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<h2> LETTER III </h2>
<h3> MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE TUESDAY MORN. 7 O'CLOCK </h3>
<p>My mother and cousin are already gone off in our chariot and four,
attended by their doughty 'squire on horseback, and he by two of his own
servants, and one of my mother's. They both love parade when they go
abroad, at least in compliment to one another; which shews, that each
thinks the other does. Robin is your servant and mine, and nobody's else—and
the day is all my own.</p>
<p>I must begin with blaming you, my dear, for your resolution not to
litigate for your right, if occasion were to be given you. Justice is due
to ourselves, as well as to every body else. Still more must I blame you
for declaring to your aunt and sister, that you will not: since (as they
will tell it to your father and brother) the declaration must needs give
advantage to spirits who have so little of that generosity for which you
are so much distinguished.</p>
<p>There never was a spirit in the world that would insult where it dared,
but it would creep and cringe where it dared not. Let me remind you of a
sentence of your own, the occasion for which I have forgotten: 'That
little spirits will always accommodate themselves to the temper of those
they would work upon: will fawn upon a sturdy-tempered person: will insult
the meek:'—And another given to Miss Biddulph, upon an occasion you
cannot forget:—'If we assume a dignity in what we say and do, and
take care not to disgrace by arrogance our own assumption, every body will
treat us with respect and deference.'</p>
<p>I remember that you once made an observation, which you said, you was
obliged to Mrs. Norton for, and she to her father, upon an excellent
preacher, who was but an indifferent liver: 'That to excel in theory, and
to excel in practice, generally required different talents; which did not
always meet in the same person.' Do you, my dear (to whom theory and
practice are the same thing in almost every laudable quality), apply the
observation to yourself, in this particular case, where resolution is
required; and where the performance of the will of the defunct is the
question—no more to be dispensed with by you, in whose favour it was
made, than by any body else who have only themselves in view by breaking
through it.</p>
<p>I know how much you despise riches in the main: but yet it behoves you to
remember, that in one instance you yourself have judged them valuable—'In
that they put it into our power to lay obligations; while the want of that
power puts a person under a necessity of receiving favours—receiving
them perhaps from grudging and narrow spirits, who know not how to confer
them with that grace, which gives the principal merit to a beneficent
action.'—Reflect upon this, my dear, and see how it agrees with the
declaration you have made to your aunt and sister, that you would not
resume your estate, were you to be turned out of doors, and reduced to
indigence and want. Their very fears that you will resume, point out to
you the necessity of resuming upon the treatment you meet with.</p>
<p>I own, that (at first reading) I was much affected with your mother's
letter sent with the patterns. A strange measure however from a mother;
for she did not intend to insult you; and I cannot but lament that so
sensible and so fine a woman should stoop to so much art as that letter is
written with: and which also appears in some of the conversations you have
given me an account of. See you not in her passiveness, what boisterous
spirits can obtain from gentler, merely by teasing and ill-nature?</p>
<p>I know the pride they have always taken in calling you a Harlowe—Clarissa
Harlowe, so formal and so set, at every word, when they are grave or
proudly solemn.—Your mother has learnt it of them—and as in
marriage, so in will, has been taught to bury her own superior name and
family in theirs. I have often thought that the same spirit governed them,
in this piece of affectation, and others of the like nature (as
Harlowe-Place, and so-forth, though not the elder brother's or paternal
seat), as governed the tyrant Tudor,* who marrying Elizabeth, the heiress
of the house of York, made himself a title to a throne, which he would not
otherwise have had (being but a base descendant of the Lancaster line);
and proved a gloomy and vile husband to her; for no other cause, than
because she had laid him under obligations which his pride would not
permit him to own.—Nor would the unprincely wretch marry her till he
was in possession of the crown, that he might not be supposed to owe it to
her claim.</p>
<p>* Henry VII.<br/></p>
<p>You have chidden me, and again will, I doubt not, for the liberties I take
with some of your relations. But my dear, need I tell you, that pride in
ourselves must, and for ever will, provoke contempt, and bring down upon
us abasement from others?—Have we not, in the case of a celebrated
bard, observed, that those who aim at more than their due, will be refused
the honours they may justly claim?—I am very much loth to offend
you; yet I cannot help speaking of your relations, as well as of others,
as I think they deserve. Praise or dispraise, is the reward or punishment
which the world confers or inflicts on merit or demerit; and, for my part,
I neither can nor will confound them in the application. I despise them
all, but your mother: indeed I do: and as for her—but I will spare
the good lady for your sake—and one argument, indeed, I think may be
pleaded in her favour, in the present contention—she who has for so
many years, and with such absolute resignation, borne what she has borne
to the sacrifice of her own will, may think it an easier task than another
person can imagine it, for her daughter to give up hers. But to think to
whose instigation all this is originally owing—God forgive me; but
with such usage I should have been with Lovelace before now! Yet remember,
my dear, that the step which would not be wondered at from such a
hasty-tempered creatures as me, would be inexcusable in such a considerate
person as you.</p>
<p>After your mother has been thus drawn in against her judgment, I am the
less surprised, that your aunt Hervey should go along with her; since the
two sisters never separate. I have inquired into the nature of the
obligation which Mr. Hervey's indifferent conduct in his affairs has laid
him under—it is only, it seems, that your brother has paid off for
him a mortgage upon one part of his estate, which the mortgagee was about
to foreclose; and taken it upon himself. A small favour (as he has ample
security in his hands) from kindred to kindred: but such a one, it is
plain, as has laid the whole family of the Herveys under obligation to the
ungenerous lender, who has treated him, and his aunt too (as Miss Dolly
Hervey has privately complained), with the less ceremony ever since.</p>
<p>Must I, my dear, call such a creature your brother?—I believe I must—Because
he is your father's son. There is no harm, I hope, in saying that.</p>
<p>I am concerned, that you ever wrote at all to him. It was taking too much
notice of him: it was adding to his self-significance; and a call upon him
to treat you with insolence. A call which you might have been assured he
would not fail to answer.</p>
<p>But such a pretty master as this, to run riot against such a man as
Lovelace; who had taught him to put his sword into his scabbard, when he
had pulled it out by accident!—These in-door insolents, who, turning
themselves into bugbears, frighten women, children, and servants, are
generally cravens among men. Were he to come fairly across me, and say to
my face some of the free things which I am told he has said of me behind
my back, or that (as by your account) he has said of our sex, I would take
upon myself to ask him two or three questions; although he were to send me
a challenge likewise.</p>
<p>I repeat, you know that I will speak my mind, and write it too. He is not
my brother. Can you say, he is yours?—So, for your life, if you are
just, you can't be angry with me: For would you side with a false brother
against a true friend? A brother may not be a friend: but a friend will
always be a brother—mind that, as your uncle Tony says!</p>
<p>I cannot descend so low, as to take very particular notice of the epistles
of these poor souls, whom you call uncles. Yet I love to divert myself
with such grotesque characters too. But I know them and love you; and so
cannot make the jest of them which their absurdities call for.</p>
<p>You chide me, my dear,* for my freedoms with relations still nearer and
dearer to you, than either uncles or brother or sister. You had better
have permitted me (uncorrected) to have taken my own way. Do not use those
freedoms naturally arise from the subject before us? And from whom arises
that subject, I pray you? Can you for one quarter of an hour put yourself
in my place, or in the place of those who are still more indifferent to
the case than I can be?—If you can—But although I have you not
often at advantage, I will not push you.</p>
<p>* See Vol. I. Letter XXVIII.<br/></p>
<p>Permit me, however, to subjoin, that well may your father love your
mother, as you say he does. A wife who has no will but his! But were there
not, think you, some struggles between them at first, gout out of the
question?—Your mother, when a maiden, had, as I have heard (and it
is very likely) a good share of those lively spirits which she liked in
your father. She has none of them now. How came they to be dissipated?—Ah!
my dear!—she has been too long resident in Trophonius's cave, I
doubt.*</p>
<p>* Spectator, Vol. VIII. No. 599.<br/></p>
<p>Let me add one reflection upon this subject, and so entitle myself to your
correction for all at once.—It is upon the conduct of those wives
(for you and I know more than one such) who can suffer themselves to be
out-blustered and out-gloomed of their own wills, instead of being fooled
out of them by acts of tenderness and complaisance.—I wish, that it
does not demonstrate too evidently, that, with some of the sex, insolent
controul is a more efficacious subduer than kindness or concession. Upon
my life, my dear, I have often thought, that many of us are mere babies in
matrimony: perverse fools when too much indulged and humoured; creeping
slaves, when treated harshly. But shall it be said, that fear makes us
more gentle obligers than love?—Forbid it, Honour! Forbid it,
Gratitude! Forbid it, Justice! that any woman of sense should give
occasion to have this said of her!</p>
<p>Did I think you would have any manner of doubt, from the style or contents
of this letter, whose saucy pen it is that has run on at this rate, I
would write my name at length; since it comes too much from my heart to
disavow it: but at present the initials shall serve; and I will go on
again directly.</p>
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