Ballad: A Manager's Perplexities

<SPAN name="startofbook"></SPAN> <h2><SPAN name="page504"></SPAN><span class="pagenum"></span>A MANAGER&rsquo;S PERPLEXITIES</h2> <p class="poetry">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<span class="smcap">Were</span> I a king in very truth,<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And had a son&mdash;a guileless youth&mdash;<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In probable succession;<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; To teach him patience, teach him tact,<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; How promptly in a fix to act,<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; He should adopt, in point of fact,<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A manager&rsquo;s profession.<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; To that condition he should stoop<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (Despite a too fond mother),<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; With eight or ten &ldquo;stars&rdquo; in his troupe,<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; All jealous of each other!<br/> Oh, the man who can rule a theatrical crew,<br/> Each member a genius (and some of them two),<br/> And manage to humour them, little and great,<br/> Can govern a tuppenny-ha&rsquo;penny State!</p> <p class="poetry">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Both A and B rehearsal slight&mdash;<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; They say they&rsquo;ll be &ldquo;all right at night&rdquo;<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (They&rsquo;ve both to go to school yet);<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; C in each act <i>must</i> change her dress,<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; D <i>will</i> attempt to &ldquo;square the press&rdquo;;<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; E won&rsquo;t play Romeo unless<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; His grandmother plays Juliet;<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; F claims all hoydens as her rights<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (She&rsquo;s played them thirty seasons);<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And G must show herself in tights<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; For two convincing reasons&mdash;<br/> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Two very well-shaped reasons!<br/> Oh, the man who can drive a theatrical team,<br/> With wheelers and leaders in order supreme,<br/> Can govern and rule, with a wave of his fin,<br/> All Europe and Asia&mdash;with Ireland thrown in!</p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />