Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette

<h2>CHAPTER XV<br/> <small>THE MATTER OF DRESS</small></h2> <p class="drop-cap">TO be comfortably and becomingly clothed is an acknowledged aspiration of most women and many men. The time to be ashamed of such an aspiration is now happily gone by with some other detrimental puritanical notions, and we cheerfully give ourselves to the love of pretty things for personal adornment as we do to beauty in other directions. That too much time may be spent in the thought about, and selection of, clothes is true, also that extravagance of expenditure and other vices are the price of such vanity. On the other hand, it is as true, though not so directly and obviously so, that a lack of attention to dress leads equally to disaster. The badly-gowned woman is apt to be self-conscious, not in possession of her best self; and too often she carries the thought of dress exactly to the place where her mind should be free of such reflections. One should not wear more than one can successfully “carry off.” Care about the details of dress should be left behind when<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</SPAN></span> one goes visiting or appears anywhere in public. If one’s toilet has been thought out and attended to properly before leaving home, one’s mind is then free for the entertainment of other subjects. If this important matter is suggested to one only by the unhappy contrast between one’s appearance and that of the people about one, then unless one is possessed of a particularly strong mind, the pleasure of the occasion in question is nullified, the possible profit to be derived from it is cut off.</p> <div class="sidenote">THE GOSPEL OF GOOD GOWNS</div> <p>Self-consciousness does away with the easy use of one’s faculties and renders them stiff and unpliable. Trim appropriate clothing has a tendency to make the wearer happy and is an encouragement to a comfortable and lively temper of mind. I remember hearing a humorous old clergyman say that he was frequently called upon to endure the recital of her miseries from a very untidy woman of his congregation and to prescribe advice therefor. At last with him truth came to the surface, and a thought that had long lain dormant in his mind found expression on the final occasion of her request for counsel from him. “Madam,” he said, “I believe you would be a much happier woman if you combed your hair becomingly and put on a fresh gown oftener.” The matter of dress is at once a serious and, to a beauty-loving temperament,<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</SPAN></span> a charming consideration. To some extent it has to do with character and much to do with happiness. Some moralists to the contrary notwithstanding, the becomingness or the unbecomingness of what one wears reacts upon the wearer and makes her distrustful or confident, timid or courageous, and this in a not unworthy sense.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>If the subject of dress is important, the consideration we give to it should be of a correspondingly dignified and orderly character. There is a happy medium between spending too much and too little time on the thought of what we wear. At regular periods, say at least twice a year, the matter should be taken up with some care, the needs of one’s wardrobe investigated, the amount of money at one’s disposal for such purposes be determined upon.</p> <div class="sidenote">IF THE PURSE IS SMALL</div> <p>If one’s purse is so large that the question is only one of purchase, of consulting good outfitters and dressmakers, there is still room for neat and methodical management. If one’s purse is small, orderly and businesslike management is a necessity. One should study one’s appearance and find out for one’s self what colors, what tendencies in fashion are becoming to one, and resolutely strike others off the list. Reason, not fancy, nor altogether fashion,<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</SPAN></span> should guide one in the choice of fabrics and tints. One’s manner of life should be considered in the selection of gowns, and the appropriate thing picked out for the anticipated occasion. A train on the street, velvet in the morning, no matter what may seem to be worn by extremists, could never be in taste. Veils that are so heavy as to seem disguises or so ornamented that they give the wearer, at a little distance, the appearance of having a skin disease, should be left to the women who wish to startle.</p> <div class="sidenote">THE STREET GOWN</div> <p>The most important gown to be taken into account is the street gown, the garb in which one appears every day and before the largest number of people. That one should look well all the days of the week is more important and convincing than that one should look well for the particular and infrequent occasion. If one must choose between a good day-in-and-day-out gown and one of a more elaborate and decorative description, the preference should be given to the tailor or street gown. One would better invest in a cloth costume of good material and cut, and wear this unchanged through more than one season than indulge in two or three of cheaper mold that reflect unsteadily the passing mode. This gown may serve not only for street but, with various waists, may develop other uses<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</SPAN></span> than that of outdoor wear. The changes possible in accessories will make it available for calls, teas, afternoon receptions and the theater.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">BETWEEN SEASONS</div> <p>Many women who dress fairly well in summer and in winter, fail to provide themselves with suitable attire for the intervening seasons. Spring finds them with only a fur-trimmed cloak, and in early fall they are still wearing thin midsummer frocks. In our changeable climate, clothing of various weights is absolutely necessary to make a good appearance. All fur coats are seldom suitable, and for this reason should be left for those who can buy as many garments as they choose. Good separate furs are a much wiser investment for a woman of limited means. White kid gloves for marketing and shopping, even if one can afford them, are out of taste because out of place.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>For a woman who goes to balls and dinners, however infrequently, a good low-cut gown of some description is indispensable. Women who have lived quiet provincial lives and are called upon to grace a wider social sphere are not always aware of this. They provide themselves with appropriate gowns of other descriptions, but they feel afraid of the gown made especially for evening wear. They have a foolish fear sometimes of trying,<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</SPAN></span> by this means, to look younger than they are or of making themselves conspicuous in the wearing of such a frock. Conspicuousness lies in the other direction. Full dress is the proper wear for metropolitan entertainments after six o’clock in the evening, and full dress means a dress coat for a man and a low-cut frock of appropriate material for a woman. Avoidance of embarrassment means the adoption of this conventional wear. A woman who has reached an age when her neck has begun to wither in front is not, however, an object of beauty when décolleté. She will do well to wear a jeweled collar or a band of velvet or tulle.</p> <div class="sidenote">WHAT IS FULL DRESS</div> <p>To the indispensable items just mentioned may be added theater gowns, dinner gowns, ball gowns, outing costumes, tea gowns, negligees,—a bewildering variety of attire suited not only to every feminine need but answering to every feminine caprice. Few words are necessary to those women whose purse is equal to the purchase of all the feminine fripperies dear to a woman’s heart. Dealers and experienced modistes are always at hand to offer serviceable advice to those who have the wherewithal to pay for it, though one should not take, without weighing it, even the best advice of this sort. Try to be intelligent about your clothes and to show a little individuality. Only this bit of counsel is perhaps in season to those who may have measurably<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</SPAN></span> what they choose in the way of wearing apparel. Preserve some sort of equality between the different items of your toilet. Do not have a splendid theater gown and a shabby negligee. Do not wear fine furs over an inferior street gown. Do not wear heavy street boots with a velvet evening gown. Arrange the articles of your wardrobe so that they bear some sort of happy relation to one another, so that one article may not be ashamed to be found in the company of any other, so that your clothes may seem to be the harmonious possession of one person, not the happen-so belongings of a half-dozen varying temperaments.</p> <div class="sidenote">THE GOWN AND ITS WEARER</div> <p>There are persons,—we all know them,—whose happy attire is always calling forth some such remark as,—“That looks precisely like her,” or “She and the gown were made for each other.” This sort of relation between person and wardrobe is the most charming outcome possible to the consideration of personal adornment. It gives dignity and distinct esthetic value to the subject of clothes. Let us have no more red on blondes, and let over-stout women leave plaids and checks alone. Thin girls should wear frills and leave plain-tailored clothes to plumpness. With the woman of means, this harmony need not be, though it often is, occasional. It may be constant and if she is a person of esthetic temperament<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</SPAN></span> she may gain from this happy relation between herself and her clothes a soul-satisfying sense of bliss not to be gained from any other source in the world. Over-dressing is, of course, avoided by women of taste.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">IMPORTANCE OF ACCESSORIES</div> <p>Many women who have little to spend put nearly the lump sum into gowns. This is a mistake of the gravest sort. The effect of the prettiest gown may be spoiled by an ill-fitting corset, by gloves that are no longer fresh and by shoes that are not trim and suitable to the occasion. White gloves should be white, and white shoes likewise, or they should not be worn. The proper accessories of dress, among which are veils, belts, ruchings and collars, often give to an otherwise plain costume, the effect of something chic and telling.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">HOW TO PUT ON A HAT</div> <p>Becoming head-gear is of the utmost importance. “A hat,” said an apt society woman of the writer’s acquaintance, “should bear the same relation to other parts of one’s costume that the title of a story does to the story itself. This article of dress should be at once the key and the consummation of the effect intended.” The fashion in hats varies with great rapidity from year to year, and one should be careful to avoid the extremes of style. Only a face of great beauty can stand the precipitous, fantastic slants and curves that mark the ultra fashionable<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</SPAN></span> in millinery. If one is so fortunate as to find sometime a shape that is decidedly becoming, one should follow through life its general outline with modifications sufficient to conform in a general way to passing modes. Form the habit of putting your hats on from the back, thus pushing the loose hair about the face slightly forward. The plainest face is softened and beautified by a fluffy arrangement of the hair about the temple. Nothing is more fatal to good looks than a high bald forehead. Many women make a fatal mistake in their preference for big hats. The picture-hat is only suited to the large and picturesque type. Large hats make little women look like mushrooms, and frequently they take away all distinction and individuality from the face beneath.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>Many a charming costume is spoiled by a failure to realize that the feet must be dressed in harmony with the rest of the costume. Too many women, otherwise attractive in appearance, wear shoes with scuffed toes and run-down heels, the latter due to a bad habit of turning the foot over in walking. This can be corrected easily by having the shoe built up at the sole on the opposite side by the insertion of a piece of thick leather, which any shoe-mender will do very cheaply. One is then forced to use the foot properly.</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</SPAN></span></p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">CHOICE IN JEWELS</div> <p>Women otherwise tasteful in dress are often careless and unthoughtful in the jewels they wear. In gowns and millinery they would not think of wearing colors that clash and fight, yet they do not establish a correspondence between clothes and jewels worn, between trinkets and the quality of personal appearance. They wear the contents of their jewel-boxes irrespective of suitability, indifferent as to season of night or day. A profusion of jewels, or the wearing of various and hostile stones at one time, is to be avoided as the pestilence. A jewel, like a fine picture, needs background, space to show it off. In the company of many other jewels it loses identity and distinction, and fails in conferring these qualities upon the wearer. In choosing precious stones it is a good rule to establish some sort of relation between their color and the eyes of the wearer. Turquoise intensifies the hue of blue eyes, topaz that of brown ones, and emeralds are particularly becoming to women whose eyes have a greenish tinge.</p> <p>Color is so important an element of success in every department of dress that its study should be a part of the education of every woman who wishes to be well gowned. The correspondence between the color of the gown and the appearance of the person who is to wear it is of more importance than the quality of the texture employed. Hue and fit<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</SPAN></span> make for becomingness to a greater extent than elegance in material, though the latter is also an element of beauty in an all-round conception of the subject. A feeling for textures is rare, but it may be cultivated, and the effort to do this is worth making.</p> <div class="sidenote">INDIVIDUALITY IN DRESS</div> <p>Some women who are timid as to their ability to combine colors and tones, plunge into black as a safe refuge or adopt a standard color which they regard as “safe” for all occasions. This is a poor way out of the difficulty. Resolute study and a little experimenting will yield better results and an agreeable variety. A woman should study her “points” in the light of day before a full-length mirror, and once she has really learned what becomes her she should allow no milliner or modiste to coax her into “the latest cry.” There is no such thing as the “tyranny of fashion” for the woman who dresses intelligently. She will never be either in or out of the mode.</p> <p>Neatness is unquestionably an element of that indefinable thing we call style, though many women who are neat are not modish. Neatness is the integrity of dress, the essential foundation to which all good things may be added. To a woman whose love for dress is allied to the thirst for perfection in that branch, untidiness is more than distasteful. If “extra” hair must be worn, it should be moderate<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</SPAN></span> in quantity, of the best quality and most skilfully arranged. Face powder, carelessly put on, makes a woman look ridiculous. An open placket is viewed by a fastidious woman as something like disgrace. Broken shoe-laces, gaps between belt and skirt, soiled neckwear, crookedness in the arrangement of gowns and other evidences of careless dressing are abhorrent to her. Neatness, freshness and suitability in the wardrobe are more important items than elaboration and cost. The person who suggests these desirable qualities in the manner of her attire, whether she has a large or a small amount of money to be expended in clothes, is sure to present an agreeable appearance. If to these qualities she adds a scent for novelty and style, she may hope to be, as far as clothes are concerned, “very smart indeed.” If beyond this she have the artist’s gift, she may make herself better than “smart,” she may be beautiful.</p> <div class="sidenote">MINOR POINTS IN DRESS</div> <p>One minor point: the handkerchief, when not in actual use, should be invisible. It is a concession to nature, and to carry it in the hand, tuck it in the belt or up the sleeve is provincial. A muff or a party bag of dainty texture may serve to hide it in lieu of a pocket.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">HAPHAZARD DRESSING</div> <p>At women’s parties in this country one sees a variety of costumes not all suited to the occasion.<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</SPAN></span> The hostess at a luncheon may wear a white lingerie dress, one of her guests will be in a shirt-waist costume, a second in white satin and the rest in quiet silks or in elegant chiffon waists and cloth or velvet skirts. The picture is spoiled by this haphazard dressing. The majority were correctly attired but the shirt-waist and the white satin were equally wrong. The hostess who knows that any one of her guests may be compelled to dress with exceptional plainness will help to make that person comfortable by wearing a quiet gown herself. Except at very intimate affairs it is wiser, however, to decline an invitation than to make an embarrassingly poor appearance.</p> <p>At afternoon receptions one often sees the hostess and her assistants in elaborate gowns, while many of the callers are in tailored street costume. This again spoils the picture. If a woman expects to attend afternoon affairs she should have an afternoon gown.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>Highly polished finger-nails of a length to suggest claws, are bad form though one sees them on women who ought to know better. The nails should be carefully filed—not trimmed—to a shape only slightly pointed, they should show the pretty half-moon at the base and may bear a slight polish but no artificial coloring. To keep the half-moon plainly<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</SPAN></span> visible, gently push back the scarf-skin at the base of the nail daily with an orange-wood stick. A little cold cream rubbed in nightly around the edges of the nails is a great help. No sharp instrument should ever be used to clean the nails. The orange-wood sticks are best adapted to this purpose. Peroxide will remove stains.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">A WORD ON GLOVES</div> <p>Suède gloves are softer in appearance and more elegant than the glacé ones, but as they soil more quickly and clean less readily they should not be attempted by women of limited means. A delicately colored glove is more artistic with many costumes than a pure white one, but here again practicability must be counted, as the light-colored glove will seldom clean well and the white one does. A woman who must carefully consider the cost of her dressing will, if she is clever, plan mezzo-tinted costumes which are artistic and becoming and which do not demand light or white gloves.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>Transparent blouses that display the under-clothing are bad form. If very sheer material is used, a special slip should be worn under the blouse. Very thin hose are equally objectionable. Perfume of any sort is now taboo beyond the elusive scent of lavender or violet sachets in one’s dresser drawers, or a dash of toilet water in the bath.</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</SPAN></span></p> <div class="sidenote">DRESSING FOR CHURCH</div> <p>One’s dress at church should invariably be quiet. This is prescribed not only by taste but by consideration for others who may be present and who may be of more limited means. A church is of all places the one in which to avoid exciting envy by costly apparel.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>One of the mistaken ideas held by women who are just becoming sensitive to effects in dress is that everything should match. The result in such cases if not positively bad is usually dull and monotonous. The woman who wears with her blue suit a blue hat with a blue feather and a blue veil, a blue waist and blue gloves and shoes, is a nightmare. A black hat, an écru veil, gray gloves perhaps—in these ways relief and variety must be obtained. In choosing colors, the skin, hair and eyes should all be considered. It is an exploded idea that brunettes should cling to brown. Much depends on the complexion.</p> <hr class="chap" /></div> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</SPAN></span></p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />