<h2><SPAN name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></SPAN>CHAPTER I</h2>
<h3>JOHN COMES HOME</h3>
<h4>1</h4>
<p>In a green late April evening, among the dusky pine shadows, Alix drew
Percival Briggs. Percival stood with his small cleft chin lifted
truculently, small blue eyes deep under fair, frowning brows, one
scratched brown leg bare to the knee, dirty hands thrust into torn
pockets. He was the worst little boy in the wood, and had been till six
months ago the worst little boy in the Sunday-school class of Alix's
cousin Dorothy. He had not been converted six months ago, but Dorothy,
like so many, had renounced Sunday-school to work in a V.A.D. hospital.</p>
<p>Alix, who was drawing Percival, worked neither in a Sunday-school nor in
a hospital. She only drew. She drew till the green light became green
gloom, lit by a golden star that peered down between the pines. She had
a pale, narrow, delicate, irregular sort of face, broad-browed, with a
queer, cynical, ironic touch to it, and purple-blue eyes that sometimes
opened very wide and sometimes narrowed into slits. When they narrowed
she looked as from behind a visor, critical, defensive, or amused; when
they opened wide she looked singularly unguarded, as if the bars were up
and she, unprotected, might receive the enemy's point straight and
clean. Behind her, on the wood path, was a small donkey between the
shafts of a small cart. A rough yellow dog scratched and sniffed and
explored among the roots of the trees.</p>
<p>Alix said to Percival, 'That will do, thank you. Here you are,' and
fished out sixpence in coppers from her pocket, and he clutched and
gripped them in a small retentive fist.</p>
<p>Alix, who was rather lame, put her stool and easel and charcoal into the
cart, got in herself, beat the donkey, and ambled on along the path,
followed by the yellow dog.</p>
<p>The evening was dim and green, and smelt of pines. The donkey trotted
past cottage gardens, and they were sweet with wallflowers. More stars
came out and peered down through the tree-tops. Alix whistled softly, a
queer little Polish tune, indeterminate, sad and gay.</p>
<h4>2</h4>
<p>Two miles up the path a side-track led off from it, and this the
donkey-cart took, till it fetched up in a little yard. Alix climbed out,
unharnessed the donkey, put him to bed in a shed, collected her
belongings, and limped out of the yard, leaning a little on the
ivory-topped stick she carried. She had had a diseased hip-joint as a
child, which had left her right leg slightly contracted.</p>
<p>She came round into a garden. It smelt of wallflowers and the other
things which flower at the end of April; and, underneath all these, of
pines. The pine-woods came close up to the garden's edge, crowding and
humming like bees. Pine-needles strewed the lawn. The tennis-lawn, it
was most summers; but this summer one didn't play tennis, one was too
busy. So the lawn was set with croquet hoops, a wretched game, but one
which wounded soldiers can play. Dorothy used to bring them over from
the hospital to spend the afternoon.</p>
<p>An oblong of light lay across the lawn. It came from the drawing-room
window, which ought, of course, to have been blinded against hostile
aircraft. Alix, standing in the garden, saw inside. She saw Dorothy,
just in from the hospital, still in her V.A.D. dress. The light shone on
her fair wavy hair and fair pretty face. Not even a stiff linen collar
could make Dorothy plain. Margot was there too, in the khaki uniform of
the Women's Volunteer Reserve; she had just come in from drilling. She
usually worked at the Woolwich canteen in the evenings, but had this
evening off, because of John. She was making sand-bags. Their mother,
Alix's aunt Eleanor, was pinning tickets on clothes for Belgians. She
was tall and handsome, and like Alix's mother, only so different, and
she was secretary of the local Belgian Committee (as of many other
committees, local and otherwise). She often wore a little worried frown,
and was growing rather thin, on account of the habits of this
unfortunate and scattered people. One of them had been their guest since
November; she was in the drawing-room now, a plump, dark-eyed girl,
knitting placidly and with the immense rapidity noticeable on the
Continent, and not to be emulated by islanders without exhaustion.</p>
<p>Alix's uncle Gerald (a special constable, which was why he need not
bother about his blinds much) stood by the small fire (they were
wholesome people, and not frowsty) with an evening paper, but he was not
reading it, he was talking to John.</p>
<p>For among them, the centre of the family, was John; John wounded and
just out of hospital and home on a month's sick-leave; John with a red
scar from his square jaw to his square forehead, stammering as he talked
because the nerves of his tongue had been damaged. Alix, watching from
the garden, saw the queer way his throat worked, struggling with some
word.</p>
<p>They were asking John questions, of course. Sensible questions, too;
they were sensible people. They knew that the conduct of this campaign
was not in John's hands, and that he did not know so much more about it
than they did.</p>
<p>The room, with its group of busy, attractive, efficient people, seemed
to the watcher in the dark piny garden full of intelligence and war and
softly shaded electric light. Alix narrowed her eyes against it and
thought it would be paintable.</p>
<h4>3</h4>
<p>The dark round eyes of the Belgian girl, looking out through the window,
met hers. She laughed and waved her knitting. She took Alix always as a
huge joke. Alix had from the first taken care that she should, since the
moment when Mademoiselle Verstigel had arrived, fluent with tales from
Antwerp. It is a safe axiom that those who play the clown do not get
confidences.</p>
<p>The others looked out at her too when Mademoiselle Verstigel waved. They
called out 'Hullo, Alix! How late you are. John's been here two hours.
Come along.'</p>
<p>Alix limped up the steps and in at the French window, where she stood
and blinked, the light on her pale, pointed face and narrowed eyes. John
rose to meet her, and she gave him her hand and her crooked smile.</p>
<p>'You're all right now, aren't you?' she said, and John, an accurate
person, said, 'Very nearly,' while his mother returned, 'I'm afraid he's
a long way from all right yet.'</p>
<p>'Isn't it funny, it makes him stammer,' said Dorothy, who was
professionally interested in wounds. 'But he's getting quite nice and
fat again.'</p>
<p>'N-not so fat as I was when I got hit,' said John. 'The trenches are the
best flesh-producing ground known; high living and plain thinking and no
exercise. The only people who are getting thin out there are the
stretcher-bearers, who have to carry burdens, the Commander-in-chief,
who has to think, the newspaper men, who have to write when there's
nothing to say, and the chaplains, who have to chaplain. I met old
Lennard of Cats, walking about Armentières in February, and I thought he
was the Bishop of Zanzibar, he'd gone so lean. When last I'd seen him he
was rolling down King's Parade arm-in-arm with Chesterton, and I
couldn't get by. It was an awfully sad change.... By the way, <i>you</i> all
look thinner.'</p>
<p>'Well, we're not in the trenches,' said Margot. 'We're leading busy and
useful lives, full of war activities. Besides, our food costs us more.
But Dorothy and I are fairly hefty still. It's mother who's dwining; and
Alix, though she's such a lazy little beggar. Alix is hopeless; she does
nothing but draw and paint. She could earn something on the stage as the
Special Star Turn, the Girl who isn't doing her bit. She doesn't so much
as knit a body-belt or draw the window-curtains against Zepps.'</p>
<p>Alix looked round from the window to stick out the tip of her tongue at
Margot.</p>
<p>'Mais elle est boiteuse, la pauvre petite,' put in the Belgian girl,
with the literalness that makes this people a little <i>difficile</i> in home
life. 'What can she do?'</p>
<p>Alix giggled in her corner. Margot said, 'All right, Mademoiselle, we
were only ragging. There's the post.' She went out to fetch it. Margot
was a good girl, but, like so many others, tired of Belgians, though
this Belgian was a nice one, as strangers in a foreign land go. Alix
hated and feared her whole nation; they had been through altogether too
much.</p>
<p>Margot came back with the letters.</p>
<p>'Betty and Terry,' she said, with satisfaction. 'Betty's is for me and
Terry's for you, mother.' (Terry was in France, Betty driving an
ambulance car in Flanders.) 'Two for you, Alix.'</p>
<p>Alix took hers, which were both marked 'On Active Service,' and put them
in her pocket. Simultaneously her aunt Eleanor began to read Terry's
aloud (it was about flies, and bread and jam, and birds, and some music
he had made and was sending home to be kept safe) and Margot began to
read extracts from Betty's (about nails, and bad roads, and different
kinds of shells, and people) and Uncle Gerald read bits out of the paper
(about Hill 60, and Hartmannsweilerkopf, and Sedd el Bahr, and the <i>Leon
Gambetta</i>, and liquor, and Mr. Lloyd George).</p>
<h4>4</h4>
<p>Alix slipped out at the window and limped round to the side door and
into the house and upstairs to the schoolroom, which she was allowed to
use as a studio. It was littered with things of hers: easels, chalks,
paints, piles of finished and unfinished drawings and paintings. Some
hung on the walls: some of hers and some by the writer of the letter she
took out to read. He painted better than she did, but drew worse—or
had, in the long-ago days when persons of his age and sex were drawing
and painting at all.</p>
<p>Alix read the letter. It was headed obscurely with an R, some little
figures of men, and two weeping eyes, which was where the writer was for
the moment stationed. Every now and then a phrase or sentence was
erased. The writer, apparently a man of honour, had censored it himself.
His honour had not carried him so quixotically far as to erase the
hieroglyphics at the head of the paper.</p>
<p>It said:—</p>
<blockquote><p>'<span class="smcap">Dear Alix</span>,—Since I last wrote we've been moved some miles; I
mustn't, of course, indicate where to. It is nice country—less
flat than the other place, and jolly distant ridges,
transparent blue and lavender coloured. I'll do a sketch when
we get into billets at the end of the week. My company is in
the trenches now; commodious trenches they are, the best in the
line, but rather too near the people opposite for
comfort—they're such noisy lunatics. It's eight o'clock now,
and they've begun their evening hate; they do a bit every
evening. The only creature they've strafed to-night yet is a
brown rat, whom we none of us grudge them. It's interesting the
different noises the shells make coming; you can nearly always
tell what kind they are. If I was musical I'd make a symphony
out of them. I should think your cousin Terry Orme could. Some
of them scream, thin and peevishly, like a baby fretting; some
howl like a hyena, some mew like a kitten. Then there's Lloyd
George's Special, which says "Lloyd-Lloyd-Lloyd-Lloyd," and
then all the men shout "<i>George</i>."' (A page of further
discursion on shells, too technical for reproduction here.
Then, resumed next morning,) 'I'm fairly sleepy this morning;
we had to stand to from two to six A.M., expecting an attack
which never came off. I wish it had, it would have been a way
to get warm. We've had poor luck to-night; the Tommy who was
sent over the top to look at the wire was made into a French
landlord, and our sergeant-major stopped one with his head,
silly ass, he was simply asking for it. It's my belief he was
trying to get back to Blighty, but I hope they won't send him
further than the base. You would like to see the dawn coming
over this queer country, grey and cold and misty. I watched it
through my peri for an hour. The Boches lay perdu in their
trenches mostly, but sometimes you'd see one looming over his
parapet through the mist. I want some tea now more than most
things. You might write soon. You never answered my last, so
it's generous of me to be writing again. How's every one at the
School, and how's life and work? Your enemies the Ruski seem to
be in a tight place, don't they?—Yours,</p>
<p>'<span class="smcap">Basil Doye</span>.'</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Alix read this letter rather quickly. It bored her. It concerned the
things she least preferred to hear about. That was, of course, the worst
of letters from the front. Life at Wood End, as at other homes, was full
of letters from the front. They seemed to Alix like bullets and bits of
shrapnel crashing into her world, with their various tunes. She might,
from her nervous frown, have been afraid of 'stopping one.' She twisted
up the letter into a hard ball with her thin, double-jointed fingers, as
she stared, frowning, at a painting on the wall. The painting was of a
grey-green pond, floored with a thin, weedy scum. A hole-riddled,
battered old tin rode in the middle of it; reeds stood very quietly
round; a broken boot was half sunk in the mud among them. Over it all
brooded and slept a heavy June noon. It was well painted; Alix thought
it the best thing Basil Doye had ever done. They had spent an afternoon
by the pond in June 1914; Alix remembered it vividly—the sleepy,
brooding silence, the heavy fragrance of the hawthorn, the scum-green
pond, the tin and the boot, the suggestion of haunting that they had
talked of at the time and that Basil had got rather successfully into
his picture afterwards. Those were curious days, those old days before
August 1914; or rather it was the days ever since that were curious and
like a nightmare. Before that life was of a reality, a sanity, an
enduringness, a beauty. It still was, only it was choked and confused by
the unspeakable things that every one thought mattered so much, but
which were really evil dreams, to be thrown off impatiently. Underneath
them all the time the real things, the enduring things—green ponds,
music, moonlight, loveliness—ran like a choked stream....</p>
<p>Alix read her other letter, which was from her young brother Paul, and
also written in a trench. The chief thing she thought about this was
that Paul's handwriting was even worse than usual. He wrote in pencil on
a very small piece of paper, and scrawled up and down wildly. He might
have been twelve instead of eighteen and a half. Paul was rather a
brilliant boy. When the war broke out he had been a distinguished head
of his school, and had just obtained a particularly satisfactory Oxford
scholarship. His letters, since he went to the front in March, had been
increasingly poor in quality and quantity. It made Alix angry that he
should be out there. She thought it no place for children, and, as
Paul's elder by nearly seven years, she knew all about his nerves.</p>
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