<h2>CHAPTER VIII<br/> <small>THE CHURCH WEDDING</small></h2>
<p class="drop-cap">THERE is about a church wedding a formality
that is dispensed with at a home ceremony.
The cards of invitation may be engraved in the same
form as those described in the last chapter, but the
church at which the marriage is to take place is mentioned
instead of the residence of the bride’s parents.
If in a large city where curiosity seekers are likely to
crowd into the edifice, it is customary to enclose
with the card of invitation a small card to be presented
at the door. Only bearers of these bits of
pasteboard are admitted. With the invitations may
be cards for the reception or the wedding-breakfast
to follow the ceremony. These cards demand acceptances
or regrets, which should always be addressed
to the mother of the bride, never to the
bride-elect.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>The decorations for a church wedding may be
elaborate. As a rule, one color scheme is chosen,
and carried out through all the arrangements. For<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</SPAN></span>
example, the coloring is pink and white, and if the
wedding is in the autumn, chrysanthemums may be
the chosen flowers, if in the summer, roses. The
matter of decorations is usually put into the hands
of a florist.</p>
<p>White satin ribbon is stretched across the pews
to be occupied by the members of the two families
or, more courteously, large bows of it are fastened
at the end of each, and to these pews the destined
occupants are conducted by the ushers a short time
before the bridal party enters the edifice. A list
of the persons entitled to sit in these pews should
be given to the chief usher.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<div class="sidenote">DUTIES OF THE USHERS</div>
<p>At a large and elaborate wedding six or eight
ushers are often needed. Sometimes an usher follows
the older custom of giving his arm to a lady,
but he may be less formal if he choose and merely
precede her down the aisle. There is an equal number
of bridesmaids, a maid of honor and a best man.
The best man, the bridegroom, and the clergyman
enter the church by the vestry door, and await at
the altar the coming of the bride and her attendants.
The organ, which has been playing for some moments,
announces the arrival of the wedding party
by the opening strains of the wedding march.</p>
<div class="sidenote">THE WEDDING CEREMONY</div>
<p>When the carriages containing the party arrive
at the church door the ushers go down the canopy-covered<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</SPAN></span>
walk and help the girls to alight, convey
them into the vestibule and close the outer doors
of the church while the procession forms. Then
the inside doors are thrown open and as the organ
peals forth the wedding march, the procession
passes up the aisle at a dignified pace, but not, let
us hope, at the painfully slow gait some persons
think necessary. First, come the ushers, two by
two, next, the bridesmaids in pairs, then the maid
of honor, walking alone, and the bride on the arm
of her father, or other masculine relative if her
father is not living. As the altar is reached the
ushers divide, half the number going to the right,
the other half to the left, then the bridesmaids do
the same, passing in front of the ushers and forming
a portion of a circle nearer the altar. The maid
of honor, who is sometimes now, instead, a matron
of honor, stands near the bride, on her left
hand, and the best man stands near the bridegroom’s
right. The bridegroom, stepping forward to meet
the bride, takes her hand and leads her to their
place in front of the clergyman, the father remaining
standing a little in the rear of the bride and to
one side until that portion of the service is reached
when the clergyman asks, “Who giveth this woman
to be married to this man?” He then takes
his daughter’s hand, and laying it in the hand of the
bridegroom, replies, “I do.” After this he steps<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</SPAN></span>
quietly down from the chancel and takes his place
in the pew with his wife, or the other members of
the family. If the bride’s father is dead his place
may be taken by any middle-aged man relative or
family friend.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<div class="sidenote">DUTY OF THE BEST MAN</div>
<p>During the ceremony the best man stands at the
right of the bridegroom, and a trifle behind him,
taking charge of his friend’s hat and handing him
the ring when it is needed. It is he, also, who pays
the clergyman and if a register is to be signed, he
signs it. The final responsibility for a ceremony
without an awkward hitch rests on his shoulders and
on those of the maid of honor.</p>
<p>The maid of honor, standing near the bride,
holds her bouquet and takes her glove when the
ring is put on, and continues to hold them until
after the benediction, which the bridal pair kneels
to receive. Then the organ again sounds the wedding
march, and the guests remain standing as the
party assembled at the altar moves down the aisle.
First, comes the bride on her husband’s arm, then
the best man and the maid of honor together, then
the ushers and the bridesmaids, each girl on the
arm of an usher. After that the families of the
bride and bridegroom leave. The bridal party is
driven directly to the home of the bride’s parents,
where the wedding-breakfast is served or, if a reception<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</SPAN></span>
follows the wedding, where the bride awaits
the arrival of her guests.</p>
<div class="sidenote">THE ARTISTIC BRIDE</div>
<p>The conventional dress for the bride married in
daylight is the same as for an evening wedding, a
trained white gown with lace or tulle veil. The same
is true of the costumes of the bridesmaids and maid
of honor. These are selected by the bride. At
one pink-and-white wedding the bridesmaids wore
pink dresses with pink picture-hats, while the maid
of honor wore a gown of palest green with hat
to match,—hers being the only touch of any color
but pink in the assembly, and serving to accentuate
the general rose-like scheme. The bridesmaids’
bouquets are of flowers to harmonize with their
costumes. The bride’s bouquet is always white,
bride roses being favorites for this purpose. Brides
with artistic natures who find white satin and orange
blossoms unbecoming, sometimes arrange a softer
costume that is still sufficiently bride-like to satisfy
sentiment. Often little children are used as attendants
for the bride. They precede the maid of
honor and may scatter flower petals down the aisle
as they go. The effect is charming. A matron
of honor must wear a colored costume.</p>
<p>At a day wedding the bridegroom wears a frock
coat, light gray trousers, white waistcoat, white
satin or silk tie and patent leather shoes. Of
course, the only hat permissible with a frock coat<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</SPAN></span>
is a high silk one. The gloves are white, or pale
gray. The ushers’ dress is the same except that
their ties need not be white.</p>
<p>At an evening wedding full dress is, of course,
necessary. Then the bridegroom wears his dress
suit, white waistcoat, white lawn tie and white
gloves. The ushers are dressed in the same manner.</p>
<div class="sidenote">GIFTS TO BRIDESMAIDS</div>
<p>It is customary for the bride to give her bridesmaids
some little gift. This may be a stick-pin or
brooch bearing the intertwined initials of the bridal
pair. This pin is usually worn by the recipient at
the wedding.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>The bride and the bridegroom with the bridesmaids
stand together at the end of the drawing-room
to receive the guests. An usher meets each
guest at his, or her arrival, and offering his arm,
escorts the newcomer to the bridal pair, asking for
the name as he does so. This name he repeats
distinctly on reaching the bride, who extends her
hand in greeting, and receives congratulations.
The bridegroom is then congratulated, and the
guest straightway makes room for the next comer.</p>
<p>One is often asked what should be said to the
newly-married pair,—what form congratulations
should take, and so on. Stilted phrases are at all
times to be avoided, and the greeting should be as<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</SPAN></span>
simple and straightforward as possible. It is good
form to wish the bride happiness, while the bridegroom
is congratulated. Thus one says to the bride,
“I hope you will be very happy,—and I am sure
you will.” And to the bridegroom one may say,—“You
do not need to be told how much you are
to be congratulated, for you know it already. Still
I do want to say that I congratulate you from my
heart.”</p>
<p>A pretty custom followed by some brides is that
of turning, when half-way up the stairs, after the
reception or breakfast is over, untying the ribbon
fastening the bouquet together, and scattering the
flowers thus released among the men waiting in
the hall below. This disposes of the wedding bouquet
which one has not the heart to throw away,
and yet which one can not keep satisfactorily.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<div class="sidenote">DISPLAYING GIFTS</div>
<p>If gifts are displayed at a reception, it should
be in an upper room, and all cards should be removed.
The bride may keep a list of her presents
and of the donors, but to display cards gives an
opportunity for invidious comparisons. More and
more the custom of showing gifts, except to intimate
friends in private, is going out.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>The tables for the wedding-breakfast may be
placed about the drawing-rooms, and the guests are
seated informally at them. The only exception to<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</SPAN></span>
this rule is the bride’s table at which the bridal
party sits. As artificial lights are usually used at
elaborate functions, even at high noon, pretty candelabra
are upon each table. Or, if preferred, fairy
lamps may take the place of the candelabra.</p>
<div class="sidenote">THE WEDDING BREAKFAST</div>
<p>The menu for the wedding-breakfast may consist
of grapefruit with Maraschino cherries, or of
oyster cocktails, or of clams on the half-shell, as
a first course; next, hot clam bouillon (unless clams
have already been served) or chicken bouillon; fish
in some form, as fish croquettes with oyster-crab
sauce; sweetbread pâtés with green peas; broiled
chicken or French chops with potato croquettes or
with Parisian potatoes; punch frappé; game with
salad; ices, cakes, coffee. If wines are used, champagne
is served with the breakfast. Slices of the
wedding-cake packed in dainty satin-paper boxes
are given to the guests as they leave.</p>
<p>The breakfast over, the bride slips away quietly,
to change her dress for the wedding journey, and
departs as after a home wedding.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<p>The guests at a wedding-breakfast must call on
the mother of the bride within three weeks after
the marriage. They will, of course, call on the
bride on one of her “At Home” days, the dates
of which are given with the wedding invitations
or with the announcement cards.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</SPAN></span></p>
<hr class="tb" />
<div class="sidenote">ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS</div>
<p>Announcement cards are issued immediately after
the wedding, so must be addressed and stamped
ready to be mailed at once. The text usually used
is this:</p>
<div class="blockquot">
<p>“Mr. and Mrs. William Edwin Burnham announce
the marriage of their daughter, Eleanor
Fair, to Mr. John Langdon Morse, on Tuesday, the
eighth of December, one thousand nine hundred and
five, at St. Michael’s Church, Davenport, Iowa.”</p>
</div>
<p>Another form that is sometimes seen is the following:</p>
<div class="blockquot">
<p>“Married, Wednesday, October eleventh, 1903;
Florence Archer and John Staunton, 1019 Penn
Street, Philadelphia.”</p>
</div>
<p>This last form is seldom used except in cases
where the bride is so unfortunate as to have no
relatives in whose names she may announce her
marriage.</p>
<p>With the announcement cards may be enclosed
another card bearing the dates of the bride’s “At
Home” days, and the hours at which she will receive.
Announcement cards are usually issued after
a small or private wedding to which only a limited
number of guests have been invited. If the wedding<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</SPAN></span>
has been large or was followed by a large
reception to which all one’s calling acquaintances
may be bidden, the announcement cards are unnecessary
and the “At Home” cards are issued with
the invitations to the marriage, or are sent out after
the bride returns from her trip.</p>
<hr class="tb" />
<div class="sidenote">THE DRESS FOR A WIDOW</div>
<p>The dress for a widow at her second marriage
should be made of some elegant colored fabric and
she should wear a hat if the ceremony is performed
in a church. There should be no attendants except
the father or brother or an intimate friend.</p>
<p>A young girl without parents and of limited income
may quite properly be married in her traveling
costume and with the utmost simplicity. If
she have a proper sense of the delicacy and solemnity
of the occasion she will not, however, go
to the house of a strange clergyman for the ceremony
but have it performed in the parlor of her
nearest friend or relative. In this way she shows
her own good breeding and protects herself from
any idle remarks. For a girl to join her fiancé
in a distant city and marry him there is a step
seldom taken in wisdom, whatever the circumstances.</p>
<p>Notes to all who have sent gifts must be written
by the bride before she leaves home.</p>
<hr class="chap" /></div>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</SPAN></span></p>
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