<SPAN name="chap08"></SPAN>
<h3>CHAPTER VIII</h3>
<h2><i>THE SMOKER</i></h2>
<p> </p>
<p>Three years later I learned—in a way she probably little expected,
and then did not much care about—what really occurred
there. I learned even phrases and looks—for the story was related
by one who had heard it told—and therefore I venture to
narrate what at the moment I neither saw nor suspected. While
I sat, flushed and nervous, upon a flat stone by the bank of the
little stream, Madame looked over her shoulder, and perceiving
that I was out of sight, she abated her pace, and turned sharply
towards the ruin which lay at her left. It was her first visit, and
she was merely exploring; but now, with a perfectly shrewd and
businesslike air, turning the corner of the building, she saw,
seated upon the edge of a grave-stone, a rather fat and flashily-equipped
young man, with large, light whiskers, a jerry hat,
green cutaway coat with gilt buttons, and waistcoat and trousers
rather striking than elegant in pattern. He was smoking a short
pipe, and made a nod to Madame, without either removing it
from his lips or rising, but with his brown and rather good-looking
face turned up, he eyed her with something of the impudent
and sulky expression that was habitual to it.</p>
<p>'Ha, Deedle, you are there! an' look so well. I am here, too,
quite <i>a</i>lon; but my friend, she wait outside the churchyard, by-side
the leetle river, for she must not think I know you—so I am
come <i>a</i>lon.'</p>
<p>'You're a quarter late, and I lost a fight by you, old girl, this
morning,' said the gay man, and spat on the ground; 'and I wish
you would not call me Diddle. I'll call you Granny if you do.'</p>
<p>'Eh bien! <i>Dud,</i> then. She is vary nice—wat you like. Slim
waist, wite teeth, vary nice eyes—dark—wat you say is best—and
nice leetle foot and ankle.'</p>
<p>Madame smiled leeringly.
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page44" id="page44"></SPAN></span>
Dud smoked on.</p>
<p>'Go on,' said Dud, with a nod of command.</p>
<p>'I am teach her to sing and play—she has such sweet voice!</p>
<p>There was another interval here.</p>
<p>'Well, that isn't much good. I hate women's screechin' about
fairies and flowers. Hang her! there's a scarecrow as sings at
Curl's Divan. Such a caterwauling upon a stage! I'd like to
put my two barrels into her.'</p>
<p>By this time Dud's pipe was out, and he could afford to converse.</p>
<p>'You shall see her and decide. You will walk down the river,
and pass her by.'</p>
<p>'That's as may be; howsoever, it would not do, nohow, to buy
a pig in a poke, you know. And s'pose I shouldn't like her, arter
all?'</p>
<p>Madame sneered, with a patois ejaculation of derision.</p>
<p>'Vary good! Then some one else will not be so 'ard to please—as
you will soon find.'</p>
<p>'Some one's bin a-lookin' arter her, you mean?' said the young
man, with a shrewd uneasy glance on the cunning face of the
French lady.</p>
<p>'I mean precisely—that which I mean,' replied the lady, with
a teazing pause at the break I have marked.</p>
<p>'Come, old 'un, none of your d—— old chaff, if you want me
to stay here listening to you. Speak out, can't you? There's
any chap as has bin a-lookin' arter her—is there?'</p>
<p>'Eh bien! I suppose some.'</p>
<p>'Well, you <i>suppose,</i> and <i>I</i> suppose—we may <i>all</i> suppose,
I guess;
but that does not make a thing be, as wasn't before; and you tell
me as how the lass is kep' private up there, and will be till you're
done educating her—a precious good 'un that is!' And he laughed
a little lazily, with the ivory handle of his cane on his lip, and
eyeing Madame with indolent derision.</p>
<p>Madame laughed, but looked rather dangerous.</p>
<p>'I'm only chaffin', you know, old girl. <i>You</i>'ve bin chaffin'—w'y
shouldn't <i>I</i>? But I don't see why she can't wait a bit; and
what's all the d——d hurry for? <i>I</i>'m in no hurry. I don't want
a wife on my back for a while. There's no fellow marries till he's
took his bit o' fun, and seen life—is there! And why should I be
driving with her to fairs, or to church, or to meeting, by jingo!—for
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page45" id="page45"></SPAN></span>
they say she's a Quaker—with a babby on each knee, only
to please them as will be dead and rotten when <i>I</i>'m only beginning?'</p>
<p>'Ah, you are such charming fellow; always the same—always
sensible. So I and my friend we will walk home again, and you
go see Maggie Hawkes. Good-a-by, Dud—good-a-by.'</p>
<p>'Quiet, you fool!—can't ye?' said the young gentleman, with
the sort of grin that made his face vicious when a horse vexed
him. 'Who ever said I wouldn't go look at the girl? Why, you
know that's just what I come here for—don't you? Only when
I think a bit, and a notion comes across me, why shouldn't I
speak out? I'm not one o' them shilly-shallies. If I like the girl,
I'll not be mug in and mug out about it. Only mind ye, I'll
judge for myself. Is that her a-coming?'</p>
<p>'No; it was a distant sound.'</p>
<p>Madame peeped round the corner. No one was approaching.</p>
<p>'Well, you go round that a-way, and you only look at her, you
know, for she is such fool—so nairvous.'</p>
<p>'Oh, is that the way with her?' said Dud, knocking out the
ashes of his pipe on a tombstone, and replacing the Turkish
utensil in his pocket. 'Well, then, old lass, good-bye,' and he
shook her hand. 'And, do ye see, don't ye come up till I pass, for
I'm no hand at play-acting; an' if you called me "sir," or was
coming it dignified and distant, you know, I'd be sure to laugh,
a'most, and let all out. So good-bye, d'ye see, and if you want me
again be sharp to time, mind.</p>
<p>From habit he looked about for his dogs, but he had not
brought one. He had come unostentatiously by rail, travelling in
a third-class carriage, for the advantage of Jack Briderly's company, and
getting a world of useful wrinkles about the steeplechase that was coming
off next week.</p>
<p>So he strode away, cutting off the heads of the nettles with
his cane as he went; and Madame walked forth into the open
space among the graves, where I might have seen her, had I
stood up, looking with the absorbed gaze of an artist on the
ruin.</p>
<p>In a little while, along the path, I heard the clank of a step,
and the gentleman in the green cutaway coat, sucking his cane,
and eyeing me with an offensive familiar sort of stare the while,
passed me by, rather hesitating as he did so.</p>
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page46" id="page46"></SPAN></span>
<p>I was glad when he turned the corner in the little hollow close
by, and disappeared. I stood up at once, and was reassured by a
sight of Madame, not very many yards away, looking at the ruin,
and apparently restored to her right mind. The last beams of the
sun were by this time touching the uplands, and I was longing
to recommence our walk home. I was hesitating about calling to
Madame, because that lady had a certain spirit of opposition
within her, and to disclose a small wish of any sort was generally,
if it lay in her power, to prevent its accomplishment.</p>
<p>At this moment the gentleman in the green coat returned,
approaching me with a slow sort of swagger.</p>
<p>'I say, Miss, I dropped a glove close by here. May you have
seen it?'</p>
<p>'No, sir,' I said, drawing back a little, and looking, I dare say,
both frightened and offended.</p>
<p>'I do think I must 'a dropped it close by your foot, Miss.'</p>
<p>'No, sir,' I repeated.</p>
<p>'No offence, Miss, but you're sure you didn't hide it?'</p>
<p>I was beginning to grow seriously uncomfortable.</p>
<p>'Don't be frightened, Miss; it's only a bit o' chaff. I'm not
going to search.'</p>
<p>I called aloud, 'Madame, Madame!' and he whistled through
his fingers, and shouted, 'Madame, Madame,' and added, 'She's
as deaf as a tombstone, or she'll hear that. Gi'e her my compliments,
and say I said you're a beauty, Miss;' and with a laugh
and a leer he strode off.</p>
<p>Altogether this had not been a very pleasant excursion.
Madame gobbled up our sandwiches, commending them every
now and then to me. But I had been too much excited to have
any appetite left, and very tired I was when we reached home.</p>
<p>'So, there is lady coming to-morrow?' said Madame, who
knew everything. 'Wat is her name? I forget.'</p>
<p>'Lady Knollys,' I answered.</p>
<p>'Lady Knollys—wat odd name! She is very young—is she
not?'</p>
<p>'Past fifty, I think.'</p>
<p>'H�las! She's vary old, then. Is she rich?'</p>
<p>'I don't know. She has a place in Derbyshire.'</p>
<p>'Derbyshire—that is one of your English counties, is it not?'</p>
<p>'Oh yes, Madame,' I answered, laughing. 'I have said it to
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="page47" id="page47"></SPAN></span>
you twice since you came;' and I gabbled through the chief
towns and rivers as catalogued in my geography.</p>
<p>'Bah! to be sure—of course, cheaile. And is she your relation?'</p>
<p>'Papa's first cousin.'</p>
<p>'Won't you present-a me, pray?—I would so like!'</p>
<p>Madame had fallen into the English way of liking people
with titles, as perhaps foreigners would if titles implied the
sort of power they do generally with us.</p>
<p>'Certainly, Madame.'</p>
<p>'You will not forget?'</p>
<p>'Oh no.'</p>
<p>Madame reminded me twice, in the course of the evening, of
my promise. She was very eager on this point. But it is a world
of disappointment, influenza, and rheumatics; and next morning
Madame was prostrate in her bed, and careless of all things but
flannel and James's powder.</p>
<p>Madame was <i>d�sol�e</i>; but she could not raise her head. She
only murmured a question.</p>
<p>'For 'ow long time, dear, will Lady Knollys remain?'</p>
<p>'A very few days, I believe.'</p>
<p>'H�las! 'ow onlucky! maybe to-morrow I shall be better
Ouah! my ear. The laudanum, dear cheaile!'</p>
<p>And so our conversation for that time ended, and Madame
buried her head in her old red cashmere shawl.</p>
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