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<h2> CHAPTER XII. MY LADY'S BIDDING </h2>
<p>Scribbled in sore haste, by a very tremulous little hand, with a pencil,
on the flyleaf of some book, my darling's message is still difficult to
read; it was doubly so in the moonlight, five-and-forty autumns ago. My
eyesight, however, was then perhaps the soundest thing about me, and in a
little I had deciphered enough to guess correctly (as it proved) at the
whole:—</p>
<p>"You say you heard everything just now, and there is no time for further
explanations. I am in the hands of villains, but not ill-treated, though
they are one as bad as the other. You will not find it easy to rescue me.
I don't see how it is to be done. You have promised not to do anything I
ask you not to do, and I implore you not to tell a soul until you have
seen me again and heard more. You might just as well kill me as come back
now with help.</p>
<p>"You see you know nothing, though I told them you knew all. And so you
shall as soon as I can see you for five minutes face to face. In the
meantime do nothing—know nothing when you see Mr. Rattray—unless
you wish to be my death.</p>
<p>"It would have been possible last night, and it may be again to-morrow
night. They all go out every night when they can, except Jose, who is left
in charge. They are out from nine or ten till two or three; if they are
out to-morrow night my candle will be close to the window as I shall put
it when I have finished this. You can see my window from over the wall. If
the light is in front you must climb the wall, for they will leave the
gate locked. I shall see you and will bribe Jose to let me out for a turn.
He has done it before for a bottle of wine. I can manage him. Can I trust
to you? If you break your promise—but you will not? One of them
would as soon kill me as smoke a cigarette, and the rest are under his
thumb. I dare not write more. But my life is in your hands.</p>
<p>"EVA DENISON."</p>
<p>"Oh! beware of the woman Braithwaite; she is about the worst of the gang."</p>
<p>I could have burst out crying in my bitter discomfiture, mortification,
and alarm: to think that her life was in my hands, and that it depended,
not on that prompt action which was the one course I had contemplated, but
on twenty-four hours of resolute inactivity! I would not think it. I
refused the condition. It took away my one prop, my one stay, that
prospect of immediate measures which alone preserved in me such coolness
as I had retained until now. I was cool no longer; where I had relied on
practical direction I was baffled and hindered and driven mad; on my honor
believe I was little less for some moments, groaning, cursing, and beating
the air with impotent fists—in one of them my poor love's letter
crushed already to a ball.</p>
<p>Danger and difficulty I had been prepared to face; but the task that I was
set was a hundred-fold harder than any that had whirled through my teeming
brain. To sit still; to do nothing; to pretend I knew nothing; an hour of
it would destroy my reason—and I was invited to wait twenty-four!</p>
<p>No; my word was passed; keep it I must. She knew the men, she must know
best; and her life depended on my obedience: she made that so plain. Obey
I must and would; to make a start, I tottered over the plank that spanned
the beck, and soon I saw the cottage against the moonlit sky. I came up to
it. I drew back in sudden fear. It was alight upstairs and down, and the
gaunt strong figure of the woman Braithwaite stood out as I had seen it
first, in the doorway, with the light showing warmly through her rank red
hair.</p>
<p>"Is that you, Mr. Cole?" she cried in a tone that she reserved for me; yet
through the forced amiability there rang a note of genuine surprise. She
had been prepared for me never to return at all!</p>
<p>My knees gave under me as I forced myself to advance; but my wits took new
life from the crisis, and in a flash I saw how to turn my weakness into
account. I made a false step on my way to the door; when I reached it I
leant heavily against the jam, and I said with a slur that I felt unwell.
I had certainly been flushed with wine when I left Rattray; it would be no
bad thing for him to hear that I had arrived quite tipsy at the cottage;
should he discover I had been near an hour on the way, here was my
explanation cut and dried.</p>
<p>So I shammed a degree of intoxication with apparent success, and Jane
Braithwaite gave me her arm up the stairs. My God, how strong it was, and
how weak was mine!</p>
<p>Left to myself, I reeled about my bedroom, pretending to undress; then out
with my candles, and into bed in all my clothes, until the cottage should
be quiet. Yes, I must lie still and feign sleep, with every nerve and
fibre leaping within me, lest the she-devil below should suspect me of
suspicions! It was with her I had to cope for the next four-and-twenty
hours; and she filled me with a greater present terror than all those
villains at the hall; for had not their poor little helpless captive
described her as "about the worst of the gang?"</p>
<p>To think that my love lay helpless there in the hands of those wretches;
and to think that her lover lay helpless here in the supervision of this
vile virago!</p>
<p>It must have been one or two in the morning when I stole to my
sitting-room window, opened it, and sat down to think steadily, with the
counterpane about my shoulders.</p>
<p>The moon sailed high and almost full above the clouds; these were
dispersing as the night wore on, and such as remained were of a beautiful
soft tint between white and gray. The sky was too light for stars, and
beneath it the open country stretched so clear and far that it was as
though one looked out at noonday through slate-colored glass. Down the
dewy slope below my window a few calves fed with toothless mouthings; the
beck was very audible, the oak-trees less so; but for these peaceful
sounds the stillness and the solitude were equally intense.</p>
<p>I may have sat there like a mouse for half an hour. The reason was that I
had become mercifully engrossed in one of the subsidiary problems: whether
it would be better to drop from the window or to trust to the creaking
stairs. Would the creaking be much worse than the thud, and the difference
worth the risk of a sprained ankle? Well worth it, I at length decided;
the risk was nothing; my window was scarce a dozen feet from the ground.
How easily it could be done, how quickly, how safely in this deep,
stillness and bright moonlight! I would fall so lightly on my stocking
soles; a single soft, dull thud; then away under the moon without fear or
risk of a false step; away over the stone walls to the main road, and so
to the nearest police-station with my tale; and before sunrise the
villains would be taken in their beds, and my darling would be safe!</p>
<p>I sprang up softly. Why not do it now? Was I bound to keep my rash, blind
promise? Was it possible these murderers would murder her? I struck a
match on my trousers, I lit a candle, I read her letter carefully again,
and again it maddened and distracted me. I struck my hands together. I
paced the room wildly. Caution deserted me, and I made noise enough to
wake the very mute; lost to every consideration but that of the terrifying
day before me, the day of silence and of inactivity, that I must live
through with an unsuspecting face, a cool head, a civil tongue! The
prospect appalled me as nothing else could or did; nay, the sudden noise
upon the stairs, the knock at my door, and the sense that I had betrayed
myself already even now all was over—these came as a relief after
the haunting terror which they interrupted.</p>
<p>I flung the door open, and there stood Mrs. Braithwaite, as fully dressed
as myself.</p>
<p>"You'll not be very well sir?"</p>
<p>"No, I'm not."</p>
<p>"What's t' matter wi' you?"</p>
<p>This second question was rude and fierce with suspicion: the real woman
rang out in it, yet its effect on me was astonishing: once again was I
inspired to turn my slip into a move.</p>
<p>"Matter?" I cried. "Can't you see what's the matter; couldn't you see when
I came in? Drink's the matter! I came in drunk, and now I'm mad. I can't
stand it; I'm not in a fit state. Do you know nothng of me? Have they told
you nothing? I'm the only man that was saved from the Lady Jermyn, the
ship that was burned to the water's edge with every soul but me. My nerves
are in little ends. I came down here for peace and quiet and sleep. Do you
bow that I have hardly slept for two months? And now I shall never sleep
again! O my God I shall die for want of it! The wine has done it. I never
should have touched a drop. I can't stand it; I can't sleep after it; I
shall kill myself if I get no sleep. Do you hear, you woman? I shall kill
myself in your house if I don't get to sleep!"</p>
<p>I saw her shrink, virago as she was. I waved my arms, I shrieked in her
face. It was not all acting. Heaven knows how true it was about the sleep.
I was slowly dying of insomnia. I was a nervous wreck. She must have heard
it. Now she saw it for herself.</p>
<p>No; it was by no means all acting. Intending only to lie, I found myself
telling little but the strictest truth, and longing for sleep as
passionately as though I had nothing to keep me awake. And yet, while my
heart cried aloud in spite of me, and my nerves relieved themselves in
this unpremeditated ebullition, I was all the time watching its effect as
closely as though no word of it had been sincere.</p>
<p>Mrs. Braithwaite seemed frightened; not at all pitiful; and as I calmed
down she recovered her courage and became insolent. I had spoilt her
night. She had not been told she was to take in a raving lunatic. She
would speak to Squire Rattray in the morning.</p>
<p>"Morning?" I yelled after her as she went. "Send your husband to the
nearest chemist as soon as it's dawn; send him for chloral, chloroform,
morphia, anything they've got and as much of it as they'll let him have.
I'll give you five pounds if you get me what'll send me to sleep all
to-morrow—and to-morrow night!"</p>
<p>Never, I feel sure, were truth and falsehood more craftily interwoven; yet
I had thought of none of it until the woman was at my door, while of much
I had not thought at all. It had rushed from my heart and from my lips.
And no sooner was I alone than I burst into hysterical tears, only to stop
and compliment myself because they sounded genuine—as though they
were not! Towards morning I took to my bed in a burning fever, and lay
there, now congratulating myself upon it, because when night came they
would all think me so secure; and now weeping because the night might find
me dying or dead. So I tossed, with her note clasped in my hand underneath
the sheets; and beneath my very body that stout weapon that I had bought
in town. I might not have to use it, but I was fatalist enough to fancy
that I should. In the meantime it helped me to lie still, my thoughts
fixed on the night, and the day made easy for me after all.</p>
<p>If only I could sleep!</p>
<p>About nine o'clock Jane Braithwaite paid me a surly visit; in half an hour
she was back with tea and toast and an altered mien. She not only lit my
fire, but treated me the while to her original tone of almost fervent
civility and respect and determination. Her vagaries soon ceased to puzzle
me: the psychology of Jane Braithwaite was not recondite. In the night it
had dawned upon her that Rattray had found me harmless and was done with
me, therefore there was no need for her to put herself out any further on
my account. In the morning, finding me really ill, she had gone to the
hall in alarm; her subsequent attentions were an act of obedience; and in
their midst came Rattray himself to my bedside.</p>
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