<p><SPAN name="chap05"></SPAN></p>
<h3> CHAPTER 5 </h3>
<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>hether Mr Quilp took any sleep by snatches of a few winks at a time, or
whether he sat with his eyes wide open all night long, certain it is that
he kept his cigar alight, and kindled every fresh one from the ashes of
that which was nearly consumed, without requiring the assistance of a
candle. Nor did the striking of the clocks, hour after hour, appear to
inspire him with any sense of drowsiness or any natural desire to go to
rest, but rather to increase his wakefulness, which he showed, at every
such indication of the progress of the night, by a suppressed cackling in
his throat, and a motion of his shoulders, like one who laughs heartily
but the same time slyly and by stealth.</p>
<p>At length the day broke, and poor Mrs Quilp, shivering with cold of early
morning and harassed by fatigue and want of sleep, was discovered sitting
patiently on her chair, raising her eyes at intervals in mute appeal to
the compassion and clemency of her lord, and gently reminding him by an
occasion cough that she was still unpardoned and that her penance had been
of long duration. But her dwarfish spouse still smoked his cigar and drank
his rum without heeding her; and it was not until the sun had some time
risen, and the activity and noise of city day were rife in the street,
that he deigned to recognize her presence by any word or sign. He might
not have done so even then, but for certain impatient tapping at the door
he seemed to denote that some pretty hard knuckles were actively engaged
upon the other side.</p>
<p>‘Why dear me!’ he said looking round with a malicious grin, ‘it’s day.
Open the door, sweet Mrs Quilp!’</p>
<p>His obedient wife withdrew the bolt, and her lady mother entered.</p>
<p>Now, Mrs Jiniwin bounced into the room with great impetuosity; for,
supposing her son-in-law to be still a-bed, she had come to relieve her
feelings by pronouncing a strong opinion upon his general conduct and
character. Seeing that he was up and dressed, and that the room appeared
to have been occupied ever since she quitted it on the previous evening,
she stopped short, in some embarrassment.</p>
<p>Nothing escaped the hawk’s eye of the ugly little man, who, perfectly
understanding what passed in the old lady’s mind, turned uglier still in
the fulness of his satisfaction, and bade her good morning, with a leer or
triumph.</p>
<p>‘Why, Betsy,’ said the old woman, ‘you haven’t been—you don’t mean
to say you’ve been a—’</p>
<p>‘Sitting up all night?’ said Quilp, supplying the conclusion of the
sentence. ‘Yes she has!’</p>
<p>‘All night?’ cried Mrs Jiniwin.</p>
<p>‘Ay, all night. Is the dear old lady deaf?’ said Quilp, with a smile of
which a frown was part. ‘Who says man and wife are bad company? Ha ha! The
time has flown.’</p>
<p>‘You’re a brute!’ exclaimed Mrs Jiniwin.</p>
<p>‘Come come,’ said Quilp, wilfully misunderstanding her, of course, ‘you
mustn’t call her names. She’s married now, you know. And though she did
beguile the time and keep me from my bed, you must not be so tenderly
careful of me as to be out of humour with her. Bless you for a dear old
lady. Here’s to your health!’</p>
<p>‘I am much obliged to you,’ returned the old woman, testifying by a
certain restlessness in her hands a vehement desire to shake her matronly
fist at her son-in-law. ‘Oh! I’m very much obliged to you!’</p>
<p>‘Grateful soul!’ cried the dwarf. ‘Mrs Quilp.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Quilp,’ said the timid sufferer.</p>
<p>‘Help your mother to get breakfast, Mrs Quilp. I am going to the wharf
this morning—the earlier the better, so be quick.’</p>
<p>Mrs Jiniwin made a faint demonstration of rebellion by sitting down in a
chair near the door and folding her arms as if in a resolute determination
to do nothing. But a few whispered words from her daughter, and a kind
inquiry from her son-in-law whether she felt faint, with a hint that there
was abundance of cold water in the next apartment, routed these symptoms
effectually, and she applied herself to the prescribed preparations with
sullen diligence.</p>
<p>While they were in progress, Mr Quilp withdrew to the adjoining room, and,
turning back his coat-collar, proceeded to smear his countenance with a
damp towel of very unwholesome appearance, which made his complexion
rather more cloudy than it was before. But, while he was thus engaged, his
caution and inquisitiveness did not forsake him, for with a face as sharp
and cunning as ever, he often stopped, even in this short process, and
stood listening for any conversation in the next room, of which he might
be the theme.</p>
<p>‘Ah!’ he said after a short effort of attention, ‘it was not the towel
over my ears, I thought it wasn’t. I’m a little hunchy villain and a
monster, am I, Mrs Jiniwin? Oh!’</p>
<p>The pleasure of this discovery called up the old doglike smile in full
force. When he had quite done with it, he shook himself in a very doglike
manner, and rejoined the ladies.</p>
<p>Mr Quilp now walked up to front of a looking-glass, and was standing there
putting on his neckerchief, when Mrs Jiniwin happening to be behind him,
could not resist the inclination she felt to shake her fist at her tyrant
son-in-law. It was the gesture of an instant, but as she did so and
accompanied the action with a menacing look, she met his eye in the glass,
catching her in the very act. The same glance at the mirror conveyed to
her the reflection of a horribly grotesque and distorted face with the
tongue lolling out; and the next instant the dwarf, turning about with a
perfectly bland and placid look, inquired in a tone of great affection.</p>
<p>‘How are you now, my dear old darling?’</p>
<p>Slight and ridiculous as the incident was, it made him appear such a
little fiend, and withal such a keen and knowing one, that the old woman
felt too much afraid of him to utter a single word, and suffered herself
to be led with extraordinary politeness to the breakfast-table. Here he by
no means diminished the impression he had just produced, for he ate hard
eggs, shell and all, devoured gigantic prawns with the heads and tails on,
chewed tobacco and water-cresses at the same time and with extraordinary
greediness, drank boiling tea without winking, bit his fork and spoon till
they bent again, and in short performed so many horrifying and uncommon
acts that the women were nearly frightened out of their wits, and began to
doubt if he were really a human creature. At last, having gone through
these proceedings and many others which were equally a part of his system,
Mr Quilp left them, reduced to a very obedient and humbled state, and
betook himself to the river-side, where he took boat for the wharf on
which he had bestowed his name.</p>
<p>It was flood tide when Daniel Quilp sat himself down in the ferry to cross
to the opposite shore. A fleet of barges were coming lazily on, some
sideways, some head first, some stern first; all in a wrong-headed,
dogged, obstinate way, bumping up against the larger craft, running under
the bows of steamboats, getting into every kind of nook and corner where
they had no business, and being crunched on all sides like so many
walnut-shells; while each with its pair of long sweeps struggling and
splashing in the water looked like some lumbering fish in pain. In some of
the vessels at anchor all hands were busily engaged in coiling ropes,
spreading out sails to dry, taking in or discharging their cargoes; in
others no life was visible but two or three tarry boys, and perhaps a
barking dog running to and fro upon the deck or scrambling up to look over
the side and bark the louder for the view. Coming slowly on through the
forests of masts was a great steamship, beating the water in short
impatient strokes with her heavy paddles as though she wanted room to
breathe, and advancing in her huge bulk like a sea monster among the
minnows of the Thames. On either hand were long black tiers of colliers;
between them vessels slowly working out of harbour with sails glistening
in the sun, and creaking noise on board, re-echoed from a hundred
quarters. The water and all upon it was in active motion, dancing and
buoyant and bubbling up; while the old grey Tower and piles of building on
the shore, with many a church-spire shooting up between, looked coldly on,
and seemed to disdain their chafing, restless neighbour.</p>
<p>Daniel Quilp, who was not much affected by a bright morning save in so far
as it spared him the trouble of carrying an umbrella, caused himself to be
put ashore hard by the wharf, and proceeded thither through a narrow lane
which, partaking of the amphibious character of its frequenters, had as
much water as mud in its composition, and a very liberal supply of both.
Arrived at his destination, the first object that presented itself to his
view was a pair of very imperfectly shod feet elevated in the air with the
soles upwards, which remarkable appearance was referable to the boy, who
being of an eccentric spirit and having a natural taste for tumbling, was
now standing on his head and contemplating the aspect of the river under
these uncommon circumstances. He was speedily brought on his heels by the
sound of his master’s voice, and as soon as his head was in its right
position, Mr Quilp, to speak expressively in the absence of a better verb,
‘punched it’ for him.</p>
<p>‘Come, you let me alone,’ said the boy, parrying Quilp’s hand with both
his elbows alternatively. ‘You’ll get something you won’t like if you
don’t and so I tell you.’</p>
<p>‘You dog,’ snarled Quilp, ‘I’ll beat you with an iron rod, I’ll scratch
you with a rusty nail, I’ll pinch your eyes, if you talk to me—I
will.’</p>
<p>With these threats he clenched his hand again, and dexterously diving in
between the elbows and catching the boy’s head as it dodged from side to
side, gave it three or four good hard knocks. Having now carried his point
and insisted on it, he left off.</p>
<p>‘You won’t do it agin,’ said the boy, nodding his head and drawing back,
with the elbows ready in case of the worst; ‘now—’</p>
<p>‘Stand still, you dog,’ said Quilp. ‘I won’t do it again, because I’ve
done it as often as I want. Here. Take the key.’</p>
<p>‘Why don’t you hit one of your size?’ said the boy approaching very
slowly.</p>
<p>‘Where is there one of my size, you dog?’ returned Quilp. ‘Take the key,
or I’ll brain you with it’—indeed he gave him a smart tap with the
handle as he spoke. ‘Now, open the counting-house.’</p>
<p>The boy sulkily complied, muttering at first, but desisting when he looked
round and saw that Quilp was following him with a steady look. And here it
may be remarked, that between this boy and the dwarf there existed a
strange kind of mutual liking. How born or bred, and or nourished upon
blows and threats on one side, and retorts and defiances on the other, is
not to the purpose. Quilp would certainly suffer nobody to contract him
but the boy, and the boy would assuredly not have submitted to be so
knocked about by anybody but Quilp, when he had the power to run away at
any time he chose.</p>
<p>‘Now,’ said Quilp, passing into the wooden counting-house, ‘you mind the
wharf. Stand upon your head agin, and I’ll cut one of your feet off.’</p>
<p>The boy made no answer, but directly Quilp had shut himself in, stood on
his head before the door, then walked on his hands to the back and stood
on his head there, and then to the opposite side and repeated the
performance. There were indeed four sides to the counting-house, but he
avoided that one where the window was, deeming it probable that Quilp
would be looking out of it. This was prudent, for in point of fact, the
dwarf, knowing his disposition, was lying in wait at a little distance
from the sash armed with a large piece of wood, which, being rough and
jagged and studded in many parts with broken nails, might possibly have
hurt him.</p>
<p>It was a dirty little box, this counting-house, with nothing in it but an
old ricketty desk and two stools, a hat-peg, an ancient almanack, an
inkstand with no ink, and the stump of one pen, and an eight-day clock
which hadn’t gone for eighteen years at least, and of which the
minute-hand had been twisted off for a tooth-pick. Daniel Quilp pulled his
hat over his brows, climbed on to the desk (which had a flat top) and
stretching his short length upon it went to sleep with ease of an old
practitioner; intending, no doubt, to compensate himself for the
deprivation of last night’s rest, by a long and sound nap.</p>
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<h5>
<SPAN href="images/0053.jpg" style="width:100%;" ><i>Original</i></SPAN>
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<p>Sound it might have been, but long it was not, for he had not been asleep
a quarter of an hour when the boy opened the door and thrust in his head,
which was like a bundle of badly-picked oakum. Quilp was a light sleeper
and started up directly.</p>
<p>‘Here’s somebody for you,’ said the boy.</p>
<p>‘Who?’</p>
<p>‘I don’t know.’</p>
<p>‘Ask!’ said Quilp, seizing the trifle of wood before mentioned and
throwing it at him with such dexterity that it was well the boy
disappeared before it reached the spot on which he had stood. ‘Ask, you
dog.’</p>
<p>Not caring to venture within range of such missles again, the boy
discreetly sent in his stead the first cause of the interruption, who now
presented herself at the door.</p>
<p>‘What, Nelly!’ cried Quilp.</p>
<p>‘Yes,’ said the child, hesitating whether to enter or retreat, for the
dwarf just roused, with his dishevelled hair hanging all about him and a
yellow handkerchief over his head, was something fearful to behold; it’s
only me, sir.’</p>
<p>‘Come in,’ said Quilp, without getting off the desk. ‘Come in. Stay. Just
look out into the yard, and see whether there’s a boy standing on his
head.’</p>
<p>‘No, sir,’ replied Nell. ‘He’s on his feet.’</p>
<p>‘You’re sure he is?’ said Quilp. ‘Well. Now, come in and shut the door.
What’s your message, Nelly?’</p>
<p>The child handed him a letter. Mr Quilp, without changing his position
further than to turn over a little more on his side and rest his chin on
his hand, proceeded to make himself acquainted with its contents.</p>
<div class="fig"> <ANTIMG src="images/0054m.jpg" style="width:100%;" alt="0054m " /><br/></div>
<h5>
<SPAN href="images/0054.jpg" style="width:100%;" ><i>Original</i></SPAN>
</h5>
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