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Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette

<h2>CHAPTER XLIV SELF-HELP AND OBSERVATION</h2> TO the uninstructed, socially, the bare rules and conventions regulating social life seem often meaningless and arbitrary. A careful consideration of these conventions, such as it has been the aim of this book to give, shows that no one of them is without a reason for its being. The classification, however, of social forms, together with the reasons governing these forms, does not provide a body of knowledge sufficient to serve as guide in the matter of comporting one’s self easily and to advantage socially. There are many situations and points of behavior that it is impossible for a book of etiquette to cover. The laws laid down are only a small social capital. They discuss the more obvious matters of social contact. Numerous points,—and these of the finer sort,—must be left without comment. In the treatment of these points and problems the person desirous of solving them properly must rely largely on his own good sense. One must apply to social exigencies the same methods[427] of reasoning that one applies in meeting the other exigencies of life. In a word, one must resort to the principle of self-help. <div class="sidenote">LEARN BY OBSERVATION</div> Much, too, and this in the pleasantest fashion, may be done to extend one’s knowledge of good form by observation of people who have unusual tact and social discrimination. In every city, town and village, there are such persons who are distinguished above their fellow citizens by social instinct, by the talent for performing gracefully and acceptably the offices of society. In differing degrees, but still perceptibly, these people, like the painter, the musician, the poet, are marked by a taste and a thirst for perfection. To render social life as interesting, as charming, as beautiful as possible, to make the social machinery run smoothly and without friction,—this is their aim. Such people give quality to social intercourse. They observe the little amenities of life with grace. They know how to enter a room and how to leave it. They convey by the bow with which they greet one on the street the proper degree of acquaintanceship or friendship. They dress with propriety. They take time by the forelock in the adoption of new devices for the entertainment of their friends. Their parties are the prettiest; their houses are the most popular. Not necessarily clever of speech, they are clever in small and charming activities.[428] They have a marked talent for all the little graces that make social intercourse easy and delightful. This talent, of course, can not be communicated, but much may be learned by watching its operation. Certainly one can gain from it a knowledge of particulars, of how to perform certain definite acts, even if the conquest of the method is impossible. It is not difficult in any community to discover people who approach more or less nearly the type described. They have a recognized distinction. To watch them, and, by this means, to wrest from them a part at least of their secret, is the surest way for the individual, timid or unversed socially, to discover his own social power and to increase it. <hr class="tb" /> <div class="sidenote">TRIFLES MAKE PERFECTION</div> <div class="sidenote">THE UNIFORMITY OF CUSTOM</div> Doubtless some of those who read this book may be disposed to ask why, in social life, so much stress is laid on comparatively small matters and why one can not do as one pleases? To these we recommend Gilbert Hamerton’s delightful essay, Custom and Tradition, addressed “To a young gentleman who had firmly resolved never to wear anything but a gray coat.” We quote briefly: “The penalties imposed by society for the infraction of very trifling details of custom are often, as it seems, out of all proportion to the offense; but so are the penalties of nature.... Nature will be obeyed. Society will be obeyed.... Society does not[429] desire to exclude you because you will not wear evening dress; but the dress is customary, and your exclusion is merely a consequence of your non-conformity. The view of society goes no farther in this than the artistic conception (not very delicately artistic, perhaps) that it is prettier to see men in black coats regularly placed between ladies round a dinner-table than men in gray coats or brown coats. The uniformity of custom appears to represent uniformity of sentiment.... Society does not argue the point with you, but only excludes you.” THE END <hr class="chap" /></div> [430] [431] [432] [433] <h2>INDEX</h2> <ul class="index"> <li>Abbreviations, 3, 4</li> <li>Accepting invitations, 183</li> <li>Accounts, keeping, 391</li> <li>Acknowledging favors, 410, 411</li> <li>Acknowledging gifts, 169, 170, 173, 174</li> <li>Acquaintance between young men and young women, 132</li> <li>Addressing invitations, 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9</li> <li>Addressing letters, 31</li> <li>Addressing persons of political prominence, 34, 35</li> <li>Addressing the nobility, 41</li> <li>Afternoon receptions, 53, 54</li> <li>Afternoon receptions, correct dress, 54</li> <li>Afternoon receptions, refreshments for, 54</li> <li>After six o’clock, 43</li> <li>Allowances: children’s weekly sums, 395</li> <li>Allowances, expenditure of, 396, 397, 398</li> <li>Allowances for charity, 347</li> <li>Allowances, importance of, 395</li> <li>Allowances, value of, 396</li> <li>Anniversaries, 63</li> <li>Announcements, wedding, 86, 87</li> <li>Answering letters, 29, 36, 37</li> <li>Arrival at functions, 56, 57</li> <li>Asking questions, 401, 402</li> <li>“At Home” announcement through newspapers, 4</li> <li>“At Home” days, 17, 18</li> <li>“At Homes,” invitations to, 2</li> <li>“At Homes” of brides, 89</li> <li>Attendants, wedding, 70, 79</li> <li>Automobiling, etiquette of, 285, 286</li> <li> </li> <li>Bachelor after-theater supper, 176</li> <li>Bachelor dinners, 179, 180, 181</li> <li>Bachelor hospitality: chaperon required, 176</li> <li>Bachelor hospitality: engaging chaperon for, 177</li> <li>Bachelor hospitality: form of entertaining, 176</li> <li>Bachelor hospitality: issuing invitations, 178</li> <li>Bachelor receptions, 176, 179</li> <li>Bachelor restaurant supper, 180, 181</li> <li>Bachelor tea, 176, 178</li> <li>Bashfulness, 412</li> <li>Birthday gifts, 171</li> <li>[434]Boarding-house, etiquette of, 249</li> <li>Boarding-schools, 113</li> <li>Boating, etiquette of, 288, 289</li> <li>Books, care of, 235</li> <li>Books, borrowing, 235</li> <li>Bouquets, bridal, 73, 82, 84</li> <li>Bowing, 240</li> <li>Box-party, correct seating of, 129</li> <li>Breakfast, wedding, 71, 72, 75, 76, 84, 85</li> <li>Bridegroom’s dress, 72, 82</li> <li>Bride’s dress, 72, 82</li> <li>Bridesmaid’s dress, 72, 82</li> <li>Bruskness, 399</li> <li>Business courtesy, 401</li> <li>Butler’s dress, 102</li> <li> </li> <li>Call, who makes first, 25, 26</li> <li>Callers, refreshments for, 19, 20</li> <li>Calling after a bereavement, 22</li> <li>Calling-cards, 4</li> <li>Calls, 14</li> <li>Calls: after an invitation has been declined, 24</li> <li>Calls: “At Home” days, 17, 18</li> <li>Calls: conversation during, 127</li> <li>Calls: hours for, 26, 125, 126</li> <li>Calls: length of, 126</li> <li>Calls: leaving cards, 18, 19, 20</li> <li>Calls: on fiancée, 21</li> <li>Calls, on the sick, 26</li> <li>Calls, returning, 23</li> <li>Calls, social obligation of, 17</li> <li>Calls to offer sympathy, 23</li> <li>Canoeing, etiquette of, 288, 289</li> <li>Card-party, the, 56, 57</li> <li>Cards, 14</li> <li>Cards, calling, 14</li> <li>Cards, correspondence, 35</li> <li>Cards for an “At Home,” 2</li> <li>Cards for clergymen, 16</li> <li>Cards for evening reception, 3</li> <li>Cards for home wedding, 69, 70</li> <li>Cards for matron, 15</li> <li>Cards for men, 15</li> <li>Cards for mourning, 21, 22</li> <li>Cards for wedding anniversaries, 62</li> <li>[435]Cards for young women, 15</li> <li>Cards: style for calling, 14</li> <li>Cards: when calling, 19, 20</li> <li>Ceremony, wedding, 74, 75, 80</li> <li>Chaperon, 145</li> <li>Chaperon at college parties, 142</li> <li>Chaperon at theaters, 150</li> <li>Chaperon, duties of, 147, 148, 149, 150, 177</li> <li>Chaperon, excursions with, 150</li> <li>Chaperon, necessity of, 146, 147</li> <li>Chaperon, obligation to, 147</li> <li>Chaperon: when traveling, 278, 279</li> <li>Charity, allowance for, 347</li> <li>Charity: delicacy in gift-making, 353, 354</li> <li>Charity, organized methods of, 347, 348, 349</li> <li>Charity, private, 352, 353</li> <li>Charity: settlement work, 351, 352</li> <li>Charity: special fields of, 350, 351</li> <li>Children, 315</li> <li>Children at hotels, 254, 255</li> <li>Children, authority over, 319</li> <li>Children, behavior of, 318</li> <li>Children, indulgence to, 316, 317</li> <li>Children, obedience of, 322</li> <li>Children, place of, 318</li> <li>Children, traveling with, 320, 321</li> <li>Christening gifts, 64, 178</li> <li>Christening parties, 63, 64</li> <li>Christmas gifts, 172, 173</li> <li>Church acquaintances, 330</li> <li>Church companionship, 330, 331</li> <li>Church etiquette, 329</li> <li>Church etiquette: making friends, 331</li> <li>Church etiquette: pastor and parish, 335</li> <li>Church etiquette: pew hospitality, 333</li> <li>Church etiquette: visiting congregations, 335</li> <li>Church etiquette: welcoming strangers, 331, 332</li> <li>Clerks and customers, 408</li> <li>Clerks: courtesy toward, 407</li> <li>Club, woman’s, 337</li> <li>Coeducation, 136</li> <li>Coeducation: “Don’ts” for girls, 140, 141, 142</li> <li>Coeducation: forming friendships, 138, 139</li> <li>Coeducation: local etiquette of, 139</li> <li>Coeducation: social amenities of, 137, 138</li> <li>[436]College festivities, 142</li> <li>College slang, 141, 142</li> <li>Coming out, 120</li> <li>Coming-out parties, 55, 56</li> <li>Companionship of one young man, 130, 131</li> <li>Compliments, profuse, 417</li> <li>Condolence, 34, 208, 209</li> <li>Conduct toward guest, 199, 200, 201, 202</li> <li>Congratulations, 34</li> <li>Congratulations, wedding, 75, 83, 84</li> <li>Correspondence cards, 35</li> <li>Correspondence, value of, 29</li> <li>Courtesy, 355</li> <li>Courtesy: aged men, 360, 361, 362</li> <li>Courtesy due elders, 355</li> <li>Courtesy: value of deference, 357, 358, 360</li> <li>Courtesy: value of discrimination, 356, 357</li> <li>Courtesies: at dance, 128</li> <li>Courtesies: at theater, 129</li> <li>Courtesies, young men may pay girls, 128</li> <li>Criticism, rudeness of, 409</li> <li>Criticism, tactful, 403, 404</li> <li> </li> <li>Dance program, 58</li> <li>Dancing parties, 57, 58</li> <li>Dancing parties: the hostess, 59</li> <li>Dean of women, 143, 144</li> <li>Débutante, 120</li> <li>Débutante, age of, 121</li> <li>Débutante, apparel of, 122, 123</li> <li>Débutante: coming out, 120</li> <li>Débutante, conduct of, 123, 124</li> <li>Débutante, significance of, 121, 122</li> <li>Declining invitations, 8, 9, 10, 11</li> <li>Dinner coat, 104, 105</li> <li>Dinner, hour for serving, 99</li> <li>Dinner parties, 88</li> <li>Dinner parties: arrival, 107</li> <li>Dinner parties: choice of guests, 89, 90, 106</li> <li>Dinner parties: departure, 109</li> <li>Dinner parties, invitations to, 6, 7, 8, 9, 90</li> <li>Dinner parties: general suggestions, 89</li> <li>Dinner parties: leaving dining-room, 108</li> <li>Dinner parties: leaving drawing-room, 106</li> <li>Dinner parties: preparations for, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96</li> <li>[437]Dinner parties: serving, 100, 101</li> <li>Dinner parties: the small affair, 89</li> <li>Disagreeableness, 400</li> <li>Dowry, bride’s, 394</li> <li>Dress: between seasons, 156</li> <li>Dress, color in, 161, 162, 163</li> <li>Dress, consideration of, 154</li> <li>Dress for balls and dinners, 156</li> <li>Dress for bride, 72, 82</li> <li>Dress for bridegroom, 72, 82</li> <li>Dress for bridesmaids, 72, 82</li> <li>Dress for business woman, 383, 384</li> <li>Dress for butler, 102</li> <li>Dress for christening parties, 64, 105</li> <li>Dress for church, 166</li> <li>Dress for house-man, 102</li> <li>Dress for housework, 372, 373</li> <li>Dress for maid, 102</li> <li>Dress for maid of honor, 72, 82</li> <li>Dress for men at dinner party, 103</li> <li>Dress for traveling, 270</li> <li>Dress for ushers, 83</li> <li>Dress for various occasions, 54-157</li> <li>Dress for widow, 212</li> <li>Dress for widow at second marriage, 187</li> <li>Dress for women at dinner party, 103, 156</li> <li>Dress: individuality in, 162</li> <li>Dress: importance of accessories, 159, 160</li> <li>Dress: its influence on manner, 253</li> <li>Dress: neatness in, 162, 163</li> <li>Dress: street gown, 155</li> <li>Dress: suitable for occasion, 158, 163, 164</li> <li>Duty of hospitality, 203</li> <li>Duty of maid, 99, 363</li> <li>Duty of mistress, 363</li> <li>Duty to elders, 355</li> <li> </li> <li>Education of young girl, 111</li> <li>Embracing, 244</li> <li>Engaged couple, 60, 61</li> <li>Engagements, 61</li> <li>Engagements, announcement of, 61</li> <li>Engagement gifts, 170</li> <li>Entertaining at club-house, 65</li> <li>Entertaining at hotel ballroom, 65</li> <li>[438]Escorting women, 242, 243</li> <li>Evening receptions, 53</li> <li>Exchanging photographs at college, 141</li> <li>Expenses, wedding, 71</li> <li> </li> <li>Finances: accounts, 391</li> <li>Finances: advantages of agreement, 390, 391</li> <li>Finances: advice to wife, 388, 389</li> <li>Finances: allowance for wife, 389, 390</li> <li>Finances: exceeding allowance, 390</li> <li>Finances: investing wife’s money, 394</li> <li>Finances: marrying for money, 392, 393</li> <li>Finances of young married couples, 387</li> <li>Finances: wife earns allowance, 387, 388</li> <li>Finger-bowls, use of, 222</li> <li>Finger nails, 164, 231</li> <li>First names, use of, 127, 140</li> <li>Flowers for funerals, 209</li> <li>Forks, use of, 217, 218</li> <li>Forms of address, 34, 35, 41</li> <li>Functions, 52</li> <li>Functions: afternoon receptions, 53, 54</li> <li>Functions: anniversaries, 62, 63</li> <li>Functions: announcing engagements, 61, 62</li> <li>Functions: christening parties, 63, 64</li> <li>Functions: coming-out parties, 55, 56</li> <li>Functions: dancing parties, 57, 58</li> <li>Functions: dinner parties, 88</li> <li>Functions: evening receptions, 53</li> <li>Functions: high tea, 54, 55</li> <li>Functions: hour for arriving, 56, 57</li> <li>Functions: how to conduct one’s self, 52, 58, 59, 65</li> <li>Functions: leaving, 53, 55, 56, 57</li> <li>Functions: luncheons, 52</li> <li>Functions: music, 55</li> <li>Functions: musicale, 57, 66</li> <li>Funerals, 210, 211, 212</li> <li> </li> <li>Gifts, 167</li> <li>Gifts, acknowledging, 169, 170, 173, 174</li> <li>Gifts, appropriate, 168</li> <li>Gifts, birthday, 171</li> <li>Gifts, christening, 171, 172</li> <li>Gifts, Christmas, 172, 173</li> <li>Gifts, display of wedding, 84, 170</li> <li>[439]Gifts for the baby, 171</li> <li>Gifts for engagements, 170</li> <li>Gifts for weddings, 167, 168</li> <li>Gifts for young women, 171</li> <li>Gifts, lists of, 170</li> <li>Gifts: marking silver, 168</li> <li>Girls: advantages of travel for, 116, 117</li> <li>Girls: boarding-school or college for, 112</li> <li>Girls: desirability of accomplishments for, 117, 118</li> <li>Girls: entertaining men in their room, 312, 313</li> <li>Girls: free and easy behavior, 307</li> <li>Girls, 306</li> <li>Girls: impropriety of advances, 310, 311</li> <li>Girls: jesting, 313, 314</li> <li>Girls: losing respect, 307</li> <li>Girls: maidenly dignity, 312</li> <li>Girls: permitting liberties, 308, 309, 310</li> <li>Girls: plain talk to, 306</li> <li>Girls: sending away to school, 111</li> <li>Gloves, 165</li> <li>Golf, etiquette of, 282, 283, 284</li> <li>Grace, saying, 100</li> <li>Greetings, 414</li> <li>Guests at hotels, 249</li> <li>Guests, choice of, 10</li> <li> </li> <li>Harmony, 421</li> <li>Hat, lifting of, 238, 239, 411</li> <li>High tea, 54, 55</li> <li>Home dinner, 45</li> <li>Home diversion: planning for, 44, 45, 46</li> <li>Home diversion: games for, 47</li> <li>Home, in the, 227</li> <li>Home, in the: breaches of manner, 237, 238</li> <li>Home, in the: courtesy, 227, 228, 229</li> <li>Home, in the: courteous attentions, 229, 233</li> <li>Home, in the: family table, 229, 230</li> <li>Home, in the: good taste in speech, 231, 232</li> <li>Home, in the: politeness essential, 232, 233</li> <li>Home, in the: recognizing others’ rights, 235, 236</li> <li>Home, in the: respect for books, 235</li> <li>Home, in the: respect necessary, 233, 234</li> <li>Home, in the: well-trained voice, 234</li> <li>Home party, 47</li> <li>Home wedding, 69</li> <li>[440]Home wedding: decorations, 73, 74</li> <li>Home wedding: invitations to, 69, 70</li> <li>Home wedding: matter of lights, 70</li> <li>Home wedding: order of procession, 74, 75</li> <li>Horseback riding, etiquette of, 289, 290</li> <li>Hospitality, 201, 202, 203</li> <li>Hospitality, bachelor, 175</li> <li>Hospitality, duty of, 203</li> <li>Hospitality, mutual obligations of, 204</li> <li>Hospitality, return of, 205</li> <li>Hospitality to strangers, 206, 207</li> <li>Hostess at dance, 59</li> <li>Hostess at table, 217, 223</li> <li>Hotel, children in, 254, 255</li> <li>Hotel etiquette, 249</li> <li>Hotel etiquette: conduct toward waiter, 252</li> <li>Hotel etiquette: criticizing, 252</li> <li>Hotel etiquette: dining-room conduct, 251, 252</li> <li>Hotel etiquette: instructions for guest, 249, 250</li> <li>Hotel etiquette: loud talking, 250</li> <li>Hotel etiquette: tipping, 253</li> <li>Hotel gossip, 255, 256</li> <li>Hotel intimacies, 257</li> <li>Hotel, summer, 257</li> <li>Hotel table, at the, 416</li> <li>House-man, dress of, 102</li> <li>House-man, duties of, 103</li> <li> </li> <li>Ideal society, the, 67</li> <li>Indulgent parents, 316, 317</li> <li>Ingratitude, display of, 409</li> <li>Interest, display of, 402, 403</li> <li>Introductions, 38</li> <li>Introductions: an American presented at court, 40, 41</li> <li>Introductions: clerical, 40</li> <li>Introductions: man the one presented, 38</li> <li>Introductions: should be made by host, 41, 42</li> <li>Introducing a person in a large circle, 39</li> <li>Introducing a sister or daughter, 39</li> <li>Introducing one’s husband, 39</li> <li>Introducing professional men, 42</li> <li>Introducing two women of about equal age, 40</li> <li>Invitations, 1</li> <li>Invitations, acknowledging, 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9</li> <li>[441]Invitations, addressing, 6</li> <li>Invitations, appreciation of, 409</li> <li>Invitations, bachelor’s, 178</li> <li>Invitations, declining, 8, 9, 10</li> <li>Invitations for an “At Home,” 2</li> <li>Invitations for bridge, 11</li> <li>Invitations for card-parties, 5</li> <li>Invitations for coming-out parties, 56</li> <li>Invitations for church weddings, 5</li> <li>Invitations for dances, 5</li> <li>Invitations for dinners, 6, 7, 8, 9</li> <li>Invitations for evening receptions, 3</li> <li>Invitations for garden parties, 11</li> <li>Invitations for luncheons, 6, 10</li> <li>Invitations for musicales, 11</li> <li>Invitations for tea-dance, 11</li> <li>Invitations for weddings, 5, 69, 70, 78</li> <li>Invitations in honor of friend, 2</li> <li>Invitations: issued in name of, 13</li> <li>Invitations: manner of receiving verbal, 409, 410</li> <li>Invitations requiring no acceptance note, 1</li> <li>Invitations: sent after a death, 12</li> <li>Invitations: without first call having been made, 23, 24</li> <li>Inviting a visitor, 197-198</li> <li> </li> <li>Jesting, 313, 314</li> <li> </li> <li>Leave-taking, a man’s, 135</li> <li>Leaving cards, 20, 21</li> <li>Letter-heads, 30</li> <li>Letter-writing, 27</li> <li>Letters, answering, 29, 36, 37</li> <li>Letters: colored letter paper, 29</li> <li>Letters, dating, 31</li> <li>Letters: enclosing stamps, 36</li> <li>Letters, how to write, 27</li> <li>Letters: interchange of, 130</li> <li>Letters, length of, 33</li> <li>Letters: mourning stationery, 30</li> <li>Letters of condolence, 34, 208, 209</li> <li>Letters of congratulation, 34</li> <li>Letters of introduction, 35, 36, 416</li> <li>Letters: plain white paper, 29</li> <li>Letters: postal cards, 33</li> <li>Letters: signatures, 32</li> <li>[442]Letters: social forms, 29, 30</li> <li>Letters: wrong way of treating, 28</li> <li>Listening, value of, 402, 403</li> <li>Little things, 399</li> <li>Lunching at a club, 134</li> <li>Luncheons, 52</li> <li>Luncheons: the table, 52</li> <li> </li> <li>Maid, dress of, 102</li> <li>Maid, duties of, 99</li> <li>Maid of honor, 70</li> <li>Maid of honor’s dress, 72, 82</li> <li>Maid, without a: division of tasks, 376, 377</li> <li>Maid, without a: dressing for work, 372, 373</li> <li>Maid, without a: importance of order, 373, 374, 375</li> <li>Maid, without a: simplicity, 375, 376</li> <li>Maid, without a: studying housework, 377, 378, 379</li> <li>Maidenly dignity, 312</li> <li>Manner, 418</li> <li>Manner: beginning conversation, 425</li> <li>Manner: candles of conversation, 422</li> <li>Manner: harmony, 421</li> <li>Manner: learn to talk well, 419</li> <li>Manner: leaving a room, 425</li> <li>Manner: serenity, 423, 424</li> <li>Manner: telling a story, 423</li> <li>Manner: the question form, 420</li> <li>Manner: violent opinions, 424</li> <li>Manner of lady toward social inferior, 416</li> <li>Marketing: ill manners while, 408</li> <li>Marriage, ceremonies of, 74, 75, 80, 81</li> <li>Marrying for money, 393</li> <li>Menu cards, 97, 261, 262, 263, 264, 265, 266, 267</li> <li>Mistress and maid, 363</li> <li>Mistress and maid: duty to maid, 356, 366</li> <li>Mistress and maid: duty to mistress, 366</li> <li>Mistress and maid: making confidante of maid, 366, 367</li> <li>Mistress and maid: making friend of maid, 365, 366</li> <li>Mistress and maid: relations between, 363, 368</li> <li>Mistress, conduct of, 363, 364</li> <li>Mourning: attending funerals, 209, 210</li> <li>Mourning: cards of, 21</li> <li>Mourning: church funerals, 212</li> <li>Mourning: closing casket, 210</li> <li>Mourning: conduct of bereaved, 215</li> <li>[443]Mourning: extending sympathy, 211, 212</li> <li>Mourning: flowers, 209</li> <li>Mourning for men, 214</li> <li>Mourning: funeral notices, 215</li> <li>Mourning: home funerals, 210, 211</li> <li>Mourning, house of, 208</li> <li>Mourning stationery, appropriate, 21, 22</li> <li>Mourning, time of, 214, 215</li> <li>Mourning veil, 212, 213</li> <li>Mourning: widow’s dress, 212, 213, 214</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich, ambitions of, 294, 295</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich, apparel of, 303</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich: conduct toward servants, 297</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich: engaging servants, 296</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich: forming new acquaintances, 299</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich, house of, 303, 304</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich, husband of, 292, 293, 294</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich, manners of, 298, 299</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich: mastering forms, 300, 301, 302</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich: purse-pride, 294</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich, speech of, 296</li> <li>Mrs. Newlyrich, social duties of, 291</li> <li>Music at a reception, 55</li> <li>Musicale, 57, 66</li> <li>Music, wedding, 74</li> <li> </li> <li>Napkin, use of, 217, 222, 224</li> <li>Neighbors, 323</li> <li>Neighbors, addressing, 324</li> <li>Neighbors, courtesy to, 325</li> <li>Neighbors, familiarity with, 327, 328</li> <li>Neighbors, higher significance of, 326, 327</li> <li>Note-writing, as an accomplishment, 130</li> <li>Notices, funeral, 215</li> <li> </li> <li>Obedience, children’s, 322</li> <li>Observation, value of, 427, 428</li> <li> </li> <li>Paper, letter, 29, 35</li> <li>Parents, indulgent, 316, 317</li> <li>Parish, etiquette of, 329</li> <li>Party calls, 23</li> <li>Parties, anniversary, 63</li> <li>Parties, christening, 63, 64</li> <li>Parties, coming-out, 55, 56</li> <li>[444]Parties, dancing, 57, 58</li> <li>Parties, dinner, 88</li> <li>Parties, gentlemen should attend on ladies, 133, 134</li> <li>Parties, house, 187</li> <li>Pastor and parish, 334, 335, 336</li> <li>Perfect social group, 68</li> <li>Photographs, exchange of, 141</li> <li>Politeness in home, 232, 238</li> <li>Postal cards, use of, 32, 33</li> <li>Presentation at court, 40-41</li> <li>Privacy, respect for others’, 235, 236</li> <li>Public, addressing women in, 243, 245</li> <li>Public, assisting women in, 242</li> <li>Public, boarding a car in, 240, 241</li> <li>Public, bowing in, 240</li> <li>Public, embracing in, 244</li> <li>Public, escorting women in, 242, 243</li> <li>Public, etiquette in, 240, 241</li> <li>Public, kissing in, 244</li> <li>Public, lifting hat in, 238, 239</li> <li>Public, removing hat in, 239</li> <li>Public, resigning seat in, 241, 242</li> <li>Public: theater conduct, 245, 246</li> <li>Purse-pride, 294</li> <li> </li> <li>Receiving a caller, 126</li> <li>Receptions, afternoon, 53, 54</li> <li>Receptions, evening, 53</li> <li>Receptions, invitations for, 3</li> <li>Recreation, 43</li> <li>Refreshments for callers, 19, 20</li> <li>Refreshments for home wedding, 64</li> <li>Refreshments for receptions, 64</li> <li>Restaurant, in the, 259</li> <li>Restaurant, in the: conduct, 259, 260, 261</li> <li>Restaurant, in the: menu card, 261, 262, 263, 264, 265, 266, 267</li> <li>Restaurant, in the: ordering, 259, 260</li> <li>Returning calls, 23</li> <li>Rowing, etiquette of, 288, 289</li> <li>Rudeness, 399</li> <li>Rules of social life, 426</li> <li> </li> <li>Self-criticism, 412</li> <li>Self-help, 426</li> <li>Serving guests, 101, 102</li> <li>[445]Settlements, 392</li> <li>Settlement work, 351</li> <li>Social favors, asking, 416</li> <li>Spoon, use of, 220</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in, 280</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: automobiling, 285, 286</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: boating, 288, 289</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: canoeing, 288, 289</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: driving, 289</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: golf, 282, 283, 284</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: horseback riding, 289, 290</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: politeness necessary, 280</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: rowing, 288, 289</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: swimming, 289</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: tennis, 286, 287</li> <li>Sports, etiquette in: yachting, 287</li> <li>Sports, general rules of, 281, 282</li> <li>Street-car, getting off, 415</li> <li>Summer hotel, etiquette of, 257</li> <li>Suppers, Sunday night, 49, 50</li> <li>Suppers, after the theater, 176</li> <li>Swimming, etiquette of, 289</li> <li>Sympathy, cards of, 22</li> <li>Sympathy, expressions of, 211, 212</li> <li> </li> <li>Table, at, 216</li> <li>Table, at: carving, 217</li> <li>Table, at: drinking coffee, 221, 222</li> <li>Table, at: eating, 216, 220</li> <li>Table, at: salad, 222</li> <li>Table, at: second service, 224</li> <li>Table, at: the hostess, 217, 223</li> <li>Table, at: the waitress, 222</li> <li>Table, at: use of finger-bowls, 222</li> <li>Table, at: use of fork, 217, 218</li> <li>Table, at: use of knife, 217, 218, 219</li> <li>Table, at: use of spoon, 220</li> <li>Table, at: using fingers, 220, 221</li> <li>Table: fruit centerpiece for, 97</li> <li>Table laws, 225, 226</li> <li>Table, setting the, 93, 94, 95, 98, 225</li> <li>Table, sitting at, 216</li> <li>Telephoning, politeness of, 404, 405, 406</li> <li>Tennis, etiquette of, 286, 287</li> <li>Tipping, 188, 253</li> <li>[446]Titles, 17, 42</li> <li>Titles: husband’s never taken by wife, 16</li> <li>Traveling: arrival in a strange city, 276, 277, 278</li> <li>Traveling: by boat, 278</li> <li>Traveling: chaperons, 278, 279</li> <li>Traveling: funds, 270, 271</li> <li>Traveling: in the dining-car, 275, 276</li> <li>Traveling, making acquaintance while, 271, 272</li> <li>Traveling: Pullman car preparations, 272, 273, 274</li> <li>Traveling, suitable clothing for, 270</li> <li> </li> <li>Uniformity of custom, 429</li> <li>Uninvited visitor, 12, 183</li> <li>Use of first names, 127, 245</li> <li>Ushers, wedding, 74, 79</li> <li>Ushers, dress for, 83</li> <li> </li> <li>Value of allowances, 396</li> <li>Visited, the, 195</li> <li>Visited, the: conduct toward guest, 199, 200, 201, 202</li> <li>Visited, the: decline of hospitality, 195, 196, 197</li> <li>Visited, the: inviting a visitor, 197, 198</li> <li>Visited, the: preparing for visitor, 198, 199</li> <li>Visited, the: welcoming visitor, 199</li> <li>Visitor, the, 182</li> <li>Visitor, the: accepting invitations, 183, 184</li> <li>Visitor, the: assisting hostess, 186</li> <li>Visitor, the: examples of misbehavior, 190, 191, 192</li> <li>Visitor, the: expenses of, 200, 201</li> <li>Visitor, the: house-parties, 187</li> <li>Visitor, the: keeping engagements, 184</li> <li>Visitor, the: meal time, 184, 185</li> <li>Visitor, the: promptness essential, 185</li> <li>Visitor, the: proper mode of conduct, 193, 194</li> <li>Visitor, the: thanking hostess, 188, 189</li> <li>Visitor, the: tipping servants, 188</li> <li>Visitor, the: what to avoid, 190</li> <li>Visitor, uninvited, 183</li> <li>Visitor, wardrobe of, 182, 187</li> <li>Voice, speaking quality of, 234</li> <li> </li> <li>Waitress, 222</li> <li>Weddings, 69, 70, 78</li> <li>Wedding anniversaries, 62, 63</li> <li>Wedding announcements, 86, 87</li> <li>[447]Wedding apparel, appropriate, 72, 82, 83</li> <li>Wedding at home, 69, 70</li> <li>Wedding attendants, 70, 79</li> <li>Wedding-breakfasts, 71, 72, 75, 76, 84, 85</li> <li>Wedding calls, 85</li> <li>Wedding-cards, 70</li> <li>Wedding ceremony, 74, 75, 80, 81</li> <li>Wedding, church, 78</li> <li>Wedding decorations, 73, 78, 79</li> <li>Wedding, evening, 83</li> <li>Wedding expenses, how divided, 71</li> <li>Wedding invitations, form of, 69, 70, 78</li> <li>Wedding jokes, impropriety of, 77</li> <li>Wedding music, 74</li> <li>Wedding procession, order of, 74, 75, 80</li> <li>Wedding ushers, 74, 79</li> <li>Weddings: “At Home” days, 89</li> <li>Weddings: expressing congratulations, 75, 83, 84</li> <li>Weddings: days for, 70</li> <li>Weddings: maid of honor, 70</li> <li>Week-end party, 187</li> <li>Wines, serving of, 98</li> <li>Women’s clubs, broadening influence of, 337, 338, 339</li> <li>Women’s clubs, candidates for membership in, 343, 344</li> <li>Women’s clubs, discussion in, 342, 343</li> <li>Women’s clubs, formation of, 339, 340</li> <li>Women’s clubs, making the program of, 340, 341, 342</li> <li>Women’s clubs: reception of new members, 344</li> <li>Women’s clubs, social functions of, 345, 346</li> <li>Women’s colleges, 114, 115</li> <li>Women in business, 380</li> <li>Women in business: after working hours, 385, 386</li> <li>Women in business, broadened life of, 384, 385</li> <li>Women in business: conduct during working hours, 382</li> <li>Women in business, proper dress for, 383, 384</li> <li>Women in business, social position of, 381</li> <li> </li> <li>Yachting, etiquette of, 287</li> <li>Yachting: the guest, 288</li> <li>Yachting: the host, 287</li> <li>Young women, and young men, 125</li> <li>Young women: calling on, 126</li> <li>Young women, introductions to, 138</li> <li>Young women: invitations from men, 125</li> <li>Young women, proposing for, 131, 132</li> </ul> <hr class="full" /> <div class="tnote"><div class="center"> Transcriber’s Notes:</div> Obvious punctuation errors repaired. Page 96, “desert” changed to “dessert” (required for the dessert) Page 115, “woman’s” changed to “women’s” (A women’s college is) Page 224, “insist” changed to “insists” (your host insists, however) Page 263, “Fondu” changed to “Fondue” (Fondue—A preparation) Page 265, “Piquante, piquante” changed to “Piquant, piquant” (“Piquant”—Sharply flavored, as “sauce piquant,”) Page 266, “Veloute” changed to “Velouté” (“Velouté”—A smooth) </div> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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