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<br/>
<h2> CHAPTER II. </h2>
<p>I Am Rudely Awakened from Dreams of Home—I Go on Picket—<br/>
The Foe Advances—A Desperate Conflict—The Union—<br/>
Confederate Breakfast on the Alabama Race-Track—A Friendly<br/>
Partin<br/></p>
<p>The careful readers of this history have no doubt been worried about the
manner in which the first chapter closed, leaving me hanging to a limb of
a tree, like Absalom weeping for her children, my horse having gone out
from under me. But I have not been hanging there all this time. The
soldiers took me down, and caught my horse, and the regiment dismounted
and a council of war was held. I suppose it was a council of war, as I
noticed the officers were all in a group under a tree, with a candle,
examining a map, and drinking out of a canteen. I had read of councils of
war, but I had never seen one, and so I walked over to the crowd of
officers and asked the colonel if there was anything particular the
matter. I never saw a crowd of men who seemed so astonished as those
officers were, and suddenly I felt myself going away from where they were
consulting, with somebody's strong hand on my collar, and an unmistakable
cavalry boot, with a man in it, in the vicinity of my pantaloons. I do not
know to this day, which officer it was that kicked me, but I went away and
sat under a tree in the dark, so hungry that I was near dead, and I wished
I <i>was</i> dead. I guess the officers wished that I was, too. The
soldiers tried to console me by telling me I was too fresh, but I couldn't
see why a private soldier, right from home, who knew all about the public
sentiment at the north in regard to the way the war was conducted, should
not have a voice in the consultations of officers. I had written many
editorials before I left home, criticising the manner in which many
generals had handled their commands, and pointed out to my readers how
defeat could have been turned into victory, if the generals had done as I
would have done in their places. It seemed to me the officers of my
regiment were taking a suicidal course in barring me out of their
consultations. A soldier had told me that we were lost in the woods, and
as I had studied geography when at school, and was well posted about
Alabama, it seemed as though a little advice from me would be worth a good
deal. But I concluded to let them stay lost forever before I would
volunteer any information. It was crawling along towards midnight, of my
first day in the army, and I had eaten nothing since morning. As I sat
there under the tree I fell asleep, and was dreaming of home, and warm
biscuit, with honey, and a feather bed, when I was rudely awakened by a
corporal who told me to mount. I asked him what for, and told him that I
didn t want to ride any more that night. What I wanted was to be let
alone, to sleep. He said to get on the horse too quick, and I found there
was no use arguing with a common corporal, so the boys hoisted me on to
the horse, and about nine of us started off through the woods in the
moonlight, looking for a main road. The corporal was kind enough to say
that as soon as we found a road we would put out a picket, and send a
courier back to the regiment to inform the colonel that we had got out of
the woods, and the rest of us would lay down and sleep till morning. I
don't think I was ever so anxious to see a road in all my life, because I
<i>did</i> want to lay down and sleep, and die. O, if I could have
telegraphed home, how I would have warned the youth of the land to beware
of the allurements held out by recruiting officers, and to let war alone.
In an hour or so we came to a clearing, and presently to a road, and we
stopped. The corporal detailed me to go up the road a short distance and
stand picket on my horse. That was not what I had expected of the
corporal. I used to know him before the war when he worked in a paint shop
in a wagon factory, and I had always treated him well, and it seemed as
though he ought to favor me by letting somebody else go on picket. I told
him that the other boys were more accustomed to such work than I was, and
that I would resign in their favor, because what I wanted was rest, but he
said I would have to go, and he called me “Camp and Garrison Equipage,”
because I carried so much luggage on my horse, a name that held to me for
months. I found that there was no use kicking against going on picket duty
that night, though I tried to argue with the corporal that it would be
just as well to all lay down and sleep till morning, and put out a picket
when it got light enough to see. I was willing to work during the day time
for the government, but it seemed as though it was rushing things a little
to make a man work day and night for thirteen dollars a month. So the
corporal went out on the road with me about a quarter of a mile, and
placed me in position and gave me my instructions. The instructions were
to keep a sharp lookout up and down the road for Confederate cavalry, and
if I saw anybody approaching to sing out “halt!” and if the party did not
halt to shoot him, and then call for the corporal of the guard, who would
come out to see what was the matter. I asked him what I should do if
anybody came along and shot me, and he said that would be all right, that
the boys would come out and bury me. He said I must keep awake, for if I
got to sleep on my post I would be court-martialed and shot, and then he
rode away and left me alone, on a horse that kept whinnying, and calling
the attention of possible Confederates to my position.</p>
<p>I do not think any reader of these papers will envy me the position I was
in at that time. If I remained awake, I was liable to be killed by the
enemy, and if I fell asleep on my post I would be shot anyway. And if I
was not killed, it was probable I would be a murderer before morning.
Hunger was gnawing at my stomach, and the horse was gnawing at my legs,
and I was gnawing at a hard tack which I had found in the saddle-bag.
Every little while I would hear a noise, and my hair would raise my hat
up, and it would seem to me as though the next minute a volley would be
fired at me, and I shrunk down between the piles of baggage on my saddle
to be protected from bullets. Suddenly the moon came out from behind a
cloud and around a turn in the road a solitary horseman might have been
seen coming towards me. I never have seen a horse that looked as high as
that horse did. He seemed at least eighteen feet high, and the man on him
was certainly twelve feet high. My heart pounded against a tin canteen
that I had strung around my shoulder, so I could hear the beating
perfectly plain. The man was approaching, and I was trying to think
whether I had been instructed to shoot and then call for the corporal of
the guard, or call for the corporal and then ask him to halt. I knew there
was a halt in my instructions, and wondered if it would not conciliate the
enemy to a certain extent if I would say “Please Halt.” The fact was, I
didn t want to have any fuss. If I could have backed my horse up into the
woods, and let the man go by, it seemed as though it would save
precipitating a conflict. It is probable that no military man was ever in
so tight a place as I was that minute. The enemy was advancing, and I
wondered if, when he got near enough, I could say “halt,” in a commanding
tone of voice. I knew enough, then, to feel that to ask the stranger to
halt in a trembling and husky voice would give the whole thing away, that
I was a recruit and a coward. Ye gods, how I suffered! I wondered if I
could hit a man with a bullet. Before the war I was quite a good shot with
a shotgun, shooting into flocks of pigeons and ducks, and I thought what a
good idea it would be if I could get that approaching rebel into a flock.
The idea seemed so ridiculous that I laughed right out loud. It was not a
hearty, happy laugh, but it was a laugh all the same, and I was proud that
I could laugh in the face of danger, when I might be a corpse any minute.
The man on the horse stopped. Whether he heard me laugh it is impossible
to say, but he stopped. That relieved me a great deal. As he had stopped
it was unnecessary for me to invite him to halt. He was welcome to stay
there if he wanted to. I argued that it was not my place to go howling
around the Southern Confederacy, ordering people to halt, when they had
already halted. If he would let me alone and stay where he was, what sense
was there in picking a quarrel with him?</p>
<p>Why should I want to shoot a total stranger, who might have a family at
home, somewhere in the South, who would mourn for him. He might be a dead
shot, as many Southern gentlemen were, and if I went to advising him about
halting, it would, very likely cause his hot Southern blood to boil, and
he would say he had just as much right to that road as I had. If it come
right down to the justice of the thing, I should have to admit that
Alabama was not my state. Wisconsin was my home, and if I was up there,
and a man should trespass on my property, it would be reasonable enough
for me to ask him to go away from there, and enforce my request by calling
a constable and having him put off the premises. But how did I know but he
owned property there, and was a tax-payer. I had it all figured out that I
was right in not disturbing that rebel, and I knew that I could argue with
my colonel for a week, if necessary, on the law points in the case, and
the courtesy that I deemed proper between gentlemen, if any complaint was
made for not doing my duty. But, lordy, how I <i>did</i> sweat while I was
deciding to let him alone if he would let me alone. The war might have
been going on now, and that rebel and myself might have been standing
there today, looking at each other, if it hadn't been for the action of
the fool horse that I rode. My horse had been evidently asleep for some
time, but suddenly he woke up, pricked up his ears, and began to prance,
and jump sideways like a race horse that is on the track, and wants to
run. The horse reared up and plunged, and kept working up nearer to my
Southern friend, and I tried to hold him, and keep him still, but suddenly
he got the best of me and started towards the other man and horse, and the
other horse started, as though some one had said “go”.{*}</p>
<p>* [Before I get any further on this history of the war, it<br/>
is necessary to explain. The facts proved to be that my<br/>
regiment had got lost in the woods, and the scouting party,<br/>
under the corporal, who had been sent out to find a road,<br/>
had come upon the three-quarter stretch of an old private<br/>
race track on a deserted southern plantation, instead of a<br/>
main road, and I had been placed on picket near the last<br/>
turn before striking the quarter stretch. A small party of<br/>
Confederates, who had been out on a scout, and got lost, had<br/>
come on the track further down, near the judges' stand, and<br/>
they had put a man, on picket up near where I was, supposing<br/>
they had struck the road, and intending to wait until<br/>
morning so as to find out where they were. My horse was an<br/>
old race horse, and as soon as he saw the other horse, he<br/>
was in for a race and the other horse was willing. This will<br/>
show the situation as well as though I had a race track<br/>
engraved, showing the positions of the two armies. The<br/>
Confederates, except the man on picket, were asleep beside<br/>
the track near the quarter stretch, and our fellows, except<br/>
myself, were asleep over by the three-quarter pole.]<br/></p>
<p>I do not suppose any man on this earth, or any other earth, ever tried to
stop a fool horse quite as hard as I did that one. I pulled until my arms
ached, but he went for all that was out, and the horse ahead of me was
buckling in as fast as he could. I could not help wondering what would
happen if I should overtake that Southern man. I was gaining on him, when
suddenly eight or nine men who were sleeping beside the road, got up and
began to shoot at us. They were the friends of the rebel, who believed
that the whole Union army was making a charge on them. We got by the
shooters alive, and then, as we passed the rickety old judge's stand, I
realized that we were on a race track, and for a moment I forgot that I
was a soldier, and only thought of myself as a rider of a race horse, and
I gave the horse his head, and kicked him, and yelled like a Comanche
Indian, and I had the satisfaction of seeing my horse go by the rebel, and
I yelled some more. I got a glimpse of my rebel's, face as I went by him,
and he didn't look much more like a fighting man than I did, but he was,
for as soon as I had got ahead of him he drew a revolver and began firing
at me on the run. I thought that was a mean trick, and spoke to him about
it afterwards, but he said he only wanted me to stop so he could get
acquainted with me.</p>
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<p>Well, I never could find any bullets in any of the clothes strapped on the
back of my saddle, but it <i>did</i> seem to me as though every bullet
from his revolver hit very near my vital parts. But a new danger presented
itself. We were rapidly approaching the corporal and his men, with whose
command I belonged, and they would wake up and think the whole Confederate
army was charging them, and if I was not killed by the confounded rebel
behind me, I should probably be shot all to pieces by our own men. As we
passed our men they fired a few sleepy shots towards us, and took to the
woods. On went the two night riders, and when the rebel had exhausted his
revolver he began to urge his horse, and passed me, and I drew my revolver
and began to fire at him. As we passed the judge's stand the second time a
couple of shots from quite a distance in the woods showed that his rebel
friends had taken alarm at the frequent charges of cavalry, and had
skipped to the woods and were getting away as fast as possible. We went
around the track once more, and when near the judge's stand I was right
behind him, and his horse fell down and my horse stumbled over him, and I
guess we were both stunned. Finally I crawled out from under my horse, and
the rebel was trying to raise up, when I said, “What in thunder you want
to chase a man all around the Southern Confederacy for, on a dark night,
trying to shoot him?” He asked me to help him up, which I did, when he
said, “Who commenced this here chasing? If you had kept whar you was, I
wouldn't a had no truck with you.” Then I said, “You are my prisoner,” and
he said, “No, you are my prisoner.” I told him I was no hand to argue, but
it seemed to me it was about a stand off, as to which was 'tother's
prisoner. I told him that was my first day's service as a soldier, and I
was not posted as to the customs of civilized warfare, but I was willing
to wait till daylight, leaving matters just as they were, each of us on
the defensive, giving up none of our rights, and after daylight we would
play a game of seven-up to see which was the prisoner. That seemed fair to
him, and he accepted the situation, remarking that he had only been
conscripted a few days and didn't know any more about war than a cow. He
said he was a newspaper man from Georgia, and had been taken right from
the case in his office before his paper could be got out. I told him I was
only a few days out of a country printing office my-self, the sheriff
having closed out my business on an old paper bill. A bond of sympathy was
inaugurated at once between us, and when he limped along the track to the
fence, and found that his ankle was hurt by the fall, I brought a bottle
of horse liniment out of my saddle-bags, and a rag, and bound some
liniment on his ankle. He said he had never seen a Yankee soldier before,
and he was glad he had met me. I told him he was the first rebel I had
ever met, and I hoped he would be the last, until the war was over. By
this time our horses had gone to nibbling grass, as though there were no
such thing as war. We could hear occasional bugle calls off in the woods
in two directions, and knew that our respective commands had gone off and
got lost again, so we concluded to camp there till morning. After the
excitement was over I began to get hungry, and I asked him if he had
anything to eat. He said he had some corn bread and bacon, and he could
get some sweet potatoes over in a field. So I built a fire there on the
track, and he hobbled off after potatoes. Just about daylight breakfast
was served, consisting of coffee, which I carried in a sack, made in a pot
he carried, bacon fried in a half of a tin canteen, sweet potatoes roasted
in the ashes, and Confederate corn bread, warmed by holding it over the
fire on a sharp stick. My friend, the rebel, sat on my saddle, which I had
removed from my horse, after he had promised me on his honor to help me to
put it on when it was time to mount. He knew how to put on saddles, and I
didn t, and as his ankle was lame I gave him the best seat, he being my
guest, that is, he was my guest if I beat him in the coming game of
seven-up, which we were to play to see if he was my prisoner, or I was
his. It being daylight, I could see him, and study his character, and
honestly he was a mighty fine-looking fellow. As we eat our early
breakfast I began to think that the recruiting officer was more than half
right about war being a picnic. He talked about the newspaper business in
the South, and before breakfast was over we had formed a partnership to
publish a paper at Montgomery, Ala., after the war should be over. I have
eaten a great many first-class meals in my time, have feasted at
Delmonico's, and lived at the best hotels in the land, besides partaking
pretty fair food camping out, where an appetite was worked up by exercise
and sporting, but in all my life I have never had anything taste as good
as that combination Union-Confederate breakfast on the Alabama race track,
beside the judges stand. After the last potato peeling, and the last crumb
of corn bread had been “sopped” in the bacon gravy and eaten, we whittled
some tobacco off a plug, filled our pipes and leaned up against the fence
and smoked the most enjoyable smoke that ever was smoked. After smoking in
silence a few minutes my rebel friend said, as he blew the smoke from his
handsome mouth, “War is not so unpleasant, after all.” Then we fell to
talking about the manner in which the different generals on each side had
conducted things. He went on to show that if Lee had taken his advice, the
Yankees would then be on the run for the North, and I showed him, by a few
well-chosen remarks that if I could have been close to Grant, and given
him some pointers, that the Confederates would be hunting their holes. We
were both convinced that it was a great mistake that we were nothing but
private soldiers, but felt that it would not be long before we were called
to occupy high places. It seemed to stand to reason that true merit would
find its reward. Then he knocked the ashes out of his pipe and said if I
had a pack of cards we would go up in the judges stand and play seven-up
to see whether I was his prisoner, or he was mine. I wanted to take a
prisoner back to the regiment, at I thought it would make me solid with
the colonel, and I played a strong game of seven-up, but before we got
started to playing he suggested that we call it a stand-off, and agree
that neither of us should be a prisoner, but that when we got ready to
part each should go hunt up his own command, and tell the biggest lie we
could think of as to the fight we had had. That was right into my hand,
and I agreed, and then my friend suggested that we play poker for money. I
consented and he put up Confederate money, against my greenbacks, ten to
one. We played about an hour, and at the close he had won the balance of
my bounty, except what I had given to the chaplain for safe keeping, and a
pair of pants, and a blouse, and a flannel shirt, and a pair of shoes,
which I had on my saddle. I was rather glad to get rid of some of my extra
baggage, and when he put on the clothes he had won from me, blessed if I
wasn t rather proud of him. A man could wear any kind of clothes in the
Confederate army, and my rebel looked real comfortable in my clothes, and
I felt that it was a real kind act to allow him to win a blue suit that I
did not need. If the men of both the armies, and the people of both
sections of the distracted country could have seen us two soldiers
together, there in the judges stand, peacefully playing poker, while the
battles were raging in the East and in the West, that would have felt that
an era of good feeling was about to dawn on the country. After we had
played enough poker, and I had lost everything I had that was loose, I
suggested that he sing a song, so he sung the “Bonnie Blue Flag.” I did
not think it was right for him to work in a rebel song on me, but it did
sound splendid, and I forgot that there was any war, in listening to the
rich voice of my new friend. When he got through he asked me to sing
something. I never <i>could</i> sing, anyway. My folks had always told me
that my voice sounded like a corn sheller, but he urged me at his own
peril, and I sung, or tried to, “We'll Hang Jeff Davis to a Sour Apple
Tree.” I had no designs on Mr. Davis, honestly I hadn't, and it was the
farthest thing from my thoughts to hurt the feelings of that young man,
but before I had finished the first verse he took his handkerchief out and
placed it to his eyes. I stopped and apologized, but he said not to mind
him, as he was better now. He told me, afterwards, in the strictest
confidence, that my singing was the worst he ever heard, and gave it as
his opinion that if Jeff Davis could hear me sing he would be willing,
even anxious, to be hung. If I had been sensitive about my musical
talents, probably there would have been hard feelings, and possibly
bloodshed, right there, but I told him I always knew I couldn't sing, and
he said that I was in luck. Well, we fooled around there till about ten
o'clock in the morning, and decided that we would part, and each seek our
respective commands, so I put some more horse liniment on his sprained
ankle, and he saddled my horse for me, and after expressions of mutual
pleasure at meeting each other, and promises that after the war we would
seek each other out, we mounted, he gave three cheers for the Yanks, and I
gave three cheers for the Johnnies, he divided his plug of tobacco with
me, and I gave him the bottle of horse liniment, he turned his horse
towards the direction his gray coats had taken the night before, while I
turned my horse towards the hole in the woods our fellows had made, and we
left the race track where we had fought so gamely, eat so heartily, and
played poker so disastrously, to me. As we were each about going into the
woods, half a mile apart, he waved his handkerchief at me, and I waved
mine at him, and we plunged into the forest.</p>
<p>After riding for an hour or so, alone in the woods, thinking up a good lie
to tell about where I had been, and what I had been doing, I heard horses
neighing, and presently I came upon my regiment, just starting out to hunt
me up. The colonel looked at me and said, “Kill the fat prodigal, the calf
has got back.”</p>
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