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<h2>CALLS</h2> FORMAL CALLS are to be made in the afternoon between three o’clock and half-past five. If a hostess has a day at home, formal calls on her should be made on that day. It is well also so to time visits for congratulation or to return thanks for any hospitality, or the like, as to have them also fall on the day at home. Usually, a due attention by visitors to this set time for calling is appreciated by a hostess. While the formal hours for calls are in the afternoon as indicated above, the time varies in different neighborhoods. Evening calls are common in the country necessarily as a matter of convenience. And, while in the city women pay no formal calls on Sunday, these are permitted in smaller[35] places. Ordinarily, too, there is license in the country as to the length even of formal calls, which may be extended without impropriety far beyond the limit of fifteen or twenty minutes which is well established in the city. A new resident or visitor in any community should be at pains to get information as to the local usage, and conform to it in all details. It is permissible for men in our country to make social calls in the afternoon on Sunday, or in the evening. The exigencies of business are the excuse for the departure from the stricter form, which still holds in the case of women. The hour of such evening calls in the larger cities is from eight to nine, but the time is earlier in smaller towns and in the country. In every instance, the local custom is to be followed. Of course, too, men of leisure may pay their calls in the afternoon. New residents in a neighborhood must await calls from those already established there. In the city, the first calls of the[36] social season should be received by the hostess who first sends out her at-home cards. Where women have met out of town, and wish to continue the acquaintance in the city, the unmarried woman should call on the matron, or one who is under any obligation for hospitality should make the first call. Unless a distinction be drawn for some such reason, either may properly pay the first visit. It is notorious that in the large cities there is no welcome for the newcomer from the dweller next door or across the street. The conditions of city life justify such aloofness. On the other hand, the conditions of life in the smaller places warrant exactly the opposite in the matter of hospitality. It is the recognized duty of the older residents to welcome new arrivals by calling on them promptly, after the strangers have had time to dispose themselves comfortably. There are many varieties of those calls that are imposed by formal courtesy.[37] Thus, in the matter of weddings, it becomes the duty of any one who has taken official part in the affair, such as a bride’s-maid or a best man, to call on the mother of the bride within a few days after the marriage ceremony, and also to call on the bride immediately after her return from the honeymoon trip. The like duty devolves on invited guests to a home wedding, to a wedding-reception and to a wedding-breakfast. A similar formal call should be paid to the hostess by each guest at a dinner, or breakfast, or other special entertainment. Such a call must be made within two weeks. The obligation is the same even in cases where the invitation has been declined. As to the returning of calls, such visits should be made on the day at home if there is one, and otherwise at a suitable time according to the social usage of the neighborhood within a fortnight. But this ruling applies properly only to the return[38] for a first call. Afterward, a longer or shorter interval may elapse between visits according to the desire of the parties concerned. A former acquaintance may be maintained merely by an annual exchange of calls. It must be noted, however, that a call in person demands a personal visit in return. The formal leaving of a card at the door does not suffice. Persons giving up their residence in a community or going on a long journey should send their cards to their full visiting-list with the initials P.p.c. (Pour prendre congé, for leave-taking). It occurs often that a person wishes to call on a friend in the home of a stranger. Such a call is permissible, but the visitor should ask for the hostess as well as the friend, and leave a card for her. In the matter of initiative, it is fitting that an elder woman should invite a younger to the exchange of cards and calls, and that the matron should thus invite the maiden. Where there is equality[39] of years or station, the first advance must depend on the personal inclinations of the parties. The proprieties in reference to calls between women are thus seen to be simple enough. There is more complexity in the procedure when it has to do with the calling of men on women. It is not deemed proper for a young unmarried woman to invite calls from men. Such visits on their part are left to the discretion of the mother or chaperon. But, undoubtedly, the débutante will see to it that mother or chaperon does not fail in her functions. As to the older women, and those married, there is some variation locally in the polite usage. Sometimes the woman feels it her privilege to invite the man to call without awaiting solicitation on his part; sometimes she requires that the advance should be on the part of the man in the form of a request for permission to visit her. If any person requires that a definite time should be given for the emancipation[40] of a girl from the social dominance of her mother or chaperon, it may be set at about the twenty-fifth year, after which time a young woman is theoretically fitted to decide for herself as to who her visitors shall be. A young woman of sensibility will be extremely chary of her invitations to men, and very sure before extending them that they are really desired. If at any time a man fails to avail himself of such an invitation, her self-respect will not permit her to repeat it. The strictness of the above rules of conduct has been greatly relaxed in the case of the average American girl, who democratically insists from the outset of her social career on her own choice in the matter of acquaintances and friends. But even this laxity does not permit an invitation to a man on the first meeting. Such haste is neither good form nor ordinary prudence. In a consideration of formal calls, it[41] should be noted that in practise the offices of the wife are commonly accepted in her husband’s behalf by her leaving his card when she pays her dinner-call, or the like. The exigencies of business are supposed to justify this vicarious method. While it is proper for a woman to call upon a man for business reasons, social calls are forbidden. Calls of condolence, except when there is an intimate friendship, are properly made by leaving a card. The expression of sympathy is usually best made by a brief note. Calls of congratulation may be made by acquaintances of both sexes on a woman who announces her engagement to be married. Calls following the announcement of a birth are expected by the mother from the women of her acquaintance. The day at home is such a social convenience that it is popular, not only in the cities, but in many smaller towns. It is usually set for one afternoon in the week,[42] sometimes for an afternoon each two weeks during the social season. The day should appear on the visiting-card. The hours for entertaining on the day at home are from three until six, but this period is frequently extended for another hour. The hostess should devote herself assiduously to her guests, and should provide some light forms of food and drink. Usually, tea is served. Sufficient notice is given of the day at home by sending out the visiting-cards at the beginning of the season. One advantage of the day at home is that it justifies the hostess in not receiving casual callers on other occasions. It is the duty of the hostess to meet and address each guest with a handshake. “How do you do, Mrs. Smith? I am so glad to see you!” or a similar phrase, should be used in greeting each arrival. She should also introduce strangers to other guests near by. She should not leave the reception-room to make her farewells to departing guests, unless in case of some[43] person of particular distinction. “Good-afternoon, Mr. Brown. I shall hope to see you again very soon,” or the like, affords a sufficient form of farewell. If the husband is present during his wife’s at home, he should undertake to second her hospitable efforts to the best of his ability, showing attention to any requiring it. A woman caller does not remove her gloves or veil, or even her wrap, unless it is a heavy one. But rubbers and umbrella and any heavy outer garment should be left in the hall. For a man, formal politeness permits the carrying of both hat and stick into the drawing-room. But this rule is to-day more honored in the breach than in the observance. And, too, the right hand at least is usually ungloved. The hat and stick, when carried, are held in the left hand, and should be retained throughout the call, though it is permissible to put them down on the floor beside one, for[44] greater convenience when taking refreshments. When the day at home is of a formal sort, the women do not exchange kisses in greeting, and the gloves are not taken off even when tea is drunk. <hr class="chap" /> [45] <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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