Lost Diaries

<SPAN name="startofbook"></SPAN> <h1>LOST DIARIES</h1> <h3>BY</h3> <h2>MAURICE BARING</h2> <h5>LONDON</h5> <h5>DUCKWORTH &amp; GO.</h5> <h5>3 HENRIETTA STREET, COVENT GARDEN. W.C.</h5> <h5>1913</h5> <hr class="full" /> <blockquote style="margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 5%;"><p>These "Lost Diaries" originally appeared in the <i>Eye Witness</i>, the <i>New Witness</i>, and the <i>Morning Post</i>; they are here reprinted by the kind permission of the Editors of those newspapers.</p> <p style="margin-left: 85%;">M.B.</p> </blockquote> <hr class="chap" /> <h4>To</h4> <h4>E.M.</h4> <hr class="chap" /> <h4>CONTENTS</h4> <div class="center" style="font-size: 0.8em;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary=""> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">I.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#I">FROM THE DIARY OF SMITH MINOR</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">II.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#II">FROM THE DIARY OF ISEULT OF BRITTANY</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">III.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#III">FROM THE DIARY OF KING COPHETUA</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">IV.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#IV">FROM THE DIARY OF FROISSART, WAR CORRESPONDENT</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">V.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#V">FROM THE DIARY OF GEORGE WASHINGTON</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">VI.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#VI">FROM THE DIARY OF MARCUS AURELIUS</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">VII.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#VII">FROM THE DIARY OF MRS JAMES LEE'S HUSBAND</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">VIII.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#VIII">FROM THE DIARY OF SHERLOCK HOLMES</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">IX.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#IX">FROM THE DIARY OF THE EMPEROR TITUS</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">X.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#X">FROM THE DIARY OF HARRIET SHELLEY</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XI.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XI">FROM THE <i>JOURNAL INTIME</i> OF THE EMPEROR TIBERIUS</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XII.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XII">FROM THE DIARY OF ŒDIPUS REX</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XIII.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XIII">FROM THE DIARY OF WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XIV.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XIV">FROM THE DIARY OF MARY, MRS JOHN MILTON</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="left"></td><td align="left"><span style="color: #800000;">(<i>NÉE</i> POWELL)</span></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XV.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XV">FROM THE DIARY OF MARK ANTONY</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XVI.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XVI">FROM THE DIARY OF IVAN THE TERRIBLE</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XVII.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XVII">FROM THE PRIVATE LOG OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBU</SPAN>S</td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XVIII.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XVIII">FROM THE DIARY OF THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XIX.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XIX">FROM THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISH GOVERNESS</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="left"></td><td align="left"><span style="color: #800000;">RESIDING IN PARIS DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION</span></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="right">XX.</td><td align="left"><SPAN href="#XX">FROM THE DIARY OF HAMLET, PRINCE OF DENMARK,</SPAN></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="left"></td><td align="left"><span style="color: #800000;">DURING HIS STAY AT ENGLAND, WHITHER HE WAS SENT</span></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="left"></td><td align="left"><span style="color: #800000;">TO STUDY AT THE UNIVERSITY AT OXFORD, UNDER</span></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"></td><td align="left"></td><td align="left"><span style="color: #800000;">THE SPECIAL CARE OF POLONIUS</span></td></tr> </table></div> <hr class="full" /> <h4><SPAN name="I" id="I">I.</SPAN></h4> <h3>FROM THE DIARY OF SMITH MINOR</h3> <p><br/> <span style="margin-left: 75%;">ST JAMES'S SCHOOL,</span><br/> <span style="margin-left: 80%;"><i>September</i>, 1884.</span><br/></p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;Yesterday afternoon was a half-holiday we were playing prisoners base exept four boys who were gardening with Mrs Wickham. Peel hit Bell by mistake with all his force with the pic-axe on Bell's wrist.</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;Last night their was a total eclipse of the moon. We all stayed up to see it, it looked very funny. There was a shadow right over the moon. We began football yesterday. At tea the Head asked if any one had eaten chesnuts in the garden. Simes major said yes at once. Then the Head said he was sure others had too. Then Wilson stood up and after a time 7 chaps stood up. Then the Head said it would be the worse for those who didn't stand up as he knew who the culprets were. I hadn't eaten any but Anderson had given me a piece off his knife so I stood up two. The Head said we should all have two hours extra work. He was very waxy he said we were unreliabel.</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;Yesterday we were all photografed. Simes laughed and was sent to bed for misbehavier. Pork's people came down yesterday. We call Pork Hogg because he's dirty. He showed them over the school, and turned on the electrik light. The Head was looking through the curtain in the library and saw this. When his people went away Hogg was sent for and he is to be swished to-morrow. We told him he would get it hot and he blubbed.</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;We went for the choir expedition last Thursday. It was <i>great fun.</i> We went to London by the 8.35 train. We missed the train!! So we went by the 8.53. We got to London at 10.15. We then went to the mint we first saw the silver melted and made into thick tablets, then we saw it rolled out into thin bits then cut stamped and weighed then we had a very good luncheon and went to the Tower. We first saw the Bloody Tower were the little Princes were murdered then we saw the jewels the warder said the Queen's crown was worth over £1,000,000 then we saw the armory and the torture's, then we went to Madame Tussaus it is quite a large building now with a large stairkes then we had tea and went home.</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;I said to Anderson that we might start an aquarium but he said Ferguson had one last term and that it would be copying, he said he hates copying. So we'll have a menagery instead with lizards.</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;The lizard is very well indeed and has eat a lot of worms. White cheeked Jones ma and Mac said they must fight it out in the play-room in the hour. They fought with gloves. White gave him a bloody nose. We had a very good game of football yesterday. Williams and Pierce which left last term came from Eton to play. Pierce changed in my room. He says you don't say squit at Eton and you say Metutors not My tutors. The fireworks are in a week.</p> <p><i>Saturday</i>.&mdash;There was no work this morning as it was "All Saints day." There was a football matsh against another scool&mdash;Reynolds'. We won by three goals and three tries.</p> <p>There was an awful row on Wednesday. Anderson cut off a piece of his hair. Mac nabbed it, and he said he hadn't as he was afraid of the consequenses. Then a search was made and they fond a piece of hair in his drawer. Mac told him he would find himself in Queer Street and Colly said when he was writing home on Sunday that he had better add that he was a liar. Nothing hapened till Monday and Anderson thought it was forgoten but at reading over when the 3nd Div came up the Head said: "Anderson I am astounded at you; you are a shufler and worse." He lost 50 marks and was swished. He would get 20 the head said if he did it again and he would be turned out of the choir.</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;When Colly was out of the room in Set 3 this morning Mason said he wouldn't sneak about me talking if I didn't sneak about him so I talked. When Colly came back Mason sneaked, Please sir will you ask Smith not to talk. I had to stand on the stool of penitence. We are going to put Mason in Coventry because he always sneaks just after he has sworn he won't. Last night we all had to play our pieces in the Drawing Room. I played a duet with Wilson mi. Astley played best. When everybody had played their pieces we had ginger beer and biscuits and went to bed. Fish played worst (on the violin).</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;We had fireworks on the 5th romman candles rockets crackers squibs and a set piece with God Save the Queen on it. They came from Broks who makes the fireworks at the Crystal palace we burnt a man in effigee a man with collars and an axe. The Head said he wouldn't say who it was meant to be but that all true Englishmen who were not traiters could guess. Rowley said it was meant to be Mister Gladstone but he only said this to get a rise out of Pork whose paters a liberal. It was reelly Guy Fawks then Pork said Anderson's father was a liberal too and Anderson hit him in the eye. The Head hates liberals.</p> <p>There was another row this week; Christy said something to Broadwood at breakfast that the poridge was mighty good. That was copying Anderson who learnt it from his mater who is a Yankee. Mac asked him what he'd said. He said he'd said the porridge was good. Mac asked Is that all you've said. Christy got very red and looked as if he was going to blub and said that was all. Very well said Mac Come afterwards. Mac reported him for telling bungs. He wasn't swished as its his first term: but Mac told him he was making himself very unpopular.</p> <p>On Tuesday Fatty the butler came into the 3rd Div scoolroom with a message. Some one said in a wisper Hullo Fatty. Mac nabbed it and said who said that nobody answered then Mac said he knew it was Middleton mi as he had recognised his voice Middleton swore he hadn't said a word but he was reported and swished he still swears he didn't say Fatty and I believe it was Pork. The other day at French Campbell went up to Colly and asked him what was wrong with les tables it had a pencil cross on it. Colly said that when he'd corrected it there was no S there. Campbell swore their was. Colly held the paper to the window and said he saw the ink of the S was fresh, then Christy began to blub and said he had done it and Colly said it was a for jerry and wrote forjer in white chalk on his back and said he would tell the chaps in the first Div but he didn't report him to the Head which was awfully decent of him becaus Christy is a new chap.</p> <p><i>Sunday</i>.&mdash;Trials are nearly over. We had Latin G and Greek G paper yesterday (set by the Head). There are only two more papers geography and Latin verse. The Consert is on Saturday. Pork's sister is called Jane!! Campbell saw it on the seel of a letter he got. His people were coming for the Consert but he's written to tell them not to as we told him the Head thought liberals worse than thieves.</p> <hr class="chap" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />