passed, and wondered how long—” “Oh, it was only a moment. The parlor was full of people, and I just stepped out with Frank a moment to—to ask him how he expects to vote at the coming election.”[101] “I thought you both looked as if you were discussing politics. Of course, he had to think well on the merits of the opposing candidates before he gave an opinion and—” “Oh, pshaw, it is impossible to know how one catches cold, and it does one no good to know, anyhow,” said the girl with the Roman nose. “Unless it is some one else’s fault,” said the girl with the dimple in her chin. “I have a cold myself, and I don’t dare to mention the fact to my family. They are so unsympathetic that they—” “Would want you to wrap up and wear overshoes if it was July,” said the president. “They would, they would,” wailed the girl with the eyeglasses, “well, I just knew that I had to be well in time to go to Mrs. Brownsmith’s card party. The way that Marie tries to attract Frank’s attention is too dreadful, and I knew she would be there.” “If she had to unscrew her coffin lid to get out,” said the blue-eyed girl.[102] “M’hm. They wanted me to take all sorts of horrid remedies at home. I wouldn’t do it, though; the very idea made me cross. Finally, on Wednesday, Frank dropped in to see if I was better and said I must take some quinine. Of course, I couldn’t refuse and hurt his feelings, especially as he remained all the afternoon and watched me take it. By his advice, I took a large dose of it that night, and when I woke up in the morning my cold was almost gone, but oh, I had the queerest buzzing in my ears!” “Oh, well, nobody could see that,” said the president, “so you—” “Kept on taking it all day, and was able to go to the card party, after all; though the quinine had made me as deaf as a statue. It made little difference at first, because Marie kept close at my elbow, and Frank and I were not alone a moment. I couldn’t get rid of her at all until, just as mamma said she would not wait another second Mrs. Brownsmith called Marie to her, and Frank—”[103] “Improved the moment,” said the girl with the dimple in her chin. “What did he say?” “I—I don’t know,” sobbed the girl with the eyeglasses. “He whispered, and I couldn’t hear. And before I could ask him to repeat, Marie was at my side. As he put me into the carriage, he said: ‘You will let me have my answer by messenger to-morrow, won’t you?’ And I—I don’t know w-whether he ask-asked me to marry him, or only to go to the m-matinee!” “You poor, dear martyr,” cried the president. “Dorothy, dear, you had better not take any more of those tablets, because—” “But dear, Dorothy is in no danger of having to answer such an important question,” said the brown-eyed blonde, sweetly. “Very true, dear; I have answered it already—in the negative,” said the blue-eyed girl. “Ah, you can never know, Frances, how painful it is to be obliged to tell a man who loves you that there is no hope.”[104] “Dear, dear,” said the president, hurriedly, “I’m afraid that, in spite of all my efforts, we have not discussed to-day’s topic as consistently as usual. It does seem to me sometimes that you girls talk as much as men. Of course you do not expect to be listened to as they do, still—” “I should think not,” said the girl with the Roman nose; “did I ever tell you of the time I went to make a round of calls with Ethel, and—” “Found she was leaving her sister’s cards by mistake?” said the girl with the classic profile. “Indeed you did. And wasn’t it funny that she left one for Maria, to whom her sister hadn’t spoken for a year? Just like Ethel, too.” “This was another time,” said the girl with the Roman nose. “You know how much Ethel talks? Well, we called on one woman I had never met before, and she asked Ethel subsequently if I was not deaf and dumb!” “Never mind, she knew better when she met you next time,” said the girl with the[105] eyeglasses; “but what is the topic for discussion to-day?” “‘The Heroine of To-day,’” said the president, “and I think—” “I suppose that is the bachelor girl,” said the brown-eyed blonde. “Or the one who marries a foreigner,” said the girl with the dimple in her chin. “Talk about bravery! Why, I knew a girl who became engaged to a Russian before she could pronounce his name.” “Speaking of that,” said the girl with the classic profile, “isn’t it horrid of Elizabeth to send out her wedding cards so long ahead. No chance this time to say that we didn’t know it in time to select a present.” “I shall pretend that I never received my invitation at all,” said the president; “one must protect one’s self somehow.” “I do hate to go shopping with her nowadays,” said the girl with the dimple in her chin, “if I don’t buy a lot of things myself I am miserable, and if I do her reproachful gaze seems to say, ‘I know the cost of this will come out of my present.’”[106] “As if you wouldn’t ask your father for the money for that, anyhow!” said the girl with the classic profile. “I shall do nothing of the kind, dear; it would make too much trouble. I don’t know why a man will cheerfully give a wedding present himself, but let—” “One of the women of the family ask for money for the same purpose and he feels that he is being robbed,” said the girl with the Roman nose. “I suppose it is on the same principle that makes a man insist upon treating every other man he meets and then grumble because his wife wants oysters after the play,” said the brown-eyed blonde. “Just as he feeds a girl on candy before he marries her and then complains of dentists’ bills afterward,” said the girl with the dimple in her chin; “men are so illogical!” “Indeed they are,” said the girl with the Roman nose; “one of them will keep on telling a girl that she has a swan-like carriage, and then think her vain if he catches[107] her watching her own movements in the glass.” “Why does she let him catch her at it?” queried the girl with the dimple in her chin. “Oh, girls, you know that awful, dark green necktie that Dick has been wearing! Well, I endured it until I felt as if I should scream if I saw him wear it again, so I begged it from him; told him that I wanted it as a souvenir to hang beside his college cap and his football colors. As soon as he sent it to me I threw it into the fire.” “And he came in before it was reduced to ashes?” asked the president, in sympathetic tones. “No. He appeared with another just like it, the very next day—said he didn’t like it himself, but since I had admired it and he wanted to please me, he had matched it before he sent it to me!” “And that was your only reward for trying to save his feelings,” sighed the blue-eyed girl. “Really, Emily, I often think you are too good for this world.” “At any rate, I shall soon be out of it if[108] so many sorrows are heaped upon my head. By the way, girls, I’ve been learning to ride my bicycle, and talking of heroism, I—” “How many times have you fallen?” exclaimed the girl with the classic profile. “I heard the other day of a girl who learned to ride in a single lesson, without falling once, and—” “Humph. I’ve often heard of that girl myself—but I’ve never seen her. I’ve fallen nineteen times; that is, not counting the time mamma called after me to be careful, and the time that Dick said I had ridden almost a half block since he let go of my belt—because you know, it was not my fault that I fell upon either of those occasions!” “Of course not,” said the president, “but, girls, we really must not talk about bicycling, because if we do we shall drift away from our discussion, and I can’t bear to depart, even momentarily, from the high standard of the club. We were speaking of Elizabeth a moment ago; has any one seen her lately?”[109] “Not I,” said the blue-eyed girl. “I make a point of avoiding the girl who is about to be married, the mother of the cleverest baby in the world, and the woman who is designing her own house. Really, you know, I don’t mind letting someone else do all the talking, but I do like a change of topic once in a while.” “I know I was just as sensible as any one could be while Tom and I were engaged,” said the president, “and yet, people did act so oddly. Why, they would go right away if I began to talk of him at all; they didn’t even stay long enough to see how sensible I was.” “By the way, I believe that Jane and Mr. Sooter are engaged,” said the girl with the classic profile; “Jane denies it but—” “Then I think you are mistaken,” said the girl with the eyeglasses. “I know Jane, and she seldom understates a case. Why do you think they are engaged?” “He has given up sending her flowers and candy, and begun presenting bric-a-brac instead.”[110] “Pshaw, that is nothing; he may once have been engaged to a girl who was a china maniac, and these may be the presents she returned.” “Possibly. By the way, Kate has grown so wary now that she only gives the man to whom she happens to be engaged presents which she can use after she breaks with him; never pipes and—” “Oh, by the way, I know how her last engagement came to be broken in so many pieces that it could never be mended,” said the girl with the dimple in her chin. “Do tell us all about it; we are all so intimate with Kate that we wouldn’t dare to tell anybody, because it would seem that we were betraying a confidence,” said the girl with the classic profile. “Well, when she was engaged to Mr. Yaleblue, she gave him a lovely meerchaum pipe, which of course came back with her other presents when the engagement was broken. By the next Christmas she was engaged to Dan, and it seemed such a waste to let it lie in the case, and she gave it to[111] him, telling him a pretty little story of how she bought it when she was in Paris, and kept it hanging in her den ready for Prince Charming when he appeared. You wouldn’t think a little thing like that would have broken the engagement, would you?” “Why, of course not,” said the girl with the eyeglasses, “how on earth did—” “Oh, he just asked how it came that it was so strong of tobacco!” “Dear me, girls,” said the president, “I am afraid that we really must adjourn, though there is still a great deal more to say on both sides of the discussion. But I have just remembered that I have invited a whole party of you to dinner, and neglected to mention the fact to the cook!” <hr class="chap" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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