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<h1> THE $30,000 BEQUEST </h1>
<h2> and Other Stories </h2>
<h2> by Mark Twain </h2>
<h3> (Samuel L. Clemens) </h3>
<hr/>
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<h2> CHAPTER I </h2>
<p>Lakeside was a pleasant little town of five or six thousand inhabitants,
and a rather pretty one, too, as towns go in the Far West. It had church
accommodations for thirty-five thousand, which is the way of the Far West
and the South, where everybody is religious, and where each of the
Protestant sects is represented and has a plant of its own. Rank was
unknown in Lakeside—unconfessed, anyway; everybody knew everybody
and his dog, and a sociable friendliness was the prevailing atmosphere.</p>
<p>Saladin Foster was book-keeper in the principal store, and the only
high-salaried man of his profession in Lakeside. He was thirty-five years
old, now; he had served that store for fourteen years; he had begun in his
marriage-week at four hundred dollars a year, and had climbed steadily up,
a hundred dollars a year, for four years; from that time forth his wage
had remained eight hundred—a handsome figure indeed, and everybody
conceded that he was worth it.</p>
<p>His wife, Electra, was a capable helpmeet, although—like himself—a
dreamer of dreams and a private dabbler in romance. The first thing she
did, after her marriage—child as she was, aged only nineteen—was
to buy an acre of ground on the edge of the town, and pay down the cash
for it—twenty-five dollars, all her fortune. Saladin had less, by
fifteen. She instituted a vegetable garden there, got it farmed on shares
by the nearest neighbor, and made it pay her a hundred per cent. a year.
Out of Saladin's first year's wage she put thirty dollars in the
savings-bank, sixty out of his second, a hundred out of his third, a
hundred and fifty out of his fourth. His wage went to eight hundred a
year, then, and meantime two children had arrived and increased the
expenses, but she banked two hundred a year from the salary, nevertheless,
thenceforth. When she had been married seven years she built and furnished
a pretty and comfortable two-thousand-dollar house in the midst of her
garden-acre, paid half of the money down and moved her family in. Seven
years later she was out of debt and had several hundred dollars out
earning its living.</p>
<p>Earning it by the rise in landed estate; for she had long ago bought
another acre or two and sold the most of it at a profit to pleasant people
who were willing to build, and would be good neighbors and furnish a
general comradeship for herself and her growing family. She had an
independent income from safe investments of about a hundred dollars a
year; her children were growing in years and grace; and she was a pleased
and happy woman. Happy in her husband, happy in her children, and the
husband and the children were happy in her. It is at this point that this
history begins.</p>
<p>The youngest girl, Clytemnestra—called Clytie for short—was
eleven; her sister, Gwendolen—called Gwen for short—was
thirteen; nice girls, and comely. The names betray the latent
romance-tinge in the parental blood, the parents' names indicate that the
tinge was an inheritance. It was an affectionate family, hence all four of
its members had pet names, Saladin's was a curious and unsexing one—Sally;
and so was Electra's—Aleck. All day long Sally was a good and
diligent book-keeper and salesman; all day long Aleck was a good and
faithful mother and housewife, and thoughtful and calculating business
woman; but in the cozy living-room at night they put the plodding world
away, and lived in another and a fairer, reading romances to each other,
dreaming dreams, comrading with kings and princes and stately lords and
ladies in the flash and stir and splendor of noble palaces and grim and
ancient castles.</p>
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<h2> CHAPTER II </h2>
<p>Now came great news! Stunning news—joyous news, in fact. It came
from a neighboring state, where the family's only surviving relative
lived. It was Sally's relative—a sort of vague and indefinite uncle
or second or third cousin by the name of Tilbury Foster, seventy and a
bachelor, reputed well off and corresponding sour and crusty. Sally had
tried to make up to him once, by letter, in a bygone time, and had not
made that mistake again. Tilbury now wrote to Sally, saying he should
shortly die, and should leave him thirty thousand dollars, cash; not for
love, but because money had given him most of his troubles and
exasperations, and he wished to place it where there was good hope that it
would continue its malignant work. The bequest would be found in his will,
and would be paid over. PROVIDED, that Sally should be able to prove to
the executors that he had TAKEN NO NOTICE OF THE GIFT BY SPOKEN WORD OR BY
LETTER, HAD MADE NO INQUIRIES CONCERNING THE MORIBUND'S PROGRESS TOWARD
THE EVERLASTING TROPICS, AND HAD NOT ATTENDED THE FUNERAL.</p>
<p>As soon as Aleck had partially recovered from the tremendous emotions
created by the letter, she sent to the relative's habitat and subscribed
for the local paper.</p>
<p>Man and wife entered into a solemn compact, now, to never mention the
great news to any one while the relative lived, lest some ignorant person
carry the fact to the death-bed and distort it and make it appear that
they were disobediently thankful for the bequest, and just the same as
confessing it and publishing it, right in the face of the prohibition.</p>
<p>For the rest of the day Sally made havoc and confusion with his books, and
Aleck could not keep her mind on her affairs, not even take up a
flower-pot or book or a stick of wood without forgetting what she had
intended to do with it. For both were dreaming.</p>
<p>"Thir-ty thousand dollars!"</p>
<p>All day long the music of those inspiring words sang through those
people's heads.</p>
<p>From his marriage-day forth, Aleck's grip had been upon the purse, and
Sally had seldom known what it was to be privileged to squander a dime on
non-necessities.</p>
<p>"Thir-ty thousand dollars!" the song went on and on. A vast sum, an
unthinkable sum!</p>
<p>All day long Aleck was absorbed in planning how to invest it, Sally in
planning how to spend it.</p>
<p>There was no romance-reading that night. The children took themselves away
early, for their parents were silent, distraught, and strangely
unentertaining. The good-night kisses might as well have been impressed
upon vacancy, for all the response they got; the parents were not aware of
the kisses, and the children had been gone an hour before their absence
was noticed. Two pencils had been busy during that hour—note-making;
in the way of plans. It was Sally who broke the stillness at last. He
said, with exultation:</p>
<p>"Ah, it'll be grand, Aleck! Out of the first thousand we'll have a horse
and a buggy for summer, and a cutter and a skin lap-robe for winter."</p>
<p>Aleck responded with decision and composure—</p>
<p>"Out of the CAPITAL? Nothing of the kind. Not if it was a million!"</p>
<p>Sally was deeply disappointed; the glow went out of his face.</p>
<p>"Oh, Aleck!" he said, reproachfully. "We've always worked so hard and been
so scrimped: and now that we are rich, it does seem—"</p>
<p>He did not finish, for he saw her eye soften; his supplication had touched
her. She said, with gentle persuasiveness:</p>
<p>"We must not spend the capital, dear, it would not be wise. Out of the
income from it—"</p>
<p>"That will answer, that will answer, Aleck! How dear and good you are!
There will be a noble income and if we can spend that—"</p>
<p>"Not ALL of it, dear, not all of it, but you can spend a part of it. That
is, a reasonable part. But the whole of the capital—every penny of
it—must be put right to work, and kept at it. You see the
reasonableness of that, don't you?"</p>
<p>"Why, ye-s. Yes, of course. But we'll have to wait so long. Six months
before the first interest falls due."</p>
<p>"Yes—maybe longer."</p>
<p>"Longer, Aleck? Why? Don't they pay half-yearly?"</p>
<p>"THAT kind of an investment—yes; but I sha'n't invest in that way."</p>
<p>"What way, then?"</p>
<p>"For big returns."</p>
<p>"Big. That's good. Go on, Aleck. What is it?"</p>
<p>"Coal. The new mines. Cannel. I mean to put in ten thousand. Ground floor.
When we organize, we'll get three shares for one."</p>
<p>"By George, but it sounds good, Aleck! Then the shares will be worth—how
much? And when?"</p>
<p>"About a year. They'll pay ten per cent. half yearly, and be worth thirty
thousand. I know all about it; the advertisement is in the Cincinnati
paper here."</p>
<p>"Land, thirty thousand for ten—in a year! Let's jam in the whole
capital and pull out ninety! I'll write and subscribe right now—tomorrow
it maybe too late."</p>
<p>He was flying to the writing-desk, but Aleck stopped him and put him back
in his chair. She said:</p>
<p>"Don't lose your head so. WE mustn't subscribe till we've got the money;
don't you know that?"</p>
<p>Sally's excitement went down a degree or two, but he was not wholly
appeased.</p>
<p>"Why, Aleck, we'll HAVE it, you know—and so soon, too. He's probably
out of his troubles before this; it's a hundred to nothing he's selecting
his brimstone-shovel this very minute. Now, I think—"</p>
<p>Aleck shuddered, and said:</p>
<p>"How CAN you, Sally! Don't talk in that way, it is perfectly scandalous."</p>
<p>"Oh, well, make it a halo, if you like, <i>I</i> don't care for his
outfit, I was only just talking. Can't you let a person talk?"</p>
<p>"But why should you WANT to talk in that dreadful way? How would you like
to have people talk so about YOU, and you not cold yet?"</p>
<p>"Not likely to be, for ONE while, I reckon, if my last act was giving away
money for the sake of doing somebody a harm with it. But never mind about
Tilbury, Aleck, let's talk about something worldly. It does seem to me
that that mine is the place for the whole thirty. What's the objection?"</p>
<p>"All the eggs in one basket—that's the objection."</p>
<p>"All right, if you say so. What about the other twenty? What do you mean
to do with that?"</p>
<p>"There is no hurry; I am going to look around before I do anything with
it."</p>
<p>"All right, if your mind's made up," signed Sally. He was deep in thought
awhile, then he said:</p>
<p>"There'll be twenty thousand profit coming from the ten a year from now.
We can spend that, can we, Aleck?"</p>
<p>Aleck shook her head.</p>
<p>"No, dear," she said, "it won't sell high till we've had the first
semi-annual dividend. You can spend part of that."</p>
<p>"Shucks, only THAT—and a whole year to wait! Confound it, I—"</p>
<p>"Oh, do be patient! It might even be declared in three months—it's
quite within the possibilities."</p>
<p>"Oh, jolly! oh, thanks!" and Sally jumped up and kissed his wife in
gratitude. "It'll be three thousand—three whole thousand! how much
of it can we spend, Aleck? Make it liberal!—do, dear, that's a good
fellow."</p>
<p>Aleck was pleased; so pleased that she yielded to the pressure and
conceded a sum which her judgment told her was a foolish extravagance—a
thousand dollars. Sally kissed her half a dozen times and even in that way
could not express all his joy and thankfulness. This new access of
gratitude and affection carried Aleck quite beyond the bounds of prudence,
and before she could restrain herself she had made her darling another
grant—a couple of thousand out of the fifty or sixty which she meant
to clear within a year of the twenty which still remained of the bequest.
The happy tears sprang to Sally's eyes, and he said:</p>
<p>"Oh, I want to hug you!" And he did it. Then he got his notes and sat down
and began to check off, for first purchase, the luxuries which he should
earliest wish to secure. "Horse—buggy—cutter—lap-robe—patent-leathers—dog—plug-hat—
church-pew—stem-winder—new teeth—SAY, Aleck!"</p>
<p>"Well?"</p>
<p>"Ciphering away, aren't you? That's right. Have you got the twenty
thousand invested yet?"</p>
<p>"No, there's no hurry about that; I must look around first, and think."</p>
<p>"But you are ciphering; what's it about?"</p>
<p>"Why, I have to find work for the thirty thousand that comes out of the
coal, haven't I?"</p>
<p>"Scott, what a head! I never thought of that. How are you getting along?
Where have you arrived?"</p>
<p>"Not very far—two years or three. I've turned it over twice; once in
oil and once in wheat."</p>
<p>"Why, Aleck, it's splendid! How does it aggregate?"</p>
<p>"I think—well, to be on the safe side, about a hundred and eighty
thousand clear, though it will probably be more."</p>
<p>"My! isn't it wonderful? By gracious! luck has come our way at last, after
all the hard sledding, Aleck!"</p>
<p>"Well?"</p>
<p>"I'm going to cash in a whole three hundred on the missionaries—what
real right have we care for expenses!"</p>
<p>"You couldn't do a nobler thing, dear; and it's just like your generous
nature, you unselfish boy."</p>
<p>The praise made Sally poignantly happy, but he was fair and just enough to
say it was rightfully due to Aleck rather than to himself, since but for
her he should never have had the money.</p>
<p>Then they went up to bed, and in their delirium of bliss they forgot and
left the candle burning in the parlor. They did not remember until they
were undressed; then Sally was for letting it burn; he said they could
afford it, if it was a thousand. But Aleck went down and put it out.</p>
<p>A good job, too; for on her way back she hit on a scheme that would turn
the hundred and eighty thousand into half a million before it had had time
to get cold.</p>
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<h2> CHAPTER III </h2>
<p>The little newspaper which Aleck had subscribed for was a Thursday sheet;
it would make the trip of five hundred miles from Tilbury's village and
arrive on Saturday. Tilbury's letter had started on Friday, more than a
day too late for the benefactor to die and get into that week's issue, but
in plenty of time to make connection for the next output. Thus the Fosters
had to wait almost a complete week to find out whether anything of a
satisfactory nature had happened to him or not. It was a long, long week,
and the strain was a heavy one. The pair could hardly have borne it if
their minds had not had the relief of wholesome diversion. We have seen
that they had that. The woman was piling up fortunes right along, the man
was spending them—spending all his wife would give him a chance at,
at any rate.</p>
<p>At last the Saturday came, and the WEEKLY SAGAMORE arrived. Mrs. Eversly
Bennett was present. She was the Presbyterian parson's wife, and was
working the Fosters for a charity. Talk now died a sudden death—on
the Foster side. Mrs. Bennett presently discovered that her hosts were not
hearing a word she was saying; so she got up, wondering and indignant, and
went away. The moment she was out of the house, Aleck eagerly tore the
wrapper from the paper, and her eyes and Sally's swept the columns for the
death-notices. Disappointment! Tilbury was not anywhere mentioned. Aleck
was a Christian from the cradle, and duty and the force of habit required
her to go through the motions. She pulled herself together and said, with
a pious two-per-cent. trade joyousness:</p>
<p>"Let us be humbly thankful that he has been spared; and—"</p>
<p>"Damn his treacherous hide, I wish—"</p>
<p>"Sally! For shame!"</p>
<p>"I don't care!" retorted the angry man. "It's the way YOU feel, and if you
weren't so immorally pious you'd be honest and say so."</p>
<p>Aleck said, with wounded dignity:</p>
<p>"I do not see how you can say such unkind and unjust things. There is no
such thing as immoral piety."</p>
<p>Sally felt a pang, but tried to conceal it under a shuffling attempt to
save his case by changing the form of it—as if changing the form
while retaining the juice could deceive the expert he was trying to
placate. He said:</p>
<p>"I didn't mean so bad as that, Aleck; I didn't really mean immoral piety,
I only meant—meant—well, conventional piety, you know; er—shop
piety; the—the—why, YOU know what I mean. Aleck—the—well,
where you put up that plated article and play it for solid, you know,
without intending anything improper, but just out of trade habit, ancient
policy, petrified custom, loyalty to—to—hang it, I can't find
the right words, but YOU know what I mean, Aleck, and that there isn't any
harm in it. I'll try again. You see, it's this way. If a person—"</p>
<p>"You have said quite enough," said Aleck, coldly; "let the subject be
dropped."</p>
<p>"I'M willing," fervently responded Sally, wiping the sweat from his
forehead and looking the thankfulness he had no words for. Then, musingly,
he apologized to himself. "I certainly held threes—I KNOW it—but
I drew and didn't fill. That's where I'm so often weak in the game. If I
had stood pat—but I didn't. I never do. I don't know enough."</p>
<p>Confessedly defeated, he was properly tame now and subdued. Aleck forgave
him with her eyes.</p>
<p>The grand interest, the supreme interest, came instantly to the front
again; nothing could keep it in the background many minutes on a stretch.
The couple took up the puzzle of the absence of Tilbury's death-notice.
They discussed it every which way, more or less hopefully, but they had to
finish where they began, and concede that the only really sane explanation
of the absence of the notice must be—and without doubt was—that
Tilbury was not dead. There was something sad about it, something even a
little unfair, maybe, but there it was, and had to be put up with. They
were agreed as to that. To Sally it seemed a strangely inscrutable
dispensation; more inscrutable than usual, he thought; one of the most
unnecessary inscrutable he could call to mind, in fact—and said so,
with some feeling; but if he was hoping to draw Aleck he failed; she
reserved her opinion, if she had one; she had not the habit of taking
injudicious risks in any market, worldly or other.</p>
<p>The pair must wait for next week's paper—Tilbury had evidently
postponed. That was their thought and their decision. So they put the
subject away and went about their affairs again with as good heart as they
could.</p>
<p>Now, if they had but known it, they had been wronging Tilbury all the
time. Tilbury had kept faith, kept it to the letter; he was dead, he had
died to schedule. He was dead more than four days now and used to it;
entirely dead, perfectly dead, as dead as any other new person in the
cemetery; dead in abundant time to get into that week's SAGAMORE, too, and
only shut out by an accident; an accident which could not happen to a
metropolitan journal, but which happens easily to a poor little village
rag like the SAGAMORE. On this occasion, just as the editorial page was
being locked up, a gratis quart of strawberry ice-water arrived from
Hostetter's Ladies and Gents Ice-Cream Parlors, and the stickful of rather
chilly regret over Tilbury's translation got crowded out to make room for
the editor's frantic gratitude.</p>
<p>On its way to the standing-galley Tilbury's notice got pied. Otherwise it
would have gone into some future edition, for WEEKLY SAGAMORES do not
waste "live" matter, and in their galleys "live" matter is immortal,
unless a pi accident intervenes. But a thing that gets pied is dead, and
for such there is no resurrection; its chance of seeing print is gone,
forever and ever. And so, let Tilbury like it or not, let him rave in his
grave to his fill, no matter—no mention of his death would ever see
the light in the WEEKLY SAGAMORE.</p>
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<h2> CHAPTER IV </h2>
<p>Five weeks drifted tediously along. The SAGAMORE arrived regularly on the
Saturdays, but never once contained a mention of Tilbury Foster. Sally's
patience broke down at this point, and he said, resentfully:</p>
<p>"Damn his livers, he's immortal!"</p>
<p>Aleck give him a very severe rebuke, and added with icy solemnity:</p>
<p>"How would you feel if you were suddenly cut out just after such an awful
remark had escaped out of you?"</p>
<p>Without sufficient reflection Sally responded:</p>
<p>"I'd feel I was lucky I hadn't got caught with it IN me."</p>
<p>Pride had forced him to say something, and as he could not think of any
rational thing to say he flung that out. Then he stole a base—as he
called it—that is, slipped from the presence, to keep from being
brayed in his wife's discussion-mortar.</p>
<p>Six months came and went. The SAGAMORE was still silent about Tilbury.
Meantime, Sally had several times thrown out a feeler—that is, a
hint that he would like to know. Aleck had ignored the hints. Sally now
resolved to brace up and risk a frontal attack. So he squarely proposed to
disguise himself and go to Tilbury's village and surreptitiously find out
as to the prospects. Aleck put her foot on the dangerous project with
energy and decision. She said:</p>
<p>"What can you be thinking of? You do keep my hands full! You have to be
watched all the time, like a little child, to keep you from walking into
the fire. You'll stay right where you are!"</p>
<p>"Why, Aleck, I could do it and not be found out—I'm certain of it."</p>
<p>"Sally Foster, don't you know you would have to inquire around?"</p>
<p>"Of course, but what of it? Nobody would suspect who I was."</p>
<p>"Oh, listen to the man! Some day you've got to prove to the executors that
you never inquired. What then?"</p>
<p>He had forgotten that detail. He didn't reply; there wasn't anything to
say. Aleck added:</p>
<p>"Now then, drop that notion out of your mind, and don't ever meddle with
it again. Tilbury set that trap for you. Don't you know it's a trap? He is
on the watch, and fully expecting you to blunder into it. Well, he is
going to be disappointed—at least while I am on deck. Sally!"</p>
<p>"Well?"</p>
<p>"As long as you live, if it's a hundred years, don't you ever make an
inquiry. Promise!"</p>
<p>"All right," with a sigh and reluctantly.</p>
<p>Then Aleck softened and said:</p>
<p>"Don't be impatient. We are prospering; we can wait; there is no hurry.
Our small dead-certain income increases all the time; and as to futures, I
have not made a mistake yet—they are piling up by the thousands and
tens of thousands. There is not another family in the state with such
prospects as ours. Already we are beginning to roll in eventual wealth.
You know that, don't you?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Aleck, it's certainly so."</p>
<p>"Then be grateful for what God is doing for us and stop worrying. You do
not believe we could have achieved these prodigious results without His
special help and guidance, do you?"</p>
<p>Hesitatingly, "N-no, I suppose not." Then, with feeling and admiration,
"And yet, when it comes to judiciousness in watering a stock or putting up
a hand to skin Wall Street I don't give in that YOU need any outside
amateur help, if I do wish I—"</p>
<p>"Oh, DO shut up! I know you do not mean any harm or any irreverence, poor
boy, but you can't seem to open your mouth without letting out things to
make a person shudder. You keep me in constant dread. For you and for all
of us. Once I had no fear of the thunder, but now when I hear it I—"</p>
<p>Her voice broke, and she began to cry, and could not finish. The sight of
this smote Sally to the heart and he took her in his arms and petted her
and comforted her and promised better conduct, and upbraided himself and
remorsefully pleaded for forgiveness. And he was in earnest, and sorry for
what he had done and ready for any sacrifice that could make up for it.</p>
<p>And so, in privacy, he thought long and deeply over the matter, resolving
to do what should seem best. It was easy to PROMISE reform; indeed he had
already promised it. But would that do any real good, any permanent good?
No, it would be but temporary—he knew his weakness, and confessed it
to himself with sorrow—he could not keep the promise. Something
surer and better must be devised; and he devised it. At cost of precious
money which he had long been saving up, shilling by shilling, he put a
lightning-rod on the house.</p>
<p>At a subsequent time he relapsed.</p>
<p>What miracles habit can do! and how quickly and how easily habits are
acquired—both trifling habits and habits which profoundly change us.
If by accident we wake at two in the morning a couple of nights in
succession, we have need to be uneasy, for another repetition can turn the
accident into a habit; and a month's dallying with whiskey—but we
all know these commonplace facts.</p>
<p>The castle-building habit, the day-dreaming habit—how it grows! what
a luxury it becomes; how we fly to its enchantments at every idle moment,
how we revel in them, steep our souls in them, intoxicate ourselves with
their beguiling fantasies—oh yes, and how soon and how easily our
dream life and our material life become so intermingled and so fused
together that we can't quite tell which is which, any more.</p>
<p>By and by Aleck subscribed to a Chicago daily and for the WALL STREET
POINTER. With an eye single to finance she studied these as diligently all
the week as she studied her Bible Sundays. Sally was lost in admiration,
to note with what swift and sure strides her genius and judgment developed
and expanded in the forecasting and handling of the securities of both the
material and spiritual markets. He was proud of her nerve and daring in
exploiting worldly stocks, and just as proud of her conservative caution
in working her spiritual deals. He noted that she never lost her head in
either case; that with a splendid courage she often went short on worldly
futures, but heedfully drew the line there—she was always long on
the others. Her policy was quite sane and simple, as she explained it to
him: what she put into earthly futures was for speculation, what she put
into spiritual futures was for investment; she was willing to go into the
one on a margin, and take chances, but in the case of the other, "margin
her no margins"—she wanted to cash in a hundred cents per dollar's
worth, and have the stock transferred on the books.</p>
<p>It took but a very few months to educate Aleck's imagination and Sally's.
Each day's training added something to the spread and effectiveness of the
two machines. As a consequence, Aleck made imaginary money much faster
than at first she had dreamed of making it, and Sally's competency in
spending the overflow of it kept pace with the strain put upon it, right
along. In the beginning, Aleck had given the coal speculation a
twelvemonth in which to materialize, and had been loath to grant that this
term might possibly be shortened by nine months. But that was the feeble
work, the nursery work, of a financial fancy that had had no teaching, no
experience, no practice. These aids soon came, then that nine months
vanished, and the imaginary ten-thousand-dollar investment came marching
home with three hundred per cent. profit on its back!</p>
<p>It was a great day for the pair of Fosters. They were speechless for joy.
Also speechless for another reason: after much watching of the market,
Aleck had lately, with fear and trembling, made her first flyer on a
"margin," using the remaining twenty thousand of the bequest in this risk.
In her mind's eye she had seen it climb, point by point—always with
a chance that the market would break—until at last her anxieties
were too great for further endurance—she being new to the margin
business and unhardened, as yet—and she gave her imaginary broker an
imaginary order by imaginary telegraph to sell. She said forty thousand
dollars' profit was enough. The sale was made on the very day that the
coal venture had returned with its rich freight. As I have said, the
couple were speechless, they sat dazed and blissful that night, trying to
realize that they were actually worth a hundred thousand dollars in clean,
imaginary cash. Yet so it was.</p>
<p>It was the last time that ever Aleck was afraid of a margin; at least
afraid enough to let it break her sleep and pale her cheek to the extent
that this first experience in that line had done.</p>
<p>Indeed it was a memorable night. Gradually the realization that they were
rich sank securely home into the souls of the pair, then they began to
place the money. If we could have looked out through the eyes of these
dreamers, we should have seen their tidy little wooden house disappear,
and two-story brick with a cast-iron fence in front of it take its place;
we should have seen a three-globed gas-chandelier grow down from the
parlor ceiling; we should have seen the homely rag carpet turn to noble
Brussels, a dollar and a half a yard; we should have seen the plebeian
fireplace vanish away and a recherche, big base-burner with isinglass
windows take position and spread awe around. And we should have seen other
things, too; among them the buggy, the lap-robe, the stove-pipe hat, and
so on.</p>
<p>From that time forth, although the daughters and the neighbors saw only
the same old wooden house there, it was a two-story brick to Aleck and
Sally and not a night went by that Aleck did not worry about the imaginary
gas-bills, and get for all comfort Sally's reckless retort: "What of it?
We can afford it."</p>
<p>Before the couple went to bed, that first night that they were rich, they
had decided that they must celebrate. They must give a party—that
was the idea. But how to explain it—to the daughters and the
neighbors? They could not expose the fact that they were rich. Sally was
willing, even anxious, to do it; but Aleck kept her head and would not
allow it. She said that although the money was as good as in, it would be
as well to wait until it was actually in. On that policy she took her
stand, and would not budge. The great secret must be kept, she said—kept
from the daughters and everybody else.</p>
<p>The pair were puzzled. They must celebrate, they were determined to
celebrate, but since the secret must be kept, what could they celebrate?
No birthdays were due for three months. Tilbury wasn't available,
evidently he was going to live forever; what the nation COULD they
celebrate? That was Sally's way of putting it; and he was getting
impatient, too, and harassed. But at last he hit it—just by sheer
inspiration, as it seemed to him—and all their troubles were gone in
a moment; they would celebrate the Discovery of America. A splendid idea!</p>
<p>Aleck was almost too proud of Sally for words—she said SHE never
would have thought of it. But Sally, although he was bursting with delight
in the compliment and with wonder at himself, tried not to let on, and
said it wasn't really anything, anybody could have done it. Whereat Aleck,
with a prideful toss of her happy head, said:</p>
<p>"Oh, certainly! Anybody could—oh, anybody! Hosannah Dilkins, for
instance! Or maybe Adelbert Peanut—oh, DEAR—yes! Well, I'd
like to see them try it, that's all. Dear-me-suz, if they could think of
the discovery of a forty-acre island it's more than <i>I</i> believe they
could; and as for the whole continent, why, Sally Foster, you know
perfectly well it would strain the livers and lights out of them and THEN
they couldn't!"</p>
<p>The dear woman, she knew he had talent; and if affection made her
over-estimate the size of it a little, surely it was a sweet and gentle
crime, and forgivable for its source's sake.</p>
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