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Wit and Humor of America, The Vol 03

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<h2><SPAN name="THE_RETORT" id="THE_RETORT"></SPAN>THE RETORT</h2> <h3>BY GEORGE P. MORRIS</h3> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Old Nick, who taught the village school,<br/></span> <span class="i2">Wedded a maid of homespun habit;<br/></span> <span class="i0">He was stubborn as a mule,<br/></span> <span class="i2">She was playful as a rabbit.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Poor Jane had scarce become a wife,<br/></span> <span class="i2">Before her husband sought to make her<br/></span> <span class="i0">The pink of country polished life,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And prim and formal as a Quaker.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">One day the tutor went abroad,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And simple Jenny sadly missed him;<br/></span> <span class="i0">When he returned, behind her lord<br/></span> <span class="i2">She slyly stole, and fondly kissed him.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">The husband's anger arose—and red<br/></span> <span class="i2">And white his face alternate grew.<br/></span> <span class="i0">"Less freedom, ma'am!"—Jane sighed and said,<br/></span> <span class="i2">"Oh dear! I didn't know 'twas you!"<br/></span></div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <h2>FOOTNOTES:</h2> <div class="footnote"><p><SPAN name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></SPAN><SPAN href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></SPAN> Copyright, 1904, by Leslie's Magazine.</p> </div> <div class="footnote"><p><SPAN name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></SPAN><SPAN href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></SPAN> From "Nautical Lays of a Landsman," by Wallace Irwin. Copyright, 1904, by Dodd, Mead & Co.</p> </div> <div class="footnote"><p><SPAN name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></SPAN><SPAN href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></SPAN> From <i>Little Citizens</i>; reprinted by permission of McClure, Phillips & Company.</p> <p>Copyright 1903 by the S.S. McClure Company.</p> <p>Copyright 1904 by McClure, Phillips & Company.</p> </div> <div class="footnote"><p><SPAN name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></SPAN><SPAN href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></SPAN> From "At the Sign of the Dollar," by Wallace Irwin. Copyright, 1905, by Fox, Duffield & Co.</p> </div> <div class="footnote"><p><SPAN name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></SPAN><SPAN href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></SPAN> Lippincott's Magazine.</p> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <div class="bbox"> <div class="boxtext"> <h4><i>A Book about Indians, Animals, and the Woods</i></h4> <h2>Kuloskap, the Master</h2> <p style="text-align: center;"><span class="smcap">And Other Algonkin Legends and Poems</span></p> <p style="text-align: center;">By Charles Godfrey Leland, F.R.S.L., <i>and</i> John Dyneley Prince, Ph.D.</p> <p>In the first four cantos are told the legends of the Indian god, Kuloskap, narrating how he created the Indians' world, cared for the interests of his children, dealt with the animal kingdom, and punished the sorcerers. Following these cantos will be found the witchcraft lore, lyrics, and miscellany. The stories take the reader into the heart of nature. In the innermost recesses of the forest he follows the strange doings of wizards, goblins, and witches, and revels in such exquisite lyrics as those that tell of "The Scarlet Tanager and the Leaf," "The Story of Nipon the Summer," "Lox, the Indian Devil," "The Song of the Stars," and others.</p> <div class="blockquot"><p><i>Dan Beard</i> says: "It is the American Indian's 'King Arthur's Round Table,' 'Robin Hood,' and 'The Arabian Nights.'"</p> <p><i>Ernest Thompson-Seton</i> says: "... Priceless, unique, irreplaceable."</p> <p><i>San Francisco Bulletin</i>: "It is a valuable contribution to the folk-lore of the world, and of intense interest."</p> <p><i>The Independent</i>: "... Dainty in its woodsy freshness ... has the same beauty as the Norse myths."</p> </div> <p><i>12mo, Cloth, 359 pp., Ornamental Cover, Profusely Illustrated with Half-tones by F. Berkeley Smith, Ten Birchbark Tracings by Mr. Leland after Indian Designs, and a Frontispiece in Color by Edwin Willard Deming. $2.00, post-paid.</i></p> <p style="text-align: center;"> FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers<br/> NEW YORK and LONDON<br/></p> </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <div class="bbox"> <div class="boxtext"> <h4><i>A Charming Book</i></h4> <h2>My Musical Memories</h2> <h3>By REV. H.R. HAWEIS, A.M.,</h3> <p style="text-align: center;"><i>Author of "American Humorists," Etc., Etc.</i></p> <p>A volume of personal reminiscences, dealing with early Life and Recollections, Hearing Music, Old Violins, Paganini, Liszt, Wagner, "Parsifal," and other kindred subjects, in a manner both artistic and pleasing, which shows the author to be a person of great critical ability in the realm of music. He is an enthusiast, for music hath charms, so hath its memories; but his enthusiasm never carries him beyond the bounds of good sense and fair judgment.</p> <div class="blockquot"><p>"Of all Mr. Haweis' contributions to musical literature none is richer or more readable than 'My Musical Memories'; in short, it is a treasury of musical intelligence such as only a critical taste and an almost infallible instinct could have gathered."—<i>The Musical Herald, Boston.</i></p> <p>"Those who know the charm and clearness of Mr. Haweis' style in descriptive musical essays will need no commendation of these 'Memories,' which are not only vivid but critical."—<i>The Public Ledger, Phila.</i></p> </div> <p style="text-align: center;"><i>12mo, Cloth. Price, $1, Post-paid.</i></p> <p style="text-align: center;"> FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers,<br/> NEW YORK and LONDON<br/></p> </div> </div> <SPAN name="endofbook"></SPAN> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />

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