<h3><SPAN name="XII" id="XII"></SPAN>XII</h3>
<p class="nind"><span class="letter">I</span> went from one room to the other, but to find only, at first, as on my
previous circuit, a desert on which the sun had still not set. Mrs.
Brissenden was nowhere, but the whole place waited as we had left it,
with seats displaced and flowers dispetalled, a fan forgotten on a
table, a book laid down upon a chair. It came over me as I looked about
that if she <i>had</i> "squared" the household, so large an order, as they
said, was a sign sufficient of what I was to have from her. I had quite
rather it were her doing—not mine; but it showed with eloquence that
she had after all judged some effort or other to be worth her while. Her
renewed delay moreover added to my impatience of mind in respect to the
nature of this effort by striking me as already part of it. What, I
asked myself, could be so much worth her while as to have to be paid for
by so much apparent reluctance? But at last I saw her through a vista of
open doors, and as I forthwith went to her—she took no step to meet
me—I was doubtless impressed afresh with the "pull" that in social
intercourse a woman always has. She was able to assume on the spot by
mere attitude<SPAN name="page_237" id="page_237"></SPAN> and air the appearance of having been ready and therefore
inconvenienced. Oh, I saw soon enough that she was ready and that one of
the forms of her readiness would be precisely to offer herself as having
acted entirely to oblige me—to give me, as a sequel to what had already
passed between us, the opportunity for which she had assured me I should
thank her before I had done with her. Yet, as I felt sure, at the same
time, that she had taken a line, I was curious as to how, in her
interest, our situation could be worked. What it had originally left us
with was her knowing I was wrong. I had promised her, on my honour, to
be candid, but even if I were disposed to cease to contest her
identification of Mrs. Server I was scarce to be looked to for such an
exhibition of gratitude as might be held to repay her for staying so
long out of bed. There were in short elements in the business that I
couldn't quite clearly see handled as favours to me. Her dress gave,
with felicity, no sign whatever of preparation for the night, and if,
since our last words, she had stood with any anxiety whatever before her
glass, it had not been to remove a jewel or to alter the place of a
flower. She was as much under arms as she had been on descending to
dinner—as fresh in her array as if that banquet were still to come. She
met me in fact as admirably—that was the truth that covered every
other—as if she had been able to guess the most particular curiosity
with which,<SPAN name="page_238" id="page_238"></SPAN> from my end of the series of rooms, I advanced upon her.</p>
<p>A part of the mixture of my thoughts during these seconds had been the
possibility—absurd, preposterous though it looks when phrased here—of
some change in her person that would correspond, for me to the other
changes I had had such keen moments of flattering myself I had made out.
I had just had them over in the smoking-room, some of these differences,
and then had had time to ask myself if I were not now to be treated to
the vision of the greatest, the most wonderful, of all. I had already,
on facing her, after my last moments with Lady John, seen difference
peep out at me, and I had seen the impression of it confirmed by what
had afterwards happened. It had been in her way of turning from me after
that brief passage; it had been in her going up to bed without seeing me
again; it had been once more in her thinking, for reasons of her own,
better of that; and it had been most of all in her sending her husband
down to me. Well, wouldn't it finally be, still more than most of
all——? But I scarce had known, at this point, what grossness or what
fineness of material correspondence to forecast. I only had waited there
with these general symptoms so present that almost any further
development of them occurred to me as conceivable. So much as this was
true, but I was after a moment to become aware of something<SPAN name="page_239" id="page_239"></SPAN> by which I
was as strongly affected as if I had been quite unprepared. Yes,
literally, that final note, in the smoking-room, the note struck in
Obert's ejaculation on poor Briss's hundred years, had failed to achieve
for me a worthy implication. I was forced, after looking at Grace
Brissenden a minute, to recognise that my imagination had not risen to
its opportunity. The full impression took a minute—a minute during
which she said nothing; then it left me deeply and above all, as I felt,
discernibly conscious of the prodigious thing, <i>the</i> thing, I had not
thought of. This it was that gave her such a beautiful chance not to
speak: she was so quite sufficiently occupied with seeing what I hadn't
thought of, and with seeing me, to make up for lost time, breathlessly
think of it while she watched me.</p>
<p>All I had at first taken in was, as I say, her untouched splendour; I
don't know why that should have impressed me—as if it had been probable
she would have appeared in her dressing-gown; it was the only thing to
have expected. And it in fact plumed and enhanced her assurance,
sustained her propriety, lent our belated interview the natural and
casual note. But there was another service it still more rendered her:
it so covered, at the first blush, the real message of her aspect, that
she enjoyed the luxury—and I felt her enjoy it—of seeing my perception
in arrest. Amazing, when I think of it,<SPAN name="page_240" id="page_240"></SPAN> the number of things that
occurred in these stayed seconds of our silence; but they are perhaps
best represented by the two most marked intensities of my own sensation:
the first the certitude that she had at no moment since her marriage so
triumphantly asserted her defeat of time, and the second the conviction
that I, losing with her while, as it were, we closed, a certain
advantage I should never recover, had at no moment since the day before
made so poor a figure on my own ground. Ah, it may have been only for
six seconds that she caught me gaping at her renewed beauty; but six
seconds, it was inevitable to feel, were quite enough for every purpose
with which she had come down to me. She might have been a large, fair,
rich, prosperous person of twenty-five; she was at any rate near enough
to it to put me for ever in my place. It was a success, on her part,
that, though I couldn't as yet fully measure it, there could be no doubt
of whatever, any more than of my somehow paying for it. Her being there
at all, at such an hour, in such conditions, became, each moment, on the
whole business, more and more a part of her advantage; the case for her
was really in almost any aspect she could now make it wear to my
imagination. My wealth of that faculty, never so stimulated, was thus,
in a manner, her strength; by which I mean the impossibility of my
indifference to the mere immense suggestiveness of our circumstances.
How can I<SPAN name="page_241" id="page_241"></SPAN> tell now to what tune the sense of all these played into my
mind?—the huge oddity of the nameless idea on which we foregathered,
the absence and hush of everything except that idea, so magnified in
consequence and yet still, after all, altogether fantastic. There
remained for her, there spoke for her too, her vividly "unconventional"
step, the bravery of her rustling, on an understanding so difficult to
give an account of, through places and times only made safe by the sleep
of the unsuspecting. My imagination, in short, since I have spoken of
it, couldn't do other than work for her from the moment she had, so
simply yet so wonderfully, not failed me. Therefore it was all with me
again, the vision of her reasons. They were in fact sufficiently in the
sound of what she presently said. "Perhaps you don't know—but I
mentioned in the proper quarter that I should sit up a little. They're
of a kindness here, luckily——! So it's all right." It was all right,
obviously—she made it so; but she made it so as well that, in spite of
the splendour she showed me, she should be a little nervous. "We shall
only take moreover," she added, "a minute."</p>
<p>I should perhaps have wondered more what she proposed to do in a minute
had I not felt it as already more or less done. Yes, she might have been
twenty-five, and it was a short time for <i>that</i> to have taken. However,
what I clutched at, what<SPAN name="page_242" id="page_242"></SPAN> I clung to, was that it was a nervous
twenty-five. I might pay for her assurance, but wasn't there something
of mine for which <i>she</i> might pay? I was nervous also, but, as I took in
again, with a glance through our great chain of chambers, the wonderful
conditions that protected us, I did my best to feel sure that it was
only because I was so amused. That—in so high a form—was what it came
to in the end. "I supposed," I replied, "that you'd have arranged; for,
in spite of the way things were going, I hadn't given you up. I haven't
understood, I confess," I went on, "why you've preferred a conference so
intensely nocturnal—of which I quite feel, however, that, if it has
happened to suit you, it isn't for me to complain. But I felt sure of
you—that was the great thing—from the moment, half an hour ago, you so
kindly spoke to me. I gave you, you see," I laughed, "what's called
'rope.'"</p>
<p>"I don't suppose you mean," she exclaimed, "for me to hang myself!—for
that, I assure you, is not at all what I'm prepared for." Then she
seemed again to give me the magnificence of her youth. It wasn't,
throughout, I was to feel, that she at all had abysses of irony, for she
in fact happily needed none. Her triumph was in itself ironic enough,
and all her point in her sense of her freshness. "Were you really so
impatient?" But as I inevitably hung fire a little she continued before
I could answer;<SPAN name="page_243" id="page_243"></SPAN> which somewhat helped me indeed by showing the one flaw
in her confidence. More extraordinary perhaps than anything else,
moreover, was just my perception of this; which gives the value of all
that each of us so visibly felt the other to have put together, to have
been making out and gathering in, since we parted, on the terrace, after
seeing Mrs. Server and Briss come up from under their tree. We <i>had</i>, of
a truth, arrived at our results—though mine were naturally the ones for
me to believe in; and it was prodigious that we openly met not at all
where we had last left each other, but exactly on what our subsequent
suppressed processes had achieved. We hadn't named them—hadn't alluded
to them, and we couldn't, no doubt, have done either; but they were none
the less intensely there between us, with the whole bright, empty scene
given up to them. Only she had her shrewd sense that mine, for reasons,
might have been still more occult than her own. Hadn't I possibly
burrowed the deeper—to come out in some uncalculated place behind her
back? That was the flaw in her confidence. She had in spite of it her
firm ground, and I could feel, to do her justice, how different a
complacency it was from such smug ignorance as Lady John's. If I didn't
fear to seem to drivel about my own knowledge I should say that she had,
in addition to all the rest of her "pull," the benefit of striking me as
worthy of me. She was <i>in</i> the mystic<SPAN name="page_244" id="page_244"></SPAN> circle—not one of us more; she
knew the size of it; and it was our now being in it alone together, with
everyone else out and with the size greater than it had yet been at
all—it was this that gave the hour, in fine, so sharp a stamp.</p>
<p>But she had meanwhile taken up my allusion to her having preferred so to
wait. "I wanted to see you quietly; which was what I tried—not
altogether successfully, it rather struck me at the moment—to make you
understand when I let you know about it. You stared so that I didn't
quite know what was the matter. Nothing could be quiet, I saw, till the
going to bed was over, and I felt it coming off then from one minute to
the other. I didn't wish publicly to be called away for it from this
putting of our heads together, and, though you may think me absurd, I
had a dislike to having our question of May up so long as she was
hanging about. I knew of course that she would hang about till the very
last moment, and that was what I perhaps a little clumsily—if it was my
own fault!—made the effort to convey to you. She may be hanging about
still," Mrs. Briss continued, with her larger look round—her looks
round were now immense; "but at any rate I shall have done what I could.
I had a feeling—perfectly preposterous, I admit!—against her seeing us
together; but if she comes down again, as I've so boldly done, and finds
us, she'll have no one but herself to thank. It's a funny<SPAN name="page_245" id="page_245"></SPAN> house, for
that matter," my friend rambled on, "and I'm not sure that anyone <i>has</i>
gone to bed. One does what one likes; I'm an old woman, at any rate, and
<i>I</i> do!" She explained now, she explained too much, she abounded,
talking herself stoutly into any assurance that failed her. I had
meanwhile with every word she uttered a sharper sense of the pressure,
behind them all, of a new consciousness. It was full of everything she
didn't say, and what she said was no representation whatever of what was
most in her mind. We had indeed taken a jump since noon—we had indeed
come out further on. Just this fine dishonesty of her eyes,
moreover—the light of a part to play, the excitement (heaven knows what
it struck me as being!) of a happy duplicity—may well have been what
contributed most to her present grand air.</p>
<p>It was in any case what evoked for me most the contrasted image, so
fresh with me, of the other, the tragic lady—the image that had so
embodied the unutterable opposite of everything actually before me. What
was actually before me was the positive pride of life and expansion, the
amplitude of conscious action and design; not the arid channel forsaken
by the stream, but the full-fed river sweeping to the sea, the volume of
water, the stately current, the flooded banks into which the source had
swelled. There was nothing Mrs. Server had been able to risk, but there
was a rich indifference to risk<SPAN name="page_246" id="page_246"></SPAN> in the mere carriage of Grace
Brissenden's head. Her reference, for that matter, to our discussed
subject had the effect of relegating to the realm of dim shades the lady
representing it, and there was small soundness in her glance at the
possibility on the part of this person of an anxious prowl back. There
was indeed—there could be—small sincerity in any immediate
demonstration from a woman so markedly gaining time and getting her
advantages in hand. The connections between the two, certainly, were
indirect and intricate, but it was positive to me that, for the
spiritual ear, my companion's words had the sound of a hard bump, a
contact from the force of which the weaker vessel might have been felt
to crack. At last, merciful powers, it was in pieces! The shock of the
brass had told upon the porcelain, and I fancied myself for an instant
facing Mrs. Briss over the damage—a damage from which I was never, as I
knew, to see the poor banished ghost recover. As strange as anything was
this effect almost of surprise for me in the freedom of her mention of
"May." For what had she come to me, if for anything, but to insist on
her view of May, and what accordingly was more to the point than to
mention her? Yet it was almost already as if to mention her had been to
get rid of her. She was mentioned, however, inevitably and none the less
promptly, anew—even as if simply to receive a final shake before being
quite dropped. My friend kept<SPAN name="page_247" id="page_247"></SPAN> it up. "If you were so bent on not losing
what I might have to give you that you fortunately stuck to the ship,
for poor Briss to pick you up, wasn't this also"—she roundly put it to
me—"a good deal because you've been nursing all day the grievance with
which I this morning so comfortably furnished you?"</p>
<p>I just waited, but fairly for admiration. "Oh, I certainly had my
reasons—as I've no less certainly had my luck—for not indeed deserting
our dear little battered, but still just sufficiently buoyant vessel,
from which everyone else appears, I recognise, to <i>s'�tre sauv�</i>. She'll
float a few minutes more! But (before she sinks!) do you mean by my
grievance——"</p>
<p>"Oh, you know what I mean by your grievance!" <i>She</i> had no intention,
Mrs. Briss, of sinking. "I was to give you time to make up your mind
that Mrs. Server was our lady. You so resented, for some reason, my
suggesting it that I scarcely believed you'd consider it at all; only I
hadn't forgotten, when I spoke to you a while since, that you had
nevertheless handsomely promised me that you would do your best."</p>
<p>"Yes, and, still more handsomely, that if I changed my mind, I would
eat, in your presence, for my error, the largest possible slice of
humble pie. If you didn't see this morning," I continued, "quite why I
should have cared so much, so I don't quite<SPAN name="page_248" id="page_248"></SPAN> see why, in your different
way, <i>you</i> should; at the same time that I do full justice to the good
faith with which you've given me my chance. Please believe that if I
<i>could</i> candidly embrace that chance I should feel all the joy in the
world in repaying you. It's only, alas! because I cling to my candour
that I venture to disappoint you. If I cared this morning it was really
simple enough. You didn't convince me, but I should have cared just as
much if you had. I only didn't see what <i>you</i> saw. I needed more than
you could then give me. I knew, you see, what I needed—I mean before I
struck! It was the element of collateral support that we both lacked. I
couldn't do without it as you could. This was what I, clumsily enough,
tried to show you I felt. You, on your side," I pursued, "grasped
admirably the evident truth that that element <i>could</i> be present only in
such doses as practically to escape detection." I kept it up as she had
done, and I remember striking myself as scarce less excitedly voluble. I
was conscious of being at a point at which I should have to go straight,
to go fast, to go it, as the phrase is, blind, in order to go at all. I
was also conscious—and it came from the look with which she listened to
me and that told me more than she wished—I felt sharply, though but
instinctively, in fine, that I should still, whatever I practically had
lost, make my personal experience most rich and most complete by putting
it definitely to<SPAN name="page_249" id="page_249"></SPAN> her that, sorry as I might be not to oblige her, I
had, even at this hour, no submission to make. I doubted in fact whether
my making one <i>would</i> have obliged her; but I felt that, for all so much
had come and gone, I was not there to take, for her possible profit, any
new tone with her. She would sufficiently profit, at the worst, by the
old. My old motive—old with the prodigious antiquity the few hours had
given it—had quite left me; I seemed to myself to know little now of my
desire to "protect" Mrs. Server. She was certainly, with Mrs. Briss at
least, past all protection; and the conviction had grown with me, in
these few minutes, that there was now no rag of the queer truth that
Mrs. Briss hadn't secretly—by which I meant morally—handled. But I
none the less, on a perfectly simple reasoning, stood to my guns, and
with no sense whatever, I must add, of now breaking my vow of the
morning. I had made another vow since then—made it to the poor lady
herself as we sat together in the wood; passed my word to <i>her</i> that
there was no approximation I pretended even to myself to have made. How
then was I to pretend to Mrs. Briss, and what facts <i>had</i> I collected on
which I could respectably ground an acknowledgment to her that I had
come round to her belief? If I had "caught" our incriminated pair
together—really together—even for three minutes, I would, I sincerely
considered, have come round. But I was to have performed<SPAN name="page_250" id="page_250"></SPAN> this
revolution on nothing less, as I now went on to explain to her. "Of
course if you've got new evidence I shall be delighted to hear it; and
of course I can't help wondering whether the possession of it and the
desire to overwhelm me with it aren't, together, the one thing you've
been nursing till now."</p>
<p>Oh, how intensely she didn't like such a tone! If she hadn't looked so
handsome I would say she made a wry face over it, though I didn't even
yet see where her dislike would make her come out. Before she came out,
in fact, she waited as if it were a question of dashing her head at a
wall. Then, at last, she charged. "It's nonsense. I've nothing to tell
you. I feel there's nothing in it and I've given it up."</p>
<p>I almost gaped—by which I mean that I looked as if I did—for surprise.
"You agree that it's not she——?" Then, as she again waited, "It's
<i>you</i> who've come round?" I insisted.</p>
<p>"To your doubt of its being May? Yes—I've come round."</p>
<p>"Ah, pardon me," I returned; "what I expressed this morning was, if I
remember rightly, not at all a 'doubt,' but a positive, intimate
conviction that was inconsistent with <i>any</i> doubt. I was
emphatic—purely and simply—that I didn't see it."</p>
<p>She looked, however, as if she caught me in a weakness here. "Then why
did you say to me that if you should reconsider——"<SPAN name="page_251" id="page_251"></SPAN></p>
<p>"You should handsomely have it from me, and my grounds? Why, as I've
just reminded you, as a form of courtesy to you—magnanimously to help
you, as it were, to feel as comfortable as I conceived you naturally
would desire to feel in your own conviction. Only for that. And now," I
smiled, "I'm to understand from you that, in spite of that immense
allowance, you <i>haven't</i>, all this while, felt comfortable?"</p>
<p>She gave, on this, in a wonderful, beautiful way, a slow, simplifying
headshake. "Mrs. Server isn't in it!"</p>
<p>The only way then to take it from her was that her concession was a
prelude to something still better; and when I had given her time to see
this dawn upon me I had my eagerness and I jumped into the breathless.
"You've made out then who <i>is</i>?"</p>
<p>"Oh, I don't make out, you know," she laughed, "so much as you! <i>She</i>
isn't," she simply repeated.</p>
<p>I looked at it, on my inspiration, quite ruefully—almost as if I now
wished, after all, she were. "Ah, but, do you know? it really strikes me
you make out marvels. You made out this morning quite what I couldn't. I
hadn't put together anything so extraordinary as that—in the total
absence of everything—it <i>should</i> have been our friend."</p>
<p>Mrs. Briss appeared, on her side, to take in the intention of this.
"What do you mean by the total absence? When I made my mistake," she
declared<SPAN name="page_252" id="page_252"></SPAN> as if in the interest of her dignity, "I didn't think
everything absent."</p>
<p>"I see," I admitted. "I see," I thoughtfully repeated. "And do you,
then, think everything now?"</p>
<p>"I had my honest impression of the moment," she pursued as if she had
not heard me. "There were appearances that, as it at the time struck me,
fitted."</p>
<p>"Precisely"—and I recalled for her the one she had made most of. "There
was in especial the appearance that she was at a particular moment using
Brissenden to show whom she was not using. You felt <i>then</i>," I ventured
to observe, "the force of that."</p>
<p>I ventured less than, already, I should have liked to venture; yet I
none the less seemed to see her try on me the effect of the intimation
that I was going far. "Is it your wish," she inquired with much
nobleness, "to confront me, to my confusion, with my inconsistency?" Her
nobleness offered itself somehow as such a rebuke to my mere logic that,
in my momentary irritation, I might have been on the point of assenting
to her question. This imminence of my assent, justified by my horror of
her huge egotism, but justified by nothing else and precipitating
everything, seemed as marked for these few seconds as if we each had our
eyes on it. But I sat so tight that the danger passed, leaving<SPAN name="page_253" id="page_253"></SPAN> my
silence to do what it could for my manners. She proceeded meanwhile to
add a very handsome account of her own. "You should do me the justice to
recognise how little I need have spoken another word to you, and how
little, also, this amiable explanation to you is in the interest of
one's natural pride. It seems to me I've come to you here altogether in
the interest of <i>yours</i>. You talk about humble pie, but I think that,
upon my word—with all I've said to you—it's I who have had to eat it.
The magnanimity you speak of," she continued with all her grandeur—"I
really don't see, either, whose it is but mine. I don't see what account
of anything I'm in any way obliged to give."</p>
<p>I granted it quickly and without reserve. "You're not obliged to give
any—you're quite right: you do it only because you're such a large,
splendid creature. I quite feel that, beside you"—I did, at least,
treat myself to the amusement of saying—"I move in a tiny circle.
Still, I won't have it"—I could also, again, keep it up—"that our
occasion has nothing for you but the taste of abasement. You gulp your
mouthful down, but hasn't it been served on gold plate? You've had a
magnificent day—a brimming cup of triumph, and you're more beautiful
and fresh, after it all, and at an hour when fatigue would be almost
positively graceful, than you were even this morning, when you met me as
a daughter of the dawn. That's the<SPAN name="page_254" id="page_254"></SPAN> sort of sense," I laughed, "that
must sustain a woman!" And I wound up on a complete recovery of my
good-humour. "No, no. I thank you—thank you immensely. But I don't pity
you. You can afford to lose." I wanted her perplexity—the proper sharp
dose of it—to result both from her knowing and her not knowing
sufficiently what I meant; and when I in fact saw how perplexed she
could be and how little, again, she could enjoy it, I felt anew my
private wonder at her having cared and dared to meet me. Where <i>was</i>
enjoyment, for her, where the insolence of success, if the breath of
irony could chill them? Why, since she was bold, should she be
susceptible, and how, since she was susceptible, could she be bold? I
scarce know what, at this moment, determined the divination; but
everything, the distinct and the dim alike, had cleared up the next
instant at the touch of the real truth. The certitude of the source of
my present opportunity had rolled over me before we exchanged another
word. The source was simply Gilbert Long, and she was there because he
had directed it. This connection hooked itself, like a sudden picture
and with a click that fairly resounded through our empty rooms, into the
array of the other connections, to the immense enrichment, as it was
easy to feel, of the occasion, and to the immense confirmation of the
very idea that, in the course of the evening, I had come near dismissing
from my<SPAN name="page_255" id="page_255"></SPAN> mind as too fantastic even for the rest of the company it
should enjoy there. What I now was sure of flashed back, at any rate,
every syllable of sense I could have desired into the suggestion I had,
after the music, caught from the juxtaposition of these two. Thus
solidified, this conviction, it spread and spread to a distance greater
than I could just then traverse under Mrs. Briss's eyes, but which,
exactly for that reason perhaps, quickened my pride in the kingdom of
thought I had won. I was really not to have felt more, in the whole
business, than I felt at this moment that by my own right hand I had
gained the kingdom. Long and she were together, and I was alone thus in
face of them, but there was none the less not a single flower of the
garden that my woven wreath should lack.</p>
<p>I must have looked queer to my friend as I grinned to myself over this
vow; but my relish of the way I was keeping things together made me
perhaps for the instant unduly rash. I cautioned myself, however,
fortunately, before it could leave her—scared a little, all the same,
even with Long behind her—an advantage to take, and, in infinitely less
time than I have needed to tell it, I had achieved my flight into
luminous ether and, alighting gracefully on my feet, reported myself at
my post. I had in other words taken in both the full prodigy of the
<i>entente</i> between Mrs. Server's lover and poor Briss's wife, and the
finer strength it gave the last-named<SPAN name="page_256" id="page_256"></SPAN> as the representative of their
interest. I may add too that I had even taken time fairly not to decide
which of these two branches of my vision—that of the terms of their
intercourse, or that of their need of it—was likely to prove, in
delectable retrospect, the more exquisite. All this, I admit, was a good
deal to have come and gone while my privilege trembled, in its very
essence, in the scale. Mrs. Briss had but a back to turn, and everything
was over. She had, in strictness, already uttered what saved her honour,
and her revenge on impertinence might easily be her withdrawing with one
of her sweeps. I couldn't certainly in that case hurry after her without
spilling my cards. As my accumulations of lucidity, however, were now
such as to defy all leakage, I promptly recognised the facilities
involved in a superficial sacrifice; and with one more glance at the
beautiful fact that she knew the strength of Long's hand, I again went
steadily and straight. She was acting not only for herself, and since
she had another also to serve and, as I was sure, report to, I should
sufficiently hold her. I knew moreover that I held her as soon as I had
begun afresh. "I don't mean that anything alters the fact that you lose
gracefully. It <i>is</i> awfully charming, your thus giving yourself up, and
yet, justified as I am by it, I can't help regretting a little the
excitement I found it this morning to pull a different way from you.
Shall I tell you," it suddenly<SPAN name="page_257" id="page_257"></SPAN> came to me to put to her, "what, for
some reason, a man feels aware of?" And then as, guarded, still uneasy,
she would commit herself to no permission: "That pulling against you
also had its thrill. You defended your cause. Oh," I quickly added, "I
know—who should know better?—that it was bad. Only—what shall I
say?—<i>you</i> weren't bad, and one had to fight. And then there was what
one was fighting for! Well, you're not bad now, either; so that you may
ask me, of course, what more I want." I tried to think a moment. "It
isn't that, thrown back on the comparative dullness of security, I
find—as people have been known to—my own cause less good: no, it isn't
that." After which I had my illumination. "I'll tell you what it is:
it's the come-down of ceasing to work with you!"</p>
<p>She looked as if she were quite excusable for not following me. "To
'work'?"</p>
<p>I immediately explained. "Even fighting was working, for we struck,
you'll remember, sparks, and sparks were what we wanted. There we are
then," I cheerfully went on. "Sparks are what we still want, and you've
not come to me, I trust, with a mere spent match. I depend upon it that
you've another to strike." I showed her without fear all I took for
granted. "Who, then, <i>has</i>?"</p>
<p>She was superb in her coldness, but her stare was partly blank. "Who
then has what?"</p>
<p>"Why, done it." And as even at this she didn't<SPAN name="page_258" id="page_258"></SPAN> light I gave her
something of a jog. "You haven't, with the force of your revulsion, I
hope, literally lost our thread." But as, in spite of my thus waiting
for her to pick it up she did nothing, I offered myself as fairly
stooping to the carpet for it and putting it back in her hand. "Done
what we spent the morning wondering at. Who then, if it isn't,
certainly, Mrs. Server, <i>is</i> the woman who has made Gilbert Long—well,
what you know?"</p>
<p>I had needed the moment to take in the special shade of innocence she
was by this time prepared to show me. It was an innocence, in
particular, in respect to the relation of anyone, in all the vast
impropriety of things, to anyone. "I'm afraid I know nothing."</p>
<p>I really wondered an instant how she could expect help from such
extravagance. "But I thought you just recognised that you do enjoy the
sense of your pardonable mistake. You knew something when you knew
enough to see you had made it."</p>
<p>She faced me as with the frank perception that, of whatever else one
might be aware, I abounded in traps, and that this would probably be one
of my worst. "Oh, I think one generally knows when one has made a
mistake."</p>
<p>"That's all then I invite you—<i>a</i> mistake, as you properly call it—to
allow me to impute to you. I'm not accusing you of having made fifty.
You made none whatever, I hold, when you agreed with me<SPAN name="page_259" id="page_259"></SPAN> with such
eagerness about the striking change in him."</p>
<p>She affected me as asking herself a little, on this, whether vagueness,
the failure of memory, the rejection of nonsense, mightn't still serve
her. But she saw the next moment a better way. It all came back to her,
but from so very far off. "The change, do you mean, in poor Mr. Long?"</p>
<p>"Of what other change—except, as you may say, your own—have you met me
here to speak of? Your own, I needn't remind you, is part and parcel of
Long's."</p>
<p>"Oh, my own," she presently returned, "is a much simpler matter even
than that. My own is the recognition that I just expressed to you and
that I can't consent, if you please, to your twisting into the
recognition of anything else. It's the recognition that I know nothing
of any other change. I stick, if you'll allow me, to my ignorance."</p>
<p>"I'll allow you with joy," I laughed, "if you'll let me stick to it
<i>with</i> you. Your own change is quite sufficient—it gives us all we
need. It will give us, if we retrace the steps of it, everything,
everything!"</p>
<p>Mrs. Briss considered. "I don't quite see, do I? why, at this hour of
the night, we should begin to retrace steps."</p>
<p>"Simply because it's the hour of the night you've<SPAN name="page_260" id="page_260"></SPAN> happened, in your
generosity and your discretion, to choose. I'm struck, I confess," I
declared with a still sharper conviction, "with the wonderful charm of
it for our purpose."</p>
<p>"And, pray, what do you call with such solemnity," she inquired, "our
purpose?"</p>
<p>I had fairly recovered at last—so far from being solemn—an appropriate
gaiety. "I can only, with positiveness, answer for mine! That has
remained all day the same—to get at the truth: not, that is, to relax
my grasp of that tip of the tail of it which you so helped me this
morning to fasten to. If you've ceased to <i>care</i> to help me," I pursued,
"that's a difference indeed. But why," I candidly, pleadingly asked,
"<i>should</i> you cease to care?" It was more and more of a comfort to feel
her imprisoned in her inability really to explain her being there. To
show herself as she was explained it only so far as she could express
that; which was just the freedom she could least take. "What on earth is
between us, anyhow," I insisted, "but our confounded interest? That's
only quickened, for me, don't you see? by the charming way you've come
round; and I don't see how it can logically be anything less than
quickened for yourself. We're like the messengers and heralds in the
tale of Cinderella, and I protest, I assure you, against any sacrifice
of our d�no�ment. We've still the glass shoe to fit."</p>
<p>I took pleasure at the moment in my metaphor;<SPAN name="page_261" id="page_261"></SPAN> but this was not the
case, I soon enough perceived, with my companion. "How can I tell,
please," she demanded, "what you consider you're talking about?"</p>
<p>I smiled; it was so quite the question Ford Obert, in the smoking-room,
had begun by putting me. I hadn't to take time to remind myself how I
had dealt with <i>him</i>. "And you knew," I sighed, "so beautifully, you
glowed over it so, this morning!" She continued to give me, in every
way, her disconnection from this morning, so that I had only to proceed:
"You've not availed yourself of this occasion to pretend to me that poor
Mr. Long, as you call him, is, after all, the same limited person——"</p>
<p>"That he always was, and that you, yesterday, so suddenly discovered him
to have ceased to be?"—for with this she had waked up. But she was
still thinking how she could turn it. "You see too much."</p>
<p>"Oh, I know I do—ever so much too much. And much as I see, I express
only half of it—so you may judge!" I laughed. "But what will you have?
I see what I see, and this morning, for a good bit, you did me the
honour to do the same. I returned, also, the compliment, didn't I? by
seeing something of what <i>you</i> saw. We put it, the whole thing,
together, and we shook the bottle hard. I'm to take from you, after
this," I wound up, "that what it contains is a perfectly colourless
fluid?"<SPAN name="page_262" id="page_262"></SPAN></p>
<p>I paused for a reply, but it was not to come so happily as from Obert.
"You talk too much!" said Mrs. Briss.</p>
<p>I met it with amazement. "Why, whom have I told?"</p>
<p>I looked at her so hard with it that her colour began to rise, which
made me promptly feel that she wouldn't press that point. "I mean you're
carried away—you're abused by a fine fancy: so that, with your art of
putting things, one doesn't know where one is—nor, if you'll allow me
to say so, do I quite think <i>you</i> always do. Of course I don't deny
you're awfully clever. But you build up," she brought out with a regret
so indulgent and a reluctance so marked that she for some seconds fairly
held the blow—"you build up houses of cards."</p>
<p>I had been impatient to learn what, and, frankly, I was disappointed.
This broke from me, after an instant, doubtless, with a bitterness not
to be mistaken. "Long <i>isn't</i> what he seems?"</p>
<p>"Seems to whom?" she asked sturdily.</p>
<p>"Well, call it—for simplicity—to <i>me</i>. For you see"—and I spoke as to
show <i>what</i> it was to see—"it all stands or falls by that."</p>
<p>The explanation presently appeared a little to have softened her. If it
all stood or fell only by <i>that</i>, it stood or fell by something that,
for her comfort, might be not so unsuccessfully disposed of. She
exhaled, with the swell of her fine person, a<SPAN name="page_263" id="page_263"></SPAN> comparative
blandness—seemed to play with the idea of a smile. She had, in short,
her own explanation. "The trouble with you is that you over-estimate the
penetration of others. How can it approach your own?"</p>
<p>"Well, yours had for a while, I should say, distinct moments of keeping
up with it. Nothing is more possible," I went on, "than that I do talk
too much; but I've done so—about the question in dispute between
us—only to <i>you</i>. I haven't, as I conceived we were absolutely not to
do, mentioned it to anyone else, nor given anyone a glimpse of our
difference. If you've not understood yourself as pledged to the same
reserve, and have consequently," I went on, "appealed to the light of
other wisdom, it shows at least that, in spite of my intellectual pace,
you must more or less have followed me. What am I <i>not</i>, in fine, to
think of your intelligence," I asked, "if, deciding for a resort to
headquarters, you've put the question to Long himself?"</p>
<p>"The question?" She was straight out to sea again.</p>
<p>"Of the identity of the lady."</p>
<p>She slowly, at this, headed about. "To Long himself?"<SPAN name="page_264" id="page_264"></SPAN></p>
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