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<h2> CHAPTER V. THE LANDLADY'S DISCOVERY. </h2>
<p>I SAT down, and tried to compose my spirits. Now or never was the time to
decide what it was my duty to my husband and my duty to myself to do next.</p>
<p>The effort was beyond me. Worn out in mind and body alike, I was perfectly
incapable of pursuing any regular train of thought. I vaguely felt—if
I left things as they were—that I could never hope to remove the
shadow which now rested on the married life that had begun so brightly. We
might live together, so as to save appearances. But to forget what had
happened, or to feel satisfied with my position, was beyond the power of
my will. My tranquillity as a woman—perhaps my dearest interests as
a wife—depended absolutely on penetrating the mystery of my
mother-in-law's conduct, and on discovering the true meaning of the wild
words of penitence and self-reproach which my husband had addressed to me
on our way home.</p>
<p>So far I could advance toward realizing my position—and no further.
When I asked myself what was to be done next, hopeless confusion,
maddening doubt, filled my mind, and transformed me into the most listless
and helpless of living women.</p>
<p>I gave up the struggle. In dull, stupid, obstinate despair, I threw myself
on my bed, and fell from sheer fatigue into a broken, uneasy sleep.</p>
<p>I was awakened by a knock at the door of my room.</p>
<p>Was it my husband? I started to my feet as the idea occurred to me. Was
some new trial of my patience and my fortitude at hand? Half nervously,
half irritably, I asked who was there.</p>
<p>The landlady's voice answered me.</p>
<p>"Can I speak to you for a moment, if you please?"</p>
<p>I opened the door. There is no disguising it—though I loved him so
dearly, though I had left home and friends for his sake—it was a
relief to me, at that miserable time, to know that Eustace had not
returned to the house.</p>
<p>The landlady came in, and took a seat, without waiting to be invited,
close by my side. She was no longer satisfied with merely asserting
herself as my equal. Ascending another step on the social ladder, she took
her stand on the platform of patronage, and charitably looked down on me
as an object of pity.</p>
<p>"I have just returned from Broadstairs," she began. "I hope you will do me
the justice to believe that I sincerely regret what has happened."</p>
<p>I bowed, and said nothing.</p>
<p>"As a gentlewoman myself," proceeded the landlady—"reduced by family
misfortunes to let lodgings, but still a gentlewoman—I feel sincere
sympathy with you. I will even go further than that. I will take it on
myself to say that I don't blame <i>you</i>. No, no. I noticed that you
were as much shocked and surprised at your mother-in-law's conduct as I
was; and that is saying a great deal—a great deal indeed. However, I
have a duty to perform. It is disagreeable, but it is not the less a duty
on that account. I am a single woman; not from want of opportunities of
changing my condition—I beg you will understand that—but from
choice. Situated as I am, I receive only the most respectable persons into
my house. There must be no mystery about the positions of <i>my</i>
lodgers. Mystery in the position of a lodger carries with it—what
shall I say? I don't wish to offend you—I will say, a certain Taint.
Very well. Now I put it to your own common-sense. Can a person in my
position be expected to expose herself to—Taint? I make these
remarks in a sisterly and Christian spirit. As a lady yourself—I
will even go the length of saying a cruelly used lady—you will, I am
sure, understand—"</p>
<p>I could endure it no longer. I stopped her there.</p>
<p>"I understand," I said, "that you wish to give us notice to quit your
lodgings. When do you want us to go?"</p>
<p>The landlady held up a long, lean, red hand, in a sorrowful and sisterly
protest.</p>
<p>"No," she said. "Not that tone; not those looks. It's natural you should
be annoyed; it's natural you should be angry. But do—now do please
try and control yourself. I put it to your own common-sense (we will say a
week for the notice to quit)—why not treat me like a friend? You
don't know what a sacrifice, what a cruel sacrifice, I have made—entirely
for your sake.</p>
<p>"You?" I exclaimed. "What sacrifice?"</p>
<p>"What sacrifice?" repeated the landlady. "I have degraded myself as a
gentlewoman. I have forfeited my own self-respect." She paused for a
moment, and suddenly seized my hand in a perfect frenzy of friendship.
"Oh, my poor dear!" cried this intolerable person. "I have discovered
everything. A villain has deceived you. You are no more married than I
am!"</p>
<p>I snatched my hand out of hers, and rose angrily from my chair.</p>
<p>"Are you mad?" I asked.</p>
<p>The landlady raised her eyes to the ceiling with the air of a person who
had deserved martyrdom, and who submitted to it cheerfully.</p>
<p>"Yes," she said. "I begin to think I <i>am</i> mad—mad to have
devoted myself to an ungrateful woman, to a person who doesn't appreciate
a sisterly and Christian sacrifice of self. Well, I won't do it again.
Heaven forgive me—I won't do it again!"</p>
<p>"Do what again?" I asked.</p>
<p>"Follow your mother-in-law," cried the landlady, suddenly dropping the
character of a martyr, and assuming the character of a vixen in its place.
"I blush when I think of it. I followed that most respectable person every
step of the way to her own door."</p>
<p>Thus far my pride had held me up. It sustained me no longer. I dropped
back again into my chair, in undisguised dread of what was coming next.</p>
<p>"I gave you a look when I left you on the beach," pursued the landlady,
growing louder and louder and redder and redder as she went on. "A
grateful woman would have understood that look. Never mind! I won't do it
again I overtook your mother-in-law at the gap in the cliff. I followed
her—oh, how I feel the disgrace of it <i>now!</i>—I followed
her to the station at Broadstairs. She went back by train to Ramsgate. <i>I</i>
went back by train to Ramsgate. She walked to her lodgings. <i>I</i>
walked to her lodgings. Behind her. Like a dog. Oh, the disgrace of it!
Providentially, as I then thought—I don't know what to think of it
now—the landlord of the house happened to be a friend of mine, and
happened to be at home. We have no secrets from each other where lodgers
are concerned. I am in a position to tell you, madam, what your
mother-in-law's name really is. She knows nothing about any such person as
Mrs. Woodville, for an excellent reason. Her name is <i>not</i> Woodville.
Her name (and consequently her son's name) is Macallan—Mrs.
Macallan, widow of the late General Macallan. Yes! your husband is <i>not</i>
your husband. You are neither maid, wife, nor widow. You are worse than
nothing, madam, and you leave my house!"</p>
<p>I stopped her as she opened the door to go out. She had roused <i>my</i>
temper by this time. The doubt that she had cast on my marriage was more
than mortal resignation could endure.</p>
<p>"Give me Mrs. Macallan's address," I said.</p>
<p>The landlady's anger receded into the background, and the landlady's
astonishment appeared in its place.</p>
<p>"You don't mean to tell me you are going to the old lady herself?" she
said.</p>
<p>"Nobody but the old lady can tell me what I want to know," I answered.
"Your discovery (as you call it) may be enough for <i>you</i>; it is not
enough for <i>me</i>. How do we know that Mrs. Macallan may not have been
twice married? and that her first husband's name may not have been
Woodville?"</p>
<p>The landlady's astonishment subsided in its turn, and the landlady's
curiosity succeeded as the ruling influence of the moment. Substantially,
as I have already said of her, she was a good-natured woman. Her fits of
temper (as is usual with good-natured people) were of the hot and the
short-lived sort, easily roused and easily appeased.</p>
<p>"I never thought of that," she said. "Look here! if I give you the
address, will you promise to tell me all about it when you come back?"</p>
<p>I gave the required promise, and received the address in return.</p>
<p>"No malice," said the landlady, suddenly resuming all her old familiarity
with me.</p>
<p>"No malice," I answered, with all possible cordiality on my side.</p>
<p>In ten minutes more I was at my mother-in-law's lodgings.</p>
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