<h2><SPAN name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></SPAN>CHAPTER XV.</h2>
<p class="center">THE MYSTERIOUS ADVERTISER.</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="author">"<span class="smcap">Junior Widows' Club.</span><br/>
"<i>Midnight.</i></p>
<p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Miss Dulcimer</span>,</p>
<p class="indent">"Just a line to tell you what a lovely evening we have
had. The baronet seemed greatly taken with Miss Jack
and she with him, and they behaved in a conventional
manner. Guy and I were able to have a real long chat
and he told me all his troubles. It appears that he has
just been thrown over by his promised bride under circumstances
of a most peculiar character. I gave him the
sympathy he needed, but at the same time thought to
myself, aha! here is another member for the Old Maids'
Club. You rely on me, I will build you up a phalanx of
Old Maids that shall just swamp the memory of Hippolyte
and her Amazons. I got out of Guy the name and
address of the girl who jilted him. I shall call upon Miss
Sybil Hotspur the first thing in the morning, and if I do
not land her my name is not</p>
<p class="center">"Yours cheerily,</p>
<p class="author">"<span class="smcap">Wee Winnie</span>."</p>
</blockquote>
<p class="indent">"This may be awkward," said the Honorary Trier, returning
the letter to the President. "Miss Nimrod seems to
take her own election for granted."</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page245" id="page245"></SPAN>[pg 245]</span>
"And to think that we are anxious for members," added
Lillie.</p>
<p class="indent">"Well, we ought to have somebody to replace Miss
Jack," said Silverdale, with a suspicion of a smile. "But
do you propose to accept Wee Winnie?"</p>
<p class="indent">"I don't know—she is certainly a remarkable girl. Such
originality and individuality! Suppose we let things slide
a little."</p>
<p class="indent">"Very well; we will not commit ourselves yet by saying
anything to Miss Nim——"</p>
<p class="indent">"Miss Nimrod," announced Turple the magnificent.</p>
<p class="indent">"Aha! Here we are again!" cried Wee Winnie. "How
are you, everybody? How is the old gentleman? Isn't
he here?"</p>
<p class="indent">"He is very well, thank you, but he is not one of us,"
said Lillie.</p>
<p class="indent">"Oh! Well, anyhow, I've got another of us."</p>
<p class="indent">"Miss Sybil Hotspur?"</p>
<p class="indent">"The same. I found her raging like a volcano."</p>
<p class="indent">"What—smoking?" queried Silverdale.</p>
<p class="indent">"No, no, she is one of the old sort. She merely fumes,"
said Wee Winnie, laughing as if she had made a joke.
"She was raving against the infidelity of men. Poor Guy!
How his ears must have tingled. He has sent her a long
explanation, but she laughs it to scorn. I persuaded her
to let you see it—it is so quaint."</p>
<p class="indent">"Have you it with you?" asked Lillie eagerly. Her
appetite for tales of real life was growing by what it fed upon.</p>
<p class="indent">"Yes—here is his letter, several quires long. But before
you can understand it, you must know how the breach
came about."</p>
<p class="indent">"Lord Silverdale, pass Miss Nimrod the chocolate
creams. Or would you like some lemonade?"</p>
<p class="indent">"Lemonade by all means," replied Wee Winnie, taking
up her favorite attitude astride the sofa. "With just a
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page246" id="page246"></SPAN>[pg 246]</span>
wee drappie of whiskey in it, if you please. I daresay I
shall be as dry as a lime-kiln before I've finished the story
and read you this letter."</p>
<p class="indent">Turple the magnificent duly attended to Miss Nimrod's
wants. Whatever he felt, he made no sign. He was
simply Turple the magnificent.</p>
<p class="indent">"One fine day," said Wee Winnie, "or rather, one day
that began fine, a merry party made an excursion into
the country. Sybil Hotspur and her <i>fiancé</i>, Guy Fledgely,
(and of course the baronet) were of the party. After
picknicking on the grass, the party broke up into twos till
tea-time. The baronet was good enough to pair off with
an unattached young lady, and so Sybil and Guy were
free to wander away into a copse. The sun was very hot,
and the young man had not spared the fizz. First he took
off his coat, to be cooler, then with an afterthought he
converted it into a pillow and went to sleep. Meantime
Sybil, under the protection of her parasol, steadily perused
one of Addiper's early works, chaster in style than in
substance, and sneering in exquisitely chiselled epigrams
at the weaknesses of his sex. Sybil stole an involuntary
glance at Guy—sleeping so peacefully like a babe in the
wood, with the squirrels peeping at him trustfully. She
felt that Addiper was a jaundiced cynic—that her Guy at
least would be faithful unto death. At that instant she
saw a folded sheet of paper on the ground near Guy's
shoulder. It might have slipped from the inner pocket
of the coat on which his head was resting, but if it had
she could not put it back without disturbing his slumbers.
Besides, it might not belong to him at all. She picked
up the paper, opened it, and turned pale as death. This is
what she read.</p>
<p class="indent">"Manager of <i>Daily Hurrygraph</i>. Please insert enclosed
series, in order named, on alternate days, commencing
to-day week. Postal order enclosed."</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page247" id="page247"></SPAN>[pg 247]</span>
"'1. Dearest, dearest, dearest. Remember the grotto.—<span class="smcap">Popsy.</span></p>
<p class="indent">"'2. Dearest, dearest, dearest. This is worse than
silence. Sobs are cheap to-day.—<span class="smcap">Popsy.</span></p>
<p class="indent">"'3. Dearest, dearest, dearest. Only Anastasia and
the dog. Thought I should have died. Cruel heart, hope
on. The white band of hope! Watchman, what of the
night? Shall we say 11.15 from Paddington since the
sea will not give up its dead? I have drained the dregs.
The rest is silence. Answer to-morrow or I shall dree
my weird.—<span class="smcap">Popsy.</span>'</p>
<p class="indent">"There was no signature to the letter, but the writing
was that which had hitherto borne to poor Sybil the daily
assurances of her lover's devotion. She looked at the
sleeping traitor so savagely that he moved uncomfortably,
even in his sleep. Like a serpent that scrap of paper
had entered into her Eden, and she put it in her bosom
that it might sting her. Unnoticed, the shadows had
been lengthening, the sky had grown gray, as if in harmony
with her blighted hopes. Roughly she roused the
sleeper, and hastily they wended their way back to the
rendezvous, to find tea just over and the rush to the
station just beginning. There was no time to talk till
they were seated face to face in the railway carriage.
The party had just caught the train, and bundling in anyhow
had become separated. Sybil and Guy were alone
again.</p>
<p class="indent">"Then Sybil plucked from her breast the serpent and
held it up.</p>
<p class="indent">"'Guy,' she said. 'What is this?'</p>
<p class="indent">"He turned pale. 'W—w—here did you get that from?'
he stammered.</p>
<p class="indent">"'What is this?' she repeated, and read in unsympathetic
accents: 'Dearest, dearest, dearest. Remember
the grotto.—<span class="smcap">Popsy.</span>'</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page249" id="page249"></SPAN>[pg 249]</span>
"'Who is "dearest"?' she continued.</p>
<p class="indent">"'You, of course,' he said with ghastly playfulness.</p>
<div class="image-center" style="max-width: 600px;">
<ANTIMG src="images/i248.jpg" width-obs="600" height-obs="598" alt="" />
<div class="caption">
<p class="center"><i>"Dearest, is you," he said with ghastly playfulness.</i></p>
</div>
</div>
<p class="indent">"'Indeed. Then allow me to say, sir, I <i>will</i> remember
the grotto. I shall never forget it, Popsy. If you wish
to communicate with me, a penny postage stamp is, I
believe, adequate. Perhaps I am also Anastasia, to say
nothing of the dog. Or shall we say the 11-15 from Paddington,
Popsy?'</p>
<p class="indent">"'Sybil, darling,' he broke in piteously. 'Give me
back that paper, you wouldn't understand.'</p>
<p class="indent">"Sybil silently replaced the serpent in her bosom and
leant back haughtily.</p>
<p class="indent">"'I can explain all,' he cried wildly.</p>
<p class="indent">"'I am listening,' Sybil said.</p>
<p class="indent">"'The fact is—I—I——' The young man flushed and
stammered. Sybil's pursed lips gave him no assistance.</p>
<p class="indent">"'It may seem incredible—you will not believe it.'</p>
<p class="indent">"Sybil made no sign.</p>
<p class="indent">"'I—I—am the victim of a disease.'</p>
<p class="indent">"Sybil stared scornfully.</p>
<p class="indent">"'I—I—don't look at me like that, or I can't tell you.
I—I—I didn't like to tell you before, but I always knew
you would have to know some day. Perhaps it is better
it has come out before our marriage. Listen!'</p>
<p class="indent">"The young man leant over and breathed solemnly in
her ear: '<i>I suffer from an hereditary tendency to advertise
in the agony column</i>.'</p>
<p class="indent">"Sybil made no reply. The train drew up at a station.
Without a word Sybil left the carriage and rejoined her
friends in the next compartment."</p>
<p class="indent">"What an extraordinary excuse," exclaimed Lillie.</p>
<p class="indent">"So Sybil thought," replied Wee Winnie. "From that
day to this—almost a week—she has never spoken to
him. And yet Guy persists in his explanation, even to
me; which is so superfluous that I am almost inclined to
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page250" id="page250"></SPAN>[pg 250]</span>
believe in its truth. At any rate I will now read you his
letter:—</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"'<span class="smcap">Dear Sybil</span>:—</p>
<p class="indent">"'Perhaps for the last time I address you thus, for if
after reading this you still refuse to believe me, I shall
not trespass upon your patience again. But for the sake
of our past love I beg you to read what follows in a trusting
spirit, and if not in a trusting spirit, at least to read
it. It is the story of how my father became a baronet,
and when you know that, you will perhaps learn to pity
and to bear with me.</p>
<p class="indent">"'When a young man my father was bitten by the passion
for contributing to the agony column. Some young men
spend their money in one way, some in another; this was
my father's dissipation. He loved to insert mysterious
words and sentences in the advertisement columns of the
newspapers, so as to enjoy the sensation of giving food for
speculation to a whole people. To sit quietly at home
and with a stroke of the pen influence the thoughts of
millions of his countrymen—this gave my father the
keenest satisfaction. When you come to analyze it, what
more does the greatest author do?</p>
<p class="indent">"'The agony column is the royal road to successful
authorship, if the publication of fiction in leading newspapers
be any test of success; for my father used sometimes
to conduct whole romances by correspondence,
after the fashion of the then reigning Wilkie Collins. And
the agony column is also the most innocuous method for
satisfying that crave for supplying topics of conversation
which sometimes leads people to crime. I make this
analysis to show you that there was no antecedent improbability
about what you seem to consider a wild excuse.
The desire to contribute to this department of journalism
is no isolated psychical freak; it is related to many other
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page251" id="page251"></SPAN>[pg 251]</span>
manifestations of mental activity, and is perfectly intelligible.
But this desire, like every other, may be given its
head till it runs away with the whole man. So it was with
my father. He began—half in fun—with a small advertisement,
one insertion. Unfortunately—or fortunately—he
made a little hit with it. He heard two men discussing
it in a café. The next week he tried again—unsuccessfully
this time, so far as he knew. But the third advertisement
was again a topic of conversation. Even in his
own office (he was training for an architect), he heard the
fellows saying, "Did you see that funny advertisement this
morning—'Be careful not to break the baby.'"</p>
<p class="indent">"'You can imagine how intoxicating this sort of thing is
and how the craving for the secret enjoyment it brings
may grow on a man. Gradually my father became the
victim of a passion fiercer than the gambler's, yet akin to
it. For, he never knew whether his money would procure
him the gratification he yearned for or not; it was all a
fluke. The most promising mysteries would attract no
attention, and even a carefully planned novelette, that ran
for a week with as many as three characters intervening,
would fall still-born upon the tapis of conversation. But
every failure only spurred him to fresh effort. All his
spare coin, all his savings, went into the tills of the newspaper
cashiers. He cut down his expenses to the uttermost
farthing, living abstemiously and dressing almost
shabbily, and sacrificing everything to his ambitions. It
was lucky he was not in a bank; for he had only a
moderate income, and who knows to what he might have
been driven? At last my father struck oil. Tired of the
unfruitful field of romance, whose best days seemed to be
over, my father returned to that rudimentary literature
which pleases the widest number of readers, while it has the
never-failing charm of the primitive for the jaded disciples
of culture. He wrote only polysyllabic unintelligibilities.</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page252" id="page252"></SPAN>[pg 252]</span>
"'Thus for a whole week in every morning agony column
he published in large capitals the word:</p>
<p class="center">"'<i>Paddlepintospheroskedaddepoid.</i></p>
<p class="indent">This was an instantaneous success. But it was only a
<i>succès d'estime</i>. People talked of it, but they could not
remember it. It had no seeds of permanence in it. It
could never be more than a nine days' wonder. It was
an artificial, esoteric novelty, that might please the cliques
but could never touch the masses. It lacked the simplicity
of real greatness, that unmistakable elemental <i>cachet</i>
which commends things to the great heart of the people.
After a bit, this dawned upon my father; and, profiting
by his experience, he determined to create something
which should be immortal.</p>
<p class="indent">"'For days he racked his brains, unable to please himself.
He had the critical fastidiousness of the true artist, and
his ideal ever hovered before him, unseizable. Grotesque
words floated about him in abundance, every current
of air brought him new suggestions, he lived in a world of
strange sounds. But the great combination came not.</p>
<p class="indent">"'Late one night, as he sat brooding by his dying fire,
there came a sudden rapping at his chamber door. A flash
of joy illumined his face, he started to his feet.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"I have it!" he cried.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Have what?" said his friend Marple, bursting into
the room without further parley.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Influenza," surlily answered my father, for he was not
to be caught napping, and Marple went away hurriedly.
Marple was something in the city. The two young men
were great friends, but there are some things which cannot
be told even to friends. It was not influenza my father
had got. To his fevered onomatopœic fancy, Marple's
quick quadruple rap had translated itself into the word:
<span class="smcap">Olotutu</span>.</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page254" id="page254"></SPAN>[pg 254]</span>
"'At this hour of the day, my dear Sybil, it is superfluous
to say anything about this word, with which you have been
familiar from your cradle. It has now been before the public
over a quarter of a century, and it has long since won
immortality. Little did you think when we sat in the railway
carriage yesterday, that the "Olotutu" that glared at
you from the partition was the far-away cause of the cloud
now hanging over our lives. But it may be interesting to
you to learn that in the early days many people put the
accent on the second syllable, whereas all the world now
knows, the accent is on the first, and the "o" of "ol" is
short. When my father found he had set the Thames on
fire, he was almost beside himself with joy. At the office
the clerks, in the intervals of wondering about "Olotutu"
wondered if he had come into a fortune. He determined
to follow up his success: to back the winning word, to
consecrate his life to "Olotutu," to put all his money on it.
Thenceforwards for the next three months you very rarely
opened a paper without seeing the word, "Olotutu." It
stood always by itself, self-complete and independent, rigid
and austere, in provoking sphynx-like solitude. Sybil,
imagine to yourself my father's rapture! To be the one
man in all England who had the clue to the enigma of
"Olotutu!" At last the burden of his secret became intolerable.
He felt he must breathe a hint of it or die.
One night while Marple was smoking in his rooms and
wondering about "Olotutu," my father proudly told him
all.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Great heavens!" exclaimed Marple. "Tip us your
flipper, old man! You are a millionaire."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"A what?" gasped my father.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"A millionaire!"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Are you a lunatic?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Are you an idiot? Don't you see that there is a
fortune in 'Olotutu'?"</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page255" id="page255"></SPAN>[pg 255]</span>
"'"A fortune! How?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"By bringing it out as a Joint Stock Company."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"But—but—but you don't understand. 'Olotutu'
is only——"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Only an income for life," interrupted Marple excitedly.
"Look here, old boy, I'll get you up a syndicate
to run it in twenty-four hours."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Do you mean to say——?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"No, I mean to do. I'm an ass not to quietly annex
it all to myself, but I always said I was too honest for the
City. Give me 'Olotutu' and we'll divide the profits.
Glory! Hooray!"</p>
<p class="indent">"'He capered about the floor wildly.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"But what profits? Where from?" asked my father,
still unenlightened, for, outside architecture, he was a
greenhorn.</p>
<p class="indent">"'Marple sang the "Ba, ba, ba, boodle-dee" of the day,
and continued his wild career.</p>
<p class="indent">"'My father seized him by the throat and pushed him
into a chair.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Speak, man," he cried agitatedly. "Stop your tomfoolery
and talk sense."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"I am talking cents—which is better," said Marple,
with a boisterous burst of laughter. "A word that all the
world is talking about is a gold-mine—a real gold-mine. I
mean, not one on a prospectus. Don't you see that 'Olotutu'
is a household word, and that everybody imagines it is
the name of some new patent, something which the proprietor
has been keeping dark? I did myself. When at last
'Olotutu' <i>is</i> put upon the market it will come into the world
under the fierce light that beats upon a boom, and it will
be snapped up like currant cake at a tea-fight. Why,
Nemo's Fruit Pepper, which has been on every hoarding
for twenty years, is not half so much talked about as 'Olotutu.'
What you achieved is an immense preliminary advertisement—and
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page256" id="page256"></SPAN>[pg 256]</span>
you were calmly thinking of stopping there!
Within sight of Pactolus!"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"I had achieved <i>my</i> end!" replied my father with dignity.
"Art for art's sake—I did not work for money."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Then you refuse half the profits?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Oh, no, no! If the artist's work brings him money,
he cannot help it. I think I catch your idea now. You
wish to put some commodity upon the market attached
to the name of 'Olotutu.' We have a pedestal but no
statue, a cloak but nothing to cover."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"We shall have plenty to cover soon," observed Marple
winking. And he sat himself unceremoniously at my
writing-desk and began scribbling away for dear life.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"I suppose then," went on my father, "we shall have
to get hold of some article and manufacture it."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Nonsense," jerked Marple. "Where are we to get
the capital from?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Oh, I see you will get the syndicate to do it?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Good gracious, man!" yelped Marple. "Do you
suppose the syndicate will have any capital? Let me
write in peace."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"But who <i>is</i> going to manufacture 'Olotutu' then?"
persisted my father.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"The British Public of course," thundered Marple.
My father was silenced. The feverish scratching of Marple's
pen continued, working my father up to an indescribable
nervous tension.</p>
<p class="indent">"'"But what will 'Olotutu' be?" he inquired at last.
"A patent medicine, a tobacco, a soap, a mine, a comic
paper, a beverage, a tooth-powder, a hair-restorer?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Look here, old man!" roared Marple. "How do
you expect me to bother about details? This thing has
got to be worked at once. The best part of the Company
season is already over. But 'Olotutu' is going to
make it up. Mark my words the shares of 'Olotutu' will
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page257" id="page257"></SPAN>[pg 257]</span>
be at a premium on the day of issue. Another sheet of
paper, quick."</p>
<p class="indent">"'"What for?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"I want to write to a firm of Chartered Accountants
and Valuers to give an estimate of the profits!"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"An estimate of the profits?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"Don't talk like a parrot!"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"But how can they estimate the profits?"</p>
<p class="indent">"'"How? what do you suppose they're chartered for?
You or I couldn't do it; of course not. But it's the business
of accountants! That's what they're for. Pass me
more writing-paper—reams of it!"</p>
<div class="image-center" style="max-width: 600px;">
<ANTIMG src="images/i253.jpg" width-obs="600" height-obs="540" alt="" />
<div class="caption">
<p class="center"><i>The public curiosity amounted to frenzy.</i></p>
</div>
</div>
<p class="indent">"'Marple spent the whole of that night writing letters to
what he called his tame guinea-pigs; and the very next
day large bills bearing the solitary word "Olotutu" were
posted up all over London till the public curiosity mounted
to frenzy. The bill-posters earnt many a half-crown by
misinforming the inquisitive. Marple worked like a horse.
First he drew up the Prospectus, leaving blanks for the
Board of Directors of the Company. Then he filled up
the blanks. It was not easy. One lord was only induced
to serve on Marple's convincing representations of
the good 'Olotutu' would do to the masses. When the
Board was complete, Marple had still to get the Syndicate
from which the Directors were to acquire "Olotutu,"
but he left this till the end, knowing there would be no
difficulty there. I have never been able to gather from
my father exactly what went on, nor does my father profess
to know exactly himself, but he tells with regret how
he used to worry Marple daily by inquiring if he had yet
decided what "Olotutu" was to be, as if Marple had not
his hands full enough without that. Marple turned round
on him one day and shrieked: "That's your affair, not
mine. You're selling 'Olotutu' to me, aren't you? I
can't be buyer and seller, too."</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page258" id="page258"></SPAN>[pg 258]</span>
"'This, by the way, does not seem to be as impossible as
it sounds for, according to my father, when the company
came out, Marple bought and sold "Olotutu" in the most
mysterious manner, rigging the market, watering the shares,
cornering the bears, and doing other extraordinary things,
each and all at a profit. He was not satisfied with his
share of the price paid for "Olotutu" by the syndicate,
nor with his share of the enormously higher price paid to
the syndicate by the public, but went in for Stock Exchange
manœuvres six-deep, coming out an easy winner
on settling day. One of my father's most treasured collections
is the complete set of proofs of the prospectus.
It went through thirteen editions before it reached the
public; no author could revise his book more lovingly
than Marple revised that prospectus. What tales printers
could tell to be sure! The most noticeable variations in
the text of my father's collection are the omission or
addition of cyphers. Some of the editions have £120,000
for the share capital of the Company, where others
have £1,200,000 and others £12,000. Sometimes the directors
appear to have extenuated "nought," sometimes to
have set down "nought" in malice. As for the number of
debenture shares, the amounts to be paid up on allotment,
the contracts with divers obscure individuals, the number
of shares to be taken up by the directors and the number
to be accepted by the vendors in part payment, these
vary indefinitely; but in no edition, not even in those still
void of the names of the directors, do the profits guaranteed
by the directors fall below twenty-five per cent.
Sometimes the complex and brain-baffling calculations
that fill page three result in a bigger profit, sometimes in
a smaller, but they are always cheering to contemplate.</p>
<p class="indent">"'There is not very much about "Olotutu" itself even in
the last edition, but from the very first, there is a great deal
about the power of the company to manufacture, import,
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page259" id="page259"></SPAN>[pg 259]</span>
export, and deal in all kinds of materials, commodities, and
articles necessary for and useful in carrying on the same;
to carry on any other operations or business which the
company might from time to time deem expedient in connection
with its main business for the time being; to
purchase, take in exchange, or on lease, hire, or otherwise,
in any part of the world, for any estate, or interests,
any lands, factories, buildings, easements, patent rights,
brands and trademarks, concessions, privileges, machinery,
plant, stock-in-trade, utensils, necessary or convenient, for
the purposes of the company, or to sell, exchange, let
or rent royalty, share of profits, or otherwise use and grant
licenses, easements and other rights of and over, and in
any other manner deal with or dispose of the whole or any
part of the undertaking, business and property of the
Company, and in consideration to accept cash or shares,
stock, debenture or securities of any company whose
objects were or included objects similar to those of the
Company.</p>
<p class="indent">"'The actual nature of "Olotutu" does not seem to have
been settled till the ninth edition, but all the editions include
the analyst's report, certifying that "Olotutu" contains
no injurious ingredients and is far purer and safer
than any other (here there was a blank in the first eight
editions in the market). From this it is evident that
Marple has made up his mind to something chemical,
though it is equally apparent that he kept an open mind
regards its precise character, for in the ninth edition the
blank is filled up with "purgative," in the tenth with "meat
extract," in the eleventh with "hair-dye," in the twelfth
with "cod liver oil," and it is only in the thirteenth edition
that the final decision seems to have been arrived at in
favor of "soap." This of course, my dear Sybil, you
already know. Indeed, if I mistake not, "Olotutu," the
only absolutely scentless soap in the market, is your own
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page260" id="page260"></SPAN>[pg 260]</span>
pet soap. I hope it will not shock you too much if I tell
you in the strictest confidence that except in price, stamp,
and copious paper-wrapping, "Olotutu" is simply bars of
yellow soap chopped small. It was here, perhaps, that
Marple's genius showed to the highest advantage. The
public was overdone with patent scented soaps; there
seemed something unhealthy or at least molly-coddling
about their use; the time was ripe for return to the rude
and primitive. "Absolutely scentless" became the trademark
of "Olotutu" and the public, being absolutely
senseless (<i>pace</i>, my dear Sybil), somehow concluded that
because the soap was devoid of scent it was impregnated
with sanitation.</p>
<p class="indent">"'Is there need to prolong the story? My father, so unexpectedly
enriched, abandoned architecture and married
almost immediately. Soon he became the idol of a popular
constituency, and, voting steadily with his party, was
made a baronet. I was born a few months after the first
dividend was announced. It was a dividend of thirty-three
per cent, for "Olotutu" had become an indispensable
adjunct to every toilet-table and the financial papers
published leaders, boasting of having put their clients up
to a good thing, and "Olotutu" was on everybody's tongue
and got into everybody's eyes.</p>
<p class="indent">"'Can you wonder, then, that I was born with a congenital
craving for springing mysteries upon the public? Can
you still disbelieve that I suffer from an hereditary tendency
to advertise in the agony column?</p>
<p class="indent">"'At periodic intervals an irresistible prompting to force
uncouth words upon the universal consciousness seizes
me; at other times I am driven to beguile the public with
pseudo-sensational communications to imaginary personages.
It was fortunate my father early discovered my
penchant and told me the story of his life, for I think the
very knowledge that I am the victim of heredity helps me
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page261" id="page261"></SPAN>[pg 261]</span>
to defy my own instincts. No man likes to feel he is the
shuttlecock of blind forces. Still they are occasionally
too strong for me, and my present attack has been unusually
severe and protracted. I have been passing through
my father's early phases and conducting romances by correspondence.
Complimentary to the series of messages
signed Popsy, I had prepared a series signed Wopsy to go
in on alternate days, and if you had only continued your
search in my coat-pocket you would have discovered these
proofs of my innocence. May I trust it is now re-established,
and that "Olotutu" has washed away the apparent
stain on my character? With anxious heart I await your
reply.</p>
<p class="center">"'Ever yours devotedly,</p>
<p class="author">"'<span class="smcap">Guy</span></p>
</blockquote>
<p class="indent">"Sybil's reply was: 'I have read your letter. Do not
write to me again.' She was so set against him," concluded
Miss Nimrod, "she would not even write this but wired
it."</p>
<p class="indent">"Then she does not believe the story of how Guy
Fledgely's father became a baronet," said Lord Silverdale.</p>
<p class="indent">"She does not. She says 'Olotutu' won't wash
stains."</p>
<p class="indent">"Well, I suppose you will be bringing her up," said the
President.</p>
<p class="indent">"I will—in the way she should go;" answered Wee
Winnie. "To-day is Saturday; I will bring her on Monday.
Meantime as it is getting very late, and as I have
finished my lemonade, I will bid you good afternoon—have
you used 'Olotutu?'" And with this facetious inquiry
Miss Nimrod twirled her stick and was off.</p>
<p class="indent">An hour later Lillie received a wire from Wee Winnie.</p>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page262" id="page262"></SPAN>[pg 262]</span>
"<i>Olotutu. Wretches just reconciled. Letter follows.</i>"</p>
<p class="indent">And this was the letter that came by the first post on
Monday.</p>
<hr />
<blockquote>
<p>"<span class="smcap">My poor President</span>:</p>
<p class="indent">"We have lost Sybil. She takes in the <i>Hurrygraph</i>
and reads the agony column religiously. So all the week
she has been exposed to a terrible bombardment.</p>
<p class="indent">"As thus (Tuesday.) 'My lost darling. A thousand
demons are knocking at my door. Say you forgive me or I
will let them in.—<span class="smcap">Bobo.</span>'</p>
<p class="indent">"Or thus. (Wednesday.) 'My lost darling. You are
making a terrible mistake. I am innocent. I am writing
this on my bended knees. The fathers have eaten a
sour grape. Misericordia.—<span class="smcap">Bobo.</span>'</p>
<p class="indent">"The bitter cry of the outcast lover increased daily in
intensity, till on Saturday it became delirious.</p>
<p class="indent">"'My lost darling. Save, O Save! I have opened the
door. They are there—in their thousands. The children's
teeth are set on edge. The grave is dug. Betwixt
two worlds I fall to the ground. Adieu forever.—<span class="smcap">Bobo.</span>'</p>
<p class="indent">"Will you believe that the poor little fool thought all
this was meant for her, and that in consequence she thawed
day by day till on Saturday she melted entirely and gushed
on Guy's shoulder? Guy admitted that he had inserted
these advertisements, but he did not tell her (as he afterwards
told me in confidence, and as I now tell you in confidence)
that they had been sent in before the quarrel occurred
and constituted his Agony Column romance for the
week, the Popsy Wopsy romance not being intended for
publication till next week. He had concocted these cries
of despairing passion without the least idea they would
so nearly cover his own case. But he says that as his
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page263" id="page263"></SPAN>[pg 263]</span>
hereditary craze got him into the scrape, it was only fair
his hereditary craze should get him out of it.</p>
<p class="indent">"So that's the end of Sybil Hotspur. But let us not
lament her too much. One so frail and fickle was not of
the stuff of which Old Maids are made. Courage! Wee
Winnie is on the warpath.</p>
<p class="center">"Yours affectionately,</p>
<p class="author">"<span class="smcap">Nelly</span>."</p>
</blockquote>
<p class="indent"><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page264" id="page264"></SPAN>[pg 264]</span></p>
<hr class="hr2" />
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