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<h2> CHAPTER XVIII </h2>
<p>Rostov had been ordered to look for Kutuzov and the Emperor near the
village of Pratzen. But neither they nor a single commanding officer were
there, only disorganized crowds of troops of various kinds. He urged on
his already weary horse to get quickly past these crowds, but the farther
he went the more disorganized they were. The highroad on which he had come
out was thronged with caleches, carriages of all sorts, and Russian and
Austrian soldiers of all arms, some wounded and some not. This whole mass
droned and jostled in confusion under the dismal influence of cannon balls
flying from the French batteries stationed on the Pratzen Heights.</p>
<p>"Where is the Emperor? Where is Kutuzov?" Rostov kept asking everyone he
could stop, but got no answer from anyone.</p>
<p>At last seizing a soldier by his collar he forced him to answer.</p>
<p>"Eh, brother! They've all bolted long ago!" said the soldier, laughing for
some reason and shaking himself free.</p>
<p>Having left that soldier who was evidently drunk, Rostov stopped the horse
of a batman or groom of some important personage and began to question
him. The man announced that the Tsar had been driven in a carriage at full
speed about an hour before along that very road and that he was
dangerously wounded.</p>
<p>"It can't be!" said Rostov. "It must have been someone else."</p>
<p>"I saw him myself," replied the man with a self-confident smile of
derision. "I ought to know the Emperor by now, after the times I've seen
him in Petersburg. I saw him just as I see you.... There he sat in the
carriage as pale as anything. How they made the four black horses fly!
Gracious me, they did rattle past! It's time I knew the Imperial horses
and Ilya Ivanych. I don't think Ilya drives anyone except the Tsar!"</p>
<p>Rostov let go of the horse and was about to ride on, when a wounded
officer passing by addressed him:</p>
<p>"Who is it you want?" he asked. "The commander in chief? He was killed by
a cannon ball—struck in the breast before our regiment."</p>
<p>"Not killed—wounded!" another officer corrected him.</p>
<p>"Who? Kutuzov?" asked Rostov.</p>
<p>"Not Kutuzov, but what's his name—well, never mind... there are not
many left alive. Go that way, to that village, all the commanders are
there," said the officer, pointing to the village of Hosjeradek, and he
walked on.</p>
<p>Rostov rode on at a footpace not knowing why or to whom he was now going.
The Emperor was wounded, the battle lost. It was impossible to doubt it
now. Rostov rode in the direction pointed out to him, in which he saw
turrets and a church. What need to hurry? What was he now to say to the
Tsar or to Kutuzov, even if they were alive and unwounded?</p>
<p>"Take this road, your honor, that way you will be killed at once!" a
soldier shouted to him. "They'd kill you there!"</p>
<p>"Oh, what are you talking about?" said another. "Where is he to go? That
way is nearer."</p>
<p>Rostov considered, and then went in the direction where they said he would
be killed.</p>
<p>"It's all the same now. If the Emperor is wounded, am I to try to save
myself?" he thought. He rode on to the region where the greatest number of
men had perished in fleeing from Pratzen. The French had not yet occupied
that region, and the Russians—the uninjured and slightly wounded—had
left it long ago. All about the field, like heaps of manure on well-kept
plowland, lay from ten to fifteen dead and wounded to each couple of
acres. The wounded crept together in twos and threes and one could hear
their distressing screams and groans, sometimes feigned—or so it
seemed to Rostov. He put his horse to a trot to avoid seeing all these
suffering men, and he felt afraid—afraid not for his life, but for
the courage he needed and which he knew would not stand the sight of these
unfortunates.</p>
<p>The French, who had ceased firing at this field strewn with dead and
wounded where there was no one left to fire at, on seeing an adjutant
riding over it trained a gun on him and fired several shots. The sensation
of those terrible whistling sounds and of the corpses around him merged in
Rostov's mind into a single feeling of terror and pity for himself. He
remembered his mother's last letter. "What would she feel," thought he,
"if she saw me here now on this field with the cannon aimed at me?"</p>
<p>In the village of Hosjeradek there were Russian troops retiring from the
field of battle, who though still in some confusion were less disordered.
The French cannon did not reach there and the musketry fire sounded far
away. Here everyone clearly saw and said that the battle was lost. No one
whom Rostov asked could tell him where the Emperor or Kutuzov was. Some
said the report that the Emperor was wounded was correct, others that it
was not, and explained the false rumor that had spread by the fact that
the Emperor's carriage had really galloped from the field of battle with
the pale and terrified Ober-Hofmarschal Count Tolstoy, who had ridden out
to the battlefield with others in the Emperor's suite. One officer told
Rostov that he had seen someone from headquarters behind the village to
the left, and thither Rostov rode, not hoping to find anyone but merely to
ease his conscience. When he had ridden about two miles and had passed the
last of the Russian troops, he saw, near a kitchen garden with a ditch
round it, two men on horseback facing the ditch. One with a white plume in
his hat seemed familiar to Rostov; the other on a beautiful chestnut horse
(which Rostov fancied he had seen before) rode up to the ditch, struck his
horse with his spurs, and giving it the rein leaped lightly over. Only a
little earth crumbled from the bank under the horse's hind hoofs. Turning
the horse sharply, he again jumped the ditch, and deferentially addressed
the horseman with the white plumes, evidently suggesting that he should do
the same. The rider, whose figure seemed familiar to Rostov and
involuntarily riveted his attention, made a gesture of refusal with his
head and hand and by that gesture Rostov instantly recognized his lamented
and adored monarch.</p>
<p>"But it can't be he, alone in the midst of this empty field!" thought
Rostov. At that moment Alexander turned his head and Rostov saw the
beloved features that were so deeply engraved on his memory. The Emperor
was pale, his cheeks sunken and his eyes hollow, but the charm, the
mildness of his features, was all the greater. Rostov was happy in the
assurance that the rumors about the Emperor being wounded were false. He
was happy to be seeing him. He knew that he might and even ought to go
straight to him and give the message Dolgorukov had ordered him to
deliver.</p>
<p>But as a youth in love trembles, is unnerved, and dares not utter the
thoughts he has dreamed of for nights, but looks around for help or a
chance of delay and flight when the longed-for moment comes and he is
alone with her, so Rostov, now that he had attained what he had longed for
more than anything else in the world, did not know how to approach the
Emperor, and a thousand reasons occurred to him why it would be
inconvenient, unseemly, and impossible to do so.</p>
<p>"What! It is as if I were glad of a chance to take advantage of his being
alone and despondent! A strange face may seem unpleasant or painful to him
at this moment of sorrow; besides, what can I say to him now, when my
heart fails me and my mouth feels dry at the mere sight of him?" Not one
of the innumerable speeches addressed to the Emperor that he had composed
in his imagination could he now recall. Those speeches were intended for
quite other conditions, they were for the most part to be spoken at a
moment of victory and triumph, generally when he was dying of wounds and
the sovereign had thanked him for heroic deeds, and while dying he
expressed the love his actions had proved.</p>
<p>"Besides how can I ask the Emperor for his instructions for the right
flank now that it is nearly four o'clock and the battle is lost? No,
certainly I must not approach him, I must not intrude on his reflections.
Better die a thousand times than risk receiving an unkind look or bad
opinion from him," Rostov decided; and sorrowfully and with a heart full
despair he rode away, continually looking back at the Tsar, who still
remained in the same attitude of indecision.</p>
<p>While Rostov was thus arguing with himself and riding sadly away, Captain
von Toll chanced to ride to the same spot, and seeing the Emperor at once
rode up to him, offered his services, and assisted him to cross the ditch
on foot. The Emperor, wishing to rest and feeling unwell, sat down under
an apple tree and von Toll remained beside him. Rostov from a distance saw
with envy and remorse how von Toll spoke long and warmly to the Emperor
and how the Emperor, evidently weeping, covered his eyes with his hand and
pressed von Toll's hand.</p>
<p>"And I might have been in his place!" thought Rostov, and hardly
restraining his tears of pity for the Emperor, he rode on in utter
despair, not knowing where to or why he was now riding.</p>
<p>His despair was all the greater from feeling that his own weakness was the
cause of his grief.</p>
<p>He might... not only might but should, have gone up to the sovereign. It
was a unique chance to show his devotion to the Emperor and he had not
made use of it.... "What have I done?" thought he. And he turned round and
galloped back to the place where he had seen the Emperor, but there was no
one beyond the ditch now. Only some carts and carriages were passing by.
From one of the drivers he learned that Kutuzov's staff were not far off,
in the village the vehicles were going to. Rostov followed them. In front
of him walked Kutuzov's groom leading horses in horsecloths. Then came a
cart, and behind that walked an old, bandy-legged domestic serf in a
peaked cap and sheepskin coat.</p>
<p>"Tit! I say, Tit!" said the groom.</p>
<p>"What?" answered the old man absent-mindedly.</p>
<p>"Go, Tit! Thresh a bit!"</p>
<p>"Oh, you fool!" said the old man, spitting angrily. Some time passed in
silence, and then the same joke was repeated.</p>
<p>Before five in the evening the battle had been lost at all points. More
than a hundred cannon were already in the hands of the French.</p>
<p>Przebyszewski and his corps had laid down their arms. Other columns after
losing half their men were retreating in disorderly confused masses.</p>
<p>The remains of Langeron's and Dokhturov's mingled forces were crowding
around the dams and banks of the ponds near the village of Augesd.</p>
<p>After five o'clock it was only at the Augesd Dam that a hot cannonade
(delivered by the French alone) was still to be heard from numerous
batteries ranged on the slopes of the Pratzen Heights, directed at our
retreating forces.</p>
<p>In the rearguard, Dokhturov and others rallying some battalions kept up a
musketry fire at the French cavalry that was pursuing our troops. It was
growing dusk. On the narrow Augesd Dam where for so many years the old
miller had been accustomed to sit in his tasseled cap peacefully angling,
while his grandson, with shirt sleeves rolled up, handled the floundering
silvery fish in the watering can, on that dam over which for so many years
Moravians in shaggy caps and blue jackets had peacefully driven their
two-horse carts loaded with wheat and had returned dusty with flour
whitening their carts—on that narrow dam amid the wagons and the
cannon, under the horses' hoofs and between the wagon wheels, men
disfigured by fear of death now crowded together, crushing one another,
dying, stepping over the dying and killing one another, only to move on a
few steps and be killed themselves in the same way.</p>
<p>Every ten seconds a cannon ball flew compressing the air around, or a
shell burst in the midst of that dense throng, killing some and splashing
with blood those near them.</p>
<p>Dolokhov—now an officer—wounded in the arm, and on foot, with
the regimental commander on horseback and some ten men of his company,
represented all that was left of that whole regiment. Impelled by the
crowd, they had got wedged in at the approach to the dam and, jammed in on
all sides, had stopped because a horse in front had fallen under a cannon
and the crowd were dragging it out. A cannon ball killed someone behind
them, another fell in front and splashed Dolokhov with blood. The crowd,
pushing forward desperately, squeezed together, moved a few steps, and
again stopped.</p>
<p>"Move on a hundred yards and we are certainly saved, remain here another
two minutes and it is certain death," thought each one.</p>
<p>Dolokhov who was in the midst of the crowd forced his way to the edge of
the dam, throwing two soldiers off their feet, and ran onto the slippery
ice that covered the millpool.</p>
<p>"Turn this way!" he shouted, jumping over the ice which creaked under him;
"turn this way!" he shouted to those with the gun. "It bears!..."</p>
<p>The ice bore him but it swayed and creaked, and it was plain that it would
give way not only under a cannon or a crowd, but very soon even under his
weight alone. The men looked at him and pressed to the bank, hesitating to
step onto the ice. The general on horseback at the entrance to the dam
raised his hand and opened his mouth to address Dolokhov. Suddenly a
cannon ball hissed so low above the crowd that everyone ducked. It flopped
into something moist, and the general fell from his horse in a pool of
blood. Nobody gave him a look or thought of raising him.</p>
<p>"Get onto the ice, over the ice! Go on! Turn! Don't you hear? Go on!"
innumerable voices suddenly shouted after the ball had struck the general,
the men themselves not knowing what, or why, they were shouting.</p>
<p>One of the hindmost guns that was going onto the dam turned off onto the
ice. Crowds of soldiers from the dam began running onto the frozen pond.
The ice gave way under one of the foremost soldiers, and one leg slipped
into the water. He tried to right himself but fell in up to his waist. The
nearest soldiers shrank back, the gun driver stopped his horse, but from
behind still came the shouts: "Onto the ice, why do you stop? Go on! Go
on!" And cries of horror were heard in the crowd. The soldiers near the
gun waved their arms and beat the horses to make them turn and move on.
The horses moved off the bank. The ice, that had held under those on foot,
collapsed in a great mass, and some forty men who were on it dashed, some
forward and some back, drowning one another.</p>
<p>Still the cannon balls continued regularly to whistle and flop onto the
ice and into the water and oftenest of all among the crowd that covered
the dam, the pond, and the bank.</p>
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