Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette

<h2>CHAPTER III<br/> <small>LETTER-WRITING</small></h2> <p class="drop-cap">THE writing of letters, of the good old-fashioned kind, is rapidly becoming a thing of the past. People used to write epistles. Now they write notes. Before the days of the stenographer, the typewriter, the telegraph and telephone, when people made their own clothes by hand, wove their own sheets and had no time-saving machines, they found leisure to write epistles to their friends. Some of us are so fortunate as to have stowed away in an old trunk a bundle of these productions. The ink is pale and the paper yellowed, but the matter is still interesting. All the news of the family, the neighborhood gossip, the latest sayings and doings of the children and of callers, an account of the books read, of the minister’s last sermon and of the arrival of the newest of many olive branches, filled pages. What must these same pages have meant to the exile from home! And how much there was in such letters to answer!</p> <p>Still, even in this day and generation, there are<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</SPAN></span> a few people who have so far held to the good old traditions that they write genuine letters. And—wonder of wonders!—they answer questions asked them in letters written by their correspondents. Only those who have written questions to which they desired prompt answers, appreciate how maddening it is to receive a letter that tells you everything except the answers to your queries. And this ignoring of the epistle one is supposed to be answering is a feature of the up-to-date letter-writer. There is, even in friendly correspondence, a right and a wrong way of doing a thing.</p> <div class="sidenote">HOW NOT TO WRITE</div> <p>The wrong, and well-nigh universal, way of treating a letter is as follows: It is read as rapidly as possible, pigeonholed and forgot. Weeks hence, in clearing out the desk it is found, the handwriting recognized, and it is laid aside to be answered later. When that “later” comes depends on the leisure of the owner. At last a so-called answer is hastily written without a second reading of the letter to which one is replying. Such a reply begins with an apology for a long and unavoidable silence, an account of how cruelly busy one is nowadays, a passing mention of the number of duties one has to perform, a wish that the two correspondents may meet in the near future and a rushing final sentence of affection followed by the signature. Such is the modern letter.</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</SPAN></span></p> <p>If a correspondent is worth having, she is worth treating fairly. Let her letter be read carefully, and laid aside until such time as one can have a half-hour of uninterrupted writing. Then, let the letter one would answer be read, and the questions it contains be answered in order, and first of all. This is common courtesy. After which one may write as much as time and inclination permit. If one has not the time to conduct one’s correspondence in this way, let one have fewer correspondents. It is more fair to them and to one’s self.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">THE GOOD-LOOKING NOTE</div> <p>Colored letter-paper is in bad form unless the color be a pale gray or a light blue. From time to time, stationers have put upon the market paper outré in design and coloring, and the persons who have used it were just what might be expected. It reminds one of what Richard Grant White said of the words “gents” and “pants”—he noticed “that the one generally wore the other.” So, paper that is such bad form as this is usually used by persons who are “bad form.” All good-looking notes have a considerable margin at the left hand; punctilious people insist on a right-hand margin also.</p> <div class="sidenote">SEALING THE ENVELOPE</div> <p>Plain white or cream paper of good quality is always in fashion. For social correspondence this paper must be so cut that it is folded but once<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</SPAN></span> to be slipped into an envelope. At the top of the page in the middle may be the address, as “123 West Barrows Street,” and the name of the city. Just now, this is the only marking that is used on the sheet, although some persons have the initials or monogram, or crest, in place of the address. It is no longer fashionable to have the crest or monogram and the address also. The envelope is marked or not, as one chooses. The use of sealing-wax gives a touch of distinction for which a few persons still take time. Only white or delicately colored wax is acceptable, unless at holiday time, when the festive touch given by scarlet is in season.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>Letter-heads, such as are used for business correspondence, should never be used for social purposes. Even the business man may keep in his office desk a quire or two of plain paper upon which to write society notes and replies to invitations. Nor is it permissible for him to use the typewriter in inditing these. All his business correspondence may be conducted with the aid of the invaluable machine, and he may, if he ask permission to do so, send letters to members of his own family on the typewriter. But all other correspondence should be done with pen and ink.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>Unfortunately, mourning stationery is still in<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</SPAN></span> vogue. The recipient of a black-edged letter is often conscious of a distinct shock when she first sees the emblem of dolor, and wonders if it contains the notice of a death. For this reason many considerate followers of conventionalities do not use the black-edged stationery, but content themselves with plain white paper marked with the address or monogram in black lettering.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>A social or friendly letter is frequently dated at the end, at the left-hand lower corner of the signature. A business communication is dated at the upper right-hand corner.</p> <div class="sidenote">ADDRESSING BUSINESS FIRMS</div> <p>The expression “My dear Mr. Blank” is more formal than is “Dear Mr. Blank,” and is, therefore, used in society notes. Do not—as some have done—begin “dear” with a capital. Unsophisticated persons sometimes hesitate to use the prefix “dear,”—they may be assured that in this connection it is merely a polite form, with no sentimental flavor whatever. Business letters addressed to a man should begin with the name of the person to whom they are intended on one line, the salutation on the next, as: “Mr. John Smith” on the upper line, and below this, “Dear Sir.” In addressing a firm consisting of more than one person, write the name of the firm, as “Smith, Jones and Company,” then below, “Dear Sirs.” The salutation “Gentlemen”<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</SPAN></span> in such a case is old-fashioned but is preferred by some ceremonious persons who also like to put “Esq.” after a man’s name on an envelope in place of putting “Mr.” before it.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">THE SIGNATURE</div> <p>It should be unnecessary to remind women not to preface their signatures with the title “Mrs.” or “Miss.” Such a mistake stamps one as a vulgarian or an ignoramus. The name in full may be signed, as: “Mary Bacon Smith.” If the writer be a married woman, and the person to whom she writes does not know whether she be married or single, she should write her husband’s name with the preface “Mrs.” below her signature, or in the lower left-hand corner of the sheet, as (“Mrs. James Hayes Smith”). An unmarried woman will save her correspondent embarrassment by putting “Miss Brown” in parentheses in this corner.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>To sign one’s name prefaced by the first letter is no longer considered good form. “J. Henry Wells” should be “John Henry Wells.” If one would use one initial letter instead of the full name, let that letter be the middle initial, as “John H. Wells,” or “J. H. Wells.”</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">THE POSTAL CARD</div> <p>I wish I could impress on all followers of good form that a postal card is a solecism except when<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</SPAN></span> used for business purposes. If it is an absolute necessity to send one to a friend or a member of one’s family, as, when stopping for a moment at a railroad station one wishes to send a line home telling of one’s safety at the present stage of the journey, the sentences should be short and to the point, and unprefaced by an affectionate salutation. All love-messages should be omitted, as should the intimate termination that is entirely proper in a sealed letter. “Affectionately” or “Lovingly” are out of place when written upon a postal card. Expressions such as “God bless you!” or “I love you,” or “Love to the dear ones,” are in shockingly bad taste except under cover of an envelope. A good rule to impress on those having a penchant for the prevalent post-card is as follows: “Use for business when brevity and simplicity are the order of the day; never use for friendly correspondence unless the purchase of a sheet of paper, envelope and postage stamp is an impossibility.”</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>The friendly letter may be as long as time and inclination permit. The business communication should be written in as few and clear sentences as possible. Some one has said that to write a model business letter one should “begin in the middle of it.” In other words, it should be unprefaced by any unnecessary sentences, but should begin immediately<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</SPAN></span> on the business in hand, continue and finish with it. For such letters “Very truly yours” is the correct ending, unless, as in the case of a man or firm addressing a letter to a person totally unknown to the writer, and of marked eminence, when the expression “Respectfully yours” may be used.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE</div> <p>Many people consider letters of congratulation and condolence the most difficult to write. This is because one feels that a certain kind of form is necessary and that conventional and stilted phrases are proper under the circumstances. This is a mistake, for, going on the almost unfailing principle that what comes from the heart, goes to the heart, the best form to be used toward those in sorrow or joy is a genuine expression of feeling. If you are sorry for a friend, write to her that you are, and that you are thinking of her and longing to help her. If you are happy in her happiness, say so as cordially as words can express it.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>It happens now and then that even the quietest person wishes to write to a man of political prominence. Such persons, whether they be diplomats or members of Congress, may properly be addressed as “Honorable Mr. ——.” The president is “The<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</SPAN></span> Honorable, the President of the United States.” To use the article before the title is more elegant. Bishops of any church are entitled to the prefix, “The Right Reverend.” In conversation, the rector of a “high” Episcopal church is often affectionately addressed as “Father ——,” but this form of greeting would not be used on an envelope. The dean of a cathedral should be addressed as “The Very Reverend ——.”</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>Very small paper and envelopes for society notes are less used than formerly, many persons preferring what are called correspondence cards, heavy cream-white single cards on which a few lines may be written and which are slipped into their envelopes without folding.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION</div> <p>Letters of introduction should bear on the outside of the envelope, in the lower left-hand corner the words, “Introducing Miss ——,” in order that the two thus brought together may be saved any momentary embarrassment. They should not be sealed. One should be very careful not to give these letters unless one is reasonably warranted in making a demand on the time and courtesy of the person on whom one is making the social draft. To give one’s card by way of introduction makes<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</SPAN></span> less of a demand on one’s friend than does a letter. A woman does not present a letter of introduction in person; a man does.</p> <p>When one avails one’s self of a member of one’s family or a friend as messenger, one should write on the envelope in the lower left-hand corner, “Kindness of Mary” or “Politeness of Miss Briggs.”</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">ENCLOSING A STAMP</div> <p>We can not close this chapter on letter-writing without a word to the person who writes a letter asking a question on his own business, and fails to enclose a stamp. This is equivalent to asking the recipient on whom one has no claim to give one the time required for writing an answer to one’s query, and a two-cent stamp as well. When the matter on which one writes is essentially one’s own business, and not that of the person to whom one writes and from whom one demands a reply, one should always enclose a stamp, thus making the favor one asks of the least possible trouble to one’s correspondent. Some people enclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope but as the other person’s paper may not fit the envelope, the well-meant courtesy often defeats itself.</p> <div class="sidenote">PROMPTNESS IN ANSWERING</div> <p>In all business and society correspondence a letter should be answered as soon as possible after it is received. One may afford to take a certain<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</SPAN></span> amount of liberty with one’s friends, and lay aside a letter for some days before answering it. But the acceptance or declinature of an invitation, and the answer to a business communication, should be sent with as little delay as possible.</p> <hr class="chap" /></div> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</SPAN></span></p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />