Disagreeable Man, The

<SPAN name="startofbook"></SPAN> <h2>THE DISAGREEABLE MAN.</h2> <div class="stanza"> <span>If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am:<br/></span> <span>I'm a genuine philanthropist&mdash;all other kinds are sham.<br/></span> <span>Each little fault of temper and each social defect<br/></span> <span>In my erring fellow creatures, I endeavor to correct.<br/></span> <span>To all their little weaknesses I open people's eyes<br/></span> <span>And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise;<br/></span> <span>I love my fellow creatures&mdash;I do all the good I can&mdash;<br/></span> <span>Yet everybody say I'm such a disagreeable man!<br/></span> <span class="i4">And I can't think why!<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span>To compliments inflated I've a withering reply;<br/></span> <span>And vanity I always do my best to mortify;<br/></span> <span>A charitable action I can skilfully dissect:<br/></span> <span>And interested motives I'm delighted to detect.<br/></span><SPAN name="Page_93" id="Page_93"></SPAN> <span>I know everybody's income and what everybody earns,<br/></span> <span>And I carefully compare it with the income tax returns;<br/></span> <span>But to benefit humanity, however much I plan,<br/></span> <span>Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!<br/></span> <span class="i4">And I can't think why!<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span>I'm sure I'm no ascetic: I'm as pleasant as can be;<br/></span> <span>You'll always find me ready with a crushing repartee;<br/></span> <span>I've an irritating chuckle; I've a celebrated sneer;<br/></span> <span>I've an entertaining snigger; I've a fascinating leer;<br/></span> <span>To everybody's prejudice I know a thing or two;<br/></span> <span>I can tell a woman's age in half a minute&mdash;and I do&mdash;<br/></span> <span>But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I can,<br/></span> <span>Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!<br/></span> <span class="i4">And I can't think why!<br/></span></div> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />