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<h2> ACT 3. SCENE 3.1. </h2>
<p>THE LANE BEFORE LOVEWIT'S HOUSE.<br/>
<br/>
ENTER TRIBULATION WHOLESOME AND ANANIAS.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. These chastisements are common to the saints,<br/>
And such rebukes, we of the separation<br/>
Must bear with willing shoulders, as the trials<br/>
Sent forth to tempt our frailties.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. In pure zeal,<br/>
I do not like the man; he is a heathen,<br/>
And speaks the language of Canaan, truly.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. I think him a profane person indeed.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. He bears<br/>
The visible mark of the beast in his forehead.<br/>
And for his stone, it is a work of darkness,<br/>
And with philosophy blinds the eyes of man.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Good brother, we must bend unto all means,<br/>
That may give furtherance to the holy cause.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. Which his cannot: the sanctified cause<br/>
Should have a sanctified course.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Not always necessary:<br/>
The children of perdition are oft-times<br/>
Made instruments even of the greatest works:<br/>
Beside, we should give somewhat to man's nature,<br/>
The place he lives in, still about the fire,<br/>
And fume of metals, that intoxicate<br/>
The brain of man, and make him prone to passion.<br/>
Where have you greater atheists than your cooks?<br/>
Or more profane, or choleric, than your glass-men?<br/>
More antichristian than your bell-founders?<br/>
What makes the devil so devilish, I would ask you,<br/>
Sathan, our common enemy, but his being<br/>
Perpetually about the fire, and boiling<br/>
Brimstone and arsenic? We must give, I say,<br/>
Unto the motives, and the stirrers up<br/>
Of humours in the blood. It may be so,<br/>
When as the work is done, the stone is made,<br/>
This heat of his may turn into a zeal,<br/>
And stand up for the beauteous discipline,<br/>
Against the menstruous cloth and rag of Rome.<br/>
We must await his calling, and the coming<br/>
Of the good spirit. You did fault, t' upbraid him<br/>
With the brethren's blessing of Heidelberg, weighing<br/>
What need we have to hasten on the work,<br/>
For the restoring of the silenced saints,<br/>
Which ne'er will be, but by the philosopher's stone.<br/>
And so a learned elder, one of Scotland,<br/>
Assured me; aurum potabile being<br/>
The only med'cine, for the civil magistrate,<br/>
T' incline him to a feeling of the cause;<br/>
And must be daily used in the disease.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. I have not edified more, truly, by man;<br/>
Not since the beautiful light first shone on me:<br/>
And I am sad my zeal hath so offended.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Let us call on him then.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. The motion's good,<br/>
And of the spirit; I will knock first.<br/>
[KNOCKS.]<br/>
Peace be within!<br/>
<br/>
[THE DOOR IS OPENED, AND THEY ENTER.]<br/></p>
<p>SCENE 3.2.<br/>
<br/>
A ROOM IN LOVEWIT'S HOUSE.<br/>
<br/>
ENTER SUBTLE, FOLLOWED BY TRIBULATION AND ANANIAS.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. O, are you come? 'twas time. Your threescore minutes<br/>
Were at last thread, you see: and down had gone<br/>
Furnus acediae, turris circulatorius:<br/>
Lembec, bolt's-head, retort and pelican<br/>
Had all been cinders.—Wicked Ananias!<br/>
Art thou return'd? nay then, it goes down yet.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Sir, be appeased; he is come to humble<br/>
Himself in spirit, and to ask your patience,<br/>
If too much zeal hath carried him aside<br/>
From the due path.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Why, this doth qualify!<br/>
<br/>
TRI. The brethren had no purpose, verily,<br/>
To give you the least grievance; but are ready<br/>
To lend their willing hands to any project<br/>
The spirit and you direct.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. This qualifies more!<br/>
<br/>
TRI. And for the orphans' goods, let them be valued,<br/>
Or what is needful else to the holy work,<br/>
It shall be numbered; here, by me, the saints,<br/>
Throw down their purse before you.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. This qualifies most!<br/>
Why, thus it should be, now you understand.<br/>
Have I discours'd so unto you of our stone,<br/>
And of the good that it shall bring your cause?<br/>
Shew'd you (beside the main of hiring forces<br/>
Abroad, drawing the Hollanders, your friends,<br/>
From the Indies, to serve you, with all their fleet)<br/>
That even the med'cinal use shall make you a faction,<br/>
And party in the realm? As, put the case,<br/>
That some great man in state, he have the gout,<br/>
Why, you but send three drops of your elixir,<br/>
You help him straight: there you have made a friend.<br/>
Another has the palsy or the dropsy,<br/>
He takes of your incombustible stuff,<br/>
He's young again: there you have made a friend,<br/>
A lady that is past the feat of body,<br/>
Though not of mind, and hath her face decay'd<br/>
Beyond all cure of paintings, you restore,<br/>
With the oil of talc: there you have made a friend;<br/>
And all her friends. A lord that is a leper,<br/>
A knight that has the bone-ache, or a squire<br/>
That hath both these, you make them smooth and sound,<br/>
With a bare fricace of your med'cine: still<br/>
You increase your friends.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Ay, it is very pregnant.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. And then the turning of this lawyer's pewter<br/>
To plate at Christmas.—<br/>
<br/>
ANA. Christ-tide, I pray you.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Yet, Ananias!<br/>
<br/>
ANA. I have done.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Or changing<br/>
His parcel gilt to massy gold. You cannot<br/>
But raise you friends. Withal, to be of power<br/>
To pay an army in the field, to buy<br/>
The king of France out of his realms, or Spain<br/>
Out of his Indies. What can you not do<br/>
Against lords spiritual or temporal,<br/>
That shall oppone you?<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Verily, 'tis true.<br/>
We may be temporal lords ourselves, I take it.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. You may be any thing, and leave off to make<br/>
Long-winded exercises; or suck up<br/>
Your "ha!" and "hum!" in a tune. I not deny,<br/>
But such as are not graced in a state,<br/>
May, for their ends, be adverse in religion,<br/>
And get a tune to call the flock together:<br/>
For, to say sooth, a tune does much with women,<br/>
And other phlegmatic people; it is your bell.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. Bells are profane; a tune may be religious.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. No warning with you! then farewell my patience.<br/>
'Slight, it shall down: I will not be thus tortured.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. I pray you, sir.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. All shall perish. I have spoken it.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Let me find grace, sir, in your eyes; the man<br/>
He stands corrected: neither did his zeal,<br/>
But as your self, allow a tune somewhere.<br/>
Which now, being tow'rd the stone, we shall not need.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. No, nor your holy vizard, to win widows<br/>
To give you legacies; or make zealous wives<br/>
To rob their husbands for the common cause:<br/>
Nor take the start of bonds broke but one day,<br/>
And say, they were forfeited by providence.<br/>
Nor shall you need o'er night to eat huge meals,<br/>
To celebrate your next day's fast the better;<br/>
The whilst the brethren and the sisters humbled,<br/>
Abate the stiffness of the flesh. Nor cast<br/>
Before your hungry hearers scrupulous bones;<br/>
As whether a Christian may hawk or hunt,<br/>
Or whether matrons of the holy assembly<br/>
May lay their hair out, or wear doublets,<br/>
Or have that idol starch about their linen.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. It is indeed an idol.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Mind him not, sir.<br/>
I do command thee, spirit of zeal, but trouble,<br/>
To peace within him! Pray you, sir, go on.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Nor shall you need to libel 'gainst the prelates,<br/>
And shorten so your ears against the hearing<br/>
Of the next wire-drawn grace. Nor of necessity<br/>
Rail against plays, to please the alderman<br/>
Whose daily custard you devour; nor lie<br/>
With zealous rage till you are hoarse. Not one<br/>
Of these so singular arts. Nor call yourselves<br/>
By names of Tribulation, Persecution,<br/>
Restraint, Long-patience, and such-like, affected<br/>
By the whole family or wood of you,<br/>
Only for glory, and to catch the ear<br/>
Of the disciple.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Truly, sir, they are<br/>
Ways that the godly brethren have invented,<br/>
For propagation of the glorious cause,<br/>
As very notable means, and whereby also<br/>
Themselves grow soon, and profitably, famous.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. O, but the stone, all's idle to it! nothing!<br/>
The art of angels' nature's miracle,<br/>
The divine secret that doth fly in clouds<br/>
From east to west: and whose tradition<br/>
Is not from men, but spirits.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. I hate traditions;<br/>
I do not trust them—<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Peace!<br/>
<br/>
ANA. They are popish all.<br/>
I will not peace: I will not—<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Ananias!<br/>
<br/>
ANA. Please the profane, to grieve the godly; I may not.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, sir;<br/>
But truly, else, a very faithful brother,<br/>
A botcher, and a man, by revelation,<br/>
That hath a competent knowledge of the truth.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Has he a competent sum there in the bag<br/>
To buy the goods within? I am made guardian,<br/>
And must, for charity, and conscience sake,<br/>
Now see the most be made for my poor orphan;<br/>
Though I desire the brethren too good gainers:<br/>
There they are within. When you have view'd and bought 'em,<br/>
And ta'en the inventory of what they are,<br/>
They are ready for projection; there's no more<br/>
To do: cast on the med'cine, so much silver<br/>
As there is tin there, so much gold as brass,<br/>
I'll give't you in by weight.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. But how long time,<br/>
Sir, must the saints expect yet?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Let me see,<br/>
How's the moon now? Eight, nine, ten days hence,<br/>
He will be silver potate; then three days<br/>
Before he citronise: Some fifteen days,<br/>
The magisterium will be perfected.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. About the second day of the third week,<br/>
In the ninth month?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Yes, my good Ananias.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. What will the orphan's goods arise to, think you?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Some hundred marks, as much as fill'd three cars,<br/>
Unladed now: you'll make six millions of them.—<br/>
But I must have more coals laid in.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. How?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Another load,<br/>
And then we have finish'd. We must now increase<br/>
Our fire to ignis ardens; we are past<br/>
Fimus equinus, balnei, cineris,<br/>
And all those lenter heats. If the holy purse<br/>
Should with this draught fall low, and that the saints<br/>
Do need a present sum, I have a trick<br/>
To melt the pewter, you shall buy now, instantly,<br/>
And with a tincture make you as good Dutch dollars<br/>
As any are in Holland.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Can you so?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Ay, and shall 'bide the third examination.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. It will be joyful tidings to the brethren.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. But you must carry it secret.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Ay; but stay,<br/>
This act of coining, is it lawful?<br/>
<br/>
ANA. Lawful!<br/>
We know no magistrate; or, if we did,<br/>
This is foreign coin.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. It is no coining, sir.<br/>
It is but casting.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Ha! you distinguish well:<br/>
Casting of money may be lawful.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. 'Tis, sir.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. Truly, I take it so.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. There is no scruple,<br/>
Sir, to be made of it; believe Ananias:<br/>
This case of conscience he is studied in.<br/>
<br/>
TRI. I'll make a question of it to the brethren.<br/>
<br/>
ANA. The brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not.<br/>
Where shall it be done?<br/>
<br/>
[KNOCKING WITHOUT.]<br/>
<br/>
SUB. For that we'll talk anon.<br/>
There's some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you,<br/>
And view the parcels. That's the inventory.<br/>
I'll come to you straight.<br/>
[EXEUNT TRIB. AND ANA.]<br/>
Who is it?—Face! appear.<br/>
[ENTER FACE IN HIS UNIFORM.]<br/>
How now! good prize?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Good pox! yond' costive cheater<br/>
Never came on.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. How then?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. I have walk'd the round<br/>
Till now, and no such thing.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. And have you quit him?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Quit him! an hell would quit him too, he were happy.<br/>
'Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade,<br/>
All day, for one that will not yield us grains?<br/>
I know him of old.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. O, but to have gull'd him,<br/>
Had been a mastery.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Let him go, black boy!<br/>
And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee.<br/>
A noble count, a don of Spain, my dear<br/>
Delicious compeer, and my party-bawd,<br/>
Who is come hither private for his conscience,<br/>
And brought munition with him, six great slops,<br/>
Bigger than three Dutch hoys, beside round trunks,<br/>
Furnished with pistolets, and pieces of eight,<br/>
Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath,<br/>
(That is the colour,) and to make his battery<br/>
Upon our Dol, our castle, our cinque-port,<br/>
Our Dover pier, our what thou wilt. Where is she?<br/>
She must prepare perfumes, delicate linen,<br/>
The bath in chief, a banquet, and her wit,<br/>
For she must milk his epididimis.<br/>
Where is the doxy?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. I'll send her to thee:<br/>
And but despatch my brace of little John Leydens,<br/>
And come again my self.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Are they within then?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Numbering the sum.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. How much?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. A hundred marks, boy.<br/>
<br/>
[EXIT.]<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Why, this is a lucky day. Ten pounds of Mammon!<br/>
Three of my clerk! A portague of my grocer!<br/>
This of the brethren! beside reversions,<br/>
And states to come in the widow, and my count!<br/>
My share to-day will not be bought for forty—<br/>
<br/>
[ENTER DOL.]<br/>
<br/>
DOL. What?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Pounds, dainty Dorothy! art thou so near?<br/>
<br/>
DOL. Yes; say, lord general, how fares our camp?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. As with the few that had entrench'd themselves<br/>
Safe, by their discipline, against a world, Dol,<br/>
And laugh'd within those trenches, and grew fat<br/>
With thinking on the booties, Dol, brought in<br/>
Daily by their small parties. This dear hour,<br/>
A doughty don is taken with my Dol;<br/>
And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt,<br/>
My Dousabel; he shall be brought here fetter'd<br/>
With thy fair looks, before he sees thee; and thrown<br/>
In a down-bed, as dark as any dungeon;<br/>
Where thou shalt keep him waking with thy drum;<br/>
Thy drum, my Dol, thy drum; till he be tame<br/>
As the poor black-birds were in the great frost,<br/>
Or bees are with a bason; and so hive him<br/>
In the swan-skin coverlid, and cambric sheets,<br/>
Till he work honey and wax, my little God's-gift.<br/>
<br/>
DOL. What is he, general?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. An adalantado,<br/>
A grandee, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet?<br/>
<br/>
DOL. No.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Nor my Drugger?<br/>
<br/>
DOL. Neither.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. A pox on 'em,<br/>
They are so long a furnishing! such stinkards<br/>
Would not be seen upon these festival days.—<br/>
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]<br/>
How now! have you done?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Done. They are gone: the sum<br/>
Is here in bank, my Face. I would we knew<br/>
Another chapman now would buy 'em outright.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. 'Slid, Nab shall do't against he have the widow,<br/>
To furnish household.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Excellent, well thought on:<br/>
Pray God he come!<br/>
<br/>
FACE. I pray he keep away<br/>
Till our new business be o'erpast.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. But, Face,<br/>
How cam'st thou by this secret don?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. A spirit<br/>
Brought me th' intelligence in a paper here,<br/>
As I was conjuring yonder in my circle<br/>
For Surly; I have my flies abroad. Your bath<br/>
Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol,<br/>
You must go tune your virginal, no losing<br/>
O' the least time: and, do you hear? good action.<br/>
Firk, like a flounder; kiss, like a scallop, close;<br/>
And tickle him with thy mother tongue. His great<br/>
Verdugoship has not a jot of language;<br/>
So much the easier to be cozen'd, my Dolly.<br/>
He will come here in a hired coach, obscure,<br/>
And our own coachman, whom I have sent as guide,<br/>
No creature else.<br/>
[KNOCKING WITHOUT.]<br/>
Who's that?<br/>
<br/>
[EXIT DOL.]<br/>
<br/>
SUB. It is not he?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. O no, not yet this hour.<br/>
<br/>
[RE-ENTER DOL.]<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Who is't?<br/>
<br/>
DOL. Dapper,<br/>
Your clerk.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. God's will then, queen of Fairy,<br/>
On with your tire;<br/>
[EXIT DOL.]<br/>
and, doctor, with your robes.<br/>
Let's dispatch him for God's sake.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. 'Twill be long.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. I warrant you, take but the cues I give you,<br/>
It shall be brief enough.<br/>
[GOES TO THE WINDOW.]<br/>
'Slight, here are more!<br/>
Abel, and I think the angry boy, the heir,<br/>
That fain would quarrel.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. And the widow?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. No,<br/>
Not that I see. Away!<br/>
[EXIT SUB.]<br/>
[ENTER DAPPER.]<br/>
O sir, you are welcome.<br/>
The doctor is within a moving for you;<br/>
I have had the most ado to win him to it!—<br/>
He swears you'll be the darling of the dice:<br/>
He never heard her highness dote till now.<br/>
Your aunt has given you the most gracious words<br/>
That can be thought on.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. Shall I see her grace?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. See her, and kiss her too.—<br/>
[ENTER ABEL, FOLLOWED BY KASTRIL.]<br/>
What, honest Nab!<br/>
Hast brought the damask?<br/>
<br/>
NAB. No, sir; here's tobacco.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. 'Tis well done, Nab; thou'lt bring the damask too?<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. Yes: here's the gentleman, captain, master Kastril,<br/>
I have brought to see the doctor.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Where's the widow?<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. O, is it so? good time. Is your name Kastril, sir?<br/>
<br/>
KAS. Ay, and the best of the Kastrils, I'd be sorry else,<br/>
By fifteen hundred a year. Where is the doctor?<br/>
My mad tobacco-boy, here, tells me of one<br/>
That can do things: has he any skill?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Wherein, sir?<br/>
<br/>
KAS. To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly,<br/>
Upon fit terms.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. It seems, sir, you are but young<br/>
About the town, that can make that a question.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. Sir, not so young, but I have heard some speech<br/>
Of the angry boys, and seen them take tobacco;<br/>
And in his shop; and I can take it too.<br/>
And I would fain be one of 'em, and go down<br/>
And practise in the country.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Sir, for the duello,<br/>
The doctor, I assure you, shall inform you,<br/>
To the least shadow of a hair; and shew you<br/>
An instrument he has of his own making,<br/>
Wherewith no sooner shall you make report<br/>
Of any quarrel, but he will take the height on't<br/>
Most instantly, and tell in what degree<br/>
Of safety it lies in, or mortality.<br/>
And how it may be borne, whether in a right line,<br/>
Or a half circle; or may else be cast<br/>
Into an angle blunt, if not acute:<br/>
And this he will demonstrate. And then, rules<br/>
To give and take the lie by.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. How! to take it?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Yes, in oblique he'll shew you, or in circle;<br/>
But never in diameter. The whole town<br/>
Study his theorems, and dispute them ordinarily<br/>
At the eating academies.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. But does he teach<br/>
Living by the wits too?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Anything whatever.<br/>
You cannot think that subtlety, but he reads it.<br/>
He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp,<br/>
Just of your standing, 'fore I met with him;<br/>
It is not two months since. I'll tell you his method:<br/>
First, he will enter you at some ordinary.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. No, I'll not come there: you shall pardon me.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. For why, sir?<br/>
<br/>
KAS. There's gaming there, and tricks.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Why, would you be<br/>
A gallant, and not game?<br/>
<br/>
KAS. Ay, 'twill spend a man.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Spend you! it will repair you when you are spent:<br/>
How do they live by their wits there, that have vented<br/>
Six times your fortunes?<br/>
<br/>
KAS. What, three thousand a-year!<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Ay, forty thousand.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. Are there such?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Ay, sir,<br/>
And gallants yet. Here's a young gentleman<br/>
Is born to nothing,—<br/>
[POINTS TO DAPPER.]<br/>
forty marks a year,<br/>
Which I count nothing:—he is to be initiated,<br/>
And have a fly of the doctor. He will win you,<br/>
By unresistible luck, within this fortnight,<br/>
Enough to buy a barony. They will set him<br/>
Upmost, at the groom porter's, all the Christmas:<br/>
And for the whole year through, at every place,<br/>
Where there is play, present him with the chair;<br/>
The best attendance, the best drink; sometimes<br/>
Two glasses of Canary, and pay nothing;<br/>
The purest linen, and the sharpest knife,<br/>
The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere<br/>
The dainty bed, in private, with the dainty.<br/>
You shall have your ordinaries bid for him,<br/>
As play-houses for a poet; and the master<br/>
Pray him aloud to name what dish he affects,<br/>
Which must be butter'd shrimps: and those that drink<br/>
To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being<br/>
The goodly president mouth of all the board.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. Do you not gull one?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. 'Ods my life! do you think it?<br/>
You shall have a cast commander, (can but get<br/>
In credit with a glover, or a spurrier,<br/>
For some two pair of either's ware aforehand,)<br/>
Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him,<br/>
Arrive at competent means to keep himself,<br/>
His punk and naked boy, in excellent fashion,<br/>
And be admired for't.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. Will the doctor teach this?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. He will do more, sir: when your land is gone,<br/>
As men of spirit hate to keep earth long,<br/>
In a vacation, when small money is stirring,<br/>
And ordinaries suspended till the term,<br/>
He'll shew a perspective, where on one side<br/>
You shall behold the faces and the persons<br/>
Of all sufficient young heirs in town,<br/>
Whose bonds are current for commodity;<br/>
On th' other side, the merchants' forms, and others,<br/>
That without help of any second broker,<br/>
Who would expect a share, will trust such parcels:<br/>
In the third square, the very street and sign<br/>
Where the commodity dwells, and does but wait<br/>
To be deliver'd, be it pepper, soap,<br/>
Hops, or tobacco, oatmeal, woad, or cheeses.<br/>
All which you may so handle, to enjoy<br/>
To your own use, and never stand obliged.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. I'faith! is he such a fellow?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Why, Nab here knows him.<br/>
And then for making matches for rich widows,<br/>
Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat'st man!<br/>
He's sent to, far and near, all over England,<br/>
To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. God's will, my suster shall see him.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. I'll tell you, sir,<br/>
What he did tell me of Nab. It's a strange thing:—<br/>
By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy,<br/>
And that same melancholy breeds worms; but pass it:—<br/>
He told me, honest Nab here was ne'er at tavern<br/>
But once in's life!<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. Truth, and no more I was not.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. And then he was so sick—<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. Could he tell you that too?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. How should I know it?<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. In troth we had been a shooting,<br/>
And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper,<br/>
That lay so heavy o' my stomach—<br/>
<br/>
FACE. And he has no head<br/>
To bear any wine; for what with the noise of the fidlers,<br/>
And care of his shop, for he dares keep no servants—<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. My head did so ach—<br/>
<br/>
FACE. And he was fain to be brought home,<br/>
The doctor told me: and then a good old woman—<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. Yes, faith, she dwells in Sea-coal-lane,—did cure me,<br/>
With sodden ale, and pellitory of the wall;<br/>
Cost me but two-pence. I had another sickness<br/>
Was worse than that.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Ay, that was with the grief<br/>
Thou took'st for being cess'd at eighteen-pence,<br/>
For the water-work.<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. In truth, and it was like<br/>
T' have cost me almost my life.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Thy hair went off?<br/>
<br/>
DRUG. Yes, sir; 'twas done for spight.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Nay, so says the doctor.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster;<br/>
I'll see this learned boy before I go;<br/>
And so shall she.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Sir, he is busy now:<br/>
But if you have a sister to fetch hither,<br/>
Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner;<br/>
And he by that time will be free.<br/>
<br/>
KAS. I go.<br/>
<br/>
[EXIT.]<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Drugger, she's thine: the damask!—<br/>
[EXIT ABEL.]<br/>
Subtle and I<br/>
Must wrestle for her.<br/>
[ASIDE.]<br/>
—Come on, master Dapper,<br/>
You see how I turn clients here away,<br/>
To give your cause dispatch; have you perform'd<br/>
The ceremonies were enjoin'd you?<br/>
<br/>
DAP. Yes, of the vinegar,<br/>
And the clean shirt.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. 'Tis well: that shirt may do you<br/>
More worship than you think. Your aunt's a-fire,<br/>
But that she will not shew it, t' have a sight of you.<br/>
Have you provided for her grace's servants?<br/>
<br/>
DAP. Yes, here are six score Edward shillings.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Good!<br/>
<br/>
DAP. And an old Harry's sovereign.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Very good!<br/>
<br/>
DAP. And three James shillings, and an Elizabeth groat,<br/>
Just twenty nobles.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. O, you are too just.<br/>
I would you had had the other noble in Maries.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. I have some Philip and Maries.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Ay, those same<br/>
Are best of all: where are they? Hark, the doctor.<br/>
<br/>
[ENTER SUBTLE, DISGUISED LIKE A PRIEST OF FAIRY,<br/>
WITH A STRIPE OF CLOTH.]<br/>
<br/>
SUB [IN A FEIGNED VOICE]. Is yet her grace's cousin come?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. He is come.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. And is he fasting?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Yes.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. And hath cried hum?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Thrice, you must answer.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. Thrice.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. And as oft buz?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. If you have, say.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. I have.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Then, to her cuz,<br/>
Hoping that he hath vinegar'd his senses,<br/>
As he was bid, the Fairy queen dispenses,<br/>
By me, this robe, the petticoat of fortune;<br/>
Which that he straight put on, she doth importune.<br/>
And though to fortune near be her petticoat,<br/>
Yet nearer is her smock, the queen doth note:<br/>
And therefore, ev'n of that a piece she hath sent<br/>
Which, being a child, to wrap him in was rent;<br/>
And prays him for a scarf he now will wear it,<br/>
With as much love as then her grace did tear it,<br/>
About his eyes,<br/>
[THEY BLIND HIM WITH THE RAG,]<br/>
to shew he is fortunate.<br/>
And, trusting unto her to make his state,<br/>
He'll throw away all worldly pelf about him;<br/>
Which that he will perform, she doth not doubt him.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. She need not doubt him, sir. Alas, he has nothing,<br/>
But what he will part withal as willingly,<br/>
Upon her grace's word—throw away your purse—<br/>
As she would ask it;—handkerchiefs and all—<br/>
[HE THROWS AWAY, AS THEY BID HIM.]<br/>
She cannot bid that thing, but he'll obey.—<br/>
If you have a ring about you, cast it off,<br/>
Or a silver seal at your wrist; her grace will send<br/>
Her fairies here to search you, therefore deal<br/>
Directly with her highness: if they find<br/>
That you conceal a mite, you are undone.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. Truly, there's all.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. All what?<br/>
<br/>
DAP. My money; truly.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Keep nothing that is transitory about you.<br/>
[ASIDE TO SUBTLE.]<br/>
Bid Dol play music.—<br/>
[DOL PLAYS ON THE CITTERN WITHIN.]<br/>
Look, the elves are come.<br/>
To pinch you, if you tell not truth. Advise you.<br/>
<br/>
[THEY PINCH HIM.]<br/>
<br/>
DAP. O! I have a paper with a spur-ryal in't.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Ti, ti.<br/>
They knew't, they say.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Ti, ti, ti, ti. He has more yet.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Ti, ti-ti-ti.<br/>
[ASIDE TO SUB.]<br/>
In the other pocket.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Titi, titi, titi, titi, titi.<br/>
They must pinch him or he will never confess, they say.<br/>
<br/>
[THEY PINCH HIM AGAIN.]<br/>
<br/>
DAP. O, O!<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Nay, pray you, hold: he is her grace's nephew,<br/>
Ti, ti, ti? What care you? good faith, you shall care.—<br/>
Deal plainly, sir, and shame the fairies. Shew<br/>
You are innocent.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. By this good light, I have nothing.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Ti, ti, ti, ti, to, ta. He does equivocate she says:<br/>
Ti, ti do ti, ti ti do, ti da;<br/>
and swears by the LIGHT when he is blinded.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. By this good DARK, I have nothing but a half-crown<br/>
Of gold about my wrist, that my love gave me;<br/>
And a leaden heart I wore since she forsook me.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. I thought 'twas something. And would you incur<br/>
Your aunt's displeasure for these trifles? Come,<br/>
I had rather you had thrown away twenty half-crowns.<br/>
[TAKES IT OFF.]<br/>
You may wear your leaden heart still.—<br/>
[ENTER DOL HASTILY.]<br/>
How now!<br/>
<br/>
SUB. What news, Dol?<br/>
<br/>
DOL. Yonder's your knight, sir Mammon.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. 'Ods lid, we never thought of him till now!<br/>
Where is he?<br/>
<br/>
DOL. Here hard by: he is at the door.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. And you are not ready now! Dol, get his suit.<br/>
[EXIT DOL.]<br/>
He must not be sent back.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. O, by no means.<br/>
What shall we do with this same puffin here,<br/>
Now he's on the spit?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Why, lay him back awhile,<br/>
With some device.<br/>
[RE-ENTER DOL, WITH FACE'S CLOTHES.]<br/>
—Ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, Would her grace speak with me?<br/>
I come.—Help, Dol!<br/>
<br/>
[KNOCKING WITHOUT.]<br/>
<br/>
FACE [SPEAKS THROUGH THE KEYHOLE]. Who's there? sir Epicure,<br/>
My master's in the way. Please you to walk<br/>
Three or four turns, but till his back be turned,<br/>
And I am for you.—Quickly, Dol!<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Her grace<br/>
Commends her kindly to you, master Dapper.<br/>
<br/>
DAP. I long to see her grace.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. She now is set<br/>
At dinner in her bed, and she has sent you<br/>
From her own private trencher, a dead mouse,<br/>
And a piece of gingerbread, to be merry withal,<br/>
And stay your stomach, lest you faint with fasting:<br/>
Yet if you could hold out till she saw you, she says,<br/>
It would be better for you.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Sir, he shall<br/>
Hold out, an 'twere this two hours, for her highness;<br/>
I can assure you that. We will not lose<br/>
All we have done.—<br/>
<br/>
SUB. He must not see, nor speak<br/>
To any body, till then.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. For that we'll put, sir,<br/>
A stay in's mouth.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Of what?<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Of gingerbread.<br/>
Make you it fit. He that hath pleas'd her grace<br/>
Thus far, shall not now crincle for a little.—<br/>
Gape, sir, and let him fit you.<br/>
<br/>
[THEY THRUST A GAG OF GINGERBREAD IN HIS MOUTH.]<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Where shall we now<br/>
Bestow him?<br/>
<br/>
DOL. In the privy.<br/>
<br/>
SUB. Come along, sir,<br/>
I now must shew you Fortune's privy lodgings.<br/>
<br/>
FACE. Are they perfumed, and his bath ready?<br/>
<br/>
SUB. All:<br/>
Only the fumigation's somewhat strong.<br/>
<br/>
FACE [SPEAKING THROUGH THE KEYHOLE].<br/>
Sir Epicure, I am yours, sir, by and by.<br/>
<br/>
[EXEUNT WITH DAPPER.]<br/></p>
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