Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette

<h2>CHAPTER VII<br/> <small>THE HOME WEDDING</small></h2> <p class="drop-cap">TO a home wedding, invitations may be issued two weeks in advance. Their style depends upon how formal the function is to be. If a quiet family affair, the notes of invitation may be written in the first person by the bride’s mother, as:</p> <div class="blockquot"> <p class="unindent">“My Dear Mary:</p> <p>“Helen and Mr. Jones are to be married on Wednesday, October the thirteenth, at four o’clock. The marriage will be very quiet, with none but the family and most intimate friends present. We hope that you will be of that number. Helen sends her love and begs that you will come to see her married.</p> <p class="sig"> <span style="margin-right: 4em;">“Faithfully yours,</span><br/> ”Joanna Smith.”<br/></p> </div> <p>This kind of note is, of course, only permissible for the most informal affairs. For the usual home marriage, cards, which read as follows, may be issued:</p> <div class="blockquot"> <p>“Mr. and Mrs. Nelson Brown request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Blank’s company at the marriage of their daughter on the afternoon of Wednesday,<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</SPAN></span> the thirteenth of October, at four o’clock, at One hundred and forty-four Madison Square, Boston.”</p> </div> <p>Or the invitations may read:</p> <div class="blockquot"> <p>“Mr. and Mrs. Nelson Brown request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter, Helen Adams, to Mr. Charles Sprague, on Tuesday afternoon, October the thirteenth, at four o’clock.”</p> </div> <p>“R. s. v. p.” may be added if desired. Some people prefer to “request the honor of,” etc., as more elegant.</p> <div class="sidenote">WEDDING CARDS</div> <p>Wedding-cards are enclosed in two envelopes, with the inner one bearing the name only and left unsealed.</p> <p>Sunday weddings are not good form, and Friday is, owing to the old superstition, not popular. Probably more weddings take place on Wednesday than on any other day.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>At a home wedding, the bride often has but one girl attendant, and that one is the maid of honor. The bride tells her what kind of dress she wishes her to wear, and the bridegroom provides her bouquet for her. He also sends the bride her bouquet.</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</SPAN></span></p> <div class="sidenote">THE MATTER OF EXPENSES</div> <p>The wedding expenses of the bridegroom are the flowers for the bride and her maid of honor or bridesmaids, the carriage in which he takes his bride to the train, the carriages for best man and ushers, and the clergyman’s fee. Besides this, he usually provides his ushers and best man with a scarf-pin. In some cases he gives these attendants also their gloves and ties; sometimes he does not. The bride’s family pays all other expenses, including the decorating of the house, the invitations and announcement cards and the caterer. If guests from a distance are to be met at the train by carriages, the bride’s father pays for these.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>We will suppose that at the house wedding with which we have to do the only attendants are the best man, two ushers and the maid of honor, and that the ceremony is at high noon, or twelve o’clock.</p> <p>The matter of lights at this function is largely a question of taste. If the day be brilliantly clear, it seems a pity to shut the glorious sunshine from the house. Therefore many brides decline to have the curtains drawn at the noon hour. Many persons prefer the light from the shaded lamps and candles, as being more becoming than the glare of day.</p> <p>The wedding-breakfast is provided by a caterer always when such a thing is possible. It may consist<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</SPAN></span> of iced or jellied bouillon, lobster cutlets, chicken pâtés, a salad, with cakes, ices and coffee. This menu can be added to or elaborated, as inclination may dictate. Sweetbread pâtés may take the place of chicken pâtés. A frozen punch may take the place of the ordinary ices, and, if one wish, a game course be introduced. A heavy breakfast is, however, a tedious and unnecessary affair.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">THE BRIDE’S DRESS</div> <p>The bride’s dress, if she be a young girl, must be white with a veil. A train is advisable, as it adds elegance and dignity to the costume. The waist is made with a high neck and long sleeves and white gloves are worn. The veil is turned back from the face and reaches to the bottom of the train where it is held in place by several pearl-headed pins. A single fold of tulle hangs over the face, being separated from the main veil. This is thrown back after the ceremony.</p> <p>The bridegroom wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, white waistcoat, white tie, light gray or pearl gloves and patent leather shoes. His ushers dress in much the same fashion.</p> <p>The maid of honor wears a gown of white or very light color, with a slight train, and a picture hat, or not, as she wishes. When becoming, an entire costume of pale pink, with a large hat trimmed with long plumes of the same shade, is very striking.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</SPAN></span> The bouquet carried by the bridesmaid will harmonize with the color of her gown. Of course, the bride’s bouquet will be white, and is usually composed of her favorite blossoms.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">THE WEDDING RING</div> <p>The old fashion of ripping the third finger of the bride’s left-hand glove, so that this finger might be slipped off for the adjusting of the ring, is no longer in vogue. Instead of this the left-hand glove is removed entirely at that part of the ceremony when the ring is placed on the bride’s finger by the bridegroom.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>At a house wedding the guests assemble near the hour named, leave their wraps in the dressing-rooms, then wait in the drawing-room for the wedding. The whole parlor-floor is decorated with natural flowers, garlands of these being twisted about the balustrades, and making a bower of the room in which the marriage is to take place. If one can afford to do so, one may prefer to leave the matter of floral decorations to an experienced florist, but any person with taste can successfully decorate the rooms. A screen of green, dotted with flowers, may stand at the end of the room in which the marriage is to be solemnized, and an arch of flowers is thrown over this. Within this arch the clergyman, the bridegroom and the best man may<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</SPAN></span> await the arrival of the wedding guests, as the wedding march begins.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">THE WEDDING PROCESSION</div> <p>The portières, shutting off the drawing-room from the hall, are closed when the time arrives for the bridal party to descend the stairs. As they reach the hall the strains of the wedding march sound.</p> <p>One word as to the orchestra. This should be stationed at such a distance from the clergyman and bridal party that its strains will not drown the words of the service. Since Fashion decrees that music should be played during the service, it should be so soft and low that it accentuates, rather than muffles the voices of the participants in the ceremony. Loud strains detract from the impressiveness of the occasion, and cause a feeling of irritation to the persons who would not miss a single word of the solemn service.</p> <p>Through the door at the opposite end of the room from that in which the bridegroom stands, enters the wedding procession. The two ushers come first, having a moment or two before marked off the aisle, by stretching two lengths of white satin ribbon from end to end of the room. Following the ushers walks the bridesmaid alone, and, after her, on the arm of her father, comes the bride. At the improvised altar, or at the cushions<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</SPAN></span> upon which the bridal couple are to kneel, the ushers separate, one going to each side. The maid of honor moves to the left of the bride, and the father lays the bride’s hand in the hand of the bridegroom, then stands a little in the rear until he gives her away, after which point in the ceremony he steps back among the guests, or at one side, apart from the bridal group. The best man stands on the bridegroom’s right. It is he who gives the ring to the clergyman, who hands it to the bridegroom, who places it on the finger of the bride.</p> <div class="sidenote">RECEIVING CONGRATULATIONS</div> <p>When the ring is to be put on, the bride hands her bouquet to the maid of honor, and draws off her left-hand glove, giving that also to the maid of honor, who holds both until after the benediction. After congratulating the newly-wedded pair, the clergyman gives them his place, and they stand facing the company, to receive congratulations. The bride’s mother should have been in the parlor to receive the guests as they arrived, and during the ceremony stands at the end of the room near the bridal party. She should be the first to congratulate the happy couple, the bridegroom’s parents following those of the bride. The maid of honor stands by the bride while she receives.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>After congratulations have been extended, the wedding-breakfast is served at little tables placed<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</SPAN></span> about the various rooms. The bride and her party may, if desired, have a table to themselves, and upon this may be a wedding-cake, to be cut by the bride. This is not essential and has, of late years, been largely superseded by the squares of wedding cake, packed in dainty boxes, one of which is handed to each guest on leaving.</p> <p>When the time comes for the bride to change her dress she slips quietly from the room, accompanied by her maid of honor. The bridegroom goes to an apartment assigned to him and his best man to put on his traveling suit. Later, the maid of honor may come down and tell the bride’s mother in an “aside” that she may now go up and bid her daughter good-by in the privacy of her own room. Afterward the young husband and wife descend the stairs together, say good-by in general to the guests awaiting them in the lower hall, and drive off, generally, one regrets to say, amid showers of rice.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">AS TO PRACTICAL JOKES</div> <p>I would say just here that the playing of practical jokes on a bridal pair is a form of pleasantry that should be confined to classes whose intellects have not been cultivated above the appreciation of such coarse fun. To tie a white satin bow on the trunk of the so-called happy pair so that all passengers may take note of them, is hardly kind. But<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</SPAN></span> jesting compared to some of the deeds done. A few weeks ago the papers gave an account of a groomsman who slipped handcuffs upon the wrists of bride and bridegroom, then lost the key, and the embarrassed couple had to wait for their train, chained together, until a file could be procured, by which time their train had left. Such forms of buffoonery may be diverting to the perpetrator; they certainly are not amusing to the sufferers.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">THE QUIET WEDDING</div> <p>this is refined A girl who is to be married quietly with only relatives or intimate friends present often says, in explaining this fact, “I’m not going to have a <i>wedding</i>.” The expression is not well chosen, for it inevitably suggests that the glitter of the ceremony is in her eyes more important than the solemn words which <i>are</i> the wedding.</p> <hr class="chap" /></div> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</SPAN></span></p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />