<h2><SPAN name="LETTER_IV" id="LETTER_IV" />LETTER IV.</h2>
<h2>PERSONAL HABITS.</h2>
<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—The power of winning love and friends, which is
such a precious possession to all young people especially to young
girls, will, in connection with good behavior and good manners, depend
very largely upon certain personal habits, chief among which are order,
neatness, promptness, and cheerfulness.</p>
<p>The girl or woman who is personally disorderly and untidy in her room
and dress puts a great strain upon the patience and affection of all
those associated with her who are possessed of refined and cultivated
tastes. In fact, I believe there is nothing so disenchanting, so
contrary to ideal young womanhood as a lack of neatness and tidiness in
person and dress. This wonderful physical organism with which we have
been endowed depends for its perfection and health and attractiveness
upon the care we give it. The teeth, the hair, the complexion, are all
dependent for their beauty—and it is quite right that we should strive
to make them beautiful—upon constant attention to those conditions
which insure their health and perfection. And the most important of
these conditions is cleanliness. At the present time, no young girl can
hope for recognition or welcome in refined and cultivated society, upon
whose teeth tartar and other discoloring deposits are allowed to
accumulate; whose breath is not pure and sweet; whose hair is muggy and
untidily kept; whose finger nails are neglected and dark at the edges.
These things may seem trifles, but they are not, for they are the
outward expression of an inward grace; all these marks really reveal
character. An untidy girl may be talented and good-tempered, but she
lacks one of the most essential qualities for gaining and retaining
respect and affection.</p>
<p>The room of any young girl is a great revealer of character in respect
to real refinement and purity of taste, especially if one comes upon it
somewhat unawares. Not very long since, I was called by unexpected
circumstances to spend a day or two at the house of a friend, where,
owing to the severe illness of two members of the family, the spare
rooms were not available and I was without delay or warning shown to the
private room of a young lady member of the family. It was a low attic
room with a deep dormer window, and, seen unfurnished, might be regarded
as unattractive in size and shape. But the impression it made as I
entered and surveyed it was of refinement, beauty, repose, and purity.
The furniture was plain, but the bed was made up so beautifully, and
looked so inviting in its snowy covering that I did not notice whether
the bedstead was fine or plain. The carpet and papering of the room were
of light neutral tints, and the broad sloping walls which made the sides
of the dormer window were ornamented, the one with a long branch of
dogwood blossoms, the other with graceful groupings of poppies and swamp
grass, painted thereon by the occupant of the room herself. A wicker
rocking-chair had a cushion of bright-colored satine firmly tied in, and
matching the ribbons which were drawn through the bordering interstices
of the chair. A small table, another chair, a footstool, and two or
three simple pictures on the walls, along with wash-stand and bureau,
completed the furnishing of a room that instantly attracted and
delighted the beholder. But the impression above all others that the
room gave was of perfect purity and sweetness and health; and this was
due to the beautiful tidiness and cleanliness everywhere apparent.
Wash-stand and bureau were in perfect order, with their white mats,
clean towels, and every accessory of a refined lady's toilet. The wide
deep closet was filled with the appurtenances of a young lady's
wardrobe, but was strikingly neat and attractive. Shoes and slippers
were laid neatly in a certain place on the shelves; articles of clothing
that are usually difficult to dispose of in an orderly manner, all had
an appropriate place, and so neatly and tidily was everything arranged
that one felt sure the purity and order extended to the most secret
recesses of every place in the room. There was no danger in any
direction of coming upon anything that was not in keeping with the room
of a refined and delicate young girl. The drawers of bureau and
wash-stand, as I happened to have opportunity to observe them, were as
sweet and clean and orderly as the rest of the room. I felt better
acquainted with the character of that young girl after two days
occupation of her beautifully kept and appointed room than a year of
ordinary acquaintance would have given me.</p>
<p>And while I am on the subject of an orderly and daintily kept room, let
me tell you that the modern bane of order and neatness in a house is too
many trivial and useless things, intended perhaps for ornament, but
confusing to the eye, offensive to good taste, and more effective for
catching dust than for anything else. The multiplication of cheap
picture-cards, wall-pockets, brackets, and all sorts of little useless
knicknacks, has helped on this confusion, till one is almost tempted to
regard them as nuisances. A few of these ornamental trifles, arranged
with an eye to a certain unity of design, may do very well; but, as
William Morris, the great apostle of true decorative art in England, has
said, "Better pure empty space than unworthy and confusing ornament."
You may have heard it related of the great naturalist, Thoreau, that he
made a collection of stones during his rambles, and placed them on his
writing-table; but when he found he had to dust them every day, he threw
them away.</p>
<p>This same general principle applies to dress. Too many little trivial
ornaments will destroy the character and dignity of any costume. Better
one or two ornaments of good quality, or better none at all, than half a
dozen of poor quality. And in regard to a young girl's wardrobe, the
same fundamental rule prevails: if every article of apparel is not
daintily clean, it is unbecoming and unworthy a refined personality.
Soiled laces and soiled ribbons are to be shunned; but better
untidiness and soil of the outward apparel than of that which we know by
the general name of underwear, which is far more personal and important
than the outward costume. The more refined the character and taste of
any young girl, the more particular will she be in the matter of all
articles of apparel that are private to herself, that they shall at
least be daintily neat and clean. I need not say to you how
disenchanting it is to see a young lady's foot with a shoe half buttoned
because half the buttons are gone; or to see a slipper slip off and
disclose neglected and untidy hose. No young girl of proper self-respect
or refinement will ever tolerate any such blemishes in her wardrobe.</p>
<p>Next in importance to habits of order and personal neatness comes the
habit of promptness. The girl who loiters and dawdles and keeps people
waiting, who is behindhand with her work as well as in keeping her
appointments, who is never ready at meal-time, but who is always ready
with some excuse for such annoying conduct, is a household nuisance, a
really painful trial to all who are brought into intimate relations with
her. How often have I wished it were possible to arouse the
consciousness of daughters in comfortable homes to the pain and
inconvenience they give their parents and friends by a habitual lack of
promptness! For my own part, I remember how my conscience was first
aroused, in my youth, on this point. I was reading a book written for
young girls by Jane Taylor—a writer I wish were in print now—when I
came across this instruction: "When you hear the bell ring for meals,
rise immediately, leave whatever you are doing, and at once go to the
table." Just as I was reading this sentence the bell rang, and I
immediately obeyed the summons. I noticed that my mother needed my help
in seating the younger children at the table and attending to their
wants, and I gave her my assistance. Somehow the meal seemed to pass off
more pleasantly than usual, and I felt my conscience prick me that I had
so often given my mother trouble by loitering and delaying at meal-time.
I resolved that henceforth I would be promptly on hand to help her. From
that time there was a marked change for the better in the ease with
which our family meals were served, and all because I was always
promptly on hand to help my mother. I do not know that she or any of the
family knew or noticed the reason, but I was very well aware of it. It
was really a kind of turning-point in my habits of life and usefulness
at home. To this day I never hear a bell ring for meals, without the
injunction of Jane Taylor coming into my mind: "Rise immediately, leave
whatever you are doing, and go at once to the table." I can assure you,
my child, it would add greatly to the comfort and happiness of many
houses, and greatly relieve many an overtaxed mother, if this good
old-fashioned direction were heeded not only by daughters but by other
members of the family also.</p>
<p>And if now, in addition to these good habits, you cultivate the habit of
cheerfulness and earnestly guard against temptation to fretfulness,
moroseness, or impatience, you will be well started on the way towards a
useful and lovely womanhood. A good daughter in a home is a well-spring
of joy, an ever-fresh source of delight and consolation to her parents.
Especially is she the stay and support and strength of her mother, the
happiness of whose life depends so largely upon the respectful and
affectionate conduct and attentions of her children.</p>
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