Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette

<h2>CHAPTER XVI<br/> <small>MAKING AND RECEIVING GIFTS</small></h2> <p class="drop-cap">WEDDING gifts may be sent any time after the wedding cards are issued. They are sent to the bride, and may be as expensive and elaborate, or as simple and inexpensive, as the means of the sender make proper. An invitation to a church wedding, and not to the reception, precludes the necessity of making a wedding-present. Indeed the matter of wedding-presents admits of more freedom each year and many people make it a rule to send gifts only to intimate friends and relatives. Perhaps this state of affairs has been brought about by the fact that among a certain—or uncertain—class, invitations were sometimes issued with the special purpose of calling forth a number of presents,—in fact, for revenue only. Few persons acknowledge this of themselves, but sometimes a bride was met who was so indiscreet or so void of taste as to confess her hope that all the persons whom she invited to her nuptials would be represented by remembrances in gold, silver, jewelry or napery. The<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</SPAN></span> pendulum has swung as far in the opposite direction, and fewer wedding gifts than of old are sent from politeness alone.</p> <p>Suitable gifts for a bride are silver, cut-glass, table linen, pictures, books, handsome chairs or tables, rugs, bric-à-brac and jewelry. In fact, anything for the new home is proper. It is not customary to send wearing apparel, except when this is given by some member of the bride’s family. A check made out to the bride is always a handsome gift. The parents of the wife-to-be frequently give the small silver.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">MARKING THE SILVER</div> <p>How should the silver be marked? is sometimes asked. Good form demands that if the donor wishes to have his gift marked, it must be engraved with the bride’s maiden initials. Some persons are so thoughtful that they send silver with the request that it be returned after the ceremony by the bride for marking as she sees fit. She then returns it to the firm from which it was bought,—said firm having received an order from the donor to engrave it according to the owner’s wishes.</p> <p>Still, if silver must be given marked, it is safe to have the initials of the bride put upon it. Even should she die, good taste and conventionality would forbid the use of her silver by the second wife,—should there be one. While on this melancholy<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</SPAN></span> side of the subject it would be well to state that when a wife dies, leaving a child, and the husband remarries, her silver is packed away for the child’s use in future years. This is demanded by custom and conventionality. This rule is especially to be regarded if the child be a girl, as she then has a right to the mother’s silver, marked with that mother’s name.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">ACKNOWLEDGING GIFTS</div> <p>A wedding gift is accompanied by the donor’s card,—usually enclosed in a small card-envelope. As soon as possible, the bride-to-be writes a personal letter of thanks. This must be cordial, and in the first person, somewhat in this form:</p> <div class="blockquot"> <p class="right"> “425 Cedar Terrace, Milton, Pa.<br/></p> <p class="unindent">“My Dear Mrs. Hamilton:</p> <p>“The beautiful picture sent by Mr. Hamilton and yourself has just arrived, and I hasten to thank you for your kind thought of me. The subject is one of which I am especially fond, and the picture will do much toward making attractive the walls of our little home. It will always serve to remind Mr. Allen and myself of you and Mr. Hamilton.</p> <p class="sig"> <span style="margin-right: 4em;">“Gratefully yours,</span><br/> “Mary Brown.<br/></p> <p>“June nineteenth, nineteen hundred and five.”</p> </div> <p>If a gift arrives so late that it can not be acknowledged before the wedding, the wife must write<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</SPAN></span> as soon as possible after the ceremony,—even during the first days of her honeymoon. To neglect to do this is an unpardonable rudeness.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>The wedding gifts may be displayed in a room by themselves on the wedding-day, but must not be accompanied by the cards of the donors. In spite of arguments pro and con, it is certainly in better taste to remove the cards before the exhibition. If there are so many present that there is any danger of the bride’s forgetting from whom the different articles came, let some member of the family keep a list, or take an inventory, before the cards are taken off. Some persons attach to each gift a tiny slip of paper bearing a number. In a little book is a corresponding number after which is written the name of the sender.</p> <p>The rules that apply to wedding-presents apply also to the gifts sent at wedding anniversaries, be they wooden, tin, crystal, silver or golden anniversaries.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">ENGAGEMENT GIFTS</div> <p>Engagement presents are frequently sent to the fiancée, but this is entirely a matter of taste or inclination, and is not demanded by fashion or conventionality. Contributions to linen showers may be included among the engagement gifts. The fashion of such “showers” is ephemeral,—a fact not to be regretted.</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</SPAN></span></p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">WHAT A MAN MAY GIVE</div> <p>A word or more is not out of place concerning the kind of gifts that a young man may make with propriety to a young woman with whom he is on agreeable terms. Flowers, books, candy,—these are gifts that he may make without offense, and she may receive without undue or unpleasant sense of obligation. If he be an old and intimate friend of her family, he may offer her small trinkets, or ornamental, semi-useful articles, such as a card-case, or a bonbonnière. Anything intended solely for use is proscribed. If a young man is engaged to a young woman the possible choice of gifts is, of course, much enlarged. Even then, however, very expensive gifts are not desirable. They lessen somewhat the charm of the relation between the two.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <p>When a baby is born, the friends of the happy mother send her some article for the new arrival. It may be a dainty dress or flannel skirt, a cloak, cap or tiny bit of jewelry. These gifts the young mother is not supposed to acknowledge until she is strong enough to write letters without fear of weariness. As a rule some member of her family writes in her stead, expressing the mother’s thanks.</p> <p>When a baby is christened, it is customary for the sponsors to make the little one a present. This is usually a piece of silver,—as a cup, a bowl,<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</SPAN></span> marked with the child’s name; or a silver spoon, knife and fork may be given. The godparents give as a rule, something that will prove durable, or a gift that the child may keep all his life, rather than an article of wearing apparel.</p> <p>A guest invited to a christening party may bring a gift, if he wishes to do so. This may be anything that fancy dictates. A pretty present for such an occasion is a “Record” or “Baby’s Biography,” handsomely bound and illustrated, containing blanks for the little one’s weight at birth and each succeeding year, for the record of his first tooth, the first word uttered, the first step taken, and so on, as well as spaces for the insertion of a lock of the baby-hair, progressive photographs, and other trifles dear to the mother’s heart. All christening gifts may be orally acknowledged by the mother when the guest presents them.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">CHRISTMAS GIFTS</div> <p>The custom of making Christmas presents is so universal that it would seem superfluous to offer any suggestion with regard to them, had not the dear old custom been so abused that the lovers of Christmas must utter their protest. It should be borne in mind that the only thing that makes a Christmas gift worth while is the thought that accompanies it. When it is given because policy,<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</SPAN></span> habit or conventionality demands it, it is a desecration. If we must make any presents from a sense of duty, let it be on birthdays, on wedding-days, on other anniversaries,—never on the anniversary of the Great Gift to the World. If the spirit of good will to man does not prompt the giving, that giving is in vain. Nor should a present at this time be sent simply because one expects to receive a reminder in the shape of a present from a friend. A quid pro quo is not a true Christmas remembrance.</p> <div class="sidenote">TO PREVENT DUPLICATION</div> <p>Let us suppose then, that the making of holiday presents is a pleasure. To simplify matters we would suggest that those who have a large circle of friends to whom they rejoice to give presents retain over to another year the list made the year previous. Not only will this keep in mind the person whom they would remember, but it will prevent duplicating presents. One woman learned to her dismay that for two years she had sent the same picture—a favorite with her—to a dear friend, while another sent a friend silver button-hooks for three consecutive Christmases.</p> <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">SINCERE GRATITUDE</div> <p>All gifts, those of the holiday season included, should be promptly acknowledged, and never by a card marked “Thanks.” If a present is worth any<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</SPAN></span> acknowledgment, it is worth courteous notice. When one says “Thank you!” either verbally or by letter, it should be uttered with sincerity, and from the heart. To omit the expression of cordial gratitude is a breach of good breeding.</p> <hr class="chap" /></div> <p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</SPAN></span></p> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />