<h4>V</h4>
<p>When the night crept down in shadowy blue and silver they
threaded the shimmering channel in the rowboat and, tying it to a
jutting rock, began climbing the cliff together. The first shelf
was ten feet up, wide, and furnishing a natural diving platform.
There they sat down in the bright moonlight and watched the
faint incessant surge of the waters almost stilled now as the
tide set seaward.</p>
<p>"Are you happy?" he asked suddenly.</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>"Always happy near the sea. You know," she went on, "I've been
thinking all day that you and I are somewhat alike. We're both
rebels—only for different reasons. Two years ago, when I was
just eighteen and you were——"</p>
<p>"Twenty-five."</p>
<p>"——well, we were both conventional successes. I was an utterly
devastating d�butante and you were a prosperous musician just
commissioned in the army——"</p>
<p>"Gentleman by act of Congress," he put in ironically.</p>
<p>"Well, at any rate, we both fitted. If our corners were not
rubbed off they were at least pulled in. But deep in us both was
something that made us require more for happiness. I didn't know
what I wanted. I went from man to man, restless, impatient,
month by month getting less acquiescent and more dissatisfied. I
used to sit sometimes chewing at the insides of my mouth and
thinking I was going crazy—I had a frightful sense of
transiency. I wanted things now—now—now! Here I
was—beautiful—I am, aren't I?"</p>
<p>"Yes," agreed Carlyle tentatively.</p>
<p>Ardita rose suddenly.</p>
<p>"Wait a second. I want to try this delightful-looking sea."</p>
<p>She walked to the end of the ledge and shot out over the sea,
doubling up in mid-air and then straightening out and entering to
water straight as a blade in a perfect jack-knife dive.</p>
<p>In a minute her voice floated up to him.</p>
<p>"You see, I used to read all day and most of the night. I began
to resent society——"</p>
<p>"Come on up here," he interrupted. "What on earth are you doing?"</p>
<p>"Just floating round on my back. I'll be up in a minute. Let me
tell you. The only thing I enjoyed was shocking people; wearing
something quite impossible and quite charming to a fancy-dress
party, going round with the fastest men in New York, and getting
into some of the most hellish scrapes imaginable."</p>
<p>The sounds of splashing mingled with her words, and then he heard
her hurried breathing as she began climbing up side to the
ledge.</p>
<p>"Go on in!" she called</p>
<p>Obediently he rose and dived. When he emerged, dripping, and
made the climb he found that she was no longer on the ledge, but
after a second frightened he heard her light laughter from another shelf
ten feet up. There he joined her and they both sat quietly for a
moment, their arms clasped round their knees, panting a little
from the climb.</p>
<p>"The family were wild," she said suddenly. "They tried to marry
me off. And then when I'd begun to feel that after all life was
scarcely worth living I found something"—her eyes went skyward
exultantly——"I found something!"</p>
<p>Carlyle waited and her words came with a rush.</p>
<p>"Courage—just that; courage as a rule of life, and something to
cling to always. I began to build up this enormous faith in
myself. I began to see that in all my idols in the past some
manifestation of courage had unconsciously been the thing that
attracted me. I began separating courage from the other things of
life. All sorts of courage—the beaten, bloody prize-fighter
coming up for more—I used to make men take me to prize-fights;
the d�class� woman sailing through a nest of cats and looking at
them as if they were mud under her feet; the liking what you like
always; the utter disregard for other people's opinions—just to
live as I liked always and to die in my own way— Did you bring
up the cigarettes?"</p>
<p>He handed one over and held a match for her gently.</p>
<p>"Still," Ardita continued, "the men kept gathering—old men and
young men, my mental and physical inferiors, most of them, but
all intensely desiring to have me—to own this rather
magnificent proud tradition I'd built up round me. Do you see?"</p>
<p>"Sort of. You never were beaten and you never apologized."</p>
<p>"Never!"</p>
<p>She sprang to the edge, poised for a moment like a crucified
figure against the sky; then describing a dark parabola plunked
without a slash between two silver ripples twenty feet below.</p>
<p>Her voice floated up to him again.</p>
<p>"And courage to me meant ploughing through that dull gray mist
that comes down on life—not only overriding people and
circumstances but overriding the bleakness of living. A sort of
insistence on the value of life and the worth of transient
things."</p>
<p>She was climbing up now, and at her last words her head, with the
damp yellow hair slicked symmetrically back appeared on his
level.</p>
<p>"All very well," objected Carlyle. "You can call it courage, but
your courage is really built, after all, on a pride of birth. You
were bred to that defiant attitude. On my gray days even courage
is one of the things that's gray and lifeless."</p>
<p>She was sitting near the edge, hugging her knees and gazing
abstractedly at the white moon; he was farther back, crammed like
a grotesque god into a niche in the rock.</p>
<p>"I don't want to sound like Pollyanna," she began, "but you
haven't grasped me yet. My courage is faith—faith in the eternal
resilience of me—that joy'll come back, and hope and
spontaneity. And I feel that till it does I've got to keep my
lips shut and my chin high, and my eyes wide—not necessarily any
silly smiling. Oh, I've been through hell without a whine quite
often—and the female hell is deadlier than the male."</p>
<p>"But supposing," suggested Carlyle, "that before joy and hope and
all that came back the curtain was drawn on you for good?"</p>
<p>Ardita rose, and going to the wall climbed with some difficulty
to the next ledge, another ten or fifteen feet above.</p>
<p>"Why," she called back "then I'd have won!"</p>
<p>He edged out till he could see her.</p>
<p>"Better not dive from there! You'll break your back," he said
quickly.</p>
<p>She laughed.</p>
<p>"Not I!"</p>
<p>Slowly she spread her arms and stood there swan-like, radiating a
pride in her young perfection that lit a warm glow in Carlyle's
heart.</p>
<p>"We're going through the black air with our arms wide and our
feet straight out behind like a dolphin's tail, and we're going
to think we'll never hit the silver down there till suddenly
it'll be all warm round us and full of little kissing, caressing
waves."</p>
<p>Then she was in the air, and Carlyle involuntarily held his
breath. He had not realized that the dive was nearly forty feet.
It seemed an eternity before he heard the swift compact sound as
she reached the sea.</p>
<p>And it was with his glad sigh of relief when her light watery
laughter curled up the side of the cliff and into his anxious
ears that he knew he loved her.</p>
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