<h2><SPAN name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></SPAN>CHAPTER X</h2>
<p class="h3">TRUST HER NOT! SHE IS FOOLING THEE!</p>
<div class="inset28">
<p>As the Sunset flames most fiery when snuffed out by sudden night;<br/>
As the Swan reserves its twitter till about to hop the twig;<br/>
As the Cobra's head swells biggest just before he does his bite;<br/>
So a feminine smiles her sweetest ere she gives her nastiest dig.</p>
<p class="right"><i>Satirical Stanza (unpublished) by H. B. J.</i></p>
</div>
<p class="dropcap">Now that our hero had obtained that
the name of <i>Milky Way</i> was to be
inscribed on the Golden Book of Derby candidates,
his next proceeding was to hire a
practical jockey to assume supreme command
of her.</p>
<p>And this was no simple matter, since practical
jockeys are usually hired many weeks
beforehand, and demand handsome wages for
taking their seats. But at last, after protracted
advertisements, Mr Bhosh had the
good fortune to pitch upon a perfect treasure,<span class="pagenum">[71]</span>
whose name was Cadwallader Perkin,
and who, for his riding in some race or other,
had been awarded a whole year's holiday by
the stewards who had observed the paramountcy
of his horsemanship.</p>
<p>No sooner had Perkin inspected <i>Milky
Way</i> than he was quite in love with his
stable companion, and assured his employer
that, with more regular out-of-door exercise,
she would be easily competent to win the
Derby on her head, whereupon Mr Bhosh
consented that she should be galloped after
dark round the inner circle of Regent's Park,
which is chiefly populated at such a time by
male and female bicyclists.</p>
<p>But in order to pay Perkins charges, and
also provide a silken jockey tunic and cap
of his own racing colours (which were cream
and sky-blue), Mr Bhosh was compelled to
borrow more money from Mr M<sup>c</sup>Alpine, who,
as a Jewish Scotch, exacted the rather exorbitant
interest of sixty per centum.</p>
<p>It leaked out in some manner that <i>Milky</i><span class="pagenum">[72]</span>
<i>Way</i> was a coming Derby favourite, and the
property of a Native young Indian sportsman,
whose entire fortunes depended on her
success, and soon immense multitudes congregated
in Regent's Park to witness her
trials of speed, and cheered enthusiastically
to behold the fiery sparks scintillating from
the stones as she circumvented the inner
circle in seven-leagued boots.</p>
<p>Mr Bhosh of course asseverated that she
was a very mediocre sort of mare, and that
he did not at all expect that she would prove
a winner, but connoisseurs nevertheless betted
long odds upon her success, and Bindabun
himself, though not a speculative, did put on
the pot himself upon the golden egg which
he was so anxiously hatching.</p>
<p>One evening amongst those who were
gathered to view the nocturnal exercises of
<i>Milky Way</i> there appeared a feminine spectator
of rather sinister aspect, in a thick veil
and a victoria-carriage.</p>
<p>It was no other than Duchess Dickinson,<span class="pagenum">[73]</span>
who had somehow learnt how courageously
Mr Bhosh was endeavouring to fulfil the
Astrologer-Royal's prediction, and who had
come to ascertain whether his mare was
indeed such a paragon of celerity as had
been represented.</p>
<p>The very first time that <i>Milky Way</i> cantered
past with the gait of a streak of lightning,
the Duchess realised with a sinking
heart that Mr Bhosh must indubitably succeed
at the Derby—<i>unless he was prevented</i>.</p>
<p>But how to achieve this? Her womanly
instinct told her that Cadwallader Perkin was
far too inexperienced to resist for long such
mature and ripened charms as hers—even
though the latter were unfortunately discounted
by the accidental nose-flattening.</p>
<p>So, lowering her veil till only her eyes were
visible above, she waited till he passed once
more, then flung him such a liquid and flashing
glance from her starry and now no longer
discoloured optics that the young jockey, who
was of an excessively susceptible disposition,<span class="pagenum">[74]</span>
all but fell off the saddle with emotion, like a
very juvenile bird under serpentine observation.</p>
<p>"He is mine!" said the unscrupulous Duchess
internally, laughing up her sleeve at such a
proof of her fascinations, "mine! mine!"</p>
<p>She had too much intelligence and mother-wit,
however, to take any steps until Mr Bhosh
should be safely out of the way—and how to
accomplish his removal?</p>
<p>As an acquaintance with the above-mentioned
usurer, M<sup>c</sup>Alpine, she was aware that he had
advanced large loans to Mr Bhosh, and so she
laid her plans and bided her time.</p>
<p>There soon remained only one day before
that carnival of all sporting saturnalians, the
Epsom Derby day, and Bindabun formed the
prudent resolution to avoid any delays or
crushings by putting <i>Milky Way</i> into a railway
box, and despatching her to Epsom on the
previous afternoon, under the chaperonage of
Cadwallader Perkin, who was to engage suitable
lodgings for her in the vicinity of the
course.<span class="pagenum">[75]</span></p>
<p>But just as Bindabun was approaching the
booking hole of Victoria terminus to take a
horse-ticket, lo and behold! he was rapped
on the shoulder by a couple of policemen, who
civilly inquired whether his name was not
Bhosh.</p>
<p>He replied that it was, and that he was the
lucky proprietor of a female horse who was
infallibly destined to win the Derby, and that
he was even now proceeding to purchase her
travelling ticket. But the policemen insisted
that he must first discharge the full amount
of his debt and costs to Mr M<sup>c</sup>Alpine, who
had commenced a law-suit.</p>
<p>"It is highly inconvenient to pay now,"
replied our hero, "I will settle up after receiving
my Derby Stakes."</p>
<p>"We are infernally sorry," said the constables,
"but we have instructions to imprison
you until the amount is stumped up, and anything
you say now will be taken down and used
against you at your trial."</p>
<p>Mr Bhosh remained <i>sotto voce</i>; and as he<span class="pagenum">[76]</span>
was being led off with gyves upon his wrists,
like Aram the usher, whom should he behold
but the Duchess of Dickinson!</p>
<p>Like all truly first-class heroes, he was of a
generous, confiding nature, and his head was
not for a moment entered by the suspicion that
the Duchess could still cherish any ill feelings
towards him. "I am sincerely sorry," he said
with good-humoured gallantry, "to observe
that your ladyship's nose-leather is still in such
bad repair. I was riding a rather muscular
steed that afternoon, and could not thoroughly
control my movements."</p>
<p>She suavely responded that she was proud
to have been the means of breaking his
fall.</p>
<p>"Not only my fall—but your own nose!"
retorted Mr. Bhosh sympathetically. "A sad
pity! Fortunately, at your time of life such
disfigurements are of no consequence. I,
myself, am now in the pretty pickle."</p>
<p>And he explained how he had been arrested
for debt, at the very moment when he had an<span class="pagenum">[77]</span>
appointment to meet his mare and jockey and
see them safely off by the Epsom train.</p>
<p>"Do not trouble about that," said the
Duchess. "Hand me your purse, and I myself
will meet them and do the needful on your
behalf. I have interest with this Mr
M<sup>c</sup>Alpine and will intercede that you are let
out immediately."</p>
<p>Mr Bhosh kissed her hand as he handed
over his said purse. "This is, indeed, a noble
return for my coldheartedness," he said, "and
I am even more sorry than before that I
should have involuntarily dilapidated so exquisite
a nose."</p>
<p>"Pray do not mention it," replied the
Duchess, with the baleful simper of a Sphynx,
and Mr Bhosh departed for his durance vile
with a mind totally free from misgivings.<span class="pagenum">[78]</span></p>
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