Wit and Humor of America, The Vol 02

<h2>THE OLD DEACON'S VERSION OF THE STORY OF THE RICH MAN AND LAZARUS</h2> <h3>BY FRANK L. STANTON</h3> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">I s'pose yo' know de story, O my brotherin', er de man<br/></span> <span class="i0">Dat wuz rich ez cream, en livin' on de fatness er de lan'?<br/></span> <span class="i0">How he sot dar eatin' 'possum, en when Laz'rus ax fer some,<br/></span> <span class="i0">He tell 'im: "Git erway, dar! fer you'll never git a crumb!"<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">De rich man wuz a feastin' f'um his chiny plate en cup,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Kaze he 'fraid his po' relations come en eat his wittles up;<br/></span> <span class="i0">I spec' he had <i>two</i> 'possums on de table long en wide,<br/></span> <span class="i0">En a jimmyjohn er cane juice wuz a-settin' by his side.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">En he say: "Dis heah des suits me, en I gwine ter eat my fill;<br/></span> <span class="i0">But I'll sic de dogs on Laz'rus, ef he waitin' roun' heah still."<br/></span> <span class="i0">En de dogs commence dey barkin', raise a racket high en low,<br/></span> <span class="i0">En when Laz'rus see 'em comin' he decide 'twuz time ter go.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">So, he limp off on his crutches, en de rich man think it's fun,<br/></span> <span class="i0">But I reckon Laz'rus answer: "I'll git even wid you, son!"<br/></span> <span class="i0">De rich man so enjoy hisse'f he laugh hisse'f ter bed,<br/></span> <span class="i0">En, brotherin', when he wake up he wuz stiff, stone dead!</span><span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_228" id="Page_228"></SPAN></span><br/></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">En den he raise a racket, en he holler out: "What dis?<br/></span> <span class="i0">De place is onfamiliar, en I wonder whar' I is?"<br/></span> <span class="i0">Den Satan, he mek answer: "I'm de man ter tell you dat:<br/></span> <span class="i0">You's in de fire department er de place I livin' at!"<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Den de rich man say: "Whar' Laz'rus dat wuz beggin' at my gate?"<br/></span> <span class="i0">En Satan tell him: "Yander, wid a silver spoon en plate;<br/></span> <span class="i0">En he eatin' fit ter kill hisse'f! He spendin' er de day<br/></span> <span class="i0">Wid good ol' Mister Abra'm, but he mighty fur away!"<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">"Will you please, suh," say de rich man, "ax him bring a drink ter me,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Wid a li'l' ice ter cool it? Kaze I hot ez hot kin be!"<br/></span> <span class="i0">But Satan fall ter laughin', whilst he stir de fire roun':&mdash;<br/></span> <span class="i0">"De ice would melt, my brother, 'fo' it ever hit de groun'!"<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Den he fill a cup wid brimstone&mdash;fill it steamin' ter de top;<br/></span> <span class="i0">But de rich man say he swear off, dat he never tech a drop!<br/></span> <span class="i0">But Satan grab his pitchfork whilst de rich man give a squall,<br/></span> <span class="i0">En in 'bout a half a second he had swallered cup en all!<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Now, dat's erbout de story er de rich man at de feas',<br/></span> <span class="i0">What wouldn't pass de 'possum roun' when Laz'rus want a piece.<br/></span> <span class="i0">De 'possum means yo' pocketbook, de moral's plain ez day:<br/></span> <span class="i0">Shake de dollars in de basket 'fo' you go de rich man's way!<br/></span> <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_229" id="Page_229"></SPAN></span></div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />