<h3>CHAPTER XVII</h3>
<h4>THE LANDLADY</h4>
<br/>
<p>From sunrise to sunset the day was long enough for many things besides
school, which occupied five hours. There was time for me to try to
earn my living; or at least the rent of our tenement. Rent was a
standing trouble. We were always behind, and the landlady was very
angry; so I was particularly ambitious to earn the rent. I had had one
or two poems published since the celebrated eulogy of George
Washington, but nobody had paid for my poems—yet. I was coming to
that, of course, but in the mean time I could not pay the rent with my
writing. To be sure, my acquaintance with men of letters gave me an
opening. A friend of mine introduced me to a slightly literary lady
who introduced me to the editor of the "Boston Searchlight," who
offered me a generous commission for subscriptions to his paper.</p>
<p>If our rent was three and one-half dollars per week, payable on strong
demand, and the annual subscription to the "Searchlight" was one
dollar, and my commission was fifty per cent, how many subscribers did
I need? How easy! Seven subscribers a week—one a day! Anybody could
do that. Mr. James, the editor, said so. He said I could get two or
three any afternoon between the end of school and supper. If I worked
all Saturday—my head went dizzy computing the amount of my
commissions. It would be rent and shoes and bonnets and everything for
everybody.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_302" id="Page_302"></SPAN></span>Bright and early one Saturday morning in the fall I started out
canvassing, in my hand a neatly folded copy of the "Searchlight," in
my heart, faith in my lucky star and good-will towards all the world.
I began with one of the great office buildings on Tremont Street, as
Mr. James had advised. The first half-hour I lost, wandering through
the corridors, reading the names on the doors. There were so many
people in the same office, how should I know, when I entered, which
was Wilson & Reed, Solicitors, and which C. Jenkins Smith, Mortgages
and Bonds? I decided that it did not matter: I would call them all
"Sir."</p>
<p>I selected a door and knocked. After waiting some time, I knocked a
little louder. The building buzzed with noise,—swift footsteps echoed
on the stone floors, snappy talk broke out with the opening of every
door, bells tinkled, elevators hummed,—no wonder they did not hear me
knock. But I noticed that other people went in without knocking, so
after a while I did the same.</p>
<p>There were several men and two women in the small, brightly lighted
room. They were all busy. It was very confusing. Should I say "Sir" to
the roomful?</p>
<p>"Excuse me, sir," I began. That was a very good beginning, I felt
sure, but I must speak louder. Lately my voice had been poor in
school—gave out, sometimes, in the middle of a recitation. I cleared
my throat, but I did not repeat myself. The back of the bald head that
I had addressed revolved and presented its complement, a bald front.</p>
<p>"Will you—would you like—I'd like—"</p>
<p>I stared in dismay at the bald gentleman, unable to recall a word of
what I meant to say; and he stared in impatience at me.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_303" id="Page_303"></SPAN></span>"Well, well!" he snapped, "What is it? What is it?"</p>
<p>That reminded me.</p>
<p>"It's the 'Boston Searchlight,' sir. I take sub—"</p>
<p>"Take it away—take it away. We're busy here." He waved me away over
his shoulder, the back of his head once more presented to me.</p>
<p>I stole out of the room in great confusion. Was that the way I was
going to be received? Why, Mr. James had said nobody would hesitate to
subscribe. It was the best paper in Boston, the "Searchlight," and no
business man could afford to be without it. I must have made some
blunder. <i>Was</i> "Mortgages and Bonds" a business? I'd never heard of
it, and very likely I had spoken to C. Jenkins Smith. I must try
again—of course I must try again.</p>
<p>I selected a real estate office next. A real estate broker, I knew for
certain, was a business man. Mr. George A. Hooker must be just waiting
for the "Boston Searchlight."</p>
<p>Mr. Hooker was indeed waiting, and he was telling "Central" about it.</p>
<p>"Yes, Central; waiting, waiting—What?—Yes, yes; ring <i>four</i>—What's
that?—Since when?—Why didn't you say so at first, then, instead of
keeping me on the line—What?—Oh, is that so? Well, never mind this
time, Central.—I see, I see.—All right."</p>
<p>I had become so absorbed in this monologue that when Mr. Hooker swung
around on me in his revolving chair I was startled, feeling that I had
been caught eavesdropping. I thought he was going to rebuke me, but he
only said, "What can I do for you, Miss?"</p>
<p>Encouraged by his forbearance, I said:—</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_304" id="Page_304"></SPAN></span>"Would you like to subscribe to the 'Boston Searchlight,' sir?"—"Sir"
was safer, after all.—"It's a dollar a year."</p>
<p>I was supposed to say that it was the best paper in Boston, etc., but
Mr. Hooker did not look interested, though he was not cross.</p>
<p>"No, thank you, Miss; no new papers for me. Excuse me, I am very
busy." And he began to dictate to a stenographer.</p>
<p>Well, that was not so bad. Mr. Hooker was at least polite. I must try
to make a better speech next time. I stuck to real estate now. O'Lair
& Kennedy were both in, in my next office, and both apparently
enjoying a minute of relaxation, tilted back in their chairs behind a
low railing. Said I, determined to be businesslike at last, and
addressing myself to the whole firm:—</p>
<p>"Would you like to subscribe to the 'Boston Searchlight?' It's a very
good paper. No business man can afford it—afford to be without it, I
mean. It's only a dollar a year."</p>
<p>Both men smiled at my break, and I smiled, too. I wondered would they
subscribe separately, or would they take one copy for the firm.</p>
<p>"The 'Boston Searchlight,'" repeated one of the partners. "Never heard
of it. Is that the paper you have there?"</p>
<p>He unfolded the paper I gave him, looked over it, and handed it to his
partner.</p>
<p>"Ever heard of the 'Searchlight,' O'Lair? What do you think—can we
afford to be without it?"</p>
<p>"I guess we'll make out somehow," replied Mr. O'Lair, handing me back
my paper. "But I'll buy this copy of you, Miss," he added, from second
thoughts.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_305" id="Page_305"></SPAN></span>"And I'll go partner on the bargain," said Mr. Kennedy.</p>
<p>But I objected.</p>
<p>"This is a sample," I said; "I don't sell single papers. I take
subscriptions for the year. It's one dollar."</p>
<p>"And no business man can afford it, you know." Mr. Kennedy winked as
he said it, and we all smiled again. It would have been stupid not to
see the joke.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry I can't sell my sample," I said, with my hand on the
doorknob.</p>
<p>"That's all right, my dear," said Mr. Kennedy, with a gracious wave of
the hand. And his partner called after me, "Better luck next door!"</p>
<p>Well, I was getting on! The people grew friendlier all the time. But I
skipped "next door"; it was "Mortgages and Bonds." I tried
"Insurance."</p>
<p>"The best paper in Boston, is it?" remarked Mr. Thomas F. Dix, turning
over my sample. "And who told you that, young lady?"</p>
<p>"Mr. James," was my prompt reply.</p>
<p>"Who is Mr. James?—The <i>editor</i>! Oh, I see. And do you also think the
'Searchlight' the best paper in Boston?"</p>
<p>"I don't know, sir. I like the 'Herald' much better, and the
'Transcript.'"</p>
<p>At that Mr. Dix laughed. "That's right," he said. "Business is
business, but you tell the truth. One dollar, is it? Here you are. My
name is on the door. Good-day."</p>
<p>I think I spent twenty minutes copying the name and room number from
the door. I did not trust myself to read plain English. What if I made
a mistake, and the "Searchlight" went astray, and good Mr. Dix
remained <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_306" id="Page_306"></SPAN></span>unilluminated? He had paid for the year—it would be
dreadful to make a mistake.</p>
<p>Emboldened by my one success, I went into the next office without
considering the kind of business announced on the door. I tried
brokers, lawyers, contractors, and all, just as they came around the
corridor; but I copied no more addresses. Most of the people were
polite. Some men waved me away, like C. Jenkins Smith. Some looked
impatient at first, but excused themselves politely in the end. Almost
everybody said, "We're busy here," as if they suspected I wanted them
to read a whole year's issue of the "Searchlight" at once. At last one
man told me he did not think it was a nice business for a girl, going
through the offices like that.</p>
<p>This took me aback. I had not thought anything about the nature of the
business. I only wanted the money to pay the rent. I wandered through
miles of stone corridors, unable to see why it was not a nice
business, and yet reluctant to go on with it, with the doubt in my
mind. Intent on my new problem, I walked into a messenger boy; and
looking back to apologize to him, I collided softly with a
cushion-shaped gentleman getting out of an elevator. I was making up
my mind to leave the building forever, when I saw an office door
standing open. It was the first open door I had come across since
morning—it was past noon now—and it was a sign to me to keep on. I
must not give up so easily.</p>
<p>Mr. Frederick A. Strong was alone in the office, surreptitiously
picking his teeth. He had been to lunch. He heard me out
good-naturedly.</p>
<p>"How much is your commission, if I may ask?" It was the first thing he
had said.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_307" id="Page_307"></SPAN></span>"Fifty cents, sir."</p>
<p>"Well, I'll tell you what I will do. I don't care to subscribe, but
here's a quarter for you."</p>
<p>If I did not blush, it was because it is not my habit, but all of a
sudden I choked. A lump jumped into my throat; almost the tears were
in my eyes. That man was right who said it was not nice to go through
the offices. I was taken for a beggar: a stranger offered me money for
nothing.</p>
<p>I could not say a word. I started to go out. But Mr. Strong jumped up
and prevented me.</p>
<p>"Oh, don't go like that!" he cried. "I didn't mean to offend you; upon
my word, I didn't. I beg your pardon. I didn't know—you see—Won't
you sit down a minute to rest? That's kind of you."</p>
<p>Mr. Strong was so genuinely repentant that I could not refuse him.
Besides, I felt a little weak. I had been on my feet since morning,
and had had no lunch. I sat down, and Mr. Strong talked. He showed me
a picture of his wife and little girl, and said I must go and see them
some time. Pretty soon I was chatting, too, and I told Mr. Strong
about the Latin School; and of course he asked me if I was French, the
way people always did when they wanted to say that I had a foreign
accent. So we got started on Russia, and had such an interesting time
that we both jumped up, surprised, when a fine young lady in a
beautiful hat came in to take possession of the idle typewriter.</p>
<p>Mr. Strong introduced me very formally, thanked me for an interesting
hour, and shook hands with me at the door. I did not add his name to
my short subscription list, but I counted it a greater triumph that I
had made a friend.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_308" id="Page_308"></SPAN></span>It would have been seeking an anticlimax to solicit any more in the
building. I went out, into the roar of Tremont Street, and across the
Common, still green and leafy. I rested a while on a bench, debating
where to go next. It was past two by the clock on Park Street Church.
I had had a long day already, but it was too early to quit work, with
only one half dollar of my own in my pocket. It was Saturday—in the
evening the landlady would come. I must try a little longer.</p>
<p>I went out along Columbus Avenue, a popular route for bicyclists at
that time. The bicycle stores all along the way looked promising to
me. The people did not look so busy as in the office building: they
would at least be polite.</p>
<p>They were not particularly rude, but they did not subscribe. Nobody
wanted the "Searchlight." They had never heard of it—they made jokes
about it—they did not want it at any price.</p>
<p>I began to lose faith in the paper myself. I got tired of its name. I
began to feel dizzy. I stopped going into the stores. I walked
straight along, looking at nothing. I wanted to go back, go home, but
I wouldn't. I felt like doing myself spite. I walked right along,
straight as the avenue ran. I did not know where it would lead me. I
did not care. Everything was horrid. I would go right on until night.
I would get lost. I would fall in a faint on a strange doorstep, and
be found dead in the morning, and be pitied.</p>
<p>Wouldn't that be interesting! The adventure might even end happily. I
might faint at the door of a rich old man's house, who would take me
in, and order his housekeeper to nurse me, just like in the story
books. In my delirium—of course I would have a fever—I <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_309" id="Page_309"></SPAN></span>would talk
about the landlady, and how I had tried to earn the rent; and the old
gentleman would wipe his spectacles for pity. Then I would wake up,
and ask plaintively, "Where am I?" And when I got strong, after a
delightfully long convalescence, the old gentleman would take me to
Dover Street—in a carriage!—and we would all be reunited, and laugh
and cry together. The old gentleman, of course, would engage my father
as his steward, on the spot, and we would all go to live in one of his
houses, with a garden around it.</p>
<p>I walked on and on, gleefully aware that I had not eaten since
morning. Wasn't I beginning to feel shaky? Yes; I should certainly
faint before long. But I didn't like the houses I passed. They did not
look fit for my adventure. I must keep up till I reached a better
neighborhood.</p>
<p>Anybody who knows Boston knows how cheaply my adventure ended.
Columbus Avenue leads out to Roxbury Crossing. When I saw that the
houses were getting shabbier, instead of finer, my heart sank. When I
came out on the noisy, thrice-commonplace street-car centre, my spirit
collapsed utterly.</p>
<p>I did not swoon. I woke up from my foolish, childish dream with a
shock. I was disgusted with myself, and frightened besides. It was
evening now, and I was faint and sick in good earnest, and I did not
know where I was. I asked a starter at the transfer station the way to
Dover Street, and he told me to get on a car that was just coming in.</p>
<p>"I'll walk," I said, "if you will please tell me the shortest way."
How could I spend five cents out of the little I had made?</p>
<p>But the starter discouraged me.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_310" id="Page_310"></SPAN></span>"You can't walk it before midnight—the way you look, my girl. Better
hop on that car before it goes."</p>
<p>I could not resist the temptation. I rode home in the car, and felt
like a thief when I paid the fare. Five cents gone to pay for my
folly!</p>
<p>I was grateful for a cold supper; thrice grateful to hear that Mrs.
Hutch, the landlady, had been and gone, content with two dollars that
my father had brought home.</p>
<p>Mrs. Hutch seldom succeeded in collecting the full amount of the rents
from her tenants. I suppose that made the bookkeeping complicated,
which must have been wearing on her nerves; and hence her temper. We
lived, on Dover Street, in fear of her temper. Saturday had a distinct
quality about it, derived from the imminence of Mrs. Hutch's visit. Of
course I awoke on Saturday morning with the no-school feeling; but the
grim thing that leaped to its feet and glowered down on me, while the
rest of my consciousness was still yawning on its back, was the
Mrs.-Hutch-is-coming-and-there's-no-rent feeling.</p>
<p>It is hard, if you are a young girl, full of life and inclined to be
glad, to go to sleep in anxiety and awake in fear. It is apt to
interfere with the circulation of the vital ether of happiness in the
young, which is damaging to the complexion of the soul. It is bitter,
when you are middle-aged and unsuccessful, to go to sleep in
self-reproach and awake unexonerated. It is likely to cause
fermentation in the sweetest nature; it is certain to breed gray hairs
and a premature longing for death. It is pitiful, if you are the
home-keeping mother of an impoverished family, to drop in your traces
helpless at night, and awake unstrengthened in the early morning. The
haunting consciousness of rooted poverty is an <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_311" id="Page_311"></SPAN></span>improper bedfellow for
a woman who still bears. It has been known to induce physical and
spiritual malformations in the babies she nurses.</p>
<p>It did require strength to lift the burden of life, in the gray
morning, on Dover Street; especially on Saturday morning. Perhaps my
mother's pack was the heaviest to lift. To the man of the house,
poverty is a bulky dragon with gripping talons and a poisonous breath;
but he bellows in the open, and it is possible to give him knightly
battle, with the full swing of the angry arm that cuts to the enemy's
vitals. To the housewife, want is an insidious myriapod creature that
crawls in the dark, mates with its own offspring, breeds all the year
round, persists like leprosy. The woman has an endless, inglorious
struggle with the pest; her triumphs are too petty for applause, her
failures too mean for notice. Care, to the man, is a hound to be kept
in leash and mastered. To the woman, care is a secret parasite that
infects the blood.</p>
<p>Mrs. Hutch, of course, was only one symptom of the disease of poverty,
but there were times when she seemed to me the sharpest tooth of the
gnawing canker. Surely as sorrow trails behind sin, Saturday evening
brought Mrs. Hutch. The landlady did not trail. Her movements were
anything but impassive. She climbed the stairs with determination and
landed at the top with emphasis. Her knock on the door was clear
sharp, unfaltering; it was impossible to pretend not to hear it. Her
"Good-evening" announced business; her manner of taking a chair
suggested the throwing-down of the gauntlet. Invariably she asked for
my father, calling him Mr. Anton, and refusing to be corrected; almost
invariably he was not at home—was out looking for <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_312" id="Page_312"></SPAN></span>work. Had he left
her the rent? My mother's gentle "No, ma'am" was the signal for the
storm. I do not want to repeat what Mrs. Hutch said. It would be hard
on her, and hard on me. She grew red in the face; her voice grew
shriller with every word. My poor mother hung her head where she
stood; the children stared from their corners; the frightened baby
cried. The angry landlady rehearsed our sins like a prophet
foretelling doom. We owed so many weeks' rent; we were too lazy to
work; we never intended to pay; we lived on others; we deserved to be
put out without warning. She reproached my mother for having too many
children; she blamed us all for coming to America. She enumerated her
losses through nonpayment of her rents; told us that she did not
collect the amount of her taxes; showed us how our irregularities were
driving a poor widow to ruin.</p>
<p>My mother did not attempt to excuse herself, but when Mrs. Hutch began
to rail against my absent father, she tried to put in a word in his
defence. The landlady grew all the shriller at that, and silenced my
mother impatiently. Sometimes she addressed herself to me. I always
stood by, if I was at home, to give my mother the moral support of my
dumb sympathy. I understood that Mrs. Hutch had a special grudge
against me, because I did not go to work as a cash girl and earn three
dollars a week. I wanted to explain to her how I was preparing myself
for a great career, and I was ready to promise her the payment of the
arrears as soon as I began to get rich. But the landlady would not let
me put in a word. And I was sorry for her, because she seemed to be
having such a bad time.</p>
<p>At last Mrs. Hutch got up to leave, marching out as determinedly as
she had marched in. At the door she <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_313" id="Page_313"></SPAN></span>turned, in undiminished wrath, to
shoot her parting dart:—</p>
<p>"And if Mr. Anton does not bring me the rent on Monday, I will serve
notice of eviction on Tuesday, without fail."</p>
<p>We breathed when she was gone. My mother wiped away a few tears, and
went to the baby, crying in the windowless, air-tight room.</p>
<p>I was the first to speak.</p>
<p>"Isn't she queer, mamma!" I said. "She never remembers how to say our
name. She insists on saying <i>Anton—Anton</i>. Celia, say <i>Anton</i>." And I
made the baby laugh by imitating the landlady, who had made her cry.</p>
<p>But when I went to my little room I did not mock Mrs. Hutch. I thought
about her, thought long and hard, and to a purpose. I decided that she
must hear me out once. She must understand about my plans, my future,
my good intentions. It was too irrational to go on like this, we
living in fear of her, she in distrust of us. If Mrs. Hutch would only
trust me, and the tax collectors would trust her, we could all live
happily forever.</p>
<p>I was the more certain that my argument would prevail with the
landlady, if only I could make her listen, because I understood her
point of view. I even sympathized with her. What she said about the
babies, for instance, was not all unreasonable to me. There was this
last baby, my mother's sixth, born on Mrs. Hutch's premises—yes, in
the windowless, air-tight bedroom. Was there any need of this baby?
When May was born, two years earlier, on Wheeler Street, I had
accepted her; after a while I even welcomed her. She was born an
American, and it was something to me to have one <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_314" id="Page_314"></SPAN></span>genuine American
relative. I had to sit up with her the whole of her first night on
earth, and I questioned her about the place she came from, and so we
got acquainted. As my mother was so ill that my sister Frieda, who was
nurse, and the doctor from the dispensary had all they could do to
take care of her, the baby remained in my charge a good deal, and so I
got used to her. But when Celia came I was two years older, and my
outlook was broader; I could see around a baby's charms, and discern
the disadvantages of possessing the baby. I was supplied with all
kinds of relatives now—I had a brother-in-law, and an American-born
nephew, who might become a President. Moreover, I knew there was not
enough to eat before the baby's advent, and she did not bring any
supplies with her that I could see. The baby was one too many. There
was no need of her. I resented her existence. I recorded my resentment
in my journal.</p>
<p>I was pleased with my broad-mindedness, that enabled me to see all
sides of the baby question. I could regard even the rent question
disinterestedly, like a philosopher reviewing natural phenomena. It
seemed not unreasonable that Mrs. Hutch should have a craving for the
rent as such. A school-girl dotes on her books, a baby cries for its
rattle, and a landlady yearns for her rents. I could easily believe
that it was doing Mrs. Hutch spiritual violence to withhold the rent
from her; and hence the vehemence with which she pursued the arrears.</p>
<p>Yes, I could analyze the landlady very nicely. I was certainly
qualified to act as peacemaker between her and my family. But I must
go to her own house, and <i>not</i> on a rent day. Saturday evening, when
she was embittered <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_315" id="Page_315"></SPAN></span>by many disappointments, was no time to approach
her with diplomatic negotiations. I must go to her house on a day of
good omen.</p>
<p>And I went, as soon as my father could give me a week's rent to take
along. I found Mrs. Hutch in the gloom of a long, faded parlor.
Divested of the ample black coat and widow's bonnet in which I had
always seen her, her presence would have been less formidable had I
not been conscious that I was a mere rumpled sparrow fallen into the
lion's den. When I had delivered the money, I should have begun my
speech; but I did not know what came first of all there was to say.
While I hesitated, Mrs. Hutch observed me. She noticed my books, and
asked about them. I thought this was my opening, and I showed her
eagerly my Latin grammar, my geometry, my Virgil. I began to tell her
how I was to go to college, to fit myself to write poetry, and get
rich, and pay the arrears. But Mrs. Hutch cut me short at the mention
of college. She broke out with her old reproaches, and worked herself
into a worse fury than I had ever witnessed before. I was all alone in
the tempest, and a very old lady was sitting on a sofa, drinking tea;
and the tidy on the back of the sofa was sliding down.</p>
<p>I was so bewildered by the suddenness of the onslaught, I felt so
helpless to defend myself, that I could only stand and stare at Mrs.
Hutch. She kept on railing without stopping for breath, repeating
herself over and over. At last I ceased to hear what she said; I
became hypnotized by the rapid motions of her mouth. Then the moving
tidy caught my eye and the spell was broken. I went over to the sofa
with a decided step and carefully replaced the tidy.</p>
<p>It was now the landlady's turn to stare, and I stared <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_316" id="Page_316"></SPAN></span>back, surprised
at my own action. The old lady also stared, her teacup suspended under
her nose. The whole thing was so ridiculous! I had come on such a
grand mission, ready to dictate the terms of a noble peace. I was met
with anger and contumely; the dignity of the ambassador of peace
rubbed off at a touch, like the golden dust from the butterfly's wing.
I took my scolding like a meek child; and then, when she was in the
middle of a trenchant phrase, her eye fixed daggerlike on mine, I
calmly went to put the enemy's house in order! It was ridiculous, and
I laughed.</p>
<p>Immediately I was sorry. I wanted to apologize, but Mrs. Hutch didn't
give me a chance. If she had been harsh before, she was terrific now.
Did I come there to insult her?—she wanted to know. Wasn't it enough
that I and my family lived on her, that I must come to her on purpose
to rile her with my talk about college—<i>college!</i> these beggars!—and
laugh in her face? "What did you come for? Who sent you? Why do you
stand there staring? Say something! <i>College!</i> these beggars! And do
you think I'll keep you till you go to college? <i>You</i>, learning
geometry! Did you ever figure out how much rent your father owes me?
You are all too lazy—Don't say a word! Don't speak to me! Coming here
to laugh in my face! I don't believe you can say one sensible word.
<i>Latin</i>—and <i>French</i>! Oh, these beggars! You ought to go to work, if
you know enough to do one sensible thing. <i>College!</i> Go home and tell
your father never to send you again. Laughing in my face—and staring!
Why don't you say something? How old are you?"</p>
<p>Mrs. Hutch actually stopped, and I jumped into the pause.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_317" id="Page_317"></SPAN></span>"I'm seventeen," I said quickly, "and I feel like seventy."</p>
<p>This was too much, even for me who had spoken. I had not meant to say
the last. It broke out, like my wicked laugh. I was afraid, if I
stayed any longer, Mrs. Hutch would have the apoplexy; and I felt that
I was going to cry. I moved towards the door, but the landlady got in
another speech before I had escaped.</p>
<p>"Seventeen—seventy! And looks like twelve! The child is silly. Can't
even tell her own age. No wonder, with her Latin, and French, and—"</p>
<p>I did cry when I got outside, and I didn't care if I was noticed. What
was the use of anything? Everything I did was wrong. Everything I
tried to do for Mrs. Hutch turned out bad. I tried to sell papers, for
the sake of the rent, and nobody wanted the "Searchlight," and I was
told it was not a nice business. I wanted to take her into my
confidence, and she wouldn't hear a word, but scolded and called me
names. She was an unreasonable, ungrateful landlady. I wished she
<i>would</i> put us out, then we should be rid of her.—But wasn't it funny
about that tidy? What made me do that? I never meant to. Curious, the
way we sometimes do things we don't want to at all.—The old lady must
be deaf; she didn't say anything all that time.—Oh, I have a whole
book of the "Æneid" to review, and it's getting late. I must hurry
home.</p>
<p>It was impossible to remain despondent long. The landlady came only
once a week, I reflected, as I walked, and the rest of the time I was
surrounded by friends. Everybody was good to me, at home, of course,
and at school; and there was Miss Dillingham, and her friend who took
me out in the country to see the autumn <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_318" id="Page_318"></SPAN></span>leaves, and her friend's
friend who lent me books, and Mr. Hurd, who put my poems in the
"Transcript," and gave me books almost every time I came, and a dozen
others who did something good for me all the time, besides the several
dozen who wrote me such nice letters. Friends? If I named one for
every block I passed I should not get through before I reached home.
There was Mr. Strong, too, and he wanted me to meet his wife and
little girl. And Mr. Pastor! I had almost forgotten Mr. Pastor. I
arrived at the corner of Washington and Dover Streets, on my way home,
and looked into Mr. Pastor's showy drug store as I passed, and that
reminded me of the history of my latest friendship.</p>
<p>My cough had been pretty bad—kept me awake nights. My voice gave out
frequently. The teachers had spoken to me several times, suggesting
that I ought to see a doctor. Of course the teachers did not know that
I could not afford a doctor, but I could go to the free dispensary,
and I did. They told me to come again, and again, and I lost precious
hours sitting in the waiting-room, watching for my turn. I was
examined, thumped, studied, and sent out with prescriptions and
innumerable directions. All that was said about food, fresh air, sunny
rooms, etc., was, of course, impossible; but I would try the medicine.
A bottle of medicine was a definite thing with a fixed price. You
either could or could not afford it, on a given day. Once you began
with milk and eggs and such things, there was no end of it. You were
always going around the corner for more, till the grocer said he could
give no more credit. No; the medicine bottle was the only safe thing.</p>
<p>I had taken several bottles, and was told that I was looking better,
when I went, one day, to have my <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_319" id="Page_319"></SPAN></span>prescription renewed. It was just
after a hard rain, and the pools on the broken pavements were full of
blue sky. I was delighted with the beautiful reflections; there were
even the white clouds moving across the blue, there, at my feet, on
the pavement! I walked with my head down all the way to the drug
store, which was all right; but I should not have done it going back,
with the new bottle of medicine in my hand.</p>
<p>In front of a cigar store, halfway between Washington Street and
Harrison Avenue, stood a wooden Indian with a package of wooden cigars
in his hand. My eyes on the shining rain pools, I walked plump into
the Indian, and the bottle was knocked out of my hand and broke with a
crash.</p>
<p>I was horrified at the catastrophe. The medicine cost fifty cents. My
mother had given me the last money in the house. I must not be without
my medicine; the dispensary doctor was very emphatic about that. It
would be dreadful to get sick and have to stay out of school. What was
to be done?</p>
<p>I made up my mind in less than five minutes. I went back to the drug
store and asked for Mr. Pastor himself. He knew me; he often sold me
postage stamps, and joked about my large correspondence, and heard a
good deal about my friends. He came out, on this occasion, from his
little office in the back of the store; and I told him of my accident,
and that there was no more money at home, and asked him to give me
another bottle, to be paid for as soon as possible. My father had a
job as night watchman in a store. I should be able to pay very soon.</p>
<p>"Certainly, my dear, certainly," said Mr. Pastor; "very glad to oblige
you. It's doing you good, isn't <span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_320" id="Page_320"></SPAN></span>it?—That's right. You're such a
studious young lady, with all those books, and so many letters to
write—you need something to build you up. There you are.—Oh, don't
mention it! Any time at all. And lookout for wild Indians!"</p>
<p>Of course we were great friends after that, and this is the way my
troubles often ended on Dover Street. To bump into a wooden Indian was
to bump into good luck, a hundred times a week. No wonder I was happy
most of the time.</p>
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