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Lysistrata

<h2> LYSISTRATA </h2> <h3> The Persons of the drama. </h3> <table summary=""> <tr> <td> LYSISTRATA CALONICE MYRRHINE LAMPITO Stratyllis, etc. Chorus of Women. MAGISTRATE CINESIAS SPARTAN HERALD ENVOYS ATHENIANS Porter, Market Idlers, etc. Chorus of old Men. </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> LYSISTRATA stands alone with the Propylaea at her back. LYSISTRATA If they were trysting for a Bacchanal, A feast of Pan or Colias or Genetyllis, The tambourines would block the rowdy streets, But now there's not a woman to be seen Except--ah, yes--this neighbour of mine yonder. Enter CALONICE. Good day Calonice. CALONICE Good day Lysistrata. But what has vexed you so? Tell me, child. What are these black looks for? It doesn't suit you To knit your eyebrows up glumly like that. LYSISTRATA Calonice, it's more than I can bear, I am hot all over with blushes for our sex. Men say we're slippery rogues-- CALONICE And aren't they right? LYSISTRATA Yet summoned on the most tremendous business For deliberation, still they snuggle in bed. CALONICE My dear, they'll come. It's hard for women, you know, To get away. There's so much to do; Husbands to be patted and put in good tempers: Servants to be poked out: children washed Or soothed with lullays or fed with mouthfuls of pap. LYSISTRATA But I tell you, here's a far more weighty object. CALONICE What is it all about, dear Lysistrata, That you've called the women hither in a troop? What kind of an object is it? LYSISTRATA A tremendous thing! CALONICE And long? LYSISTRATA Indeed, it may be very lengthy. CALONICE Then why aren't they here? LYSISTRATA No man's connected with it; If that was the case, they'd soon come fluttering along. No, no. It concerns an object I've felt over And turned this way and that for sleepless nights. CALONICE It must be fine to stand such long attention. LYSISTRATA So fine it comes to this--Greece saved by Woman! CALONICE By Woman? Wretched thing, I'm sorry for it. LYSISTRATA Our country's fate is henceforth in our hands: To destroy the Peloponnesians root and branch-- CALONICE What could be nobler! LYSISTRATA Wipe out the Boeotians-- CALONICE Not utterly. Have mercy on the eels! [Footnote: The Boeotian eels were highly esteemed delicacies in Athens.] LYSISTRATA But with regard to Athens, note I'm careful Not to say any of these nasty things; Still, thought is free.... But if the women join us From Peloponnesus and Boeotia, then Hand in hand we'll rescue Greece. CALONICE How could we do Such a big wise deed? We women who dwell Quietly adorning ourselves in a back-room With gowns of lucid gold and gawdy toilets Of stately silk and dainty little slippers.... LYSISTRATA These are the very armaments of the rescue. These crocus-gowns, this outlay of the best myrrh, Slippers, cosmetics dusting beauty, and robes With rippling creases of light. CALONICE Yes, but how? LYSISTRATA No man will lift a lance against another-- CALONICE I'll run to have my tunic dyed crocus. LYSISTRATA Or take a shield-- CALONICE I'll get a stately gown. LYSISTRATA Or unscabbard a sword-- CALONICE Let me buy a pair of slipper. LYSISTRATA Now, tell me, are the women right to lag? CALONICE They should have turned birds, they should have grown wings and flown. LYSISTRATA My friend, you'll see that they are true Athenians: Always too late. Why, there's not a woman From the shoreward demes arrived, not one from Salamis. CALONICE I know for certain they awoke at dawn, And got their husbands up if not their boat sails. LYSISTRATA And I'd have staked my life the Acharnian dames Would be here first, yet they haven't come either! CALONICE Well anyhow there is Theagenes' wife We can expect--she consulted Hecate. But look, here are some at last, and more behind them. See ... where are they from? CALONICE From Anagyra they come. LYSISTRATA Yes, they generally manage to come first. Enter MYRRHINE. MYRRHINE Are we late, Lysistrata? ... What is that? Nothing to say? LYSISTRATA I've not much to say for you, Myrrhine, dawdling on so vast an affair. MYRRHINE I couldn't find my girdle in the dark. But if the affair's so wonderful, tell us, what is it? LYSISTRATA No, let us stay a little longer till The Peloponnesian girls and the girls of Bocotia Are here to listen. MYRRHINE That's the best advice. Ah, there comes Lampito. Enter LAMPITO. LYSISTRATA Welcome Lampito! Dear Spartan girl with a delightful face, Washed with the rosy spring, how fresh you look In the easy stride of your sleek slenderness, Why you could strangle a bull! LAMPITO I think I could. It's frae exercise and kicking high behint. [Footnote: The translator has put the speech of the Spartan characters in Scotch dialect which is related to English about as was the Spartan dialect to the speech of Athens. The Spartans, in their character, anticipated the shrewd, canny, uncouth Scotch highlander of modern times.] LYSISTRATA What lovely breasts to own! LAMPITO Oo ... your fingers Assess them, ye tickler, wi' such tender chucks I feel as if I were an altar-victim. LYSISTRATA Who is this youngster? LAMPITO A Boeotian lady. LYSISTRATA There never was much undergrowth in Boeotia, Such a smooth place, and this girl takes after it. CALONICE Yes, I never saw a skin so primly kept. LYSISTRATA This girl? LAMPITO A sonsie open-looking jinker! She's a Corinthian. LYSISTRATA Yes, isn't she Very open, in some ways particularly. LAMPITO But who's garred this Council o' Women to meet here? LYSISTRATA I have. LAMPITO Propound then what you want o' us. MYRRHINE What is the amazing news you have to tell? LYSISTRATA I'll tell you, but first answer one small question. MYRRHINE As you like. LYSISTRATA Are you not sad your children's fathers Go endlessly off soldiering afar In this plodding war? I am willing to wager There's not one here whose husband is at home. CALONICE Mine's been in Thrace, keeping an eye on Eucrates For five months past. MYRRHINE And mine left me for Pylos Seven months ago at least. LAMPITO And as for mine No sooner has he slipped out frae the line He straps his shield and he's snickt off again. LYSISTRATA And not the slightest glitter of a lover! And since the Milesians betrayed us, I've not seen The image of a single upright man To be a marble consolation to us. Now will you help me, if I find a means To stamp the war out. MYRRHINE By the two Goddesses, Yes! I will though I've to pawn this very dress And drink the barter-money the same day. CALONICE And I too though I'm split up like a turbot And half is hackt off as the price of peace. LAMPITO And I too! Why, to get a peep at the shy thing I'd clamber up to the tip-top o' Taygetus. LYSISTRATA Then I'll expose my mighty mystery. O women, if we would compel the men To bow to Peace, we must refrain-- MYRRHINE From what? O tell us! LYSISTRATA Will you truly do it then? MYRRHINE We will, we will, if we must die for it. LYSISTRATA We must refrain from every depth of love.... Why do you turn your backs? Where are you going? Why do you bite your lips and shake your heads? Why are your faces blanched? Why do you weep? Will you or won't you, or what do you mean? MYRRHINE No, I won't do it. Let the war proceed. CALONICE No, I won't do it. Let the war proceed. LYSISTRATA You too, dear turbot, you that said just now You didn't mind being split right up in the least? CALONICE Anything else? O bid me walk in fire But do not rob us of that darling joy. What else is like it, dearest Lysistrata? LYSISTRATA And you? MYRRHINE O please give me the fire instead. LYSISTRATA Lewd to the least drop in the tiniest vein, Our sex is fitly food for Tragic Poets, Our whole life's but a pile of kisses and babies. But, hardy Spartan, if you join with me All may be righted yet. O help me, help me. LAMPITO It's a sair, sair thing to ask of us, by the Twa, A lass to sleep her lane and never fill Love's lack except wi' makeshifts.... But let it be. Peace maun be thought of first. LYSISTRATA My friend, my friend! The only one amid this herd of weaklings. CALONICE But if--which heaven forbid--we should refrain As you would have us, how is Peace induced? LYSISTRATA By the two Goddesses, now can't you see All we have to do is idly sit indoors With smooth roses powdered on our cheeks, Our bodies burning naked through the folds Of shining Amorgos' silk, and meet the men With our dear Venus-plats plucked trim and neat. Their stirring love will rise up furiously, They'll beg our arms to open. That's our time! We'll disregard their knocking, beat them off-- And they will soon be rabid for a Peace. I'm sure of it. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image021.png (685K)" src="images/021.png" width-obs="100%" /></div> LAMPITO           Just as Menelaus, they say, Seeing the bosom of his naked Helen Flang down the sword. CALONICE                But we'll be tearful fools If our husbands take us at our word and leave us. LYSISTRATA There's only left then, in Pherecrates' phrase, To flay a skinned dog--flay more our flayed desires. CALONICE Bah, proverbs will never warm a celibate. But what avail will your scheme be if the men Drag us for all our kicking on to the couch? LYSISTRATA Cling to the doorposts. CALONICE                But if they should force us? LYSISTRATA Yield then, but with a sluggish, cold indifference. There is no joy to them in sullen mating. Besides we have other ways to madden them; They cannot stand up long, and they've no delight Unless we fit their aim with merry succour. CALONICE Well if you must have it so, we'll all agree. LAMPITO For us I ha' no doubt. We can persuade Our men to strike a fair an' decent Peace, But how will ye pitch out the battle-frenzy O' the Athenian populace? LYSISTRATA I promise you We'll wither up that curse. LAMPITO I don't believe it. Not while they own ane trireme oared an' rigged, Or a' those stacks an' stacks an' stacks O' siller. LYSISTRATA I've thought the whole thing out till there's no flaw. We shall surprise the Acropolis today: That is the duty set the older dames. While we sit here talking, they are to go And under pretence of sacrificing, seize it. LAMPITO Certie, that's fine; all's working for the best. LYSISTRATA Now quickly, Lampito, let us tie ourselves To this high purpose as tightly as the hemp of words Can knot together. LAMPITO Set out the terms in detail And we'll a' swear to them. LYSISTRATA Of course.... Well then Where is our Scythianess? Why are you staring? First lay the shield, boss downward, on the floor And bring the victim's inwards. CAILONICE But, Lysistrata, What is this oath that we're to swear? LYSISTRATA What oath! In Aeschylus they take a slaughtered sheep And swear upon a buckler. Why not we? CALONICE O Lysistrata, Peace sworn on a buckler! LYSISTRATA What oath would suit us then? CALONICE Something burden bearing Would be our best insignia.... A white horse! Let's swear upon its entrails. LYSISTRATA A horse indeed! CALONICE Then what will symbolise us? LYSISTRATA This, as I tell you-- First set a great dark bowl upon the ground And disembowel a skin of Thasian wine, Then swear that we'll not add a drop of water. LAMPITO   Ah, what aith could clink pleasanter than that! LYSISTRATA   Bring me a bowl then and a skin of wine. CALONICE   My dears, see what a splendid bowl it is;   I'd not say No if asked to sip it off. LYSISTRATA   Put down the bowl. Lay hands, all, on the victim.   Skiey Queen who givest the last word in arguments,   And thee, O Bowl, dear comrade, we beseech:   Accept our oblation and be propitious to us. CALONICE   What healthy blood, la, how it gushes out! LAMPITO   An' what a leesome fragrance through the air. LYSISTRATA   Now, dears, if you will let me, I'll speak first. CALONICE   Only if you draw the lot, by Aphrodite! LYSISTRATA   SO, grasp the brim, you, Lampito, and all.   You, Calonice, repeat for the rest   Each word I say. Then you must all take oath   And pledge your arms to the same stern conditions-- LYSISTRATA   To husband or lover I'll not open arms CALONICE To husband or lover I'll not open arms LYSISTRATA Though love and denial may enlarge his charms. CALONICE Though love and denial may enlarge his charms. O, O, my knees are failing me, Lysistrata! LYSISTRATA But still at home, ignoring him, I'll stay, CALONICE But still at home, ignoring him, I'll stay, LYSISTRATA Beautiful, clad in saffron silks all day. CALONICE Beautiful, clad in saffron silks all day. LYSISTRATA If then he seizes me by dint of force, CALONICE If then he seizes me by dint of force, LYSISTRATA I'll give him reason for a long remorse. CALONICE I'll give him reason for a long remorse. LYSISTRATA I'll never lie and stare up at the ceiling, CALONICE I'll never lie and stare up at the ceiling, LYSISTRATA Nor like a lion on all fours go kneeling. CALONICE Nor like a lion on all fours go kneeling. LYSISTRATA If I keep faith, then bounteous cups be mine. CALONICE If I keep faith, then bounteous cups be mine. LYSISTRATA If not, to nauseous water change this wine. CALONICE   If not, to nauseous water change this wine. LYSISTRATA Do you all swear to this? MYRRHINE We do, we do. LYSISTRATA Then I shall immolate the victim thus. She drinks. CALONICE Here now, share fair, haven't we made a pact? Let's all quaff down that friendship in our turn. LAMPITO Hark, what caterwauling hubbub's that? LYSISTRATA As I told you, The women have appropriated the citadel. So, Lampito, dash off to your own land And raise the rebels there. These will serve as hostages, While we ourselves take our places in the ranks And drive the bolts right home. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image032a (41K)" src="images/032a.jpg" width-obs="100%" /></div> CALONICE But won't the men March straight against us? LYSISTRATA And what if they do? No threat shall creak our hinges wide, no torch Shall light a fear in us; we will come out To Peace alone. CALONICE That's it, by Aphrodite! As of old let us seem hard and obdurate. LAMPITO and some go off; the others go up into the Acropolis. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image033a (43K)" src="images/033a.jpg" width-obs="100%" /></div> Chorus of OLD MEN enter to attack the captured Acropolis. Make room, Draces, move ahead; why your shoulder's chafed, I see, With lugging uphill these lopped branches of the olive-tree. How upside-down and wrong-way-round a long life sees things grow. Ah, Strymodorus, who'd have thought affairs could tangle so? The women whom at home we fed, Like witless fools, with fostering bread, Have impiously come to this-- They've stolen the Acropolis, With bolts and bars our orders flout And shut us out. Come, Philurgus, bustle thither; lay our faggots on the ground, In neat stacks beleaguering the insurgents all around; And the vile conspiratresses, plotters of such mischief dire, Pile and burn them all together in one vast and righteous pyre: Fling with our own hands Lycon's wife to fry in the thickest fire. By Demeter, they'll get no brag while I've a vein to beat! Cleomenes himself was hurtled out in sore defeat. His stiff-backed Spartan pride was bent. Out, stripped of all his arms, he went: A pigmy cloak that would not stretch To hide his rump (the draggled wretch), Six sprouting years of beard, the spilth Of six years' filth. That was a siege! Our men were ranged in lines of seventeen deep Before the gates, and never left their posts there, even to sleep. Shall I not smite the rash presumption then of foes like these, Detested both of all the gods and of Euripides-- Else, may the Marathon-plain not boast my trophied victories! Ah, now, there's but a little space To reach the place! A deadly climb it is, a tricky road With all this bumping load: A pack-ass soon would tire.... How these logs bruise my shoulders! further still Jog up the hill, And puff the fire inside, Or just as we reach the top we'll find it's died. Ough, phew! I choke with the smoke. Lord Heracles, how acrid-hot Out of the pot This mad-dog smoke leaps, worrying me And biting angrily.... 'Tis Lemnian fire that smokes, Or else it would not sting my eyelids thus.... Haste, all of us; Athene invokes our aid. Laches, now or never the assault must be made! Ough, phew! I choke with the smoke. .. Thanked be the gods! The fire peeps up and crackles as it should. Now why not first slide off our backs these weary loads of wood And dip a vine-branch in the brazier till it glows, then straight Hurl it at the battering-ram against the stubborn gate? If they refuse to draw the bolts in immediate compliance, We'll set fire to the wood, and smoke will strangle their defiance. Phew, what a spluttering drench of smoke! Come, now from off my back.... Is there no Samos-general to help me to unpack? Ah there, that's over! For the last time now it's galled my shoulder. Flare up thine embers, brazier, and dutifully smoulder, To kindle a brand, that I the first may strike the citadel. Aid me, Lady Victory, that a triumph-trophy may tell How we did anciently this insane audacity quell! Chorus of WOMEN. What's that rising yonder? That ruddy glare, that smoky skurry? O is it something in a blaze? Quick, quick, my comrades, hurry! Nicodice, helter-skelter! Or poor Calyce's in flames And Cratylla's stifled in the welter. O these dreadful old men And their dark laws of hate! There, I'm all of a tremble lest I turn out to be too late. I could scarcely get near to the spring though I rose before dawn, What with tattling of tongues and rattling of pitchers in one jostling din With slaves pushing in!.... Still here at last the water's drawn And with it eagerly I run To help those of my friends who stand In danger of being burned alive. For I am told a dribbling band Of greybeards hobble to the field, Great faggots in each palsied hand, As if a hot bath to prepare, And threatening that out they'll drive These wicked women or soon leave them charring into ashes there. O Goddess, suffer not, I pray, this harsh deed to be done, But show us Greece and Athens with their warlike acts repealed! For this alone, in this thy hold, Thou Goddess with the helm of gold, We laid hands on thy sanctuary, Athene.... Then our ally be And where they cast their fires of slaughter Direct our water! STRATYLLIS (caught) Let me go! WOMEN You villainous old men, what's this you do? No honest man, no pious man, could do such things as you. MEN Ah ha, here's something most original, I have no doubt: A swarm of women sentinels to man the walls without. WOMEN So then we scare you, do we? Do we seem a fearful host? You only see the smallest fraction mustered at this post. MEN Ho, Phaedrias, shall we put a stop to all these chattering tricks? Suppose that now upon their backs we splintered these our sticks? WOMEN Let us lay down the pitchers, so our bodies will be free,   In case these lumping fellows try to cause some injury. MEN O hit them hard and hit again and hit until they run away, And perhaps they'll learn, like Bupalus, not to have too much to say. WOMEN Come on, then--do it! I won't budge, but like a dog I'll bite At every little scrap of meat that dangles in my sight. MEN Be quiet, or I'll bash you out of any years to come. WOMEN Now you just touch Stratyllis with the top-joint of your thumb. MEN What vengeance can you take if with my fists your face I beat? WOMEN I'll rip you with my teeth and strew your entrails at your feet. MEN Now I appreciate Euripides' strange subtlety: Woman is the most shameless beast of all the beasts that be. WOMEN Rhodippe, come, and let's pick up our water-jars once more. MEN Ah cursed drab, what have you brought this water for? WOMEN What is your fire for then, you smelly corpse? Yourself to burn? MEN To build a pyre and make your comrades ready for the urn. WOMEN And I've the water to put out your fire immediately. MEN What, you put out my fire? WOMEN Yes, sirrah, as you soon will see. MEN I don't know why I hesitate to roast you with this flame. WOMEN If you have any soap you'll go off cleaner than you came. MEN Cleaner, you dirty slut? WOMEN A nuptial-bath in which to lie! MEN Did you hear that insolence? WOMEN I'm a free woman, I. MEN I'll make you hold your tongue. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image040a (54K)" src="images/040a.jpg" width-obs="100%" /></div> WOMEN Henceforth you'll serve in no more juries. MEN Burn off her hair for her. WOMEN Now forward, water, quench their furies! MEN O dear, O dear! WOMEN So ... was it hot? MEN Hot! ... Enough, O hold. WOMEN Watered, perhaps you'll bloom again--why not? MEN Brrr, I'm wrinkled up from shivering with cold. WOMEN Next time you've fire you'll warm yourself and leave us to our lot. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image041a (38K)" src="images/041a.jpg" width-obs="100%" /></div> MAGISTRATE enters with attendant SCYTHIANS. MAGISTRATE Have the luxurious rites of the women glittered Their libertine show, their drumming tapped out crowds, The Sabazian Mysteries summoned their mob, Adonis been wept to death on the terraces, As I could hear the last day in the Assembly? For Demostratus--let bad luck befoul him-- Was roaring, "We must sail for Sicily," While a woman, throwing herself about in a dance Lopsided with drink, was shrilling out "Adonis, Woe for Adonis." Then Demostratus shouted, "We must levy hoplites at Zacynthus," And there the woman, up to the ears in wine, Was screaming "Weep for Adonis" on the house-top, The scoundrelly politician, that lunatic ox, Bellowing bad advice through tipsy shrieks: Such are the follies wantoning in them. MEN O if you knew their full effrontery! All of the insults they've done, besides sousing us With water from their pots to our public disgrace For we stand here wringing our clothes like grown-up infants. MAGISTRATE By Poseidon, justly done! For in part with us The blame must lie for dissolute behaviour And for the pampered appetites they learn. Thus grows the seedling lust to blossoming: We go into a shop and say, "Here, goldsmith, You remember the necklace that you wrought my wife; Well, the other night in fervour of a dance Her clasp broke open. Now I'm off for Salamis; If you've the leisure, would you go tonight And stick a bolt-pin into her opened clasp." Another goes to a cobbler; a soldierly fellow, Always standing up erect, and says to him, "Cobbler, a sandal-strap of my wife's pinches her, Hurts her little toe in a place where she's sensitive. Come at noon and see if you can stretch out wider This thing that troubles her, loosen its tightness." And so you view the result. Observe my case-- I, a magistrate, come here to draw Money to buy oar-blades, and what happens? The women slam the door full in my face. But standing still's no use. Bring me a crowbar, And I'll chastise this their impertinence. What do you gape at, wretch, with dazzled eyes? Peering for a tavern, I suppose. Come, force the gates with crowbars, prise them apart! I'll prise away myself too.... (LYSISTRATA appears.) LYSISTRATA Stop this banging. I'm coming of my own accord.... Why bars? It is not bars we need but common sense. MAGISTRATE Indeed, you slut! Where is the archer now? Arrest this woman, tie her hands behind. LYSISTRATA If he brushes me with a finger, by Artemis, The public menial, he'll be sorry for it. MAGISTRATE Are you afraid? Grab her about the middle. Two of you then, lay hands on her and end it. CALONICE By Pandrosos I if your hand touches her I'll spread you out and trample on your guts. MAGISTRATE My guts! Where is the other archer gone? Bind that minx there who talks so prettily. MYRRHINE By Phosphor, if your hand moves out her way You'd better have a surgeon somewhere handy. MAGISTRATE You too! Where is that archer? Take that woman. I'll put a stop to these surprise-parties. STRATYLLIS By the Tauric Artemis, one inch nearer My fingers, and it's a bald man that'll be yelling. MAGISTRATE Tut tut, what's here? Deserted by my archers.... But surely women never can defeat us; Close up your ranks, my Scythians. Forward at them. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image046.jpg (182K)" src="images/046.jpg" width-obs="100%" /></div> LYSISTRATA By the Goddesses, you'll find that here await you Four companies of most pugnacious women Armed cap-a-pie from the topmost louring curl To the lowest angry dimple. MAGISTRATE On, Scythians, bind them. LYSISTRATA On, gallant allies of our high design, Vendors of grain-eggs-pulse-and-vegetables, Ye garlic-tavern-keepers of bakeries, Strike, batter, knock, hit, slap, and scratch our foes, Be finely imprudent, say what you think of them.... Enough! retire and do not rob the dead. MAGISTRATE How basely did my archer-force come off. LYSISTRATA Ah, ha, you thought it was a herd of slaves You had to tackle, and you didn't guess The thirst for glory ardent in our blood. MAGISTRATE By Apollo, I know well the thirst that heats you-- Especially when a wine-skin's close. MEN You waste your breath, dear magistrate, I fear, in answering back. What's the good of argument with such a rampageous pack? Remember how they washed us down (these very clothes I wore) With water that looked nasty and that smelt so even more. WOMEN What else to do, since you advanced too dangerously nigh. If you should do the same again, I'll punch you in the eye. Though I'm a stay-at-home and most a quiet life enjoy, Polite to all and every (for I'm naturally coy), Still if you wake a wasps' nest then of wasps you must beware. MEN How may this ferocity be tamed? It grows too great to bear. Let us question them and find if they'll perchance declare The reason why they strangely dare To seize on Cranaos' citadel, This eyrie inaccessible, This shrine above the precipice, The Acropolis. Probe them and find what they mean with this idle talk; listen, but watch they don't try to deceive. You'd be neglecting your duty most certainly if now this mystery unplumbed you leave. MAGISTRATE Women there! Tell what I ask you, directly.... Come, without rambling, I wish you to state What's your rebellious intention in barring up thus on our noses our own temple-gate. LYSISTRATA To take first the treasury out of your management, and so stop the war through the absence of gold. MAGISTRATE Is gold then the cause of the war? LYSISTRATA Yes, gold caused it and miseries more, too many to be told. 'Twas for money, and money alone, that Pisander with all of the army of mob-agitators. Raised up revolutions. But, as for the future, it won't be worth while to set up to be traitors. Not an obol they'll get as their loot, not an obol! while we have the treasure-chest in our command. MAGISTRATE What then is that you propose? LYSISTRATA Just this--merely to take the exchequer henceforth in hand. MAGISTRATE The exchequer! LYSISTRATA Yes, why not? Of our capabilities you have had various clear evidences. Firstly remember we have always administered soundly the budget of all home-expenses. MAGISTRATE But this matter's different. LYSISTRATA How is it different? MAGISTRATE Why, it deals chiefly with war-time supplies. LYSISTRATA But we abolish war straight by our policy. MAGISTRATE What will you do if emergencies arise? LYSISTRATA Face them our own way. MAGISTRATE What you will? LYSISTRATA Yes we will! MAGISTRATE Then there's no help for it; we're all destroyed. LYSISTRATA No, willy-nilly you must be safeguarded. MAGISTRATE What madness is this? LYSISTRATA Why, it seems you're annoyed. It must be done, that's all. MAGISTRATE Such awful oppression never, O never in the past yet I bore. LYSISTRATA You must be saved, sirrah--that's all there is to it. MAGISTRATE If we don't want to be saved? LYSISTRATA All the more. MAGISTRATE Why do you women come prying and meddling in matters of state touching war-time and peace? LYSISTRATA That I will tell you. MAGISTRATE O tell me or quickly I'll-- LYSISTRATA Hearken awhile and from threatening cease. MAGISTRATE I cannot, I cannot; it's growing too insolent. WOMEN Come on; you've far more than we have to dread. MAGISTRATE Stop from your croaking, old carrion-crow there.... Continue. LYSISTRATA Be calm then and I'll go ahead. All the long years when the hopeless war dragged along we, unassuming, forgotten in quiet, Endured without question, endured in our loneliness all your incessant child's antics and riot. Our lips we kept tied, though aching with silence, though well all the while in our silence we knew How wretchedly everything still was progressing by listening dumbly the day long to you. For always at home you continued discussing the war and its politics loudly, and we Sometimes would ask you, our hearts deep with sorrowing though we spoke lightly, though happy to see, "What's to be inscribed on the side of the Treaty-stone What, dear, was said in the Assembly today?" "Mind your own business," he'd answer me growlingly "hold your tongue, woman, or else go away." And so I would hold it. WOMEN I'd not be silent for any man living on earth, no, not I! MAGISTRATE Not for a staff? LYSISTRATA Well, so I did nothing but sit in the house, feeling dreary, and sigh, While ever arrived some fresh tale of decisions more foolish by far and presaging disaster. Then I would say to him, "O my dear husband, why still do they rush on destruction the faster?" At which he would look at me sideways, exclaiming, "Keep for your web and your shuttle your care, Or for some hours hence your cheeks will be sore and hot; leave this alone, war is Man's sole affair!" MAGISTRATE By Zeus, but a man of fine sense, he. LYSISTRATA How sensible? You dotard, because he at no time had lent His intractable ears to absorb from our counsel one temperate word of advice, kindly meant? But when at the last in the streets we heard shouted (everywhere ringing the ominous cry) "Is there no one to help us, no saviour in Athens?" and, "No, there is no one," come back in reply. At once a convention of all wives through Hellas here for a serious purpose was held, To determine how husbands might yet back to wisdom despite their reluctance in time be compelled. Why then delay any longer? It's settled. For the future you'll take up our old occupation. Now in turn you're to hold tongue, as we did, and listen while we show the way to recover the nation. MAGISTRATE You talk to us! Why, you're mad. I'll not stand it. LYSISTRATA Cease babbling, you fool; till I end, hold your tongue. MAGISTRATE If I should take orders from one who wears veils, may my neck straightaway be deservedly wrung. LYSISTRATA O if that keeps pestering you, I've a veil here for your hair, I'll fit you out in everything As is only fair. CALONICE Here's a spindle that will do. MYRRHINE I'll add a wool-basket too. LYSISTRATA Girdled now sit humbly at home, Munching beans, while you card wool and comb. For war from now on is the Women's affair. WOMEN. Come then, down pitchers, all, And on, courageous of heart, In our comradely venture Each taking her due part. I could dance, dance, dance, and be fresher after, I could dance away numberless suns, To no weariness let my knees bend. Earth I could brave with laughter, Having such wonderful girls here to friend. O the daring, the gracious, the beautiful ones! Their courage unswerving and witty Will rescue our city. O sprung from the seed of most valiant-wombed grand-mothers, scions of savage and dangerous nettles! Prepare for the battle, all. Gird up your angers. Our way the wind of sweet victory settles. LYSISTRATA O tender Eros and Lady of Cyprus, some flush of beauty I pray you devise To flash on our bosoms and, O Aphrodite, rosily gleam on our valorous thighs! Joy will raise up its head through the legions warring and all of the far-serried ranks of mad-love Bristle the earth to the pillared horizon, pointing in vain to the heavens above. I think that perhaps then they'll give us our title-- Peace-makers. MAGISTRATE           What do you mean? Please explain. LYSISTRATA   First, we'll not see you now flourishing arms about into the     Marketing-place clang again. WOMEN   No, by the Paphian. LYSISTRATA Still I can conjure them as past were the herbs stand or crockery's sold Like Corybants jingling (poor sots) fully armoured, they noisily round on their promenade strolled. MAGISTRATE And rightly; that's discipline, they-- LYSISTRATA But what's sillier than to go on an errand of buying a fish Carrying along an immense. Gorgon-buckler instead the usual platter or dish? A phylarch I lately saw, mounted on horse-back, dressed for the part with long ringlets and all, Stow in his helmet the omelet bought steaming from an old woman who kept a food-stall. Nearby a soldier, a Thracian, was shaking wildly his spear like Tereus in the play, To frighten a fig-girl while unseen the ruffian filched from her fruit-trays the ripest away. MAGISTRATE How, may I ask, will your rule re-establish order and justice in lands so tormented? LYSISTRATA Nothing is easier. MAGISTRATE Out with it speedily--what is this plan that you boast you've invented? LYSISTRATA If, when yarn we are winding, It chances to tangle, then, as perchance you may know, through the skein This way and that still the spool we keep passing till it is finally clear all again: So to untangle the War and its errors, ambassadors out on all sides we will send This way and that, here, there and round about--soon you will find that the War has an end. MAGISTRATE So with these trivial tricks of the household, domestic analogies of threads, skeins and spools, You think that you'll solve such a bitter complexity, unwind such political problems, you fools! LYSISTRATA Well, first as we wash dirty wool so's to cleanse it, so with a pitiless zeal we will scrub Through the whole city for all greasy fellows; burrs too, the parasites, off we will rub. That verminous plague of insensate place-seekers soon between thumb and forefinger we'll crack. All who inside Athens' walls have their dwelling into one great common basket we'll pack. Disenfranchised or citizens, allies or aliens, pell-mell the lot of them in we will squeeze. Till they discover humanity's meaning.... As for disjointed and far colonies, Them you must never from this time imagine as scattered about just like lost hanks of wool. Each portion we'll take and wind in to this centre, inward to Athens each loyalty pull, Till from the vast heap where all's piled together at last can be woven a strong Cloak of State. MAGISTRATE How terrible is it to stand here and watch them carding and winding at will with our fate, Witless in war as they are. LYSISTRATA What of us then, who ever in vain for our children must weep Borne but to perish afar and in vain? MAGISTRATE Not that, O let that one memory sleep! LYSISTRATA Then while we should be companioned still merrily, happy as brides may, the livelong night, Kissing youth by, we are forced to lie single.... But leave for a moment our pitiful plight, It hurts even more to behold the poor maidens helpless wrinkling in staler virginity. MAGISTRATE Does not a man age? LYSISTRATA Not in the same way. Not as a woman grows withered, grows he. He, when returned from the war, though grey-headed, yet if he wishes can choose out a wife. But she has no solace save peering for omens, wretched and lonely the rest of her life. MAGISTRATE But the old man will often select-- LYSISTRATA O why not finish and die? A bier is easy to buy, A honey-cake I'll knead you with joy, This garland will see you are decked. CALONICE I've a wreath for you too. MYRRHINE I also will fillet you. LYSISTRATA What more is lacking? Step aboard the boat. See, Charon shouts ahoy. You're keeping him, he wants to shove afloat. MAGISTRATE Outrageous insults! Thus my place to flout! Now to my fellow-magistrates I'll go And what you've perpetrated on me show. LYSISTRATA Why are you blaming us for laying you out? Assure yourself we'll not forget to make The third day offering early for your sake. MAGISTRATE retires, LYSISTRATA returns within. OLD MEN. All men who call your loins your own, awake at last, arise And strip to stand in readiness. For as it seems to me Some more perilous offensive in their heads they now devise. I'm sure a Tyranny Like that of Hippias In this I detect.... They mean to put us under Themselves I suspect, And that Laconians assembling At Cleisthenes' house have played A trick-of-war and provoked them Madly to raid The Treasury, in which term I include The Pay for my food. For is it not preposterous They should talk this way to us On a subject such as battle! And, women as they are, about bronze bucklers dare prattle-- Make alliance with the Spartans--people I for one Like very hungry wolves would always most sincere shun.... Some dirty game is up their sleeve, I believe. A Tyranny, no doubt... but they won't catch me, that know. Henceforth on my guard I'll go, A sword with myrtle-branches wreathed for ever in my hand, And under arms in the Public Place I'll take my watchful stand, Shoulder to shoulder with Aristogeiton. Now my staff I'll draw And start at once by knocking that shocking Hag upon the jaw. WOMEN. Your own mother will not know you when you get back to the town. But first, my friends and allies, let us lay these garments down, And all ye fellow-citizens, hark to me while I tell What will aid Athens well. Just as is right, for I Have been a sharer In all the lavish splendour Of the proud city. I bore the holy vessels At seven, then I pounded barley At the age of ten, And clad in yellow robes, Soon after this, I was Little Bear to Brauronian Artemis; Then neckletted with figs, Grown tall and pretty, I was a Basket-bearer, And so it's obvious I should Give you advice that I think good, The very best I can. It should not prejudice my voice that I'm not born a man, If I say something advantageous to the present situation. For I'm taxed too, and as a toll provide men for the nation While, miserable greybeards, you, It is true, Contribute nothing of any importance whatever to our needs; But the treasure raised against the Medes You've squandered, and do nothing in return, save that you make Our lives and persons hazardous by some imbecile mistakes What can you answer? Now be careful, don't arouse my spite, Or with my slipper I'll take you napping, faces slapping Left and right. MEN. What villainies they contrive! Come, let vengeance fall, You that below the waist are still alive, Off with your tunics at my call-- Naked, all. For a man must strip to battle like a man. No quaking, brave steps taking, careless what's ahead, white shoed, in the nude, onward bold, All ye who garrisoned Leipsidrion of old.... Let each one wag As youthfully as he can, And if he has the cause at heart Rise at least a span. We must take a stand and keep to it, For if we yield the smallest bit To their importunity. Then nowhere from their inroads will be left to us immunity. But they'll be building ships and soon their navies will attack us, As Artemisia did, and seek to fight us and to sack us. And if they mount, the Knights they'll rob Of a job, For everyone knows how talented they all are in the saddle, Having long practised how to straddle; No matter how they're jogged there up and down, they're never thrown. Then think of Myron's painting, and each horse-backed Amazon In combat hand-to-hand with men.... Come, on these women fall, And in pierced wood-collars let's stick quick The necks of one and all. WOMEN. Don't cross me or I'll loose The Beast that's kennelled here.... And soon you will be howling for a truce, Howling out with fear. But my dear, Strip also, that women may battle unhindered.... But you, you'll be too sore to eat garlic more, or one black bean, I really mean, so great's my spleen, to kick you black and blue With these my dangerous legs. I'll hatch the lot of you, If my rage you dash on, The way the relentless Beetle Hatched the Eagle's eggs. Scornfully aside I set Every silly old-man threat While Lampito's with me. Or dear Ismenia, the noble Theban girl. Then let decree Be hotly piled upon decree; in vain will be your labours, You futile rogue abominated by your suffering neighbour To Hecate's feast I yesterday went. Off I sent To our neighbours in Boeotia, asking as a gift to me For them to pack immediately That darling dainty thing ... a good fat eel [1] I meant of course; [Footnote 1:Vide supra, p. 23.] But they refused because some idiotic old decree's in force. O this strange passion for decrees nothing on earth can check, Till someone puts a foot out tripping you, and slipping you Break your neck. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image063a (39K)" src="images/063a.jpg" width-obs="100%" /></div> LYSISTRATA enters in dismay. WOMEN Dear Mistress of our martial enterprise, Why do you come with sorrow in your eyes? LYSISTRATA O 'tis our naughty femininity, So weak in one spot, that hath saddened me. WOMEN What's this? Please speak. LYSISTRATA Poor women, O so weak! WOMEN What can it be? Surely your friends may know. LYSISTRATA Yea, I must speak it though it hurt me so. WOMEN Speak; can we help? Don't stand there mute in need. LYSISTRATA I'll blurt it out then--our women's army's mutinied. WOMEN O Zeus! LYSISTRATA What use is Zeus to our anatomy? Here is the gaping calamity I meant: I cannot shut their ravenous appetites A moment more now. They are all deserting. The first I caught was sidling through the postern Close by the Cave of Pan: the next hoisting herself With rope and pulley down: a third on the point Of slipping past: while a fourth malcontent, seated For instant flight to visit Orsilochus On bird-back, I dragged off by the hair in time.... They are all snatching excuses to sneak home. Look, there goes one.... Hey, what's the hurry? 1ST WOMAN I must get home. I've some Milesian wool Packed wasting away, and moths are pushing through it. LYSISTRATA Fine moths indeed, I know. Get back within. 1ST WOMAN By the Goddesses, I'll return instantly. I only want to stretch it on my bed. LYSISTRATA You shall stretch nothing and go nowhere either. 1ST WOMAN Must I never use my wool then? LYSISTRATA If needs be. 2ND WOMAN How unfortunate I am! O my poor flax! It's left at home unstript. LYSISTRATA So here's another That wishes to go home and strip her flax. Inside again! 2ND WOMAN No, by the Goddess of Light, I'll be back as soon as I have flayed it properly. LYSISTRATA You'll not flay anything. For if you begin There'll not be one here but has a patch to be flayed. 3RD WOMAN O holy Eilithyia, stay this birth Till I have left the precincts of the place! LYSISTRATA What nonsense is this? 3RD WOMAN I'll drop it any minute. LYSISTRATA Yesterday you weren't with child. 3RD WOMAN But I am today. O let me find a midwife, Lysistrata. O quickly! LYSISTRATA Now what story is this you tell? What is this hard lump here? 3RD WOMAN It's a male child. LYSISTRATA By Aphrodite, it isn't. Your belly's hollow, And it has the feel of metal.... Well, I soon can see. You hussy, it's Athene's sacred helm, And you said you were with child. 3RD WOMAN And so I am. LYSISTRATA Then why the helm? 3RD WOMAN So if the throes should take me Still in these grounds I could use it like a dove As a laying-nest in which to drop the child. LYSISTRATA More pretexts! You can't hide your clear intent, And anyway why not wait till the tenth day Meditating a brazen name for your brass brat? WOMAN And I can't sleep a wink. My nerve is gone Since I saw that snake-sentinel of the shrine. WOMAN And all those dreadful owls with their weird hooting! Though I'm wearied out, I can't close an eye. LYSISTRATA You wicked women, cease from juggling lies. You want your men. But what of them as well? They toss as sleepless in the lonely night, I'm sure of it. Hold out awhile, hold out, But persevere a teeny-weeny longer. An oracle has promised Victory If we don't wrangle. Would you hear the words? WOMEN Yes, yes, what is it? LYSISTRATA Silence then, you chatterboxes. Here-- Whenas the swallows flocking in one place from the hoopoes Deny themselves love's gambols any more, All woes shall then have ending and great Zeus the Thunderer Shall put above what was below before. WOMEN Will the men then always be kept under us? LYSISTRATA But if the swallows squabble among themselves and fly away Out of the temple, refusing to agree, Then The Most Wanton Birds in all the World They shall be named for ever. That's his decree. WOMAN It's obvious what it means. LYSISTRATA <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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