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Phormio; or, The Scheming Parasite

<h4 class="act"> ACT THE FOURTH.</h4> <h5 class="scene"> Scene I.</h5> Enter Demipho and Geta. Dem. ’Tis caused by our own fault, that it is advantageous to be dishonest; while we wish ourselves to be styled very honest and generous. “So run away as not to run beyond the house,”75 as the saying is. Was it not enough to receive an injury from him, but money must be voluntarily offered him as well, that he may have something on which to subsist while he plans some other piece of roguery? 345 Geta. Most clearly so. Dem. They now get rewarded for it, who confound right with wrong. Geta. Most undoubtedly. Dem. How very foolishly, in fact, we have managed the affair with him! Geta. If by these means we can only manage for him to marry her. Dem. Is that, then, a matter of doubt? Geta. I’ faith, judging from what the fellow is, I don’t know whether he mightn’t change his mind. Dem. How! change it indeed? Geta. I don’t know: but “if perhaps,” I say. Dem. I’ll do as my brother advised me, bring hither his wife, to talk with her. Do you, Geta, go before; tell her that Nausistrata is about to visit her. Demipho goes into the house of Chremes. <h5 class="scene"> Scene II.</h5> Geta, alone. Geta. The money’s been got for Phædria; it’s all hushed about the lawsuit; due care has been taken that she’s not to leave for the present. What next, then? What’s to be done? You are still sticking in the mud. You are paying by borrowing; the evil that was at hand, has been put off for a day. The toils are increasing upon you, if you don’t look out. Now I’ll away home, and tell Phanium not to be afraid of Nausistrata, or his talking. Goes into the house of Demipho. 346 <h5 class="scene"> Scene III.</h5> Enter Demipho and Nausistrata, from the house of Chremes. Dem. Come now, Nausistrata, after your usual way, manage to keep her in good-humor with us, and make her do of her own accord what must be done. Naus. I will. Dem. You are now seconding me with your endeavors, just as you assisted me with your money78 before. Naus. I wish to do so; and yet, i’ faith, through the fault of my husband, I am less able than I ought to be. Dem. Why so? Naus. Because, i’ faith, he takes such indifferent care of the property that was so industriously acquired by my father; for from those farms he used regularly to receive two talents of silver yearly; there’s an instance, how superior one man is to another. Dem. Two talents, pray? Naus. Aye, and when things were much worse, two talents even. Dem. Whew! Naus. What! does this seem surprising? Dem. Of course it does. Naus. I wish I had been born a man; I’d have shown—— Dem. That I’m quite sure of. Naus. In what way—— Dem. Forbear, pray, that you may be able to do battle with her; lest she, being a young woman, may be more than a match for you. Naus. I’ll do as you bid me; but I see my husband coming out of your house. 347 <h5 class="scene"> Scene IV.</h5> Enter Chremes, hastily, from Demipho’s house. Chrem. Ha! Demipho, has the money been paid him yet? Dem. I took care immediately. Chrem. I wish it hadn’t been paid him. (On seeing Nausistrata, aside.) Halloo, I espy my wife; I had almost said more than I ought. Dem. Why do you wish I hadn’t, Chremes? Chrem. It’s all right. Dem. What say you? Have you been letting her know why we are going to bring her? (pointing to Nausistrata.) Chrem. I’ve arranged it. Dem. Pray, what does she say? Chrem. She can’t be got to leave. Dem. Why can’t she? Chrem. Because they are fond of one another. Dem. What’s that to us? Chrem. (apart, to Demipho.) A great deal; besides that, I’ve found out that she is related to us. Dem. (apart.) What! You are mad, surely. Chrem. (apart.) So you will find; I don’t speak at random; I’ve recovered my recollection. Dem. (apart.) Are you quite in your senses? Chrem. (apart.) Nay, prithee, do take care not to injure your kinswoman. Dem. (apart.) She is not. Chrem. (apart.) Don’t deny it; her father went by another name; that was the cause of your mistake. Dem. (apart.) Did she not know who was her father? Chrem. (apart.) She did. Dem. (apart.) Why did she call him by another name? Chrem. (apart, frowning.) Will you never yield to me, nor understand what I mean? Dem. (apart.) If you don’t tell me of any thing—— Chrem. (impatiently.) Do you persist? Naus. I wonder what all this can be. Dem. For my part, upon my faith, I don’t know. 348 Chrem. (whispering to him.) Would you like to know? Then, so may Jupiter preserve me, not a person is there more nearly related to her than are you and I. Dem. (starting.) Ye Gods, by our trust in you! let’s away to her; I wish for all of us, one way or other, to be sure about this (going). Chrem. (stopping him.) Ah! Dem. What’s the matter? Chrem. That you should put so little confidence in me! Dem. Do you wish me to believe you? Do you wish me to consider this as quite certain? Very well, be it so. Well, what’s to be done with our friend’s daughter? Chrem. She’ll do well enough. Dem. Are we to drop her, then? Chrem. Why not? Dem. The other one to stop? Chrem. Just so. Dem. You may go then, Nausistrata. Naus. I’ faith, I think it better for all that she should remain here as it is, than as you first intended; for she seemed to me a very genteel person when I saw her. Goes into her house. <h5 class="scene"> Scene V.</h5> Demipho and Chremes. Dem. What is the meaning of all this? Chrem. (looking at the door of his house.) Has she shut the door yet? Dem. Now she has. Chrem. O Jupiter! the Gods do befriend us; I have found that it is my daughter married to your son. Dem. Ha! How can that possibly be? Chrem. This spot is not exactly suited for me to tell it you. Dem. Well then, step in-doors. Chrem. Hark you, I don’t wish our sons even to come to know of this. They go into Demipho’s house. 349 <h5 class="scene"> Scene VI.</h5> Enter Antipho. Ant. I’m glad that, however my own affairs go, my brother has succeeded in his wishes. How wise it is to cherish desires of that nature in the mind, that when things run counter, you may easily find a cure for them! He has both got the money, and released himself from care; I, by no method, can extricate myself from these troubles; on the contrary, if the matter is concealed, I am in dread—but if disclosed, in disgrace. Neither should I now go home, were not a hope still presented me of retaining her. But where, I wonder, can I find Geta, that I may ask him what opportunity he would recommend me to take for meeting my father? <h5 class="scene"> Scene VII.</h5> Enter Phormio, at a distance. Phor. (to himself.) I received the money; handed it over to the Procurer; brought away the woman, that Phædria might have her as his own—for she has now become free. Now there is one thing still remaining for me to manage,—to get a respite from the old gentlemen for carousing; for I’ll enjoy myself the next few days. Ant. But here’s Phormio. (Going up to him.) What have you to say? Phor. About what? Ant. Why—what’s Phædria going to do now? In what way does he say that he intends to take his fill of love? Phor. In his turn, he’s going to act your part. Ant. What part? Phor. To run away from his father; he begs that you in your return will act on his behalf—to plead his cause for him. For he’s going to carouse at my house. I shall tell the old man that I’m going to Sunium, to the fair, to purchase the female servant that Geta mentioned a while since, so that, 350 when they don’t see me here, they mayn’t suppose that I’m squandering their money. But there is a noise at the door of your house. Ant. See who’s coming out. Phor. It’s Geta. <h5 class="scene"> Scene VIII.</h5> Enter Geta, at a distance, hastily, from the house of Demipho. Geta. (to himself.) O fortune! O good luck! with blessings how great, how suddenly hast thou loaded this day with thy favors to my master Antipho!— Ant. (apart to Phormio.) I wonder what it is he means. Geta. (continuing.) And relieved us, his friends, from alarm; but I’m now delaying, in not throwing my cloak81 over my shoulder (throws it over his shoulder), and making haste to find him, that he may know what has happened. Ant. (apart to Phormio.) Do you understand what he’s talking about? Phor. (apart to Antipho.) Do you? Ant. (apart to Phormio.) Not at all. Phor. (apart to Antipho.) And I just as much. Geta. (to himself.) I’ll be off hence to the Procurer’s; they are there just now. (Runs along.) Ant. (calling out.) Halloo! Geta! Geta. (still running.) There’s for you. Is it any thing new or wonderful to be called back, directly you’ve started? Ant. Geta! Geta. Do you persist? Troth, you shall not on this occasion get the better of me by your annoyance. Ant. (running after him.) Won’t you stop? Geta. You’ll be getting a beating. Ant. Assuredly that will befall yourself just now unless you stop, you whip-knave. 351 Geta. This must be some one pretty familiar, threatening me with a beating. (Turns round.) But is it the person I’m in search of or not? ’Tis the very man! Up to him at once. Ant. What’s the matter? Geta. O being most blessed of all men living! For without question, Antipho, you are the only favorite of the Gods. Ant. So I could wish; but I should like to be told why I’m to believe it is so. Geta. Is it enough if I plunge you into a sea of joy? Ant. You are worrying me to death. Phor. Nay but do have done with your promises, and tell us what you bring. Geta. (looking round.) Oh, are you here too, Phormio? Phor. I am: but why do you delay? Geta. Listen, then. When we just now paid you the money at the Forum, we went straight to Chremes; in the mean time, my master sent me to your wife. Ant. What for? Geta. I’ll omit telling you that, as it is nothing to the present purpose, Antipho. Just as I was going to the woman’s apartments, the boy Mida came running up to me, and caught me behind by my cloak, and pulled me back; I turned about, and inquired for what reason he stopped me; he said that it was forbidden for any one to go in to his mistress. “Sophrona has just now,” said he, “introduced here Chremes, the old gentleman’s brother,” and he said that he was then in the room with them: when I heard this, on tip-toe I stole softly along; I came there, stood, held my breath, I applied my ear, and so began to listen, catching the conversation every word in this fashion (shows them). Ant. Well done, Geta. Geta. Here I overheard a very pretty piece of business; so much so that I had nearly cried out for joy. Ant. What was it? Geta. (laughing.) What do you think? Ant. I don’t know. Geta. Why, something most marvelous. Your uncle has been discovered to be the father of your wife, Phanium. Ant. (starting.) Ha! what’s that you say? Geta. He formerly cohabited secretly with her mother at Lemnos. 352 Phor. A dream: how could she be ignorant about her own father? Geta. Be sure, Phormio, that there is some reason: but do you suppose that, outside of the door, I was able to understand every thing that passed between them within? Ant. On my faith, I too have heard the same story. Geta. Aye, and I’ll give you still further reason for believing it: your uncle in the mean time came out from there; not long after he returned again, with your father; each said that he gave you permission to retain her; in fine, I’ve been sent to find you, and bring you to them. Ant. Why then carry me off at once;—why do you delay? Geta. I’ll do so. Ant. O my dear Phormio, farewell! Phor. Farewell, Antipho. Antipho and Geta go into Demipho’s house. <h5 class="scene"> Scene IX.</h5> Phormio, alone. Phor. So may the Gods bless me, this has turned out luckily. I’m glad of it, that such good fortune has thus suddenly befallen them. I have now an excellent opportunity for diddling the old men, and ridding Phædria of all anxiety about the money, so that he mayn’t be under the necessity of applying to any of his companions. For this same money, as it has been given him, shall be given for good, whether they like it or not: how to force them to this, I’ve found out the very way. I must now assume a new air and countenance. But I’ll betake myself off to this next alley; from that spot I’ll present myself to them, when they come 353 out of doors. I sha’n’t go to the fair, where I pretended I was going. He retires into the alley. <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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