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History and Records of the Elephant Club

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<ANTIMG src="images/illus063.jpg" alt="end" /> [Pg 318] [Exeunt Omnes.]—Shakespeare. A few days after the events recorded in the last chapter, a letter was received at the residence of one of the compilers of these records, superscribed Q.K. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, P.B. The communication was signed by John Spout, and the writer, after apologizing for communicating with a perfect stranger, stated his reasons for so doing. It seems from the communication that Mr. Spout was informed by a friend who was in the confidence of the United States Marshal, that Mr. Spout and others were accustomed to meet in a room on Broadway, and that they were strongly suspected of being engaged in the organization of a fillibustering expedition to Nicaragua, and furthermore, that it was the intention of the officious officials of the United States Government to make a descent upon the[Pg 319] premises and arrest all who were present on the next regular meeting. Mr. Spout had no difficulty in convincing his friend of the entire misapprehension of the officers. But in the fullness of his modesty the worthy Higholdboy thought that the time was not arrived when it would be prudent to announce to the world the fact of the existence of a scientific association, organized for the purpose of studying the Elephant. Furthermore, he did not like to be arrested, even though he would be acquitted, fearing that contact with stone walls might aggravate a chronic catarrh with which he was afflicted. Under these circumstances, he called a mass meeting of the members of the club, at his private room, where, after a session of fourteen minutes it was unanimously Resolved, That the Elephant Club cave in for the present, under the pressure of strong necessity. Resolved, That the landlord of the Club room whistle for the arrearage of rent. Resolved, That Q.K. Philander Doesticks, P.B., we have every reason to believe, will fully appreciate the high character of the objects of the Elephant Club. Resolved, That he is hereby authorized to go to the Elephant Club room, secure the records and[Pg 320] such other property therein contained, as he may desire. Resolved, That the said Q.K. Philander Doesticks, P.B., is further authorized to compile the said records for publication, if he thinks the public can be induced to buy the book when it is published; and he is further authorized to reorganize the Club in accordance with the same principles of the old organization, and when the present federal administration goes out of power, the present members will again put on the scientific harness, and gladly co-operate with the club so formed, to secure the ends desired. In accordance with the request contained, Mr. Doesticks did go to the premises designated, where he found said records, and a variety of articles of furniture in a state of chronic demolition. The records he carried away—the furniture he did not. An examination of the documents satisfied Doesticks that if properly compiled, and published, the work would sell. But feeling himself incompetent to the task of preparation unaided—the work being of a scientific character—he decided to call to his assistance his friend Knight Russ Ockside. In his youth this gentleman had the advantage of being employed in sweeping out the medical college in Thirteenth street,[Pg 321] and was once severely injured when young by being hit with a medical book on the head; and these facts it was generally conceded, in accordance with the spirit of modern progression, entitled him to the honorary degree of M.D. The scientific part of the work of compilation was therefore left to Dr. Ockside, who has endeavored to do full justice to the subject. Doesticks has reorganized the Elephant Club, and applications for membership will be received by him at No. 70001, Narrow street. N.B. Applicants will be particular to bring testimonials as to character. <ANTIMG src="images/illus064.jpg" alt="hand" />No persons will be received against whom a shadow of suspicion exists that they are of foreign birth, whilst to be a native would be a permanent bar to their membership. THE END. <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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