<p><SPAN name="link2HCH0025" id="link2HCH0025"></SPAN></p>
<h2> CHAPTER 25 </h2>
<p>Concerning a young Lady from London, who joins the Company, and an elderly
Admirer who follows in her Train; with an affecting Ceremony consequent on
their Arrival</p>
<p>The new piece being a decided hit, was announced for every evening of
performance until further notice, and the evenings when the theatre was
closed, were reduced from three in the week to two. Nor were these the
only tokens of extraordinary success; for, on the succeeding Saturday,
Nicholas received, by favour of the indefatigable Mrs Grudden, no less a
sum than thirty shillings; besides which substantial reward, he enjoyed
considerable fame and honour: having a presentation copy of Mr Curdle's
pamphlet forwarded to the theatre, with that gentleman's own autograph (in
itself an inestimable treasure) on the fly-leaf, accompanied with a note,
containing many expressions of approval, and an unsolicited assurance that
Mr Curdle would be very happy to read Shakespeare to him for three hours
every morning before breakfast during his stay in the town.</p>
<p>'I've got another novelty, Johnson,' said Mr Crummles one morning in great
glee.</p>
<p>'What's that?' rejoined Nicholas. 'The pony?'</p>
<p>'No, no, we never come to the pony till everything else has failed,' said
Mr Crummles. 'I don't think we shall come to the pony at all, this season.
No, no, not the pony.'</p>
<p>'A boy phenomenon, perhaps?' suggested Nicholas.</p>
<p>'There is only one phenomenon, sir,' replied Mr Crummles impressively,
'and that's a girl.'</p>
<p>'Very true,' said Nicholas. 'I beg your pardon. Then I don't know what it
is, I am sure.'</p>
<p>'What should you say to a young lady from London?' inquired Mr Crummles.
'Miss So-and-so, of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane?'</p>
<p>'I should say she would look very well in the bills,' said Nicholas.</p>
<p>'You're about right there,' said Mr Crummles; 'and if you had said she
would look very well upon the stage too, you wouldn't have been far out.
Look here; what do you think of this?'</p>
<p>With this inquiry Mr Crummles unfolded a red poster, and a blue poster,
and a yellow poster, at the top of each of which public notification was
inscribed in enormous characters—'First appearance of the unrivalled
Miss Petowker of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane!'</p>
<p>'Dear me!' said Nicholas, 'I know that lady.'</p>
<p>'Then you are acquainted with as much talent as was ever compressed into
one young person's body,' retorted Mr Crummles, rolling up the bills
again; 'that is, talent of a certain sort—of a certain sort. "The
Blood Drinker,"' added Mr Crummles with a prophetic sigh, '"The Blood
Drinker" will die with that girl; and she's the only sylph I ever saw, who
could stand upon one leg, and play the tambourine on her other knee, LIKE
a sylph.'</p>
<p>'When does she come down?' asked Nicholas.</p>
<p>'We expect her today,' replied Mr Crummles. 'She is an old friend of Mrs
Crummles's. Mrs Crummles saw what she could do—always knew it from
the first. She taught her, indeed, nearly all she knows. Mrs Crummles was
the original Blood Drinker.'</p>
<p>'Was she, indeed?'</p>
<p>'Yes. She was obliged to give it up though.'</p>
<p>'Did it disagree with her?' asked Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Not so much with her, as with her audiences,' replied Mr Crummles.
'Nobody could stand it. It was too tremendous. You don't quite know what
Mrs Crummles is yet.'</p>
<p>Nicholas ventured to insinuate that he thought he did.</p>
<p>'No, no, you don't,' said Mr Crummles; 'you don't, indeed. I don't, and
that's a fact. I don't think her country will, till she is dead. Some new
proof of talent bursts from that astonishing woman every year of her life.
Look at her—mother of six children—three of 'em alive, and all
upon the stage!'</p>
<p>'Extraordinary!' cried Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Ah! extraordinary indeed,' rejoined Mr Crummles, taking a complacent
pinch of snuff, and shaking his head gravely. 'I pledge you my
professional word I didn't even know she could dance, till her last
benefit, and then she played Juliet, and Helen Macgregor, and did the
skipping-rope hornpipe between the pieces. The very first time I saw that
admirable woman, Johnson,' said Mr Crummles, drawing a little nearer, and
speaking in the tone of confidential friendship, 'she stood upon her head
on the butt-end of a spear, surrounded with blazing fireworks.'</p>
<p>'You astonish me!' said Nicholas.</p>
<p>'SHE astonished ME!' returned Mr Crummles, with a very serious
countenance. 'Such grace, coupled with such dignity! I adored her from
that moment!'</p>
<p>The arrival of the gifted subject of these remarks put an abrupt
termination to Mr Crummles's eulogium. Almost immediately afterwards,
Master Percy Crummles entered with a letter, which had arrived by the
General Post, and was directed to his gracious mother; at sight of the
superscription whereof, Mrs Crummles exclaimed, 'From Henrietta Petowker,
I do declare!' and instantly became absorbed in the contents.</p>
<p>'Is it—?' inquired Mr Crummles, hesitating.</p>
<p>'Oh, yes, it's all right,' replied Mrs Crummles, anticipating the
question. 'What an excellent thing for her, to be sure!'</p>
<p>'It's the best thing altogether, that I ever heard of, I think,' said Mr
Crummles; and then Mr Crummles, Mrs Crummles, and Master Percy Crummles,
all fell to laughing violently. Nicholas left them to enjoy their mirth
together, and walked to his lodgings; wondering very much what mystery
connected with Miss Petowker could provoke such merriment, and pondering
still more on the extreme surprise with which that lady would regard his
sudden enlistment in a profession of which she was such a distinguished
and brilliant ornament.</p>
<p>But, in this latter respect he was mistaken; for—whether Mr Vincent
Crummles had paved the way, or Miss Petowker had some special reason for
treating him with even more than her usual amiability—their meeting
at the theatre next day was more like that of two dear friends who had
been inseparable from infancy, than a recognition passing between a lady
and gentleman who had only met some half-dozen times, and then by mere
chance. Nay, Miss Petowker even whispered that she had wholly dropped the
Kenwigses in her conversations with the manager's family, and had
represented herself as having encountered Mr Johnson in the very first and
most fashionable circles; and on Nicholas receiving this intelligence with
unfeigned surprise, she added, with a sweet glance, that she had a claim
on his good nature now, and might tax it before long.</p>
<p>Nicholas had the honour of playing in a slight piece with Miss Petowker
that night, and could not but observe that the warmth of her reception was
mainly attributable to a most persevering umbrella in the upper boxes; he
saw, too, that the enchanting actress cast many sweet looks towards the
quarter whence these sounds proceeded; and that every time she did so, the
umbrella broke out afresh. Once, he thought that a peculiarly shaped hat
in the same corner was not wholly unknown to him; but, being occupied with
his share of the stage business, he bestowed no great attention upon this
circumstance, and it had quite vanished from his memory by the time he
reached home.</p>
<p>He had just sat down to supper with Smike, when one of the people of the
house came outside the door, and announced that a gentleman below stairs
wished to speak to Mr Johnson.</p>
<p>'Well, if he does, you must tell him to come up; that's all I know,'
replied Nicholas. 'One of our hungry brethren, I suppose, Smike.'</p>
<p>His fellow-lodger looked at the cold meat in silent calculation of the
quantity that would be left for dinner next day, and put back a slice he
had cut for himself, in order that the visitor's encroachments might be
less formidable in their effects.</p>
<p>'It is not anybody who has been here before,' said Nicholas, 'for he is
tumbling up every stair. Come in, come in. In the name of wonder! Mr
Lillyvick?'</p>
<p>It was, indeed, the collector of water-rates who, regarding Nicholas with
a fixed look and immovable countenance, shook hands with most portentous
solemnity, and sat himself down in a seat by the chimney-corner.</p>
<p>'Why, when did you come here?' asked Nicholas.</p>
<p>'This morning, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick.</p>
<p>'Oh! I see; then you were at the theatre tonight, and it was your umb—'</p>
<p>'This umbrella,' said Mr Lillyvick, producing a fat green cotton one with
a battered ferrule. 'What did you think of that performance?'</p>
<p>'So far as I could judge, being on the stage,' replied Nicholas, 'I
thought it very agreeable.'</p>
<p>'Agreeable!' cried the collector. 'I mean to say, sir, that it was
delicious.'</p>
<p>Mr Lillyvick bent forward to pronounce the last word with greater
emphasis; and having done so, drew himself up, and frowned and nodded a
great many times.</p>
<p>'I say, delicious,' repeated Mr Lillyvick. 'Absorbing, fairy-like,
toomultuous,' and again Mr Lillyvick drew himself up, and again he frowned
and nodded.</p>
<p>'Ah!' said Nicholas, a little surprised at these symptoms of ecstatic
approbation. 'Yes—she is a clever girl.'</p>
<p>'She is a divinity,' returned Mr Lillyvick, giving a collector's double
knock on the ground with the umbrella before-mentioned. 'I have known
divine actresses before now, sir, I used to collect—at least I used
to CALL for—and very often call for—the water-rate at the
house of a divine actress, who lived in my beat for upwards of four year
but never—no, never, sir of all divine creatures, actresses or no
actresses, did I see a diviner one than is Henrietta Petowker.'</p>
<p>Nicholas had much ado to prevent himself from laughing; not trusting
himself to speak, he merely nodded in accordance with Mr Lillyvick's nods,
and remained silent.</p>
<p>'Let me speak a word with you in private,' said Mr Lillyvick.</p>
<p>Nicholas looked good-humouredly at Smike, who, taking the hint,
disappeared.</p>
<p>'A bachelor is a miserable wretch, sir,' said Mr Lillyvick.</p>
<p>'Is he?' asked Nicholas.</p>
<p>'He is,' rejoined the collector. 'I have lived in the world for nigh sixty
year, and I ought to know what it is.'</p>
<p>'You OUGHT to know, certainly,' thought Nicholas; 'but whether you do or
not, is another question.'</p>
<p>'If a bachelor happens to have saved a little matter of money,' said Mr
Lillyvick, 'his sisters and brothers, and nephews and nieces, look TO that
money, and not to him; even if, by being a public character, he is the
head of the family, or, as it may be, the main from which all the other
little branches are turned on, they still wish him dead all the while, and
get low-spirited every time they see him looking in good health, because
they want to come into his little property. You see that?'</p>
<p>'Oh yes,' replied Nicholas: 'it's very true, no doubt.'</p>
<p>'The great reason for not being married,' resumed Mr Lillyvick, 'is the
expense; that's what's kept me off, or else—Lord!' said Mr
Lillyvick, snapping his fingers, 'I might have had fifty women.'</p>
<p>'Fine women?' asked Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Fine women, sir!' replied the collector; 'ay! not so fine as Henrietta
Petowker, for she is an uncommon specimen, but such women as don't fall
into every man's way, I can tell you. Now suppose a man can get a fortune
IN a wife instead of with her—eh?'</p>
<p>'Why, then, he's a lucky fellow,' replied Nicholas.</p>
<p>'That's what I say,' retorted the collector, patting him benignantly on
the side of the head with his umbrella; 'just what I say. Henrietta
Petowker, the talented Henrietta Petowker has a fortune in herself, and I
am going to—'</p>
<p>'To make her Mrs Lillyvick?' suggested Nicholas.</p>
<p>'No, sir, not to make her Mrs Lillyvick,' replied the collector.
'Actresses, sir, always keep their maiden names—that's the regular
thing—but I'm going to marry her; and the day after tomorrow, too.'</p>
<p>'I congratulate you, sir,' said Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Thank you, sir,' replied the collector, buttoning his waistcoat. 'I shall
draw her salary, of course, and I hope after all that it's nearly as cheap
to keep two as it is to keep one; that's a consolation.'</p>
<p>'Surely you don't want any consolation at such a moment?' observed
Nicholas.</p>
<p>'No,' replied Mr Lillyvick, shaking his head nervously: 'no—of
course not.'</p>
<p>'But how come you both here, if you're going to be married, Mr Lillyvick?'
asked Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Why, that's what I came to explain to you,' replied the collector of
water-rate. 'The fact is, we have thought it best to keep it secret from
the family.'</p>
<p>'Family!' said Nicholas. 'What family?'</p>
<p>'The Kenwigses of course,' rejoined Mr Lillyvick. 'If my niece and the
children had known a word about it before I came away, they'd have gone
into fits at my feet, and never have come out of 'em till I took an oath
not to marry anybody—or they'd have got out a commission of lunacy,
or some dreadful thing,' said the collector, quite trembling as he spoke.</p>
<p>'To be sure,' said Nicholas. 'Yes; they would have been jealous, no
doubt.'</p>
<p>'To prevent which,' said Mr Lillyvick, 'Henrietta Petowker (it was settled
between us) should come down here to her friends, the Crummleses, under
pretence of this engagement, and I should go down to Guildford the day
before, and join her on the coach there, which I did, and we came down
from Guildford yesterday together. Now, for fear you should be writing to
Mr Noggs, and might say anything about us, we have thought it best to let
you into the secret. We shall be married from the Crummleses' lodgings,
and shall be delighted to see you—either before church or at
breakfast-time, which you like. It won't be expensive, you know,' said the
collector, highly anxious to prevent any misunderstanding on this point;
'just muffins and coffee, with perhaps a shrimp or something of that sort
for a relish, you know.'</p>
<p>'Yes, yes, I understand,' replied Nicholas. 'Oh, I shall be most happy to
come; it will give me the greatest pleasure. Where's the lady stopping—with
Mrs Crummles?'</p>
<p>'Why, no,' said the collector; 'they couldn't very well dispose of her at
night, and so she is staying with an acquaintance of hers, and another
young lady; they both belong to the theatre.'</p>
<p>'Miss Snevellicci, I suppose?' said Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Yes, that's the name.'</p>
<p>'And they'll be bridesmaids, I presume?' said Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Why,' said the collector, with a rueful face, 'they WILL have four
bridesmaids; I'm afraid they'll make it rather theatrical.'</p>
<p>'Oh no, not at all,' replied Nicholas, with an awkward attempt to convert
a laugh into a cough. 'Who may the four be? Miss Snevellicci of course—Miss
Ledrook—'</p>
<p>'The—the phenomenon,' groaned the collector.</p>
<p>'Ha, ha!' cried Nicholas. 'I beg your pardon, I don't know what I'm
laughing at—yes, that'll be very pretty—the phenomenon—who
else?'</p>
<p>'Some young woman or other,' replied the collector, rising; 'some other
friend of Henrietta Petowker's. Well, you'll be careful not to say
anything about it, will you?'</p>
<p>'You may safely depend upon me,' replied Nicholas. 'Won't you take
anything to eat or drink?'</p>
<p>'No,' said the collector; 'I haven't any appetite. I should think it was a
very pleasant life, the married one, eh?'</p>
<p>'I have not the least doubt of it,' rejoined Nicholas.</p>
<p>'Yes,' said the collector; 'certainly. Oh yes. No doubt. Good night.'</p>
<p>With these words, Mr Lillyvick, whose manner had exhibited through the
whole of this interview a most extraordinary compound of precipitation,
hesitation, confidence and doubt, fondness, misgiving, meanness, and
self-importance, turned his back upon the room, and left Nicholas to enjoy
a laugh by himself if he felt so disposed.</p>
<p>Without stopping to inquire whether the intervening day appeared to
Nicholas to consist of the usual number of hours of the ordinary length,
it may be remarked that, to the parties more directly interested in the
forthcoming ceremony, it passed with great rapidity, insomuch that when
Miss Petowker awoke on the succeeding morning in the chamber of Miss
Snevellicci, she declared that nothing should ever persuade her that that
really was the day which was to behold a change in her condition.</p>
<p>'I never will believe it,' said Miss Petowker; 'I cannot really. It's of
no use talking, I never can make up my mind to go through with such a
trial!'</p>
<p>On hearing this, Miss Snevellicci and Miss Ledrook, who knew perfectly
well that their fair friend's mind had been made up for three or four
years, at any period of which time she would have cheerfully undergone the
desperate trial now approaching if she could have found any eligible
gentleman disposed for the venture, began to preach comfort and firmness,
and to say how very proud she ought to feel that it was in her power to
confer lasting bliss on a deserving object, and how necessary it was for
the happiness of mankind in general that women should possess fortitude
and resignation on such occasions; and that although for their parts they
held true happiness to consist in a single life, which they would not
willingly exchange—no, not for any worldly consideration—still
(thank God), if ever the time SHOULD come, they hoped they knew their duty
too well to repine, but would the rather submit with meekness and humility
of spirit to a fate for which Providence had clearly designed them with a
view to the contentment and reward of their fellow-creatures.</p>
<p>'I might feel it was a great blow,' said Miss Snevellicci, 'to break up
old associations and what-do-you-callems of that kind, but I would submit,
my dear, I would indeed.'</p>
<p>'So would I,' said Miss Ledrook; 'I would rather court the yoke than shun
it. I have broken hearts before now, and I'm very sorry for it: for it's a
terrible thing to reflect upon.'</p>
<p>'It is indeed,' said Miss Snevellicci. 'Now Led, my dear, we must
positively get her ready, or we shall be too late, we shall indeed.'</p>
<p>This pious reasoning, and perhaps the fear of being too late, supported
the bride through the ceremony of robing, after which, strong tea and
brandy were administered in alternate doses as a means of strengthening
her feeble limbs and causing her to walk steadier.</p>
<p>'How do you feel now, my love?' inquired Miss Snevellicci.</p>
<p>'Oh Lillyvick!' cried the bride. 'If you knew what I am undergoing for
you!'</p>
<p>'Of course he knows it, love, and will never forget it,' said Miss
Ledrook.</p>
<p>'Do you think he won't?' cried Miss Petowker, really showing great
capability for the stage. 'Oh, do you think he won't? Do you think
Lillyvick will always remember it—always, always, always?'</p>
<p>There is no knowing in what this burst of feeling might have ended, if
Miss Snevellicci had not at that moment proclaimed the arrival of the fly,
which so astounded the bride that she shook off divers alarming symptoms
which were coming on very strong, and running to the glass adjusted her
dress, and calmly declared that she was ready for the sacrifice.</p>
<p>She was accordingly supported into the coach, and there 'kept up' (as Miss
Snevellicci said) with perpetual sniffs of SAL VOLATILE and sips of brandy
and other gentle stimulants, until they reached the manager's door, which
was already opened by the two Master Crummleses, who wore white cockades,
and were decorated with the choicest and most resplendent waistcoats in
the theatrical wardrobe. By the combined exertions of these young
gentlemen and the bridesmaids, assisted by the coachman, Miss Petowker was
at length supported in a condition of much exhaustion to the first floor,
where she no sooner encountered the youthful bridegroom than she fainted
with great decorum.</p>
<p>'Henrietta Petowker!' said the collector; 'cheer up, my lovely one.'</p>
<p>Miss Petowker grasped the collector's hand, but emotion choked her
utterance.</p>
<p>'Is the sight of me so dreadful, Henrietta Petowker?' said the collector.</p>
<p>'Oh no, no, no,' rejoined the bride; 'but all the friends—the
darling friends—of my youthful days—to leave them all—it
is such a shock!'</p>
<p>With such expressions of sorrow, Miss Petowker went on to enumerate the
dear friends of her youthful days one by one, and to call upon such of
them as were present to come and embrace her. This done, she remembered
that Mrs Crummles had been more than a mother to her, and after that, that
Mr Crummles had been more than a father to her, and after that, that the
Master Crummleses and Miss Ninetta Crummles had been more than brothers
and sisters to her. These various remembrances being each accompanied with
a series of hugs, occupied a long time, and they were obliged to drive to
church very fast, for fear they should be too late.</p>
<p>The procession consisted of two flys; in the first of which were Miss
Bravassa (the fourth bridesmaid), Mrs Crummles, the collector, and Mr
Folair, who had been chosen as his second on the occasion. In the other
were the bride, Mr Crummles, Miss Snevellicci, Miss Ledrook, and the
phenomenon. The costumes were beautiful. The bridesmaids were quite
covered with artificial flowers, and the phenomenon, in particular, was
rendered almost invisible by the portable arbour in which she was
enshrined. Miss Ledrook, who was of a romantic turn, wore in her breast
the miniature of some field-officer unknown, which she had purchased, a
great bargain, not very long before; the other ladies displayed several
dazzling articles of imitative jewellery, almost equal to real, and Mrs
Crummles came out in a stern and gloomy majesty, which attracted the
admiration of all beholders.</p>
<p>But, perhaps the appearance of Mr Crummles was more striking and
appropriate than that of any member of the party. This gentleman, who
personated the bride's father, had, in pursuance of a happy and original
conception, 'made up' for the part by arraying himself in a theatrical
wig, of a style and pattern commonly known as a brown George, and moreover
assuming a snuff-coloured suit, of the previous century, with grey silk
stockings, and buckles to his shoes. The better to support his assumed
character he had determined to be greatly overcome, and, consequently,
when they entered the church, the sobs of the affectionate parent were so
heart-rending that the pew-opener suggested the propriety of his retiring
to the vestry, and comforting himself with a glass of water before the
ceremony began.</p>
<p>The procession up the aisle was beautiful. The bride, with the four
bridesmaids, forming a group previously arranged and rehearsed; the
collector, followed by his second, imitating his walk and gestures to the
indescribable amusement of some theatrical friends in the gallery; Mr
Crummles, with an infirm and feeble gait; Mrs Crummles advancing with that
stage walk, which consists of a stride and a stop alternately—it was
the completest thing ever witnessed. The ceremony was very quickly
disposed of, and all parties present having signed the register (for which
purpose, when it came to his turn, Mr Crummles carefully wiped and put on
an immense pair of spectacles), they went back to breakfast in high
spirits. And here they found Nicholas awaiting their arrival.</p>
<p>'Now then,' said Crummles, who had been assisting Mrs Grudden in the
preparations, which were on a more extensive scale than was quite
agreeable to the collector. 'Breakfast, breakfast.'</p>
<p>No second invitation was required. The company crowded and squeezed
themselves at the table as well as they could, and fell to, immediately:
Miss Petowker blushing very much when anybody was looking, and eating very
much when anybody was NOT looking; and Mr Lillyvick going to work as
though with the cool resolve, that since the good things must be paid for
by him, he would leave as little as possible for the Crummleses to eat up
afterwards.</p>
<p>'It's very soon done, sir, isn't it?' inquired Mr Folair of the collector,
leaning over the table to address him.</p>
<p>'What is soon done, sir?' returned Mr Lillyvick.</p>
<p>'The tying up—the fixing oneself with a wife,' replied Mr Folair.
'It don't take long, does it?'</p>
<p>'No, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick, colouring. 'It does not take long. And
what then, sir?'</p>
<p>'Oh! nothing,' said the actor. 'It don't take a man long to hang himself,
either, eh? ha, ha!'</p>
<p>Mr Lillyvick laid down his knife and fork, and looked round the table with
indignant astonishment.</p>
<p>'To hang himself!' repeated Mr Lillyvick.</p>
<p>A profound silence came upon all, for Mr Lillyvick was dignified beyond
expression.</p>
<p>'To hang himself!' cried Mr Lillyvick again. 'Is any parallel attempted to
be drawn in this company between matrimony and hanging?'</p>
<p>'The noose, you know,' said Mr Folair, a little crest-fallen.</p>
<p>'The noose, sir?' retorted Mr Lillyvick. 'Does any man dare to speak to me
of a noose, and Henrietta Pe—'</p>
<p>'Lillyvick,' suggested Mr Crummles.</p>
<p>'—And Henrietta Lillyvick in the same breath?' said the collector.
'In this house, in the presence of Mr and Mrs Crummles, who have brought
up a talented and virtuous family, to be blessings and phenomenons, and
what not, are we to hear talk of nooses?'</p>
<p>'Folair,' said Mr Crummles, deeming it a matter of decency to be affected
by this allusion to himself and partner, 'I'm astonished at you.'</p>
<p>'What are you going on in this way at me for?' urged the unfortunate
actor. 'What have I done?'</p>
<p>'Done, sir!' cried Mr Lillyvick, 'aimed a blow at the whole framework of
society—'</p>
<p>'And the best and tenderest feelings,' added Crummles, relapsing into the
old man.</p>
<p>'And the highest and most estimable of social ties,' said the collector.
'Noose! As if one was caught, trapped into the married state, pinned by
the leg, instead of going into it of one's own accord and glorying in the
act!'</p>
<p>'I didn't mean to make it out, that you were caught and trapped, and
pinned by the leg,' replied the actor. 'I'm sorry for it; I can't say any
more.'</p>
<p>'So you ought to be, sir,' returned Mr Lillyvick; 'and I am glad to hear
that you have enough of feeling left to be so.'</p>
<p>The quarrel appearing to terminate with this reply, Mrs Lillyvick
considered that the fittest occasion (the attention of the company being
no longer distracted) to burst into tears, and require the assistance of
all four bridesmaids, which was immediately rendered, though not without
some confusion, for the room being small and the table-cloth long, a whole
detachment of plates were swept off the board at the very first move.
Regardless of this circumstance, however, Mrs Lillyvick refused to be
comforted until the belligerents had passed their words that the dispute
should be carried no further, which, after a sufficient show of
reluctance, they did, and from that time Mr Folair sat in moody silence,
contenting himself with pinching Nicholas's leg when anything was said,
and so expressing his contempt both for the speaker and the sentiments to
which he gave utterance.</p>
<p>There were a great number of speeches made; some by Nicholas, and some by
Crummles, and some by the collector; two by the Master Crummleses in
returning thanks for themselves, and one by the phenomenon on behalf of
the bridesmaids, at which Mrs Crummles shed tears. There was some singing,
too, from Miss Ledrook and Miss Bravassa, and very likely there might have
been more, if the fly-driver, who stopped to drive the happy pair to the
spot where they proposed to take steamboat to Ryde, had not sent in a
peremptory message intimating, that if they didn't come directly he should
infallibly demand eighteen-pence over and above his agreement.</p>
<p>This desperate threat effectually broke up the party. After a most
pathetic leave-taking, Mr Lillyvick and his bride departed for Ryde, where
they were to spend the next two days in profound retirement, and whither
they were accompanied by the infant, who had been appointed travelling
bridesmaid on Mr Lillyvick's express stipulation: as the steamboat people,
deceived by her size, would (he had previously ascertained) transport her
at half-price.</p>
<p>As there was no performance that night, Mr Crummles declared his intention
of keeping it up till everything to drink was disposed of; but Nicholas
having to play Romeo for the first time on the ensuing evening, contrived
to slip away in the midst of a temporary confusion, occasioned by the
unexpected development of strong symptoms of inebriety in the conduct of
Mrs Grudden.</p>
<p>To this act of desertion he was led, not only by his own inclinations, but
by his anxiety on account of Smike, who, having to sustain the character
of the Apothecary, had been as yet wholly unable to get any more of the
part into his head than the general idea that he was very hungry, which—perhaps
from old recollections—he had acquired with great aptitude.</p>
<p>'I don't know what's to be done, Smike,' said Nicholas, laying down the
book. 'I am afraid you can't learn it, my poor fellow.'</p>
<p>'I am afraid not,' said Smike, shaking his head. 'I think if you—but
that would give you so much trouble.'</p>
<p>'What?' inquired Nicholas. 'Never mind me.'</p>
<p>'I think,' said Smike, 'if you were to keep saying it to me in little
bits, over and over again, I should be able to recollect it from hearing
you.'</p>
<p>'Do you think so?' exclaimed Nicholas. 'Well said. Let us see who tires
first. Not I, Smike, trust me. Now then. Who calls so loud?'</p>
<p>'"Who calls so loud?"' said Smike.</p>
<p>'"Who calls so loud?"' repeated Nicholas.</p>
<p>'"Who calls so loud?"' cried Smike.</p>
<p>Thus they continued to ask each other who called so loud, over and over
again; and when Smike had that by heart Nicholas went to another sentence,
and then to two at a time, and then to three, and so on, until at midnight
poor Smike found to his unspeakable joy that he really began to remember
something about the text.</p>
<p>Early in the morning they went to it again, and Smike, rendered more
confident by the progress he had already made, got on faster and with
better heart. As soon as he began to acquire the words pretty freely,
Nicholas showed him how he must come in with both hands spread out upon
his stomach, and how he must occasionally rub it, in compliance with the
established form by which people on the stage always denote that they want
something to eat. After the morning's rehearsal they went to work again,
nor did they stop, except for a hasty dinner, until it was time to repair
to the theatre at night.</p>
<p>Never had master a more anxious, humble, docile pupil. Never had pupil a
more patient, unwearying, considerate, kindhearted master.</p>
<p>As soon as they were dressed, and at every interval when he was not upon
the stage, Nicholas renewed his instructions. They prospered well. The
Romeo was received with hearty plaudits and unbounded favour, and Smike
was pronounced unanimously, alike by audience and actors, the very prince
and prodigy of Apothecaries.</p>
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